,*APT] #a 

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,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,OCTAVE ,MIRBEAU 

,TEXT 3 

,I WAS BORN ONE EV5+ 9 ,OCTOB] AT ,SA9T-,MI*EL-LES-,HETRES1 A SMALL T[N 9 ! DEP>TM5T ( ,ORNE1 & ,I WAS IMM$IATELY *RI/5$ BY ! NAME ( ,JEAN-,FRANCOIS-,M>IE-,M9TIE4 ,TO CELEBRATE 9 A FITT+ MANN] MY COM+ 9TO ?IS WORLD1 MY GODFA!R1 :O WAS MY UNCLE1 DI/RIBUT$ A LOT ( DA9TIES1 ?REW MANY COPP]S & O!R SMALL CO9S TO A CR[D ( C\NTRY BOYS GA!R$ ON ! *UR* /EPS4 ,ONE ( !M1 :ILE /RUGGL+ ) HIS COMRADES1 FELL SO AWKW>DLY ON ! %>P $GE ( A /ONE ?AT HE BROKE HIS NECK & DI$ ! FOLL[+ DAY4 ,AS = MY UNCLE1 :5 HE RETURN$ HOME HE CONTRACT$ TYPHOID FEV] & PASS$ AWAY A FEW WEEKS LAT]4 ,MY GOV]NESS1 OLD ,M>IE1 (T5 RELAT$ !SE 9CID5TS TO ME ) PRIDE & ADMIRATION4 

,SA9T-,MI*EL-LES-,HETRES IS SITUAT$ ON ! \TSKIRTS ( A GREAT NATIONAL =E/1 ! ,T\R\VRE =E/4 ,AL?\< IT C\NTS FIFTE5 HUNDR$ 9HABITANTS1 IT MAKES NO MORE NOISE ?AN IS MADE 9 ! FIELDS ON A CALM DAY BY ! TREES1 ! GRASS1 ! CORN4 ,A GROVE ( GIANT BEE* TREES1 :I* TURN PURPLE 9 AUTUMN1 %IELDS IT FROM ! NOR!RN W9DS1 & ! H\SES ) P5TILE RO(S1 DESC5D+ ! DECLIVITY ( ! HILL1 EXT5D F> \T UNTIL !Y MEET ! GREAT VALLEY1 BROAD & ALWAYS GRE51 :]E ONE CAN SEE /RAY+ H]DS ( OX54 ,! ,HUISNE ,RIV]1 GLITT]+ UND] ! SUN1 W9DS & LOSES ITSELF 9 ! MEAD[S :I* >E SEP>AT$ BY R[S ( TALL POPL>S4 ,DILAPIDAT$ TANN]IES1 SMALL W9DMILLS SCALE ITS C\RSE1 CLE>LY VISIBLE AMONG CLUMPS ( ALD]S4 ,ON ! O!R SIDE ( ! VALLEY >E CULTIVAT$ FIELDS ) /RAI<T L9ES ( F5CES & APPLE TREES SCATT]$ H]E & !RE4 ,! HORIZON IS 5LIV5$ BY SMALL P9K F>MS1 BY HAMLETS ONE CAN SEE H]E & !RE 9 ! MID/ ( ! V]DURE :I* APPE>S ALMO/ BLACK4 ,BECAUSE ( ! PROXIMITY ( ! WOODS1 ! SKY IS ALIVE ) CR[S & YELL[-BEAK$ JACKDAWS COM+ & GO+ AT ALL SEASONS4 

,\R FAMILY LIV$ ON ! \TSKIRTS ( ! T[N1 OPPOSITE A *UR*1 V]Y OLD & TOTT]+1 AN ANCI5T & CURI\S /RUCTURE :I* WAS CALL$ ! ,PRIORY--AN ANNEX ( AN ,ABBEY :I* WAS DE/ROY$ DUR+ ! ,REVOLUTION & ( :I* W]E LEFT NOT MORE ?AN TWO OR ?REE FACES ( A CRUMBL$ WALL COV]$ ) IVY4 ,I RECALL CLE>LY BUT )\T T5D]NESS ! SMALLE/ DETAILS ( ! PLACES :]E MY *ILDHOOD WAS SP5T4 ,I RECALL ! IRON GATE 9 A NEGLECT$ CONDITION :I* OP5$ ) A CREAK+ S\ND 9TO A L>GE C\RT ADORN$ BY A SCURFY GRASS PLOT1 TWO %ABBY LOOK+ SORBS VISIT$ BY BLACKBIRDS1 SOME *E/NUT TREES1 V]Y OLD & ) SU* L>GE TRUNKS ?AT ! >MS ( F\R M5 C\LD NOT REA* >\ND !M--MY FA!R US$ TO TELL ?IS ) PRIDE TO EV]Y VISITOR4 ,I RECALL ! H\SE ) ITS BRICK WALLS1 GRIM & CRU/Y2 ITS SEMI-CIRCUL> /EPS BEAUTIFI$ BY G]ANIUMS2 ITS IRREGUL> W9D[S :I* LOOK$ LIKE HOLES2 ITS RO(1 V]Y /EEP1 5D+ 9 A WEA!R-COCK1 :I* 9 A BREEZE MADE A S\ND LIKE AN [L4 ,BEH9D ! H\SE1 ,I REMEMB]1 WAS A BAS9 :]E MUDDY WAKE-ROB9S W]E BA?+ OR SMALL C>PS ) :ITE SCALES W]E PLAY+4 ,I RECALL ! SOMB] CURTA9 ( FIR TREES :I* HID ! COMMONS FROM VIEW1 ! BACK Y>D1 ! /UDY :I* MY FA!R BUILT ON ! $GE ( ! ROAD SKIRT+ ! PROP]TY 9 SU* A MANN] ?AT ! COM+ & GO+ ( CLI5TS & CL]KS DID NOT DI/URB ! QUIET ( ! H\SEHOLD4 ,I RECALL ! P>K1 ITS 5ORM\S TREES1 /RANGELY TWI/$1 EAT5 UP BY POLYPES & MOSS1 JO9$ TOGE!R BY TANGL$ LIANAS1 & ! ALLEYS NEV] RAK$1 :]E WORN-\T /ONE B5*ES ROSE UP H]E & !RE LIKE ANCI5T TOMBS4 ,& ,I ALSO REMEMB] MYSELF1 A SICKLY *ILD1 9 A SMOCK FROCK ( LU/]+1 RUNN+ ACROSS ?IS GLOOM ( =SAK5 ?+S1 LAC]AT+ MYSELF 9 ! BLACKB]RY BU%1 TORTUR+ ! ANIMALS 9 ! BACKY>D OR = 5TIRE DAYS SITT+ 9 ! KIT*5 & WAT*+ ,FELIX :O S]V$ AS \R G>D5]1 VALET1 & COA*MAN4 

,YE>S & YE>S HAVE PASS$4 ,EV]Y?+ ?AT ,I LOV$ IS N[ DEAD4 ,EV]Y?+ ?AT ,I KNEW HAS TAK5 ON A NEW APPE>ANCE4 ,! *UR* HAS BE5 REBUILT4 ,IT N[ HAS AN EMBELLI%$ DOORWAY1 >*$ W9D[S1 FANCY GUTT]-SP\TS REPRES5T+ FLAM+ M\?S ( DEMONS2 ITS NEW BRICK BELFRY LAU<S GAILY 9TO ! BLUE2 9 PLACE ( ! OLD H\SE !RE N[ RISES AN ELABORATE ,SWISS COTTAGE BUILT BY ! NEW PROPRIETOR :O1 9 ! 5CLOSURE1 HAS 9CREAS$ ! NUMB] ( COLOR$ GLASS BALLS1 SMALL CASCADES & PLA/] /ATUES ( ,LOVE1 SOIL$ BY RA94 ,BUT ?+S & PEOPLE >E 5GRAV$ SO PR(\NDLY UPON MY MEMORY ?AT TIME C\LD NOT APPLY A BURNI%] H>D 5\< TO ]ASE !M4 

,I WANT1 FROM N[ ON1 TO SPEAK ( MY P>5TS NOT AS ,I KNEW !M :5 ,I WAS A *ILD1 BUT SU* AS !Y W\LD APPE> TO ME N[1 COMPLET$ BY MEMORY1 HUMANIZ$1 SO TO SPEAK1 BY 9TIMACY & REVELATION1 9 ALL ! CRUDITY ( LIFE1 9 ALL ! IMM$IACY ( IMPRESSION :I* ! 9EXORABLE EXP]I5CES ( LIFE L5D TO P]SONS TOO UNHESITAT+LY LOV$ & TOO CLOSELY KN[N4 

,MY FA!R WAS A NOT>Y PUBLIC4 ,S9CE TIME IMMEMORIAL IT HAD BE5 SO ) ! ,M9TIE FAMILY4 ,IT W\LD HAVE APPE>$ MON/R\S1 ALMO/ REVOLUTION>Y1 IF A MEMB] ( ! ,M9TIE FAMILY HAD D>$ TO BREAK ?IS FAMILY TRADITION & HAD R5\NC$ ! SCUT*EONS ( GILT WOOD :I* W]E TRANSMITT$ RELIGI\SLY FROM ONE G5]ATION TO ANO!R LIKE SOME TITLE ( NOBILITY4 ,AT ,SA9T-,MI*EL-LES-,HETRES & ! SURR\ND+ C\NTRY1 MY FA!R OCCUPI$ A POSITION :I* ANCE/RAL PRIDE1 HIS DIGNIFI$ MANN]S ( A C\NTRY G5TLEMAN1 &1 ABOVE ALL1 HIS 9COME ( TW5TY ?\S& FRANCS R5D]$ V]Y IMPORTANT1 ALMO/ UN%AKABLE4 ,MAYOR ( ,SA9T-,MI*EL1 MEMB] ( ! G5]AL C\NCIL1 ACT+ JU/ICE ( ! PEACE1 VICE PRESID5T ( ! AGRICULTURAL COMMISSION1 MEMB] ( NUM]\S AGRONOMIC & =E/RY SOCIETIES1 HE DID NOT OV]LOOK ANY ( ! PETTY OR AMBITI\S HONORS :I* C>RY ) !M A SORT ( PRE/IGE & 9FLU5CE4 ,HE WAS AN EXCELL5T MAN1 V]Y HONE/ & V]Y G5TLE1--) A MANIA = KILL+4 ,HE C\LD NOT SEE A BIRD1 A CAT1 AN 9SECT--ANY?+ AT ALL ?AT WAS ALIVE--)\T BE+ SEIZ$ ) A /RANGE DESIRE TO KILL IT4 ,HE WAG$ A REL5TLESS TRAPP]'S W> ON BLACKBIRDS1 GOLDF9*ES1 *AFF9*ES & BULLF9*ES4 ,FELIX WAS 9/RUCT$ TO LET MY FA!R KN[ AS SOON AS A BIRD APPE>$ 9 \R G>D51 & MY FA!R W\LD LEAVE EV]Y?+--CLI5TS1 BUS9ESS1 HIS MEAL--TO KILL ! BIRD4 ,HE W\LD (T5 LIE 9 WAIT = H\RS1 MOTIONLESS1 BEH9D A TREE ON :I* ! G>D5] HAD PO9T$ \T A LITTLE BLUEHEAD$ TITM\SE4 ,DUR+ HIS WALKS1 EV]Y TIME HE NOTIC$ A BIRD ON A BRAN* & DID NOT HAVE HIS RIFLE ) HIM1 HE W\LD ?R[ HIS CANE AT IT1 NEV] FAIL+ TO SAY1 0,OH1 HANG IT6 ,HE WAS !RE ?IS MORN+60 OR 0,HANG IT6 ,I MU/ HAVE MISS$ HIM = SURE1 IT'S TOO F>40 ,!SE W]E ! ONLY ?\<TS :I* BIRDS EV] 9SPIR$ 9 HIM4 

,HE WAS ALSO GREATLY 5GROSS$ ) CATS4 ,:5EV] HE RECOGNIZ$ ! TRAIL ( A CAT HE C\LD NOT RE/ UNTIL HE DISCOV]$ & KILL$ IT4 ,SOMETIMES ON A MOONLI<T NI<T HE W\LD GET UP1 GO \T ) HIS GUN & /AY \TSIDE TILL DAWN4 ,Y\ %\LD HAVE SE5 HIM1 MUSKET ON %\LD]1 HOLD+ BY ! TAIL ! CADAV] ( A CAT1 BLE$+ & MOTIONLESS6 ,NEV] HAVE ,I ADMIR$ ANY?+ SO H]OIC2 & ,DAVID ON KILL+ ,GOLIA? MU/ HAVE HAD NO MORE 9TOXICAT$ AN AIR ( TRIUMPH6 ,) A MAJE/IC GE/URE HE ?REW ! CAT AT ! FEET ( ! COOK :O SAID1 0,OH6 ! NA/Y BEA/60 & !REUPON />T$ TO CUT IT UP1 SAV+ ! MEAT = ! BEGG>S1 LEAV+ ! SK9 TO DRY ON ! 5D ( A /ICK1 LAT] TO BE SOLD AT ,AUV]GNATS4 ,IF ,I DWELL SO MU* ON DETAILS ( A SEEM+LY UNIMPORTANT *>ACT]1 IT IS BECAUSE DUR+ ALL MY LIFE ,I WAS OBSESS$ ) & HAUNT$ BY !SE FEL9E EPISODES ( MY *ILDHOOD4 ,!RE IS ONE AMONG !M :I* HAS LEFT SU* AN IMPRESSION ON MY SPIRIT ?AT TO ?IS V]Y DAY1 9 SPITE ( ALL ! YE>S ?AT HAVE GONE BY & ALL ! SORR[S ?AT ,I HAVE EXP]I5C$1 NOT A DAY PASSES )\T MY ?9K+ ( IT SADLY4 

,ONE AFT]NOON FA!R & ,I W]E WALK+ 9 ! G>D54 ,MY FA!R C>RI$ A LONG /ICK 5D+ 9 AN IRON SKEW]1 BY MEANS ( :I* HE UNE>!D SNAILS & LIMAXES ?AT W]E EAT+ UP ! PLANTS4 ,SUDD5LY ON ! $GE ( ! BAS9 WE NOTIC$ A LITTLE KITT5 DR9K+4 ,WE HID BEH9D A ?ICK %RUB4 

0,*ILD10 MY FA!R SAID 9 A L[ VOICE1 0GO QUICKLY1 FET* MY MUSKET & COME BACK4 ,BE C>EFUL ! CAT DOES NOT SEE Y\40 

,& SQUATT+ D[N1 HE MOV$ AP>T ! TWIGS ( ! %RUB SO ?AT HE MI<T OBS]VE EV]Y MOVEM5T ( ! KITT5 :I*1 RE/+ ON ITS =ELEGS1 ITS NECK DRAWN \T & WAGG+ ITS TAIL1 WAS LAPP+ ! WAT] 9 ! BAS9 & TURN+ ITS HEAD FROM TIME TO TIME TO LICK ITS M\? & SCRAT* ITS NECK4 

0,COME ON10 REPEAT$ MY FA!R1 0BE (F60 ,I PITI$ ! LITTLE KITT54 ,IT WAS SO PRETTY ) ITS TAWNY FUR /RIP$ ) SILKY BLACK1 ITS SUPPLE & GRACEFUL MOVEM5TS & ITS TONGUE1 LIKE ! PETAL ( A ROSE1 :I* PUMP$ WAT]6 ,I W\LD HAVE LIK$ TO DISOBEY MY FA!R1 ,I EV5 ?\<T ( MAK+ A NOISE1 ,I WANT$ TO C\<1 TO BRU% ! TWIGS AP>T RUDELY 9 ORD] TO W>N ! POOR ANIMAL ( ! DANG] AHEAD4 ,BUT MY FA!R LOOK$ AT ME ) EYES SO SEV]E ?AT ,I WALK$ AWAY 9 ! DIRECTION ( ! H\SE4 ,PRETTY SOON ,I CAME BACK ) ! MUSKET4 ,! KITT5 WAS /ILL !RE1 CONFID5T & GAY4 ,IT HAD F9I%$ DR9K+4 ,SITT+ ON ITS BACK1 ITS E>S PRICK$ UP & EYES %9+1 IT WAS FOLL[+ ! FLI<T ( A BUTT]FLY 9 ! AIR4 ,OH1 :AT A MOM5T ( UNSPEAKABLE ANGUI% ?AT WAS = ME6 ,MY HE>T WAS BEAT+ SO P[]FULLY ?AT ,I FE>$ ,I WAS GO+ TO FA9T4 

0,PAPA6 ,PAPA60 ,I %\T$4 ,AT ! SAME TIME A %>P REPORT WAS HE>D1 :I* S\ND$ LIKE ! CRACK ( A :IP4 

0,DAMN$ RASCAL60 MY FA!R SWORE4 

,HE AIM$ AGA94 ,I SAW HIS F+] PULL ! TRIGG]2 QUICKLY ,I %UT MY EYES & /OPP$ MY E>S4 ,BANG66 4444 & ,I HE>D A MEW+1 AT FIR/ PLA9TIVE & !N SORR[FUL1 OH1 SO SORR[FUL ?AT ONE MI<T HAVE SAID IT WAS ! CRY ( A *ILD4 ,& ! LITTLE KITT5 JUMP$1 WRI!D1 PAW$ ! GRASS & DID NOT /IR ANY MORE4 

,( AN ABSOLUTELY M$IOCRE M9D1 T5D] HE>T$1 ?\< HE SEEM$ 9DIFF]5T TO EV]Y?+ :I* DID NOT APPEAL TO HIS VANITY OR DID NOT AFFECT HIS PR(ESSIONAL 9T]E/S1 LAVI% ( C\NSEL1 READY TO R5D] AID1 CONS]VATIVE1 ( GRACEFUL C>RIAGE & GAY1 MY FA!R JU/LY 5JOY$ ! RESPECT ( EV]YBODY4 ,MY MO!R1 A Y\NG WOMAN ( ! NOBILITY1 HAD BR\<T NO =TUNE ) H] AS A D[RY2 9/EAD1 %E HAD BR\<T ) H] P[]FUL CONNECTIONS1 A CLOS] ALLIANCE ) ! PETTY >I/OCRACY ( ! C\NTRY1 :I* WAS CONSID]$ JU/ AS USEFUL AS AN 9CREM5T 9 CA% OR AN ACQUISITION ( L&4 ,AL?\< HIS P[]S ( OBS]VATION W]E V]Y LIMIT$ & HE DID NOT BOA/ ( ANY ABILITY TO READ S\LS AS WELL AS HE C\LD READ A M>RIAGE CONTRACT OR EXPLA9 ! LEGAL PO9TS ( A TE/AM5T1 MY FA!R V]Y SOON REALIZ$ ! DIFF]5CE ( BIR?1 $UCATION & TEMP]AM5T :I* SEP>AT$ HIM FROM HIS WIFE4 

,:E!R OR NOT 9 ! BEG9N+ HE FELT HURT ON ?AT SCORE1 ,I DO NOT KN[2 AT ANY RATE HE NEV] %[$ IT4 ,HE RESIGN$ HIMSELF TO IT4 ,BETWE5 HIM1 :O WAS RA!R AWKW>D1 IGNORANT & 9DIFF]5T1--& H]1 :O WAS $UCAT$1 REF9$ & EMOTIONAL1 !RE WAS A *ASM :I* HE NEV] = A MOM5T TRI$ TO BRIDGE1 HAV+ NEI!R ! DESIRE NOR ! ABILITY TO DO SO4 ,?IS MORAL SITUATION ( TWO BE+S UNIT$ = ALL TIME1 :OM NO COMMUNITY ( ?\<T & ASPIRATION EV] BR\<T 9 CLOSE CONTACT ) EA* O!R1 DID NOT 9 ! LEA/ TR\BLE MY FA!R :O CONSID]$ HIMSELF SATISFI$ IF HE F\ND ! H\SE WELL MANAG$1 ! MEALS WELL REGULAT$1 HIS HABITS & IDIOSYNCRASIES WELL RESPECT$4 ,TO MY MO!R1 ON ! O!R H&1 ?IS CONDITION WAS V]Y PA9FUL & MADE H] HE>T HEAVY4 

,MY MO!R WAS NOT BEAUTIFUL1 NOT EV5 GOOD LOOK+1 BUT !RE WAS SO MU* SIMPLE DIGNITY 9 H] C>RIAGE1 SO MU* NATURAL GRACEFULNESS 9 H] MOVEM5TS1 AN EXPRESSION ( SU* BROAD K9DNESS ON H] LIPS1 SOME:AT PALE1 & 9 H] EYES :I* BY TURNS *ANG$ !IR COLOR LIKE ! SKIES 9 ,APRIL & %ONE LIKE A SAPPHIRE1 A SMILE SO C>ESS+1 SO SAD1 SO HUMBLE1 ?AT ONE OV]LOOK$ H] =EHEAD :I* WAS A LITTLE TOO HI<1 SWELL+ \T UND] SPOTS ( HAIR IRREGUL>LY PLANT$1 H] NOSE ALL TOO L>GE & H] SK9 :I* WAS A%-COLOR$ & METAL-LIKE 9 APPE>ANCE & :I* AT TIMES HAD AN ]UPTION ( PIMPLES ON IT4 ,9 H] PRES5CE1 AS ONE ( H] OLD FRI5DS (T5 TOLD ME1 & AS S9CE !N ,I SORR[FULLY REALIZ$ MYSELF1 ONE FELT AT FIR/ SLI<TLY AFFECT$1 !N GRADUALLY C>RI$ AWAY & F9ALLY VIOL5TLY POSSESS$ BY A /RANGE FEEL+ ( SYMPA?Y 9 :I* !RE WAS M+L$ A SORT ( AFFECTIONATE RESPECT1 A VAGUE DESIRE1 PITY1 & A LONG+ TO (F] ONESELF AS A SACRIFICE = H]4 ,DESPITE H] PHYSICAL IMP]FECTIONS OR RA!R BECAUSE ( !SE V]Y IMP]FECTIONS1 %E POSSESS$ ! SAD & IRRESI/IBLE *>M :I* IS GIV5 TO C]TA9 CREATURES PRIVILEG$ BY MIS=TUNE1 & >\ND :OM !RE FLOATS AN ATMOSPH]E ( SOME?+ IRREP>ABLE4 ,H] *ILDHOOD & H] E>LY Y\? W]E P]IODS ( ILLNESS & W]E M>K$ BY SOME DISQUIET+ N]V\S FITS4 ,BUT IT WAS HOP$ ?AT M>RIAGE1 9 MODIFY+ ! CONDITIONS ( H] EXI/5CE1 W\LD RE/ORE H] HEAL? :I* ! PHYSICIANS BELIEV$ WAS SUFF]+ ONLY FROM AN EXCESSIVE S5SITIV5ESS4 ,IT WAS NOT SO AT ALL4 ,M>RIAGE1 ON ! CONTR>Y1 ONLY DEVELOP$ ! MORBID T5D5CIES ?AT W]E 9 H]1 & H] S5SITIV5ESS WAS HEI<T5$ TO SU* A DEGREE ?AT1 AMONG O!R AL>M+ SYMPTOMS1 MY POOR MO!R C\LD NOT /& ! SLI<TE/ ODOR1 )\T BE+ ?R[N 9TO A FIT1 :I* ALWAYS 5D$ 9 A SWOON4 ,( :AT DID %E SUFF]8 ,:Y !SE MELAN*OLIC FITS1 !SE PRO/RATIONS1 :I* LEFT H] HUDDL$ UP ON ! L\NGE = 5TIRE DAYS1 MOTIONLESS & SULL5 LIKE AN OLD P>ALYTIC8 ,:Y !SE TE>S :I* W\LD SUDD5LY *OKE H] ?ROAT TO SUFFOCATION & = H\RS ROLL FROM H] EYES 9 BURN+ /REAMS8 ,:Y ?IS DISGU/ ) EV]Y?+1 :I* NO?+ C\LD OV]COME3 NEI!R DI/RACTIONS NOR PRAY]S8 ,%E C\LD NOT TELL1 = %E H]SELF DID NOT KN[444 ,( ! CAUSES ( H] PHYSICAL AILM5TS1 H] M5TAL TORTURES1 H] HALLUC9ATIONS :I* FILL$ H] HE>T & BRA9S ) A PASSIONATE DESIRE TO DIE1 %E KNEW NO?+4 ,%E KNEW NOT :Y ONE EV5+ AS %E SAT 9 FRONT ( ! GL[+ FIREPLACE1 %E WAS SUDD5LY SEIZ$ ) A HORRIBLE TEMPTATION TO ROLL ON ! FIRE GRATE1 TO DELIV] H] BODY OV] TO ! KISSES ( ! FLAME :I* CALL$ H]1 FASC9AT$ H]1 SANG TO H] HYMNS ( UNKN[N LOVE4 ,NOR DID %E KN[ :Y ON ANO!R DAY1 :ILE TAK+ A /ROLL 9 ! C\NTRY & NOTIC+ A MAN WALK+ 9 A HALF-M[$ MEAD[ ) HIS SCY! ON ! %\LD]1 %E RAN T[>DS HIM ) \T/RET*$ >MS1 %\T+ 0,DEA?1 ,O BLESS$ DEA?1 TAKE ME1 C>RY ME AWAY60 ,NO1 %E KNEW NOT ! CAUSE OR REASON = ALL ?AT4 ,:AT %E DID KN[ WAS ?AT AT SU* MOM5TS ! IMAGE ( H] MO!R1 H] DEAD MO!R1 WAS ALWAYS BE=E H]1 ! IMAGE ( H] MO!R :OM %E H]SELF1 ONE ,SUNDAY MORN+1 HAD F\ND HANG+ FROM ! *&ELI] 9 ! P>LOR4 ,& %E AGA9 BEHELD ! DEAD BODY :I* OSCILLAT$ SL[LY 9 ! AIR1 %E SAW ! FACE ALL BLACK1 ! EYES ALL :ITE & )\T PUPILS1 %E SAW EV]Y?+ UP TO ! SUNBEAM :I*1 P5ETRAT+ ?R\< ! CLOS$ %UTT]S1 ILLUM9AT$ ) A TRAGIC LI<T ! TONGUE1 /UCK \T1 & ! SWOLL5 LIPS4 ,?IS ANGUI%1 !SE FR5ZIES1 ?IS YE>N+ = DEA?1 H] MO!R HAD NO D\BT TRANSMITT$ TO H] :5 %E GAVE LIFE TO H]2 IT IS FROM H] MO!R'S SIDE ?AT %E DREW1 IT IS FROM H] MO!R'S BREA/ ?AT %E DRANK ! POISON1 ?IS POISON :I* N[ FILL$ H] VE9S1 ) :I* H] FLE% WAS P]MEAT$1 :I* FUDDL$ H] BRA91 :I* GNAW$ AT H] S\L4 ,DUR+ ! 9T]VALS ( CALM :I* GREW LESS FREQU5T AS ! DAYS1 MON?S & YE>S PASS$ BY1 %E (T5 ?\<T ( !SE ?+S2 & BROOD+ OV] H] LIFE1 RECALL+ ITS REMOTE/ 9CID5TS & COMP>+ ! PHYSICAL RESEMBLANCES BETWE5 ! MO!R :O DI$ VOLUNT>ILY & ! DAU<T] :O WI%$ TO DIE1 %E FELT MORE & MORE UPON H] ! CRU%+ WEI<T ( ?IS LUGUBRI\S 9H]ITANCE4 ,%E EXALT$ 9 & COMPLETELY AB&ON$ H]SELF TO ! IDEA ?AT IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE = H] TO RESI/ ! FATE ( H] ANCE/ORS :O APPE>$ TO H] AS A LONG *A9 ( SUICIDES EM]G+ FROM ! DEP? ( NI<T1 F> 9 ! PA/1 & EXT5D+ OV] AGES TO T]M9ATE 444 :]E8 ,AT ?IS QUE/ION H] EYES BECAME TR\BL$1 H] TEMPLES GREW MOI/ ) A COLD SWEAT & H] H&S GRIPP$ H] ?ROAT AS IF /RIV+ TO GRASP ! IMAG9>Y CORD1 ! LOOP ( :I* %E FELT WAS BRUIS+ H] NECK & *OK+ H]4 ,EV]Y OBJECT SEEM$ TO H] AN 9/RUM5T ( FATAL DEA?2 EV]Y?+ REM9D$ H] ( ! IMAGE ( DEA?1 DECOMPOS$ & BLE$+2 ! BRAN*ES ( ! TREES APPE>$ TO H] AS SO MANY S9I/] GIBBETS1 & 9 ! GRE5 WAT] ( ! FI% POND1 AMONG ! RE$S & WAT] LILIES1 9 ! RIV] %AD$ BY TALL H]BAGE1 %E DI/+UI%$ ! FLOAT+ =M COV]$ ) SLIME4 

,9 ! MEANTIME MY FA!R1 SQUATT$ BEH9D SOME ?ICK %RUB1 MUSKET 9 H&1 WAS WAT*+ A CAT OR BOMB>D+ SOME VOCALIZ+ W>BL] HIDD5 9 ! BRAN*ES4 ,9 ! EV5+1 BY WAY ( CONSOLATION HE W\LD G5TLY SAY TO MO!R1 0,WELL1 DE>Y1 Y\R HEAL? IS NOT ALWAYS GOOD4 ,Y\ SEE1 :AT Y\ NE$ IS SOME BITT]S1 TAKE SOME BITT]S4 ,A GLASS 9 ! MORN+1 A GLASS 9 ! EV5+4444 ,?AT'S ALL ?AT'S NE$$40 ,HE DID NOT COMPLA9 ( ANY?+1 HE NEV] GOT EXCIT$ OV] ANY?+4 ,SEAT+ HIMSELF AT HIS DESK1 HE W\LD GO OV] ! PAP]S :I* W]E BR\<T TO HIM BY ! CITY CL]K DUR+ ! DAY & SIGN !M RAPIDLY ) AN AIR ( DISDA94 0,H]E60 HE W\LD EXCLAIM1 0IT IS JU/ LIKE ?IS CORRUPT ADM9I/RATION2 IT W\LD DO A :OLE LOT BETT] IF IT OCCUPI$ ITSELF ) ! F>M] 9/EAD ( PE/]+ US ) !SE SMALL MATT]S4444 ,H]E IS SOME MORE SILLY /UFF60444 ,!N HE W\LD GO TO B$1 REPEAT+ 9 A CALM VOICE3 0,BITT]S1 TAKE SOME BITT]S40 

,?IS RESIGNATION HURT MY MO!R LIKE A REPROA*4 ,AL?\< MY FA!R'S $UCATION WAS RA!R LIMIT$ & ?\< %E DID NOT F9D 9 HIM ANY TRACE ( ?AT MASCUL9E T5D]NESS OR FANCIFUL ROMANTICISM ( :I* %E HAD DREAM$1 %E NEV]!LESS C\LD NOT D5Y HIS PHYSICAL 5]GY & A SORT ( MORAL VIGOR :I* %E 5VI$ 9 HIM1 DESPIS+ AS %E DID ITS APPLICATION TO ?+S :I* %E CONSID]$ PETTY & SORDID4 ,%E FELT GUILTY T[>D H]SELF1 GUILTY T[>D LIFE SO USELESSLY WA/$ 9 TE>S4 ,NOT ONLY DID %E NOT M$DLE 9 ! AFFAIRS ( H] HUSB&1 BUT LITTLE BY LITTLE %E LO/ H] 9T]E/ EV5 9 H\SEHOLD DUTIES1 LEAV+ !M TO ! :IMS ( ! S]VANTS4 ,%E TOOK SO LITTLE C>E ( H]SELF ?AT H] *AMB]MAID1 GOOD OLD ,M>IE1 :O WAS PRES5T AT H] BIR?1 (T5 HAD TO NURSE & FE$ H]1 :ILE SCOLD+ H] AFFECTIONATELY1 AS ONE DOES A LITTLE 9FANT 9 ! CRADLE4 ,9 H] DESIRE = ISOLATION %E CAME TO A PO9T :]E %E C\LD NO LONG] /& ! PRES5CE ( H] P>5TS1 ( H] FRI5DS :O1 DISCOMFIT$ & REPELL$ BY H] C\NT5ANCE MORE & MORE MOROSE1 BY ?IS M\? :5CE NO WORD EV] CAME1 BY ?IS =C$ SMILE :I* WAS IMM$IATELY %RIVEL$ BY AN 9VOLUNT>Y TREMBL+ ( H] LIPS1--CALL$1 LESS & LESS FREQU5TLY & 5D$ BY =GETT+ ALTOGE!R ! PA? LEAD+ TO ! ,PRIORY4 ,RELIGION1 LIKE EV]Y?+ ELSE1 BECAME A BURD5 TO H]4 ,%E NO LONG] PUT 9 AN APPE>ANCE 9 ! *UR*1 DID NOT PRAY ANY MORE1 & TWO ,EA/]S PASS$ )\T ANYONE SEE+ H] APPROA* ! HOLY TABLE4 

,!N MY MO!R BEGAN TO LOCK H]SELF UP 9 H] ROOM1 ! %UTT]S ( :I* %E CLOS$1 & DREW ! CURTA9S TOGE!R1 DEEP5+ ! D>KNESS AB\T H]4 ,%E US$ TO SP5D 5TIRE DAYS !RE1 SOMETIMES /RET*$ \T ON A L\NGE1 SOMETIMES KNEEL+ 9 A CORN]1 H] HEAD T\*+ ! WALL4 ,& %E WAS ANNOY$ BY ! LEA/ NOISE FROM \TSIDE2 ! SLAMM+ ( ! DOOR1 ! CREAK+ ( OLD %OES ALONG ! CORRIDOR1 ! NEI<+ ( A HORSE 9 ! C\RT CAME TO DI/URB H] NOVITIATE ( NONEXI/5CE4 ,ALAS6 ,:AT C\LD BE DONE AB\T IT6 ,= A LONG TIME %E HAD /RUGGL$ AGA9/ AN UNKN[N DISEASE1 & ! DISEASE1 /RONG] ?AN %E WAS1 HAD FELL$ H] TO ! GR\ND4 ,N[ H] WILL-P[] WAS P>ALYZ$4 ,%E WAS NO LONG] FREE TO RISE OR ACT4 ,SOME MY/]I\S =CE HELD H] 9 *A9S1 R5D]+ H] >MS 9]T1 H] BRA9 MUDDL$1 H] HE>T VACILLAT+ LIKE A LITTLE SMOKY FLAME BEAT5 BY ! W9D2 & F> FROM RESI/+1 %E LOOK$ = ADD$ OPPORTUNITIES TO PLUNGE DEEP] 9TO SUFF]+1 RELI%+ ) A SORT ( P]V]T$ EXULTATION ! FRI<TFUL DELI<TS ( H] SELF-ANNIHILATION4 

,DISSATISFI$ ) ! MANAGEM5T ( HIS DOME/IC AFFAIRS1 MY FA!R AT L5G? DECID$ TO TAKE AN 9T]E/ 9 ! PROGRESS ( MY MO!R'S ILLNESS1 :I* PASS$ HIS UND]/&+4 ,HE HAD ! H>DE/ TIME 9 ! WORLD TO MAKE MO!R ACCEPT ! IDEA ( GO+ TO ,P>IS TO CONSULT ! 0PR9CES ( SCI5CE0 AS HE PUT IT4 ,IT WAS A SORRY TRIP4 ,( ! ?REE CELEBRAT$ PHYSICIANS TO :OM HE TOOK H]1 ! FIR/ DECL>$ ?AT MY MO!R WAS ANAEMIC & PRESCRIB$ A /R5G!N+ DIET2 ! SECOND DIAGNOS$ ?AT %E WAS AFFECT$ ) N]V\S RHEUMATISM & PRESCRIB$ A DEBILITAT+ REGIM52 ! ?IRD ONE F\ND ?AT 0IT WAS NO?+0 & RECOMM5D$ M5TAL TRANQUILITY4 

,NO ONE SAW CLE>LY 9TO H] S\L4 ,%E H]SELF DID NOT KN[ IT4 ,OBSESS$ ) ! CRUEL MEMORY TO :I* %E ATTRIBUT$ ALL H] MIS=TUNES1 %E C\LD NOT UNRAVEL ) CLE>NESS ALL ?AT /IRR$ OBSCURELY 9 ! 9N]MO/ DEP?S ( H] BE+1 NOR UND]/& ! VAGUE PASSIONS1 ! IMPRISON$ ASPIRATIONS1 ! CAPTIVE DREAMS :I* HAD ACCUMULAT$ 9 H] S9CE *ILDHOOD4 ,%E WAS LIKE A NE/L+ BIRD ?AT1 )\T REALIZ+ ! OBSCURE & NO/ALGIC =CES :I* DREW IT T[>D HEAV5 ( :I* IT HAS NO KN[L$GE1 CRU%ES ITS HEAD & MAIMS ITS W+S AGA9/ ! CAGE B>S4 ,9/EAD ( CRAV+ DEA? AS %E ?\<T %E WAS1 H] S\L )9 H]1 JU/ LIKE ?AT BIRD ?AT HUNG]$ = ! UNKN[N SKIES1 HUNG]$ = LIFE RADIANT ) T5D]NESS1 FILL$ ) LOVE2 & JU/ LIKE ?AT BIRD1 WAS DY+ FROM ?IS UNASSUAG$ HUNG]4 ,AS A *ILD1 %E GAVE H]SELF 5TIRELY1 ) ALL ! EXAGG]ATIONS ( H] F]VID NATURE1 TO ! LOVE = MAT]IAL ?+S & ANIMALS2 AS A Y\NG GIRL %E WAS GIV5 TO LOVE ( DREAMS ( ! IMPOSSIBLE1 BUT MAT]IAL OBJECTS NEV] BR\<T H] PEACE1 NOR DID H] DREAMS ASSUME A PRECISE & SOO?+ =M4 ,%E HAD NO ONE TO GUIDE H]1 NO ONE TO SET RI<T ?IS Y\?FUL M9D ALREADY %AK5 BY 9T]NAL %OCKS1 NO ONE TO OP5 ! DOOR ( ?IS HE>T TO :OLESOME REALITY1 A DOOR ALREADY GU>D$ BY *IM]IC %AD[S 9 H] VACANT /ATE2 NO ONE TO :OM %E C\LD P\R \T ! EXUB]ANCE ( H] ?\<TS1 H] T5D]NESS1 H] DESIRES1 :I* F9D+ NO \TLET = EXPANSION1 ACCUMULAT$1 BOIL$ )9 H]1 READY TO BUR/ ! FRAGILE MOLD POORLY PROTECT$ BY N]VES TOO JAD$4 

,H] MO!R1 ALWAYS ILL1 S+UL>LY ABSORB$ 9 ?AT HYPO*ONDRIA :I* WAS SOON TO KILL H]1 WAS 9CAPABLE ( 9TELLIG5T & FIRM DIRECTION 9 ! MATT] ( H] DAU<T]'S $UCATION4 ,H] FA!R1 ALL BUT RU9$1 PUT TO HIS LA/ %IFT1 /RUGGL$ H>D TO SAVE = HIS FAMILY ITS ANCE/RAL HOME :I* WAS ?REAT5$2 & AMONG ! Y\NG PEOPLE AB\T H]--%IFTLESS NOBLEM51 VA+LORI\S BUR<]S1 GRE$Y PEASANTS1 NONE BORE UPON HIS BR[ ! MAGIC /> :I* C\LD LEAD H] TO H] ,GOD4 ,EV]Y?+ %E HE>D1 EV]Y?+ %E SAW SEEM$ TO BE 9 DISAGREEM5T ) H] [N MANN] ( UND]/&+ & FEEL+4 ,TO H]1 ! SUN DID NOT APPE> R$ 5\<1 ! NI<TS PALE 5\<1 ! SKIES DEEP 5\<4 ,H] FLEET+ CONCEPTION ( ?+S & BE+S CONDEMN$ H] FATALLY TO A P]V]SION ( H] S5SES1 TO VAG>IES ( ! SPIRIT & LEFT H] NO?+ BUT ! TORM5T ( AN UNA*IEV$ LONG+1 ! TORTURE ( UNFULFILL$ DESIRES4 ,& LAT] H] M>RIAGE :I* HAD BE5 MORE ?AN A SACRIFICE--A BUS9ESS TRANSACTION1 A COMPROMISE TO IMPROVE ! /RAIT5$ CIRCUM/ANCES ( H] FA!R6444 ,& H] DISGU/1 H] REVOLT AT FEEL+ H]SELF A PIECE ( DI%ONOR$ FLE%1 A PREY1 AN 9/RUM5T ( MAN'S PLEASURE6 ,TO HAVE SO>$ SO HI< & TO FALL SO L[6 ,TO HAVE DREAM$ ( CELE/IAL KISSES1 ( MY/IC C>ESSES & DIV9E POSSESSIONS & !N 444 ! 5D ( IT6444 ,9/EAD ( WIDE EXPANSES1 ABLAZE ) LI<T1 :]E H] IMAG9ATION FELT AT HOME AMONG ! SO>+ FLI<TS ( ANGELS 9 A TRANCE ( JOY & AFFRI<T$ DOVES--!RE CAME NI<T1 ?ICK1 S9I/] & HAUNT$ BY ! SPECT] ( H] MO!R1 /UMBL+ OV] TOMBS & CROSSES ) A PIECE ( CORD ON H] NECK4 

,! ,PRIORY SOON GREW SIL5T4 ,ON ! GRAVEL ( ITS ALLEYS ONE NO LONG] HE>D ! TRUNDLE ( C>TS & C>RIAGES BR++ FRI5DS ( ! NEI<BORHOOD TO ! FRONT 5TRANCE DECORAT$ ) G]ANIUMS4 ,! FRONT GATE WAS BOLT$ 9 ORD] TO MAKE ! C>NAGES GO ?R\< ! BACK Y>D4 ,9 ! KIT*5 ! S]VANTS TALK$ AMONG !MSELVES 9 L[ VOICES1 MOV+ AB\T ON TIPTOE AS IS DONE 9 A H\SE :]E SOME ONE HAS DI$4 ,! G>D5]1 BY ORD] ( MY MO!R :O C\LD NOT /& ! NOISE ( :EELB>R[S & ! SCRAP+ ( RAKES ON ! GR\ND1 ALL[$ ! WILD /OCK TO SUCK UP ! SAP ( ! ROSE BU%ES TURN$ YELL[1 ALL[$ ! WE$S TO *OKE ! FL[]S 9 ! BASKETS & TO COV] UP ! WALKS4 ,& ! H\SE ) ITS D>K CURTA9 ( FIR TREES RESEMBL+ A FUN]AL CANOPY :I* %ELT]$ IT FROM ! WE/1 ) ITS W9D[S ALWAYS CLOS$1 ) ITS LIV+ CORPSE :I* IT GU>D$ BURI$ BEH9D ITS SQU>E WALLS ( OLD BRICK LOOK$ LIKE A BURIAL VAULT4 ,! C\NTRY FOLK :O ON ,SUNDAY US$ TO TAKE A /ROLL 9 ! WOODS1 NO LONG] PASS$ BY ! ,PRIORY )\T SOME SORT ( SUP]/ITI\S T]ROR1 AS IF ?AT DWELL+ W]E AN EVIL PLACE HAUNT$ BY <O/S4 ,PRETTY SOON A LEG5D GREW AB\T ! PLACE3 A WOOD CUTT] TOLD H[ ONE NI<T1 GO+ BACK FROM WORK1 HE SAW ,MADAME ,M9TIE ALL 9 :ITE1 H] HAIR DI%EVEL$1 CROSS+ ! SKY HI< ABOVE & BEAT+ H] *E/ ) ! CRUCIFIX4 

,MY FA!R LOCK$ HIMSELF UP 9 HIS /UDY MORE ?AN EV]1 AVOID+ AS MU* AS POSSIBLE /AY+ 9 ! H\SE :]E HE WAS H>DLY SE5 AT TIMES O!R ?AN MEAL H\RS4 ,HE ALSO TOOK TO MAK+ DI/ANT TRIPS1 9CREAS$ ! NUMB] ( COMMITTEES & SOCIETIES OV] :I* HE PRESID$1 F\ND MEANS TO CREATE = HIMSELF NEW DI/RACTIONS & BUS9ESS AFFAIRS F> AWAY FROM HOME4 ,! ,C\NCIL ,G5]AL1 ! ,AGRICULTURAL ,COMMISSION1 ! JURY ( ! ,C\RT ( ,ASSIZES W]E ( GREAT HELP TO HIM = ?AT PURPOSE4 ,:5 SOME ONE SPOKE TO HIM ( HIS WIFE HE ANSW]$1 %AK+ HIS HEAD3 

0,AH1 ,I AM V]Y UNEASY1 V]Y MU* WR\<T UP OV] IT4 ,H[ WILL IT 5D8 ,I MU/ CONFESS ,I FE> %E MAY BECOME 9SANE44440 

,& :5 SOME ONE EXPRESS$ HIS UNBELIEF3 

0,NO1 NO1 ,I AM NOT JOK+4444 ,Y\ KN[ WELL ?AT IT RUNS 9 H] FAMILY1 !IR HEADS DON'T SEEM TO BE V]Y /RONG60 

,NEV]!LESS REPROA* NEV] CAME FROM HIS LIPS1 AL?\< HE REALIZ$ ! EMB>RASS+ CONDITION 9 :I* ?IS SITUATION PLAC$ HIS BUS9ESS AFFAIRS & :I* HE ASCRIB$ TO NO?+ BUT ! IRRITAT+ OBDURACY ( MY MO!R 9 NOT WANT+ TO TRY ANY?+ ?AT MI<T CURE H]4 

,IT WAS 9 !SE SAD SURR\ND+S ?AT ,I GREW UP4 ,I CAME TO ?IS WORLD A T9Y1 SICKLY *ILD4 ,:AT C>ES1 :AT FI]CE T5D]NESS1 :AT DEADLY ANGUI%ES ,I BR\<T ) ME6 ,9 ! PRES5CE ( ! PUNY CREATURE ?AT ,I WAS1 SU/A9$ BY A BREA? ( LIFE SO FEEBLE ?AT IT C\LD BE GUESS$ AT ONLY BY A RATTL+ S\ND 9 MY ?ROAT1 MY MO!R =GOT H] [N SORR[S4 ,MAT]NITY REVIV$ H] WORN-\T 5]GY1 AWAK5$ H] CONSCI5CE TO NEW DUTIES1 TO NEW SACR$ RESPONSIBILITIES :I* N[ DEVOLV$ UPON H]4 ,:AT >D5T NI<TS1 :AT FEV]I% DAYS %E SP5T B5T OV] ! CRADLE :]E LAY SOME?+ BORN ( H] [N FLE% & S\L1 & PALPITAT+6444 ,AH6 YES6444 ,I BELONG$ TO H]1 TO H] ONLY2 IT WAS NOT AT ALL ( ?IS CONJUGAL SUBMISSION ?AT ,I WAS BORN2 ,I WAS NOT ! FATAL CONSEQU5CE ( ! ORIG9AL S9 AS O!R *ILDR5 ( M5 >E2 NO6 %E HAD ALWAYS C>RI$ ME 9 H] WOMB1 & LIKE ,*RI/ ,I WAS CONCEIV$ 9 A LONG CRY = LOVE4 ,ALL H] TR\BLES1 H] T]RORS1 H] PA/ SUFF]+S %E UND]/OOD N[2 IT WAS BECAUSE A GREAT MY/]Y ( CREATION WAS BE+ 5ACT$ 9 H] BE+4 

,%E HAD GREAT DIFFICULTY 9 BR++ ME UP1 & IF ,I \TLIV$ ALL ?AT HAD ?REAT5$ ME ONE MI<T SAY IT WAS ACCOMPLI%$ BY A MIRACLE ( LOVE4 ,MORE ?AN TW5TY TIMES MY MO!R SNAT*$ ME FROM ! CLUT*ES ( DEA?4444 ,& !N :AT A JOY & :AT A RECOMP5SE IT WAS TO H] TO SEE ! LITTLE WR9KL$ BODY FILL ITSELF ) ! SAP ( HEAL?1 ! RUMPL$ FACE TAKE ON ! COLOR ( %9Y P9K1 ! LITTLE EYES OP5 GAILY 9TO A SMILE1 ! LIPS1 GRE$Y & SE>*+1 MOVE & GLUTTON\SLY PUMP ! LIFE-GIV+ LIQUID FROM H] N\RI%+ BREA/6 ,MY MO!R N[ TA/$ A FEW MOM5TS ( COMPLETE & :OLESOME HAPP9ESS4 ,A DESIRE TO ACT1 TO BE GOOD & USEFUL1 TO OCCUPY H] H&S1 HE>T & SPIRIT1 TO LIVE AT LA/ TOOK HOLD ( H]1 & EV5 9 ! MO/ COMMONPLACE DUTIES ( H] H\SEHOLD %E F\ND A NEW1 A PASSIONATE 9T]E/ :I* WAS D\BL$ BY A FEEL+ ( PR(\ND PEACE4 ,H] GAIETY CAME BACK TO H]1 A NATURAL & G5TLE GAIETY )\T VIOL5T \TBUR/S4 ,%E MADE PLANS1 PICTUR$ ! FUTURE TO H]SELF ) CONFID5CE1 & MANY A TIME %E WAS A/ONI%$ TO DISCOV] ?AT %E NO LONG] ?\<T ( H] PA/--?AT EVIL DREAM :I* VANI%$4 

,I GREW4 0,ONE CAN SEE HIM GETT+ BIGG] EV]Y DAY10 ! NURSE US$ TO SAY4 ,& ) RAPTUR\S EMOTIONS MY MO!R WAT*$ ! HIDD5 LABOR ( NATURE :I* POLI%$ ! R\< PLACES ( FLE%1 GIV+ IT MORE PLIANT =M1 MORE DEF9ITE FEATURES1 BETT] REGULAT$ MOVEM5TS & P\R$ 9TO ! DIMNESS ( ! BRA9 JU/ EM]G$ FROM NO?+NESS ! PRIMITIVE GLIMM] ( 9/9CT4 ,OH1 H[ EV]Y?+ SEEM$ TO H] N[ CLO!D 9 BRI<T & 5TRANC+ COLORS6 ,IT WAS MUSIC ( WELCOME ITSELF1 ! B5$ICTION ( LOVE1 & EV5 ! TREES1 =M]LY SO FULL ( DREAD & M5ACE1 W]E /RET*+ \T !IR BRAN*ES ABOVE LIKE SO MANY PROTECT+ >MS4 ,ONE WAS L$ TO HOPE ?AT ! MO!R HAD SAV$ ! WOMAN4 ,ALAS6 ,?AT HOPE WAS ( %ORT DURATION4 

,ONE DAY %E NOTIC$ 9 ME A C]TA9 PR$ISPOSITION TO N]V\S FITS1 TO A DISEAS$ CONTRACTION ( MUSCLES1 & %E BECAME AL>M$4 ,:5 ,I WAS AB\T ONE YE> OLD ,I HAD CONVULSIONS :I* CAME %ORT ( F9I%+ ME4 ,! FITS W]E SO VIOL5T ?AT MY M\?1 EV5 LONG AFT] ! ATTACK WAS OV]1 REMA9$ TWI/$ 9TO AN UGLY GRIMACE AS IF P>ALYZ$4 ,MY MO!R W\LD NOT ADMIT ?AT AT P]IODS ( RAPID GR[? ! MAJORITY ( *ILDR5 W]E SUBJECT TO SU* FITS4 ,%E SAW 9 ?AT SOME?+ :I* %E ?\<T WAS *>ACT]I/IC ( H] & H] ANCE/ORS1 %E SAW 9 ?AT ! FIR/ SYMPTOMS ( A H]$IT>Y ILLNESS1 ( A T]RIBLE DISEASE :I* %E ?\<T WAS GO+ TO CONT9UE 9 H] SON4 ,%E BATTL$ H>D1 H[EV]1 AGA9/ !SE ?\<TS :I* CAME 9 HIVES2 %E US$ EV]Y BIT ( 5]GY & VIGOR %E C\LD COMM& TO DISSIPATE !M1 TAK+ REFUGE 9 ME AS IF 9 AN 9VIOLABLE ASYLUM = PROTECTION AGA9/ PHANTOMS & EVIL SPIRITS4 ,%E HELD ME PRESS$ AGA9/ H] BOSOM1 COV]+ ME ) KISSES & SAY+3 

0,MY LITTLE ,JEAN1 IT IS NOT TRUE1 IS IT8 ,Y\ WILL LIVE & BE HAPPY1 WON'T Y\8444 ,ANSW] ME6444 ,ALAS6 ,Y\ CAN'T TALK1 MY POOR LITTLE ANGEL4444 ,OH1 DON'T CRY1 NEV] CRY1 ,JEAN1 MY ,JEAN1 MY DE> LITTLE ,JEAN64440 

,BUT QUE/ION AS %E MI<T1 FEEL AS %E MI<T MY HE>T BEAT+ AGA9/ H] [N1 MY AWKW>D H&S GRIPP+ H] BREA/S1 MY LEGS DANGL+ FROM UND] ! LOOS$ SWADDL+ CLO?--H] CONFID5CE WAS GONE1 D\BTS GA9$ ! UPP] H&4 ,AN 9CID5T :I* WAS RELAT$ TO ME TIME & AGA9 ) A SORT ( RELIGI\S T]ROR S]V$ TO BR+ CON/]NATION 9TO MY MO!R'S S\L4 

,ONE DAY %E WAS TAK+ A BA?4 ,9 ! HALL ( ! BA?ROOM LAID \T ) BLACK & :ITE SQU>E SLABS1 ,M>IE1 B5T OV] ME1 WAS WAT*+ MY FIR/ UNC]TA9 /EPS4 ,SUDD5LY1 FIX+ MY GAZE ON A BLACK SQU>E1 ,I APPE>$ TO BE V]Y MU* FRI<T5$4 ,I UTT]$ A CRY &1 TREMBL+ ALL OV] AS IF ,I HAD SE5 SOME?+ T]RIBLE1 ,I HID MY HEAD 9 MY NURSE'S APRON4 

0,:AT'S ! MATT]80 MY MO!R ANXI\SLY ASK$4 

0,I DON'T KN[10 ANSW]$ OLD ,M>IE4 ,IT SEEM$ AS ?\< ,MA/] ,JEAN HAD BE5 FRI<T5$ BY A PAV+ BLOCK4 

,%E BR\<T ME TO ! SPOT :]E MY C\NT5ANCE SO SUDD5LY *ANG$ ITS EXPRESSION4 ,BUT AT ! SI<T ( ! PAV+ SLAB1 ,I CRI$ \T AGA94 ,MY :OLE BODY %UDD]$4 

0,!RE MU/ BE SOME?+60 CRI$ MY MO!R4 0,M>IE1 QUICK1 QUICK1 MY UND]WE>6444 ,MY ,GOD6--,:AT DID HE SEE80 

,HAV+ COME \T ( ! BA?ROOM1 %E DID NOT WANT TO WAIT TO BE WIP$1 & SC>CELY COV]$ BY H] PEIGNOIR %E /OOP$ OV] ! /ONE & EXAM9$ IT4 

0,?AT'S /RANGE10 %E MURMUR$4 0,& YET HE SAW SOME?+4444BUT :AT8444 ,!RE ISN'T ANY?+44440 

,%E TOOK ME 9 H] >MS1 SWAY$ ME4 ,I SMIL$ N[1 UTT]+ 9>TICULATE S\NDS & PLAY+ ) ! RIBBONS ( H] PEIGNOIR4 ,%E PUT ME D[N ON ! FLOOR4 ,MOV+ ) %ORT1 UN/EADY /EPS1 BO? >MS \T/RET*$1 ,I PURR$ LIKE A KITT54 ,NONE ( ! BLOCKS BE=E :I* ,I /OPP$ FRI<T5$ ME 9 ! LEA/4 ,>RIV$ AT ! FATAL BLOCK1 MY FACE AGA9 ASSUM$ ! EXPRESSION ( HORROR1 & FRI<T5$ & CRY+ ,I RETURN$ QUICKLY TO MY MO!R4 

0,I TELL Y\ !RE MU/ BE SOME?+60 %E CRI$4 0,CALL ,FELIX4 ,LET HIM COME ) TOOLS 444 A HAMM]1 QUICK1 QUICK6 ,TELL ,MONSIEUR ALSO60 

0,IT SEEMS /RANGE ALL ! SAME10 ASS5T$ ,M>IE :O1 ) GAP+ M\? & EYES WIDE OP51 WAS LOOK+ AT ! MY/]I\S SLAB4 0,HE MU/ BE A SORC]] !N60 

,FELIX LIFT$ ONE /ONE1 EXAM9$ IT C>EFULLY1 DUG 9TO ! MORT> BEL[4 

0,DIG UP ANO!R ONE60 MY MO!R COMM&$4 0,& ?AT ONE ALSO 444 ANO!R ONE 444 ALL ( !M 444 DIG !M ALL UP6 ,I WANT TO F9D \T4444 ,& ,MONSIEUR IS NOT COM+60 

,9 ! EXCITEM5T ( H] GE/URES1 =GETT+ ?AT !RE WAS A MAN >\ND1 %E UNCOV]$ H]SELF & REVEAL$ H] NUDE BODY4 ,KNEEL+ ON ! BLOCKS1 ,FELIX CONT9U$ DIGG+ !M UP4 ,HE TOOK EA* ONE \T ) HIS BRAWNY H&S & %OOK HIS HEAD4 

0,IF ,MADAME WANTS ME TO TELL H]4444 ,= ! RE/1 ,MONSIEUR IS WAY \T 9 ! P>K1 BUSY %>P5+ ! PICK-AX4444 ,& BESIDES1 !RE IS NO?+ TO IT 444 ! /ONE BLOCKS >E LIKE /ONE BLOCKS1 SEEM+LY ( ! PAVEM5T4 ,?AT'S ALL6444 ,MADAME MAY BE SURE4444 ,ONLY IT MI<T BE ?AT ?AT WAS ONLY 9 ,MA/] ,JEAN'S IMAG9ATION4444 ,MADAME KN[S ?AT *ILDR5 >E LIKE GR[N-UP FOLKS & ?AT !Y SEE ?+S6 ,BUT AS TO !SE SLABS1 !Y >E JU/ SLABS1 NEI!R MORE NOR LESS40 

,MY MO!R BECAME PALE1 HAGG>D4 

0,%UT UP60 %E ORD]$1 0& GET \T ( H]E1 ALL ( Y\60 

,& )\T WAIT+ = ! EXECUTION ( H] ORD] %E C>RI$ ME \T ( ! ROOM4 ,H] CRIES1 9T]RUPT$ BY ! SLAMM+ ( ! DOOR1 RES\ND$ ON ! /AIRWAY & 9 ! HALL4 

,%E NEV] ?\<T1 H[EV]1 POOR DE> CREATURE ?AT %E WAS1 ( GIV+ TO ! BA?ROOM 9CID5T A NATURAL EXPLANATION4 ,ONE C\LD HAVE DEMON/RAT$ TO H] ?AT :AT HAD FRI<T5$ ME SO BADLY MI<T HAVE BE5 A MOV+ REFLECTION ( A T[EL UPON ! HUMID SURFACE ( ! FLOOR1 OR P]HAPS ! %AD[ ( A LEAF PROJECT$ FROM \TSIDE ACROSS ! W9D[1 :I* ( C\RSE %E W\LD NOT HAVE ADMITT$ AS LIKELY TO HAVE TAK5 PLACE4 ,H] SPIRIT1 F$ ON DREAMS1 TORM5T$ BY LURID EXAGG]ATIONS & 9/9CTIVELY DRAWN TO ! MY/]I\S & ! FANTA/IC1 ACCEPT$ ) DANG]\S CR$ULITY ! VAGUE/ EXPLANATION & YIELD$ TO ! MO/ TR\BL+ SUGGE/IONS4 ,%E IMAG9$ ?AT H] C>ESSES1 H] KISSES1 H] LULL+ ME TO SLEEP COMMUNICAT$ TO ME ! G]MS ( H] DISEASE1 ?AT ! N]V\S FITS :I* ALMO/ CAUS$ MY DEA?1 ! HALLUC9ATIONS :I* %ONE 9 MY EYES ) ! SOMB] RADIANCE ( MADNESS1 W]E TO H] A DIV9E W>N+1 & AS SOON AS %E CONCEIV$ ?AT1 ! LA/ HOPE DI$ 9 H] HE>T4 

,M>IE F\ND H] MI/RESS HALF NAK$1 /RET*$ \T ON ! B$4 

0,MY ,GOD6 ,MY ,GOD60 %E MOAN$1 0?AT'S ! 5D ( IT4444 ,MY POOR LITTLE ,JEAN6444 ,Y\1 TOO1 !Y WILL TAKE AWAY FROM ME6444 ,OH1 ,GOD1 HAVE PITY ON HIM6444 ,C\LD ?AT BE POSSIBLE6444 ,SO LITTLE1 SO WEAK64440 

,& :ILE ,M>IE WAS PUTT+ BACK H] CLO!S :I* SLIPP$ TO ! GR\ND1 TRY+ TO QUIET H]3 

0,MY GOOD ,M>IE10 %E /AMM]$1 0LI/5 TO ME4 ,PROMISE ME1 YES PROMISE ME TO DO AS ,I TELL Y\4444 ,Y\ HAVE SE5 IT JU/ N[1 Y\ HAVE SE5 IT1 HAV5'T Y\8444 ,WELL1 TAKE ,JEAN1 & BR+ HIM UP BECAUSE ,I---Y\ SEE 444 HE MU/ NOT4444 ,I'LL KILL HIM4444 ,H]E1 Y\'LL /AY 9 ?IS ROOM ) HIM1 RI<T NE> ME4444 ,Y\ %ALL TAKE GOOD C>E ( HIM & TELL ME ALL AB\T HIM4444 ,I'LL FEEL HIS PRES5CE !RE1 ,I'LL HE> HIM4444 ,BUT Y\ UND]/&1 HE MU/ NOT SEE ME4444 ,IT IS ,I :O MAKE HIM ?AT WAY64440 

,M>IE HELD ME 9 H] >MS4 

0,MADAME1 !RE IS NO S5SE 9 ?AT AT ALL10 %E SAID1 0& Y\ REALLY DES]VE A GOOD SCOLD+ AS A LESSON4444 ,:Y JU/ LOOK AT Y\R LITTLE ,JEAN6444 ,HE IS JU/ LIKE A LITTLE QUAIL4 ,N[ TELL H]1 TELL H]1 MY LITTLE ,JEAN1 ?AT Y\ >E WELL & BRAVE6444 ,LOOK1 LOOK AT HIM LAU<+1 ! LITTLE CREATURE4444 ,PUT Y\R >MS >\ND HIM1 ,MADAME40 

0,NO1 NO60 MY MO!R CRI$ \T WILDLY4 0,I MU/ NOT4444 ,LAT]4444 ,TAKE HIM AWAY64440 

,IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO MAKE H] AB&ON ?IS IDEA4 ,M>IE WELL UND]/OOD ?AT IF H] MI/RESS HAD ANY *ANCE AT ALL TO COME BACK TO NORMAL LIFE1 TO CURE H]SELF ( H] 0BLACK MOODS10 IT WAS NOT 9 BE+ SEP>AT$ FROM H] *ILD4 ,9 ! SAD /ATE 9 :I* MY MO!R F\ND H]SELF1 %E HAD BUT ONE MEANS ( RECOV]Y & N[ %E REJECT$ IT1 IMPELL$ TO DO SO BY SOME NEW & UNKN[N FIT ( MADNESS4 ,ALL ?AT A LITTLE BABY BR+S ( JOY1 UNEAS9ESS1 ACTIVITY1 ANXIETY1 =GETFULNESS ( SELF TO ! HE>T ( A MO!R WAS EXACTLY :AT %E NE$$ & YET %E SAID3 

0,NO1 NO4444 ,I MU/ NOT4444 ,LAT]4444 ,TAKE HIM AWAY64440 

,9 H] [N LANGUAGE1 FAMILI> & RUDE1 TO :I* H] LONG DEVOTIONS 5TITL$ H]1 ! OLD S]VANT MAID BR\<T =W>D ALL ! REASON+ & >GUM5TS DICTAT$ BY H] COMMON S5SE & BY H] SIMPLE PEASANT HE>T4 ,%E EV5 REPROA*$ MY MO!R = NEGLECT+ H] DUTIES1 %E SPOKE ( H] SELFI%NESS & DECL>$ ?AT A GOOD MO!R :O HAD ANY RELIGION AT ALL OR EV5 A SAVAGE BEA/ W\LDN'T ACT AS %E DID4 

0,YES10 %E 5D$1 0?AT IS BAD6 444 Y\ HAVE ALREADY BE5 SO UNK9D TO Y\R HUSB&1 POOR FELL[4 ,MU/ Y\ N[ MAKE Y\R *ILD UNHAPPY80 

,BUT MO!R1 ALWAYS SOBB+1 C\LD BUT REPEAT3 

0,NO1 NO4444 ,I MU/ NOT4444 ,LAT]4444 ,TAKE HIM AWAY64440 

,:AT WAS MY *ILDHOOD8 ,A LONG TORPOR4 ,SEP>AT$ FROM MY MO!R :OM ,I SAW BUT R>ELY1 AVOID+ MY FA!R :OM ,I DID NOT LOVE AT ALL1 LIV+ ALMO/ 9 SECLUSION1 A MIS]ABLE ORPHAN BETWE5 OLD ,M>IE & ,FELIX 9 ?IS GR& LUGUBRI\S H\SE1 ! SIL5CE & NEGLECT ( :I* WEI<$ D[N UPON ME LIKE A NI<T ( DEA?--,I WAS BOR$4 ,YES1 ,I WAS ?AT R>E & WRET*$ SPECIM5 ( A *ILD :O IS BOR$4 ,ALWAYS SAD & GRAVE1 H>DLY SPEAK+ AT ALL1 ,I HAD NONE ( ! 9QUISITIV5ESS & MIS*IEV\SNESS ( MY AGE1 ONE MI<T HAVE SAID ?AT MY 9TELLECT HAD BE5 SLUMB]+ =EV] 9 ! NUMBNESS ( MAT]NAL GE/ATION4 ,I AM TRY+ TO RECALL1 ,I AM TRY+ TO BR+ TO LIFE AGA9 MY FEEL+S ( *ILDHOOD2 V]ILY ,I BELIEVE ,I HAD NONE4 ,I WAS DRAGG+ ON1 ALL WA/$ & /ULTIFI$1 )\T KN[+ :AT TO DO ) MY LEGS1 MY >MS1 MY EYES1 MY POOR LITTLE BODY :I* ANNOY$ ME LIKE A TIRESOME COMPANION :OM ONE WI%ES TO GET RID (4 ,!RE IS NOT ONE RECOLLECTION1 NOT ONE S+LE IMPRESSION ?AT HAS BE5 RETA9$ BY ME EV5 9 P>T4 ,I ALWAYS WI%$ TO BE :]E ,I WAS NOT1 & ! TOYS EXHAL+ ! :OLESOME ODOR ( FIR TREES W]E LY+ 9 HEAPS >\ND ME1 )\T 9DUC+ ME EV5 TO ?9K ( T\*+ !M4 ,NEV] DID ,I DREAM AB\T A KNIFE OR WOOD5 HORSE OR PICTURE BOOK4 ,TODAY1 :5 ,I SEE LITTLE *ILDR5 RUNN+1 JUMP+1 *AS+ ONE ANO!R ON ! G>D5 LAWNS1 ! S&Y BEA*ES1 ,I RECALL ) SADNESS ! FIR/ M\RNFUL YE>S ( MY LIFE1 & :ILE LI/5+ TO ! CLE> LAU<T] :I* S\NDS LIKE ! R++ ( ! ANGELUS ( HUMAN DAWN1 ,I SAY TO MYSELF ?AT ALL MY MIS=TUNES HAVE COME FROM ?IS *ILDHOOD1 LONELY & LIFELESS1 UNBROK5 BY A S+LE BRI<T EV5T4 

,I WAS NOT QUITE TWELVE YE>S OLD :5 MY MO!R DI$4 ,! DAY ON :I* ?IS MIS=TUNE HAPP5$ ! GOOD CURE ,BLAN*ETI]E1 :O LIK$ US V]Y MU*1 PRESS$ ME TO HIS BREA/1 !N HE LOOK$ AT ME = SOME TIME & ) EYES FULL ( TE>S MURMUR$ SEV]AL TIMES3 0,POOR LITTLE DEVIL60 ,I BUR/ 9TO UNCONTROLLABLE TE>S :5 ,I SAW ! GOOD CURE CRY1 = ,I DID NOT WANT TO RECONCILE MYSELF TO ! ?\<T ?AT MY MO!R WAS DEAD & NEV] AGA9 W\LD COME BACK4 ,DUR+ H] ILLNESS ,I WAS =BIDD5 TO GO 9TO H] ROOM1 & N[ %E WAS GONE )\T HAV+ LET ME EMBRACE H]6444 ,C\LD %E HAVE REALLY DES]T$ ME ?AT WAY8444 ,:5 ,I WAS AB\T SEV5 YE>S OLD & WAS WELL %E HAD AGRE$ TO RE-ADMIT ME 9TO H] LIFE4 ,IT WAS FROM ?IS TIME ON ?AT ,I UND]/OOD ?AT ,I HAD A MO!R & ?AT ,I ADOR$ H]4 ,MY SORR[+ MO!R WAS REPRES5T$ TO ME BY H] TWO EYES1 H] TWO L>GE R\ND EYES1 FIX$1 ) R+S ( R$ >\ND !M1 :I* ALWAYS %$ TE>S )\T MOV+ ! EYELIDS1 :I* %$ TE>S AS DOES A RA9 CL\D OR A F\NTA94 ,ALL AT ONCE ,I FELT A KE5 SORR[ AT ! GRIEF ( MY MO!R1 & IT IS ?R\< ?IS GRIEF ?AT ,I AWOKE TO LIFE4 ,I DID NOT KN[ :AT %E SUFF]$ FROM1 BUT ,I KNEW ?AT H] MALADY MU/ HAVE BE5 HORRIBLE2 ,I KNEW ?AT FROM ! WAY %E US$ TO EMBRACE ME4 ,%E HAD FITS ( T5D]NESS :I* US$ TO FRI<T5 ME & :I* 9SPIRE ME ) FE> EV5 N[4 ,AS %E CLASP$ MY HEAD1 SQUEEZ$ MY NECK & MOV$ H] LIPS OV] MY =EHEAD1 MY *EEKS1 MY M\?1 H] FR5ZI$ KISSES (T5 PASS$ 9TO BITES1 SIMIL> TO ! C>ESSES ( A BEA/2 9TO H] EMBRACES %E PUT ALL ! TRUE PASSION ( A LOV]1 AS IF ,I HAD BE5 ! ADOR$ *IM]ICAL BE+ ( H] DREAMS1 ! BE+ ?AT NEV] CAME1 ! BE+ :OM H] S\L & H] BODY SO >D5TLY DESIR$4 ,WAS IT POSSIBLE !N ?AT %E WAS DEAD8 

,EV]Y EV5+1 BE=E GO+ TO B$1 ,I F]V5TLY 5TREAT$ ! BEAUTIFUL IMAGE ( ! ,VIRG9 TO :OM ,I ADDRESS$ MY PRAY]S3 0,HOLY ,VIRG91 PLEASE GRANT MY DE> MO!R GOOD HEAL? & A LONG LIFE40 ,BUT ONE MORN+ MY FA!R1 SIL5T & PALE1 ACCOMPANI$ ! PHYSICIAN TO ! GATE1 & ! C\NT5ANCES ( BO? W]E SO GRAVE ?AT IT WAS EASY TO SURMISE ?AT SOME?+ IRREP>ABLE HAD HAPP5$4 ,!N ! S]VANTS W]E CRY+4 ,:AT ELSE C\LD !Y HAVE CRI$ AB\T1 IF NOT ! LOSS ( !IR MI/RESS8444 ,& !N DID NOT ! CURE COME UP TO ME & SAY 0POOR LITTLE DEVIL60 9 A TONE ( IRREM$IABLE PITY8 ,I REMEMB] ! SMALLE/ DETAILS ( ?AT FRI<TFUL DAY AS IF IT W]E YE/]DAY4 ,FROM ! ROOM :]E ,I WAS %UT 9 ) OLD ,M>IE ,I C\LD HE> ! COM+ & GO+ ( PEOPLE & O!R /RANGE NOISES1 & ) MY =EHEAD PRESS$ AGA9/ ! W9D[ PANE1 ,I C\LD SEE ?R\< ! W9D[ BL9DS WOM5 BEGG>S SQUATT$ ON ! LAWN1 WAXPAP] 9 H&1 MUTT]+ PRAY]S4 ,I SAW PEOPLE 5T] ! C\RTY>D1 ! M5 9 BLACK1 ! WOM5 ) LONG BLACK VEILS4 0,AH6 H]E IS ,MONSIEUR ,BAC\P64440 0,:Y1 ?AT'S ,MADAME ,PROVO/60 ,I NOTIC$ ?AT ALL ( !M LOOK$ SAD1 :ILE AT ! GATE :I* WAS WIDE OP5 ! *ILDR5 ( ! *OIR1 ! *ORI/]S UNCOM=TABLE 9 !IR BLACK VE/M5TS1 ! ,BRO!RS ( ,*>ITY ) !IR R$ TUNICS1 ONE ( :OM C>RI$ A BANN] & ANO!R A HEAVY SILV] CROSS1 W]E LAU<+ AL\D & AMUS+ !MSELVES BY PU%+ & JO/L+ ONE ANO!R4 ,! BEADLE1 T9KL+ HIS BELL1 WAS DRIV+ BACK 9QUISITIVE M5DICANTS1 & A WAGON LOAD$ ) HAY :I* HAD COME UP ON ! ROAD WAS COMPELL$ TO /OP & WAIT4 ,9 VA9 DID ,I LOOK = ! EYES ( LITTLE ,SORIEUL1 A CRIPPL$ *ILD ( MY AGE :OM ,I US$ TO GIVE A SMALL LOAF ( BREAD EV]Y ,SATURDAY2 ,I C\LD NOT F9D HIM ANY:]E1 & ?AT MADE ME FEEL UNEASY4 ,!N SUDD5LY ! BELLS ON ! *UR* BELFRY BEGAN TO TOLL4 ,D+6 ,D+6 ,DONG6 ,! SKY WAS ( DEEP BLUE1 ! SUN WAS ABLAZE4 ,SL[LY ! FUN]AL PROCESSION />T$ \T1 FIR/ ! ,BRO!RS ( ,*>ITY & ! *ORI/]S1 ! CROSS :I* GLITT]$1 ! BANN] :I* FLUTT]$ 9 ! AIR1 ! CURE 9 A :ITE SURPLICE1 %IELD+ HIS HEAD ) ! PSALM-BOOK1 !N SOME?+ HEAVY & LONG COV]$ ) FL[]S & WREA?S :I* SOME M5 C>RI$ %AK+ AT !IR KNEES1 !N ! CR[D1 A CRAWL+ CR[D :I* FILL$ ! C\RTY>D1 W\ND ITSELF \T ON ! ROAD1 A CR[D 9 :I* ,I C\LD DI/+UI% NO ONE EXCEPT MY C\S9 ,M]EL :O WAS MOPP+ HIS HEAD ) A *ECK]$ H&K]*IEF4 ,D+6 ,DONG6 ,DONG6 ,! *UR* BELL TOLL$ = A LONG1 LONG TIME2 AH6 ! SAD KNELL6 ,D+6 ,DONG6 ,DONG6 ,& :ILE ! BELLS W]E TOLL+1 TOLL+1 ?REE :ITE PIGEONS CONT9U\SLY FLUTT]$ AB\T1 PURSU+ ONE ANO!R >\ND ! *UR* RI<T OPPOSITE ME :I* PROJECT$ ITS W>P$ RO( & ITS SLATE /EEPLE \T ( PLUMB ABOVE A CLUMP ( ACACIA & *E/NUT TREES4 

,! C]EMONY 5D$1 MY FA!R 5T]$ MY ROOM4 ,HE WALK$ BACK & =? = SOME TIME )\T SPEAK+1 HIS >MS CROSS$ ON HIS BACK4 

0,AH6 MY POOR ,MONSIEUR10 LAM5T$ OLD ,M>IE1 0:AT A T]RIBLE MIS=TUNE60 

0,YES2 YES10 REPLI$ MY FA!R1 0IT IS A GREAT1 A T]RIBLE MIS=TUNE60 

,HE SANK 9TO AN >M*AIR1 HEAV+ A SI<4 ,I CAN SEE HIM RI<T N[ ) HIS SWOLL5 EYELIDS1 HIS DEJECT$ LOOK1 HIS HANG+ >MS4 ,HE HAD A H&K]*IEF 9 HIS H&1 & FROM TIME TO TIME BR\<T IT TO HIS EYES1 R$ FROM TE>S4 

0,P]HAPS ,I DID NOT TAKE GOOD C>E ( H]1 ,M>IE4444 ,%E DID NOT LIKE TO HAVE ME >\ND4444 ,YET ,I DID :AT ,I C\LD1 EV]Y?+ ,I C\LD4444 ,H[ FRI<TFUL %E LOOK$1 ALL RIGID ON ! B$6444 ,AH1 ,GOD6 ,I %ALL ALWAYS SEE H] ?AT WAY4 ,! DAY AFT] TOMORR[ %E W\LD BE ?IRTY-ONE1 W\LD %E NOT80 

,MY FA!R DREW ME T[>D HIM & SEAT$ ME ON HIS KNEES4 

0,Y\ LOVE ME ALL ! SAME1 DON'T Y\1 MY LITTLE ,JEAN80 HE ASK$1 ROCK+ ME4 0,TELL ME1 DO Y\ LOVE ME8 ,I HAVE NO ONE BUT Y\64440 

,SPEAK+ TO HIMSELF HE SAID3 

0,P]HAPS IT IS BETT] ?AT IT IS SO4 ,:O KN[S :AT ! \TCOME W\LD BE LAT] ON6444 ,YES1 P]HAPS IT IS BETT] ?IS WAY4444 ,AH6 POOR LITTLE ONE1 LOOK AT ME /RAI<T64440 

,& AS IF AT ?AT V]Y MOM5T HE HAD DIV9$ 9 MY EYES :I* RESEMBL$ ! EYES ( MY MO!R A :OLE DE/9Y ( SUFF]+1 HE PRESS$ ME CLOSE TO HIS BREA/ & BUR/ 9TO TE>S4 

0,MY LITTLE ,JEAN6--,AH6 MY POOR LITTLE ,JEAN60 

,WORN \T BY ! EMOTION & FATIGUE ( ! NI<T BE=E1 HE FELL ASLEEP1 HOLD+ ME 9 HIS >MS4 ,& ,I1 SEIZ$ SUDD5LY ) A FEEL+ ( GREAT PITY1 LI/5$ TO ?IS UNKN[N HE>T :I* = ! FIR/ TIME WAS BEAT+ CLOSE TO M9E4 

,IT HAD BE5 DECID$ A FEW MON?S PREVI\S TO ?IS ?AT ,I %\LD NOT BE S5T TO COLLEGE1 BUT ?AT ,I %\LD HAVE A PRIVATE TUTOR4 ,MY FA!R DID NOT APPROVE ( ?IS ME?OD ( $UCATION4 ,BUT HE HAD MET ) SU* OPPOSITION ?AT HE ?\<T BE/ NOT TO 9T]F]E1 & JU/ AS HE HAD SACRIFIC$ HIS DOM9ATION ( HUSB& OV] WIFE1 HE ALSO GAVE UP HIS RI<T ( A FA!R OV] ME4 ,N[ ,I WAS TO HAVE A TUTOR1 = MY FA!R WANT$ TO REMA9 FAI?FUL TO ! WI%ES ( MY MO!R EV5 :5 %E WAS DEAD4 

,ONE F9E MORN+ ,I SAW HIM >RIVE1 A V]Y GRAVE-LOOK+ G5TLEMAN1 V]Y BLOND1 V]Y CLOSE %AV51 :O WORE BLUE SPECTACLES4 ,MONSIEUR ,JULES ,RIG>D HAD V]Y OBSOLETE IDEAS ON $UCATION1 HE C>RI$ HIMSELF ) ! /IFFNESS ( A S]VANT1 & BORE A SAC]DOTAL AIR :I*1 F> FROM 5C\RAG+ ME TO LE>N1 MADE ALL /UDY DISGU/+ TO ME4 ,HE HAD BE5 TOLD )\T A D\BT ?AT MY M5TALITY WAS SL[ & SLUGGI% &1 AS ,I UND]/OOD NO?+ FROM HIS FIR/ LESSON1 HE TOOK ?AT JUDGM5T = GRANT$ & TREAT$ ME LIKE AN IDIOT4 ,IT NEV] OCCURR$ TO HIM TO P5ETRATE 9TO MY Y\NG M9D1 TO HOLD CONV]SE ) MY HE>T2 NEV] DID HE ASK HIMSELF :E!R UND] ?IS SAD MASK ( A LONESOME *ILD !RE W]E NOT HIDD5 >D5T ASPIRATIONS QUITE BEYOND MY AGE1 AN ALL TOO PASSIONATE & RE/LESS NATURE EAG] TO KN[1 :I* 9TROSPECTIVELY & MORBIDLY UNFOLD$ ITSELF 9 ! SIL5CE ( SECRET ?\<TS & MUTE EC/ASIES4 

,MONSIEUR ,RIG>D /UPEFI$ ME ) ,GREEK & ,LAT91 & ?AT WAS ALL4 ,AH6 H[ MANY *ILDR5 UND]/OOD & GUID$ PROP]LY1 MI<T HAVE BECOME GREAT IF !Y HAD NOT BE5 P]MAN5TLY DE=M$ BY ?IS FRI<TFUL CRU%+ ( !IR BRA9S BY AN IMBECILE FA!R OR AN IGNORANT TEA*]4 ,IS IT ALL1 !N1 TO HAVE LU/FULLY BEGOTT5 Y\ ON AN EV5+ ( PASSION1 & MU/ NOT ONE CONT9UE ! WORK ( ONE'S LIFE =CES BY GIV+ Y\ 9TELLECTUAL N\RI%M5T AS WELL1 9 ORD] ?AT IT MAY /R5G!N Y\R LIFE & PROVIDE Y\ ) WEAPONS TO DEF5D IT4 ,! TRU? WAS ?AT MY S\L FELT EV5 LONELI] ) MY FA!R ?AN ) MY TEA*]6 ,YET HE DID EV]Y?+ HE C\LD TO PLEASE ME4 ,HE CONSCI\SLY1 ?\< /UPIDLY1 /ROVE TO %[ HIS LOVE = ME4 ,BUT :5 ,I WAS ) HIM1 HE C\LD NEV] F9D ANY?+ TO TELL ME \TSIDE ( FOOLI%1 IDLE TALES1 BOGEY MAN /ORIES1 T]RIFY+ LEG5DS ( ! REVOLUTION ( #ahdh :I* HAD LEFT 9 HIM AN 9V9CIBLE FE>1 OR ELSE A TALE ( ! BRIG&AGE ( ONE ,LEBECQ1 A GREAT REPUBLICAN :O SC&ALIZ$ ! C\NTRY BY HIS PASSIONATE OPPOSITION TO ! CURE & HIS OBDURACY 9 REFUS+ TO HANG R$ BUNT+ ON ! WALLS ON NATIONAL HOLIDAYS4 

,(T5 HE W\LD TAKE ME ALONG 9 HIS CABRIOLET1 ON HIS BUS9ESS TRIPS 9 ! C\NTRY &1 :5 P]PLEX$ AS ,I WAS BY ! MY/]Y ( NATURE :I* EV]Y DAY UNFOLD$ ITSELF >\ND ME1 ,I ASK$ HIM QUE/IONS1 HE W\LD NOT KN[ H[ OR :AT TO ANSW] & W\LD DODGE ! ANSW] ?US3 0,Y\ >E TOO Y\NG TO BE TOLD ?AT6 ,WAIT TILL Y\ GR[ UP40 ,& FEEL+ MIS]ABLE BY ! SIDE ( ! L>GE BODY ( MY FA!R :I* SWAY$ ) ! JOLTS ( ! ROAD1 ,I HUDDL$ UP 9SIDE ! CABRIOLET1 :ILE MY FA!R WAS KILL+ ) ! /ICK ( HIS :IP ! GAD FLIES :I* SW>M$ ON \R M>E'S CR\P4 ,EV]Y N[ & !N HE W\LD SAY3 0,I HAVE NEV] SE5 SU* PE/]+ ?+S2 WE'LL HAVE /ORM1 ?AT'S SURE40 

,9 ! *UR* ( ,SA9T-,MI*EL1 9SIDE A SMALL *APEL1 ILLUM9$ BY ! R$ GLIMM] ( A W9D[1 UPON AN ALT> ORNAM5T$ ) EMBROID]Y & VASES FULL ( FL[]S1 /OOD A /ATUE ( ! ,VIRG94 ,%E HAD A P9K BODY1 A BLUE CLOAK BESPANGL$ ) SILV] />S1 A LILAC-COLOR$ ROBE :OSE FOLDS FELL MODE/LY UPON GILT S&ALS4444 ,9 H] >MS %E HELD A *ILD1 ROSY & NUDE ) A GOLD5 HALO >\ND ITS HEAD1 & ! EYES ( ! MO!R RE/$ RAPTUR\SLY UPON ! *ILD4 ,= SEV]AL MON?S ?IS PLA/] ,VIRG9 WAS MY SOLE FRI5D1 & ! 5TIRE TIME :I* ,I C\LD /EAL FROM MY LESSONS ,I US$ TO SP5D BE=E ?IS IMAGE1 CONTEMPLAT+ ITS T5D] COLORS4 ,%E APPE>$ TO ME SO BEAUTIFUL1 SO K9D & SWEET ?AT NO HUMAN CREATURE C\LD RIVAL 9 BEAUTY1 K9DNESS & SWEETNESS ?IS PA9T$ PIECE ( /ATU>Y :I* SPOKE TO ME 9 AN UNKN[N & DELI<TFUL LANGUAGE & FROM :I* !RE CAME TO ME SOME?+ LIKE ! 9TOXICAT+ ODOR ( 9C5SE & MYRRH4 ,:5 NE> H] ,I WAS 9 TRU? A DIFF]5T *ILD2 ,I FELT H[ ROSI] MY *EEKS W]E GETT+1 H[ MY BLOOD WAS FL[+ MORE VIGOR\SLY 9 MY VE9S1 H[ MY ?\<TS DIS5TANGL$ !MSELVES MORE EASILY & QUICKLY2 IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT ! BLACK VEIL :I* HUNG OV] MY M5TALITY WAS GRADUALLY BE+ LIFT$1 REVEAL+ NEW LI<TS TO ME4 

,M>IE WAS MADE AN ACCOMPLICE 9 MY /EAL?Y FLI<TS TO ! *UR*2 %E (T5 L$ ME TO ! *APEL :]E ,I REMA9$ = H\RS CONV]S+ ) ! ,VIRG91 :ILE ! OLD NURSE F]V5TLY RECIT$ H] ,ROS>Y1 KNEEL+ BE=E ! ALT>4 ,%E HAD TO GET ME \T ( MY /ATE ( EC/ASY BY =CE1 BECAUSE O!RWISE1 ABSORB$ AS ,I HAD BE5 9 ! DREAMS :I* TRANSPORT$ ME TO HEAV51 ,I W\LD NEV] HAVE ?\<T ( RETURN+ HOME4 ,MY PASSION = ?IS ,VIRG9 BECAME SO /RONG ?AT AWAY FROM H] ,I WAS MIS]ABLE & WI%$ ,I HAD NEV] LEFT H] AT ALL4 0,MONSIEUR ,JEAN WILL SURELY BECOME A PRIE/10 OLD ,M>IE US$ TO SAY4 ,IT WAS LIKE A YE>N+ = POSSESSION1 LIKE A VIOL5T DESIRE TO TAKE H]1 TO 5TW9E H]1 TO COV] H] ) KISSES4 

,I TOOK A NOTION TO MAKE A SKET* ( H]3 ) :AT LOVE1 IT W\LD BE IMPOSSIBLE = Y\ TO IMAG9E4 ,:5 ! /ATUE HAD TAK5 ON A SEMBLANCE ( CRUDE =M ON ! PAP]1 IT GAVE ME JOY )\T 5D4 ,ALL ! 5]GY 9 ME ?AT ,I C\LD PUT =W>D ,I EMPLOY$ 9 ?IS WORK1 :I* ,I ?\<T ADMIRABLE & SUP]HUMAN4 ,MORE ?AN TW5TY TIMES ,I />T$ ! DRAW+ OV] AGA91 9C5S$ ) ! CRAYON = NOT CON=M+ TO ! DELICACY ( ! L9ES1 9C5S$ ) ! PAP] UPON :I* ! IMAGE W\LD NOT APPE> AS LIVE & REAL AS ,I %\LD HAVE LIK$ TO SEE IT4 ,I WAS RABID ON ?IS PO9T4 ,MY WILL WAS B5T UPON ?IS UNIQUE GOAL4 ,AT L5G? ,I SUCCE$$ 9 GIV+ MORE OR LESS EXACT SUB/ANCE TO MY IDEA ( ! PLA/] ,VIRG9--BUT H[ NAIVE AN IDEA IT WAS4 ,& IMM$IATELY !REAFT] ,I /OPP$ ?9K+ ( IT4 ,AN 9N] VOICE HAD TOLD ME ?AT NATURE WAS MORE BEAUTIFUL1 MORE MOV+1 MORE SPL5DID1 & ,I BEGAN TO NOTICE ! SUN :I* C>ESS$ ! TREES1 :I* PLAY$ UPON ! P5TILES ( ! RO(1 COV]$ ! GRASS ) GOLD1 ILLUM9$ ! RIV]S2 & ,I BEGAN TO LI/5 TO ALL ! PALPITATIONS ( LIFE1 :OSE PUFF$ UP CREATURES SC\RGE ! E>? LIKE A BODY ( FLE%4 

,! YE>S ROLL$ BY1 WE>ISOME & VOID4 ,I REMA9$ GLOOMY1 WILD1 ALWAYS %UT UP )9 MYSELF1 FOND ( RUNN+ AB\T 9 ! FIELDS1 P5ETRAT+ 9TO ! V]Y HE>T ( ! =E/4 ,IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT AT LEA/ !RE1 LULL$ BY ! GR& VOICES ( ?+S1 ,I WAS LESS ALONE & ,I FELT MORE ALIVE4 ,)\T BE+ 5D[$ ) ?AT T]RIBLE GIFT :I* C]TA9 NATURES HAVE ( ANALYZ+ !MSELVES1 QUE/ION+ !MSELVES1 SE>*+ )\T 5D = ! REASON ( !IR ACTIONS1 ,I (T5 ASK$ MYSELF :O ,I WAS & :AT ,I WANT$4 ,ALAS6 ,I WAS NOBODY & DID NOT WANT ANY?+4 

,MY *ILDHOOD HAD BE5 SP5T 9 D>KNESS1 MY ADOLESC5CE WAS PASS$ 9 A VOID2 NOT HAV+ BE5 A *ILD ,I C\LD NO MORE BE A Y\NG MAN4 ,I LIV$ 9 A SORT ( FOG4 ,A ?\S& ?\<TS W]E AGITAT+ ME1 BUT !Y W]E SO CONFUS$ ?AT ,I C\LD NOT SEIZE UPON !IR =M2 NONE ( !M DETA*$ ITSELF CLE>LY FROM ?IS DEP? ( OPAQUE MI/4 ,I HAD SOME ASPIRATIONS2 SOME EXALT$ NOTIONS1 BUT IT W\LD HAVE BE5 IMPOSSIBLE = ME TO =MULATE !M1 TO EXPLA9 !IR CAUSE OR REASON4 ,IT W\LD HAVE BE5 IMPOSSIBLE = ME TO SAY 9TO :I* WORLD ( REALITY OR DREAM !Y TRANSPLANT$ ME2 ,I HAD FITS ( 9F9ITE T5D]NESS1 9 :I* MY :OLE BE+ W\LD LOSE ITSELF1 BUT = :OM OR = :AT ?IS FEEL+ WAS 9T5D$1 ,I DID NOT KN[4 ,SOMETIMES1 ALL ( A SUDD51 ,I W\LD AB&ON MYSELF TO TE>S1 BUT ! REASON = !SE TE>S8 ,9 TRU?1 ,I KNEW NOT4 ,:AT WAS C]TA9 WAS ?AT NO?+ WAS TO MY LIK+1 ?AT ,I DID NOT SEE ANY PURPOSE 9 LIV+1 ?AT ,I FELT MYSELF 9CAPABLE ( ANY EF=T4 

,*ILDR5 USUALLY SAY3 0,I'LL BE A G5]AL1 PRIE/1 PHYSICIAN1 9NKEEP]40 ,I NEV] SAID ANY?+ ( ! K9D1 NEV]2 NEV] DID ,I TE> MYSELF LOOSE FROM ! PRES5T2 NEV] DID ,I V5TURE A GLIMPSE 9TO ! FUTURE4 ,MAN APPE>$ TO ME LIKE A TREE :I* SPREAD \T ITS FOLIAGE & /RET*$ \T ITS LIMBS 9TO ! /ORMY SKIES1 )\T KN[+ :I* FL[] W\LD BLOOM AT ITS FOOT1 :I* BIRDS W\LD S+ AT ITS TOP1 OR :I* ?UND]BOLT W\LD FELL IT TO ! GR\ND4 ,& NOT)/&+ ?AT1 ! FEEL+ ( MORAL SOLITUDE 9 :I* ,I F\ND MYSELF OPPRESS$ & FRI<T5$ ME4 ,I C\LD NOT OP5 MY HE>T TO MY FA!R1 TO MY TEA*] OR TO ANYBODY ELSE4 ,I HAD NO FRI5D1 NOT A LIV+ S\L :O C\LD UND]/&1 GUIDE OR LOVE ME4 ,MY FA!R & PRECEPTOR W]E DI%E>T5$ BY MY WAYW>DNESS1 & 9 ! C\NTRY ,I PASS$ = A FEEBLEM9D$ MANIAC4 ,9 SPITE ( EV]Y?+1 H[EV]1 ,I WAS P]MITT$ TO TAKE MY COLLEGE 5TRANCE EXAM9ATIONS1 & ?\< NEI!R MY FA!R NOR MYSELF HAD ANY IDEA AS TO :AT ,I %\LD TAKE UP1 ,I W5T TO ,P>IS TO /UDY LAW4 0,LAW WILL GET Y\ ANY:]E10 MY FA!R US$ TO SAY4 

,P>IS AMAZ$ ME4 ,IT /RUCK ME LIKE A PLACE ( TEMPE/U\S UPRO> & RAV+ MADNESS4 ,9DIVIDUALS & ?RONGS W]E PASS+ BY1 /RANGE1 9COH]5T1 HURRY+ TO WORK :I* ,I IMAG9$ T]RIBLE & MON/R\S4 ,KNOCK$ D[N BY HORSES1 JO/L$ BY M51 DEAF5$ BY ! RO> ( ! CITY ALWAYS 9 MOTION LIKE SOME COLOSSAL & HELLI% FACTORY1 BL9D$ BY ! GL>E ( LI<TS TO :I* ,I WAS NOT ACCU/OM$1 ,I ROAM$ AB\T ! CITY 9 ! /RANGE DREAM ( A DEM5T$ ONE4 ,I WAS V]Y MU* SURPRIS$ TO F9D TREES !RE4 ,H[ C\LD !Y GR[ !RE1 9 ?AT SOIL ( PAVEM5TS1 H[ C\LD !Y %OOT UPW>DS 9 ! =E/ ( /ONE1 AMID ! RUMBL+ NOISE ( M51 !IR BRAN*ES LA%$ BY EVIL W9DS8 

,IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO GET US$ TO ?IS LIFE :I* SEEM$ TO ME ! REV]SE ( NATURE2 & FROM ! DEP?S ( ?IS BOIL+ HELL MY ?\<TS W\LD (T5 W&] BACK TO ! PEACEFUL FIELDS WAY YOND] :I* BR\<T TO MY NO/RILS ! DELICI\S ODOR ( DUG UP & F]TILE SOIL2 BACK TO ! GRE5 RETREATS ( ! WOODS1 :]E ,I HE>D ONLY ! LI<T RU/L+ ( ! LEAVES1 & FROM TIME TO TIME 9 ! RESONANT DEP?S1 ! DULL BL[S ( ! AX & ! ALMO/ HUMAN GROANS ( ! OLD OAK TREES4 ,NEV]!LESS1 CURIOSITY (T5 DROVE ME \T ( MY SMALL ROOM :I* ,I OCCUPI$ ON ,RUE ,\D9OT1 & ,I SAUNT]$ ALONG ! /REETS1 ! B\LEV>DS1 ! RIV] BANKS IMPELL$ BY A FEV]I% DESIRE = WALK+1 MY F+]S TWIT*+ FROM N]V\SNESS1 MY BRA9S SQUA%$1 AS IT W]E1 BY ! GIGANTIC & 9T5SE ACTIVITY ( ,P>IS1 MY S5SES 9 SOME WAY ?R[N \T ( BALANCE BY ALL !SE COLORS1 ODORS1 S\NDS1 BY ! P]V]SION & /RANG5ESS ( ! CONTACT SO NEW TO ME4 ,! MORE ,I M+L$ ) ! CR[DS1 ! MORE 9TOXICAT$ ,I BECAME ) ?IS UPRO>1 ! MORE ,I SAW MULTITUDES ( HUMAN LIVES PASS BY1 BRU%+ ONE ANO!R1 9DIFF]5T TO ONE ANO!R1 )\T APP>5T ATTA*M5T1 & SAW O!RS SURGE =W>D1 DISAPPE> & EM]GE AGA9 & SO ON =EV]--! MORE ,I FELT ! OV]:ELM+ S5SE ( 9EXORABLE LONEL9ESS4 

,AT ,SA9T-,MI*EL1 AL?\< ,I WAS LONELY1 ,I AT LEA/ KNEW SOME HUMAN BE+S & OBJECTS4 ,EV]Y:]E ,I HAD PO9TS ( REF]5CE BY :I* MY SPIRIT WAS GUID$2 ! BACK ( A PEASANT B5T OV] HIS GLEBE1 ! RU9S ( A BUILD+ AT ! TURN ( ! ROAD1 A DIT*1 A DOG1 A CLAY PIT1 A *>M+ FACE--EV]Y?+ !RE WAS FAMILI> TO ME1 IF NOT DE>4 ,AT ,P>IS EV]Y?+ WAS /RANGE & UNKN[N TO ME4 ,9 ?IS FRI<TFUL HA/E ) :I* ALL SEEM$ TO BE MOV+ AB\T1 9 ! PR(\ND SELFI%NESS1 9 ?IS GIDDY OBLIVI\SNESS TO ONE ANO!R 9TO :I* !Y W]E ALL PRECIPITAT$1 H[ C\LD ONE RETA9 EV5 = A S+LE MOM5T ! ATT5TION ( !SE PEOPLE1 !SE PHANTOMS2 ,I DON'T SPEAK ( ! ATT5TION ( T5D]NESS OR PITY1 BUT ( ?AT ( SIMPLE NOTICE6444 ,ONE DAY ,I SAW A MAN :O KILL$ ANO!R3 HE WAS ADMIR$ & HIS NAME WAS SOON ON EV]YBODY'S LIPS2 ! NEXT MORN+ ,I SAW A WOMAN :O LIFT$ H] SKIRT GO+ ?R\< OBSC5E MOTIONS3 ! CR[D FOLL[$ H]4 

,BE+ AWKW>D1 IGNORANT ( ! WAYS ( ! WORLD1 V]Y TIMID1 ,I F\ND IT H>D TO MAKE FRI5DS4 ,I NEV] EV5 SET FOOT 9 ! HOMES :]E ,I WAS RECOMM5D$1 = FE> ( APPE>+ RIDICUL\S4 ,I HAD BE5 9VIT$ = D9N] TO ! HOME ( A C\S9 ( MY MO!R'S :O WAS RI* & KEPT A L>GE RET9UE4 ,! SI<T ( ! MANSION1 ! FOOTM5 9 ! VE/IBULE1 ! LI<TS1 ! C>PETS1 ! HEAVY P]FUME ( SMO!R$ FL[]S--ALL ?IS FRI<T5$ ME & ,I FL$1 KNOCK+ D[N ON ! /AIRWAY A WOMAN 9 A R$ CLOAK :O GOT UP & />T$ TO LAU< AT MY BEWILD]$ LOOK4 

,! NOISY GAIETY ( ! Y\NG M51 MY S*OOL COMRADES1 :OM ,I HAD MET AT ! LECTURES1 AT ! RE/AURANTS1 9 ! CAFES1 WAS NOT TO MY LIK+ EI!R4 ,! CO>S5ESS ( !IR PLEASURES HURT ME1 & ! WOM51 ) !IR EYES COLOR$ ) BI/]1 !IR OV]PA9T$ LIPS1 !IR CYNICISM & %AMELESS SPEE* & BEHAVIOR DID NOT TEMPT ME AT ALL4 ,ONE EV5+1 H[EV]1 :5 MY N]VES W]E ALL WR\<T UP1 & ,I WAS DRIV5 BY A SUDD5 RUTT+ ( ! FLE%1 ,I W5T 9TO A H\SE ( ILL-FAME & LEFT IT BURN+ ) %AME1 DESPIS+ MYSELF1 REMORSEFUL & ) ! S5SATION ( FIL? ON MY SK94 ,:AT6 ,WAS IT FROM ?IS SLIMY & LOA?SOME ACT ?AT M5 W]E BORN6 ,FROM ?IS TIME ON ,I LOOK$ AT WOM5 MORE FREQU5TLY1 BUT MY LOOK WAS NO LONG] *A/E1 & FIX$ UPON !M AS UPON SOME IMPURE IMAGES1 IT WAS SE>*+ = SEX & /RIPP+ !M UND] ! FOLDS ( !IR CLO!S4 ,I CAME TO KN[ !IR SECRET VICES1 :I* R5D]$ ME /ILL MORE DEJECT$1 RE/LESS & \T ( SORTS4 

,A K9D ( CRAPUL\S TORPOR SETTL$ D[N UPON ME4 ,I US$ TO /AY 9 B$ SEV]AL DAYS AT A /RET*1 SUNK 9 ! BRUTI%NESS ( OBSC5E DREAMS1 AWAK5$ N[ & !N BY SUDD5 NI<TM>ES1 BY PA9FUL ATTACKS ( HE>TA*E :I* CAUS$ MY SK9 TO P]SPIRE4 ,9 MY ROOM1 BEH9D DRAWN CURTA9S1 ,I WAS ?US LIV+ LIKE A CORPSE :I* WAS CONSCI\S ( ITS DEA? & :I* FROM ! DEP? ( ITS GRAVE 9 ! FRI<TFUL NI<T C\LD HE> ! /AMP+ ( MANY FEET & ! RUMBLE ( ! CITY AB\T IT4 ,SOMETIMES1 TE>+ MYSELF LOOSE FROM ?IS DEJECTION1 ,I W5T \T4 ,BUT :AT WAS ,I GO+ TO DO8 ,:]E C\LD ,I GO8 ,I WAS 9DIFF]5T TO EV]Y?+1 & ,I HAD NOT A S+LE DESIRE OR CURIOSITY4 ,) FIX$ GAZE1 ) HEAVY DROOP+ HEAD & LI/LESS1 ,I US$ TO WALK /RAI<T AHEAD1 )\T PURPOSE1 & ,I W\LD 5D BY FL++ MYSELF ON A B5* 9 ! ,LUXEMB\RG1 S5ILELY %RUNK 9TO MYSELF1 LY+ MOTIONLESS = MANY H\RS1 )\T SEE+ ANY?+1 )\T HE>+ ANY?+1 )\T ASK+ MYSELF :Y !RE W]E *ILDR5 AB\T ME1 :Y !RE W]E BIRDS S++1 :Y Y\NG C\PLES PASS$4444 ,NATURALLY ,I WAS NOT WORK+ & DID NOT ?9K ( ANY?+4444 

,!N W> CAME1 !N DEFEAT4444 ,DESPITE ! OPPOSITION ( MY FA!R1 DESPITE ! 5TREATIES ( OLD ,M>IE1 ,I 5LI/$4 

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