,*APT] #cc #ahfcahfc ,PEOPLE 3 ,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY ,TEXT 3 ,IT WAS LATE :5 HE AWOKE ! NEXT DAY4 ,HIS HO/S W]E NO LONG] 94 ,HE DID NOT GO %OOT+1 BUT N[ TOOK UP A BOOK1 & N[ W5T \T 9TO ! POR*1 & N[ AGA9 RE5T]$ ! HUT & LAY D[N ON ! B$4 ,VANYU%A ?\DS EV5+ ,OL59 GOT UP1 RESOLUTELY BEGAN WRIT+1 & WROTE ON TILL LATE AT NIY ?AT ANYONE BUT HIMSELF %\LD UND]/& IT4 ,?IS IS :AT HE WROTE3 ',I RECEIVE LETT]S ( CONDOL5CE FROM ,RUSSIA4 ,!Y >E AFRAID ?AT ,I %ALL P]I%1 BURI$ 9 !SE WILDS4 ,!Y SAY AB\T ME3 0,HE WILL BECOME CO>SE2 HE WILL BE BEH9D ! TIMES 9 EV]Y?+2 HE WILL TAKE TO DR9K1 & :O KN[S BUT ?AT HE MAY M>RY A ,COSSACK GIRL40 ,IT WAS NOT = NO?+1 !Y SAY1 ?AT ,]MOLOV DECL>$3 0,ANYONE S]V+ 9 ! ,CAUCASUS = T5 YE>S EI!R BECOMES A CONFIRM$ DRUNK>D OR M>RIES A LOOSE WOMAN40 ,H[ T]RIBLE6 ,9DE$ IT WON'T DO = ME TO RU9 MYSELF :5 ,I MIE*AL DE NOBLESSE ( MY DI/RICT4 ,OH1 H[ REPULSIVE & PITIABLE Y\ ALL SEEM TO ME6 ,Y\ DO NOT KN[ :AT HAPP9ESS IS & :AT LIFE IS6 ,ONE MU/ TA/E LIFE ONCE 9 ALL ITS NATURAL BEAUTY1 MU/ SEE & UND]/& :AT ,I SEE EV]Y DAY BE=E ME--?OSE ET]NALLY UNAPPROA*ABLE SN[Y PEAKS1 & A MAJE/IC WOMAN 9 ?AT PRIMITIVE BEAUTY 9 :I* ! FIR/ WOMAN MU/ HAVE COME FROM H] CREATOR'S H&S--& !N IT BECOMES CLE> :O IS RU9+ HIMSELF & :O IS LIV+ TRULY OR FALSELY--Y\ OR ,I4 ,IF Y\ ONLY KNEW H[ DESPICABLE & PITIABLE Y\1 9 Y\R DELUSIONS1 SEEM TO ME6 ,:5 ,I PICTURE TO MYSELF--9 PLACE ( MY HUT1 MY =E/S1 & MY LOVE--?OSE DRAW+-ROOMS1 ?OSE WOM5 ) !IR POMATUM-GREAS$ HAIR EK$ \T ) FALSE CURLS1 ?OSE UNNATURALLY GRIMAC+ LIPS1 ?OSE HIDD51 FEEBLE1 DI/ORT$ LIMBS1 & ?AT *ATT] ( OBLIGATORY DRAW+-ROOM CONV]SATION :I* HAS NO RI ?\< ,I AM RI* & ELIGIBLE0--& ?AT >RANG+ & RE>RANG+ ( SEATS1 ?AT %AMELESS MAT*-MAK+ & ?AT ET]NAL TITTLE-TATTLE & PRET5SE2 ?OSE RULES--) :OM TO %AKE H&S1 TO :OM ONLY TO NOD1 ) :OM TO CONV]SE 7& ALL ?IS DONE DELIB]ATELY ) A CONVICTION ( ITS 9EVITABILITY71 ?AT CONT9UAL 5NUI 9 ! BLOOD PASS+ ON FROM G5]ATION TO G5]ATION4 ,TRY TO UND]/& OR BELIEVE JU/ ?IS ONE ?+3 Y\ NE$ ONLY SEE & COMPREH5D :AT TRU? & BEAUTY >E1 & ALL ?AT Y\ N[ SAY & ?9K & ALL Y\R WI%ES = ME & = Y\RSELVES WILL FLY TO ATOMS6 ,HAPP9ESS IS BE+ ) NATURE1 SEE+ H]1 & CONV]S+ ) H]4 0,HE MAY EV5 7,GOD =BID7 M>RY A COMMON ,COSSACK GIRL1 & BE QUITE LO/ SOCIALLY0 ,I CAN IMAG9E !M SAY+ ( ME ) S9C]E PITY6 ,YET ! ONE ?+ ,I DESIRE IS TO BE QUITE 0LO/0 9 Y\R S5SE ( ! WORD4 ,I WI% TO M>RY A ,COSSACK GIRL1 & D>E NOT BECAUSE IT W\LD BE A HEIYANKA4 ,! VIEWS & PREJUDICES ( ! WORLD ,I HAD LEFT W]E /ILL FRE% 9 ME4 ,I DID NOT !N BELIEVE ?AT ,I C\LD LOVE ?AT WOMAN4 ,I DELIRIAGE1 NOR WAS IT PLATONIC1 /ILL LESS A C>NAL LOVE SU* AS ,I HAVE EXP]I5C$4 ,I NE$$ ONLY TO SEE H]1 TO HE> H]1 TO KN[ ?AT %E WAS NE>--& IF ,I WAS NOT HAPPY1 ,I WAS AT PEACE4 ',AFT] AN EV5+ GA!R+ AT :I* ,I MET H] & T\*$ H]1 ,I FELT ?AT BETWE5 ?AT WOMAN & MYSELF !RE EXI/$ AN 9DISSOLUBLE ?\< UNACKN[L$G$ BOND AGA9/ :I* ,I C\LD NOT /RUGGLE1 YET ,I DID /RUGGLE4 ,I ASK$ MYSELF3 0,IS IT POSSIBLE TO LOVE A WOMAN :O WILL NEV] UND]/& ! PR(\NDE/ 9T]E/S ( MY LIFE8 ,IS IT POSSIBLE TO LOVE A WOMAN SIMPLY = H] BEAUTY1 TO LOVE ! /ATUE ( A WOMAN80 ,BUT ,I WAS ALREADY 9 LOVE ) H]1 ?\< ,I DID NOT YET TRU/ TO MY FEEL+S4 ',AFT] ?AT EV5+ :5 ,I FIR/ SPOKE TO H] \R RELATIONS *ANG$4 ,BE=E ?AT %E HAD BE5 TO ME AN EXTRANE\S BUT MAJE/IC OBJECT ( EXT]NAL NATURE3 BUT S9CE !N %E HAS BECOME A HUMAN BE+4 ,I BEGAN TO MEET H]1 TO TALK TO H]1 & SOMETIMES TO GO TO WORK = H] FA!R & TO SP5D :OLE EV5+S ) !M1 & 9 ?IS 9TIMATE 9T]C\RSE %E REMA9$ /ILL 9 MY EYES JU/ AS PURE1 9ACCESSIBLE1 & MAJE/IC4 ,%E ALWAYS RESPOND$ ) EQUAL CALM1 PRIDE1 & *E]FUL EQUANIMITY4 ,SOMETIMES %E WAS FRI5DLY1 BUT G5]ALLY H] EV]Y LOOK1 EV]Y WORD1 & EV]Y MOVEM5T EXPRESS$ EQUANIMITY--NOT CONTEMPTU\S1 BUT CRU%+ & BEWIT*+4 ,EV]Y DAY ) A FEIGN$ SMILE ON MY LIPS ,I TRI$ TO PLAY A P>T1 & ) TORM5TS ( PASSION & DESIRE 9 MY HE>T ,I SPOKE BANT]+LY TO H]4 ,%E SAW ?AT ,I WAS DISSEMBL+1 BUT LOOK$ /RAIABLE4 ,I WI%$ NOT TO DECEIVE H] BUT TO TELL H] ALL ,I ?\D :5 ,I BEGAN TO TELL H] ( MY LOVE1 9 WORDS ,I AM N[ A%AM$ TO REMEMB]4 ,I AM A%AM$ BECAUSE ,I \$ TO SPEAK SO TO H] BECAUSE %E /OOD F> ABOVE SU* WORDS & ABOVE ! FEEL+ !Y W]E MEANT TO EXPRESS4 ,I SAID NO MORE1 BUT FROM ?AT DAY MY POSITION HAS BE5 9TOL]ABLE4 ,I DID NOT WI% TO DEMEAN MYSELF BY CONT9U+ \R =M] FLIPPANT RELATIONS1 & AT ! SAME TIME ,I FELT ?AT ,I HAD NOT YET REA*$ ! LEVEL ( /RAIRI$ TO ONE ( \R (FIC]S1 W\LD BE /ILL WORSE4 ,N[ C\LD ,I TURN ,COSSACK LIKE ,LUKA%KA1 & /EAL HORSES1 GET DRUNK ON *IKHIR1 S+ ROLLICK+ SONGS1 KILL PEOPLE1 & :5 DRUNK CLIMB 9 AT H] W9D[ = ! NITIFICIALITY4 ,I CANNOT =GET MYSELF & MY COMPLEX1 DI/ORT$ PA/1 & MY FUTURE APPE>S TO ME /ILL MORE HOPELESS4 ,EV]Y DAY ,I HAVE BE=E ME ! DI/ANT SN[Y M\NTA9S & ?IS MAJE/IC1 HAPPY WOMAN4 ,BUT NOT = ME IS ! ONLY HAPP9ESS POSSIBLE 9 ! WORLD2 ,I CANNOT HAVE ?IS WOMAN6 ,:AT IS MO/ T]RIBLE & YET SWEETE/ 9 MY CONDITION IS ?AT ,I FEEL ?AT ,I UND]/& H] BUT ?AT %E WILL NEV] UND]/& ME2 NOT BECAUSE %E IS 9F]IOR3 ON ! CONTR>Y %E \T$ ON A RAID1 & ,I SP5T ?REE DAYS AWAY FROM ! VILLAGE4 ,I WAS SAD & APA!TIC1 ! USUAL SONGS1 C>DS1 DR9K+-B\TS1 & TALK ( REW>DS 9 ! REGIM5T1 W]E MORE REPULSIVE TO ME ?AN USUAL4 ,YE/]DAY ,I RETURN$ HOME & SAW H]1 MY HUT4 ,DADDY ,]O%KA1 & ! SN[Y M\NTA9S1 FROM MY POR*1 & WAS SEIZ$ BY SU* A /RONG1 NEW FEEL+ ( JOY ?AT ,I UND]/OOD IT ALL4 ,I LOVE ?IS WOMAN2 ,I FEEL REAL LOVE = ! FIR/ & ONLY TIME 9 MY LIFE4 ,I KN[ :AT HAS BEFALL5 ME4 ,I DO NOT FE> TO BE DEGRAD$ BY ?IS FEEL+1 ,I AM NOT A%AM$ ( MY LOVE1 ,I AM PR\D ( IT4 ,IT IS NOT MY FAULT ?AT ,I LOVE4 ,IT HAS COME AB\T AGA9/ MY WILL4 ,I TRI$ TO ESCAPE FROM MY LOVE BY SELF-R5UNCIATION1 & TRI$ TO DEVISE A JOY 9 ! ,COSSACK ,LUKA%KA'S & ,M>YANKA'S LOVE1 BUT !REBY ONLY /IRR$ UP MY [N LOVE & JEAL\SY4 ,?IS IS NOT ! IDEAL1 ! SO-CALL$ EXALT$ LOVE :I* ,I HAVE KN[N BE=E2 NOT ?AT SORT ( ATTA*M5T 9 :I* Y\ ADMIRE Y\R [N LOVE & FEEL ?AT ! S\RCE ( Y\R EMOTION IS )9 Y\RSELF & DO EV]Y?+ Y\RSELF4 ,I HAVE FELT ?AT TOO4 ,IT IS /ILL LESS A DESIRE = 5JOYM5T3 IT IS SOME?+ DIFF]5T4 ,P]HAPS 9 H] ,I LOVE NATURE3 ! P]SONIFICATION ( ALL ?AT IS BEAUTIFUL 9 NATURE2 BUT YET ,I AM NOT ACT+ BY MY [N WILL1 BUT SOME ELEM5TAL =CE LOVES ?R\< ME2 ! :OLE ( ,GOD'S WORLD1 ALL NATURE1 PRESSES ?IS LOVE 9TO MY S\L & SAYS1 0,LOVE H]40 ,I LOVE H] NOT ) MY M9D OR MY IMAG9ATION1 BUT ) MY :OLE BE+4 ,LOV+ H] ,I FEEL MYSELF TO BE AN 9TEGRAL P>T ( ALL ,GOD'S JOY\S WORLD4 ,I WROTE BE=E AB\T ! NEW CONVICTIONS TO :I* MY SOLIT>Y LIFE HAD BR\] TO ME ?AN ?OSE CONVICTIONS444 ,WELL6 444 LOVE HAS COME & NEI!R !Y NOR ANY REGRETS = !M REMA96 ,IT IS EV5 DIFFICULT = ME TO BELIEVE ?AT ,I C\LD PRIZE SU* A ONE-SID$1 COLD1 & AB/RACT /ATE ( M9D4 ,BEAUTY CAME & SCATT]$ TO ! W9DS ALL ?AT LABORI\S 9W>D TOIL1 & NO REGRET REMA9S = :AT HAS VANI%$6 ,SELF-R5UNCIATION IS ALL NONS5SE & ABSURDITY6 ,?AT IS PRIDE1 A REFUGE FROM WELL-M]IT$ UNHAPP9ESS1 & SALVATION FROM ! 5VY ( O!RS' HAPP9ESS3 0,LIVE = O!RS1 & DO GOOD60--,:Y8 :5 9 MY S\L !RE IS ONLY LOVE = MYSELF & ! DESIRE TO LOVE H] & TO LIVE H] LIFE ) H]8 ,NOT = O!RS1 NOT = ,LUKA%KA1 ,I N[ DESIRE HAPP9ESS4 ,I DO NOT N[ LOVE ?OSE O!RS4 ,=M]LY ,I %\LD HAVE TOLD MYSELF ?AT ?IS IS WRONG4 ,I %\LD HAVE TORM5T$ MYSELF ) ! QUE/IONS3 ,:AT WILL BECOME ( H]1 ( ME1 & ( ,LUKA%KA8 ,N[ ,I DON'T C>E4 ,I DO NOT LIVE MY [N LIFE1 !RE IS SOME?+ /RONG] ?AN ME :I* DIRECTS ME4 ,I SUFF]2 BUT =M]LY ,I WAS DEAD & ONLY N[ DO ,I LIVE4 ,TODAY ,I WILL GO TO !IR H\SE & TELL H] EV]Y?+4' 7,S\RCE3 ,! ,COSSACKS3 ,A ,TALE ( #a#h#e#b1 BY ,LEO ,TOL/OY1 TRANSLAT$ BY ,L\ISE & ,AYLM] ,MAUDE1 PUBLI%$ #a#h#f#c47 ,FROM 3 ,GUT5B]G4ORG4 ,*RONOLOGY 3 ,NOVEMB] #c1 #ahfb 3 ,*APT] #cc -- ,PUBLICATION4 ,MAY #a#c1 #bba 3 ,*APT] #cc -- ,ADD$4 FILE G5]AT$ FROM 3 HTTP3_/_/REVOLTLIB4COM_/