,DI>Y ( A ,LUNATIC 

#aic 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TRANSLATOR 3 ,CON/ANCE ,CL>A ,G>NETT 

,TEXT 3 

,?IS MORN+ ,I UND]W5T A M$ICAL EXAM9ATION 9 ! GOV]NM5T C\NCIL ROOM4 ,! OP9IONS ( ! DOCTORS W]E DIVID$4 ,!Y >GU$ AMONG !MSELVES & CAME AT LA/ TO ! CONCLUSION ?AT ,I WAS NOT MAD4 ,BUT ?IS WAS DUE TO ! FACT ?AT ,I TRI$ H>D DUR+ ! EXAM9ATION NOT TO GIVE MYSELF AWAY4 ,I WAS AFRAID ( BE+ S5T TO ! LUNATIC ASYLUM1 :]E ,I W\LD NOT BE ABLE TO GO ON ) ! MAD UND]TAK+ ,I HAVE ON MY H&S4 ,!Y PRON\NC$ ME SUBJECT TO FITS ( EXCITEM5T1 & SOME?+ ELSE1 TOO1 BUT NEV]!LESS ( S\ND M9D4 ,! DOCTOR PRESCRIB$ A C]TA9 TREATM5T1 & ASSUR$ ME ?AT BY FOLL[+ HIS DIRECTIONS MY TR\BLE W\LD COMPLETELY DISAPPE>4 ,IMAG9E1 ALL ?AT TORM5TS ME DISAPPE>+ COMPLETELY6 ,OH1 !RE IS NO?+ ,I W\LD NOT GIVE TO BE FREE FROM MY TR\BLE4 ,! SUFF]+ IS TOO GREAT6 

,I AM GO+ TO TELL EXPLICITLY H[ ,I CAME TO UND]GO ?AT EXAM9ATION2 H[ ,I W5T MAD1 & H[ MY MADNESS WAS REVEAL$ TO ! \TSIDE WORLD4 

,UP TO ! AGE ( ?IRTY-FIVE ,I LIV$ LIKE ! RE/ ( ! WORLD1 & NOBODY HAD NOTIC$ ANY PECULI>ITIES 9 ME4 ,ONLY 9 MY E>LY *ILDHOOD1 BE=E ,I WAS T51 ,I HAD OCCASIONALLY BE5 9 A M5TAL /ATE SIMIL> TO ! PRES5T ONE1 & !N ONLY AT 9T]VALS1 :]EAS N[ ,I AM CONT9UALLY CONSCI\S ( IT4 

,I REMEMB] GO+ TO B$ ONE EV5+1 :5 ,I WAS A *ILD ( FIVE OR SIX4 ,NURSE ,EUPRASIA1 A TALL1 LEAN WOMAN 9 A BR[N DRESS1 ) A D\BLE *91 WAS UNDRESS+ ME1 & WAS JU/ LIFT+ ME UP TO PUT ME 9TO B$4 

0,I WILL GET 9TO B$ MYSELF10 ,I SAID1 PREP>+ TO /EP OV] ! NET AT ! B$SIDE4 

0,LIE D[N1 ,F$9KA4 ,Y\ SEE1 ,MIT9KA IS ALREADY LY+ QUITE /ILL10 %E SAID1 PO9T+ ) H] HEAD TO MY BRO!R 9 HIS B$4 

,I JUMP$ 9TO MY B$ /ILL HOLD+ NURSE'S H& 9 M9E4 ,!N ,I LET IT GO1 /RET*$ MY LEGS UND] ! BLANKET & WRAPP$ MYSELF UP4 ,I FELT SO NICE & W>M6 ,I GREW SIL5T ALL ( A SUDD5 & BEGAN ?9K+3 0,I LOVE NURSE1 NURSE LOVES ME & ,MIT9KA1 ,I LOVE ,MIT9KA TOO1 & HE LOVES ME & NURSE4 ,& NURSE LOVES ,T>AS2 ,I LOVE ,T>AS TOO1 & SO DOES ,MIT9KA4 ,& ,T>AS LOVES ME & NURSE4 ,& MO!R LOVES ME & NURSE1 NURSE LOVES MO!R & ME & FA!R2 EV]YBODY LOVES EV]YBODY1 & EV]YBODY IS HAPPY40 

,SUDD5LY ! H\SEKEEP] RU%$ 9 & BEGAN TO %\T 9 AN ANGRY VOICE SOME?+ AB\T A SUG> BAS9 %E C\LD NOT F9D4 ,NURSE GOT CROSS & SAID %E DID NOT TAKE IT4 ,I FELT FRI<T5$2 IT WAS ALL SO /RANGE4 ,A COLD HORROR CAME OV] ME1 & ,I HID MYSELF UND] ! BLANKET4 ,BUT ,I FELT NO BETT] 9 ! D>KNESS UND] ! BLANKET4 ,I ?\<T ( A BOY :O HAD GOT A ?RA%+ ONE DAY 9 MY PRES5CE -- ( HIS SCREAMS1 & ( ! CRUEL FACE ( ,FOKA :5 HE WAS BEAT+ ! BOY4 

0,!N Y\ WON'T DO IT ANY MORE2 Y\ WON'T60 HE REPEAT$ & W5T ON BEAT+4 

0,I WON'T10 SAID ! BOY2 & ,FOKA KEPT ON REPEAT+ OV] & OV]1 0,Y\ WON'T1 Y\ WON'T60 & DID NOT CEASE TO /RIKE ! BOY4 

,?AT WAS :5 MY MADNESS CAME OV] ME = ! FIR/ TIME4 ,I BUR/ 9TO SOBS1 & !Y C\LD NOT QUIET ME = A LONG :ILE4 ,! TE>S & DESPAIR ( ?AT DAY W]E ! FIR/ SIGNS ( MY PRES5T TR\BLE4 

,I WELL REMEMB] ! SECOND TIME MY MADNESS SEIZ$ ME4 ,IT WAS :5 AUNT WAS TELL+ US AB\T ,*RI/4 ,%E TOLD ,HIS /ORY & GOT UP TO LEAVE ! ROOM4 ,BUT WE HELD H] BACK3 0,TELL US MORE AB\T ,JESUS ,*RI/60 WE SAID4 

0,I MU/ GO10 %E REPLI$4 

0,NO1 TELL US MORE1 PLEASE60 ,MIT9KA 9SI/$1 & %E REPEAT$ ALL %E HAD SAID BE=E4 ,%E TOLD US H[ !Y CRUCIFI$ ,HIM1 H[ !Y BEAT & M>TYR$ ,HIM1 & H[ ,HE W5T ON PRAY+ & DID NOT BLAME !M4 

0,AUNTIE1 :Y DID !Y TORTURE ,HIM80 

0,!Y W]E WICK$40 

0,BUT WASN'T HE ,GOD80 

0,BE /ILL -- IT IS N9E O'CLOCK1 DON'T Y\ HE> ! CLOCK /RIK+80 

0,:Y DID !Y BEAT ,HIM8 ,HE HAD =GIV5 !M4 ,!N :Y DID !Y HIT ,HIM8 ,DID IT HURT ,HIM8 ,AUNTIE1 DID IT HURT80 

0,BE QUIET1 ,I SAY4 ,I AM GO+ TO ! D9+-ROOM TO HAVE TEA N[40 

0,BUT P]HAPS IT NEV] HAPP5$1 P]HAPS ,HE WAS NOT BEAT5 BY !M80 

0,I AM GO+40 

0,NO1 ,AUNTIE1 DON'T GO64440 ,& AGA9 MY MADNESS TOOK POSSESSION ( ME4 ,I SOBB$ & SOBB$1 & BEGAN KNOCK+ MY HEAD AGA9/ ! WALL4 

,SU* HAD BE5 ! FITS ( MY MADNESS 9 MY *ILDHOOD4 ,BUT AFT] ,I WAS F\RTE51 FROM ! TIME ! 9/9CTS ( SEX AWOKE & ,I BEGAN TO GIVE WAY TO VICE1 MY MADNESS SEEM$ TO HAVE PASS$1 & ,I WAS A BOY LIKE O!R BOYS4 ,JU/ AS HAPP5S ) ALL ( US :O >E BR\<T UP ON RI*1 OV]-ABUNDANT FOOD1 & >E SPOIL$ & MADE EFFEM9ATE1 BECAUSE WE NEV] DO ANY PHYSICAL WORK1 & >E SURR\ND$ BY ALL POSSIBLE TEMPTATIONS1 :I* EXCITE \R S5SUAL NATURE :5 9 ! COMPANY ( O!R *ILDR5 SIMIL>LY SPOIL$1 SO ,I HAD BE5 TAU<T VICE BY O!R BOYS ( MY AGE & ,I 9DULG$ 9 IT4 ,AS TIME PASS$ O!R VICES CAME TO TAKE ! PLACE ( ! FIR/4 ,I BEGAN TO KN[ WOM51 & SO ,I W5T ON LIV+1 UP TO ! TIME ,I WAS ?IRTY-FIVE1 LOOK+ \T = ALL K9DS ( PLEASURES & 5JOY+ !M4 ,I HAD A P]FECTLY S\ND M9D !N1 & NEV] A SIGN ( MADNESS4 ,?OSE TW5TY YE>S ( MY NORMAL LIFE PASS$ )\T LEAV+ ANY SPECIAL RECORD ON MY MEMORY1 & N[ IT IS ONLY ) A GREAT EF=T ( M9D & ) UTT] DISGU/1 ?AT ,I CAN CONC5TRATE MY ?\<TS UPON ?AT TIME4 

,LIKE ALL ! BOYS ( MY SET1 :O W]E ( S\ND M9D1 ,I 5T]$ S*OOL1 PASS$ ON TO ! UNIV]SITY & W5T ?R\< A C\RSE ( LAW /UDIES4 ,!N ,I 5T]$ ! ,/ATE S]VICE = A %ORT TIME1 M>RI$1 & SETTL$ D[N 9 ! C\NTRY1 $UCAT+ -- IF \R WAY ( BR++ UP *ILDR5 CAN BE CALL$ $UCAT+ -- MY *ILDR51 LOOK+ AFT] ! L&1 & FILL+ ! PO/ ( A ,JU/ICE ( ! ,PEACE4 

,IT WAS :5 ,I HAD BE5 M>RI$ T5 YE>S ?AT ONE ( ?OSE ATTACKS ( MADNESS ,I SUFF]$ FROM 9 MY *ILDHOOD MADE ITS APPE>ANCE AGA94 ,MY WIFE & ,I HAD SAV$ UP MONEY FROM H] 9H]ITANCE & FROM SOME ,GOV]NM5T BONDS ( M9E :I* ,I HAD SOLD1 & WE DECID$ ?AT ) ?AT MONEY WE W\LD BUY ANO!R E/ATE4 ,I WAS NATURALLY KE5 TO 9CREASE \R =TUNE1 & TO DO IT 9 ! %REWDE/ WAY1 BETT] ?AN ANY ONE ELSE W\LD MANAGE IT4 ,I W5T AB\T 9QUIR+ :AT E/ATES W]E TO BE SOLD1 & US$ TO READ ALL ! ADV]TISEM5TS 9 ! PAP]S4 ,:AT ,I WANT$ WAS TO BUY AN E/ATE1 ! PRODUCE OR TIMB] ( :I* W\LD COV] ! CO/ ( PUR*ASE1 & !N ,I W\LD HAVE ! E/ATE PRACTICALLY = NO?+4 ,I WAS LOOK+ \T = A FOOL :O DID NOT UND]/& BUS9ESS1 & !RE CAME A DAY :5 ,I ?\<T ,I HAD F\ND ONE4 ,AN E/ATE ) L>GE =E/S ATTA*$ TO IT WAS TO BE SOLD 9 ! ,P5SA ,GOV]NM5T4 ,TO JUDGE BY ! 9=MATION ,I HAD RECEIV$ ! PROPRIETOR ( ?AT E/ATE WAS EXACTLY ! IMBECILE ,I WANT$1 & ,I MI<T EXPECT ! =E/S TO COV] ! PRICE ASK$ = ! :OLE E/ATE4 ,I GOT MY ?+S READY & WAS SOON ON MY WAY TO ! E/ATE ,I WI%$ TO 9SPECT4 

,WE HAD FIR/ TO GO BY TRA9 7,I HAD TAK5 MY MAN-S]VANT ) ME71 !N BY COA*1 ) RELAYS ( HORSES AT ! V>I\S /ATIONS4 ,! J\RNEY WAS V]Y PLEASANT1 & MY S]VANT1 A GOOD-NATUR$ Y\?1 LIK$ IT AS MU* AS ,I DID4 ,WE 5JOY$ ! NEW SURR\ND+S & ! NEW PEOPLE1 & HAV+ N[ ONLY AB\T TWO HUNDR$ MILES MORE TO DRIVE1 WE DECID$ TO GO ON )\T /OPP+1 EXCEPT TO *ANGE HORSES AT ! /ATIONS4 ,NI<T CAME ON & WE W]E /ILL DRIV+4 ,I HAD BE5 DOZ+1 BUT PRES5TLY ,I AWOKE1 SEIZ$ ) A SUDD5 FE>4 ,AS (T5 HAPP5S 9 SU* A CASE1 ,I WAS SO EXCIT$ ?AT ,I WAS ?OR\<LY AWAKE & IT SEEM$ AS IF SLEEP W]E GONE = EV]4 0,:Y AM ,I DRIV+8 ,:]E AM ,I GO+80 ,I SUDD5LY ASK$ MYSELF4 ,IT WAS NOT ?AT ,I DISLIK$ ! IDEA ( BUY+ AN E/ATE AT A B>GA91 BUT IT SEEM$ AT ?AT MOM5T SO S5SELESS TO J\RNEY TO SU* A F> AWAY PLACE1 & ,I HAD A FEEL+ AS IF ,I W]E GO+ TO DIE !RE1 AWAY FROM HOME4 ,I WAS OV]COME ) T]ROR4 

,MY S]VANT ,S]GIUS AWOKE1 & ,I TOOK ADVANTAGE ( ! FACT TO TALK TO HIM4 ,I BEGAN TO REM>K UPON ! SC5]Y >\ND US2 HE HAD ALSO A GOOD DEAL TO SAY1 ( ! PEOPLE AT HOME1 ( ! PLEASURE ( ! J\RNEY1 & IT SEEM$ /RANGE TO ME ?AT HE C\LD TALK SO GAILY4 ,HE APPE>$ SO PLEAS$ ) EV]Y?+ & 9 SU* GOOD SPIRITS1 :]EAS ,I WAS ANNOY$ ) IT ALL4 ,/ILL1 ,I FELT MORE AT EASE :5 ,I WAS TALK+ ) HIM4 ,ALONG ) MY FEEL+S ( RE/LESSNESS & MY SECRET HORROR1 H[EV]1 ,I WAS FATIGU$ AS WELL1 & LONG$ TO BREAK ! J\RNEY SOME:]E4 ,IT SEEM$ TO ME MY UNEAS9ESS W\LD CEASE IF ,I C\LD ONLY 5T] A ROOM1 HAVE TEA1 &1 :AT ,I DESIR$ MO/ ( ALL1 SLEEP4 

,WE W]E APPROA*+ ! T[N ,>ZAMAS4 

0,DON'T Y\ ?9K WE HAD BETT] /OP H]E & HAVE A RE/80 

0,:Y NOT8 ,IT'S AN EXCELL5T IDEA40 

0,H[ F> >E WE FROM ! T[N80 ,I ASK$ ! DRIV]4 

0,ANO!R SEV5 MILES40 

,! DRIV] WAS A QUIET1 SIL5T MAN4 ,HE WAS DRIV+ RA!R SL[LY & WE>ILY4 

,WE DROVE ON4 ,I WAS SIL5T1 BUT ,I FELT BETT]1 LOOK+ =W>D TO A RE/ & HOP+ TO FEEL ! BETT] = IT4 ,WE DROVE ON & ON 9 ! D>KNESS1 & ! SEV5 MILES SEEM$ TO HAVE NO 5D4 ,AT LA/ WE REA*$ ! T[N4 ,IT WAS S\ND ASLEEP AT ?AT E>LY H\R4 ,FIR/ CAME ! SMALL H\SES1 PI]C+ ! D>KNESS1 & AS WE PASS$ !M1 ! NOISE ( \R J+L+ BELLS & ! TROTT+ ( \R HORSES S\ND$ L\D]4 ,9 A FEW PLACES ! H\SES W]E L>GE & :ITE1 BUT ,I DID NOT FEEL LESS DEJECT$ = SEE+ !M4 ,I WAS WAIT+ = ! /ATION1 & ! SAMOV>1 & LONG$ TO LIE D[N & RE/4 

,AT LA/ WE APPROA*$ A H\SE ) PILL>S 9 FRONT ( IT4 ,! H\SE WAS :ITE1 BUT IT SEEM$ TO ME V]Y MELAN*OLY4 ,I FELT EV5 FRI<T5$ AT ITS ASPECT & /EPP$ SL[LY \T ( ! C>RIAGE4 ,S]GIUS WAS BUSY+ HIMSELF ) \R LUGGAGE1 TAK+ :AT WE NE$$ = ! NI<T1 RUNN+ AB\T & /EPP+ HEAVILY ON ! DOOR/EPS4 ,! S\ND ( HIS BRISK TREAD 9CREAS$ MY WE>9ESS4 ,I WALK$ 9 & CAME 9TO A SMALL PASSAGE4 ,A MAN RECEIV$ US2 HE HAD A L>GE SPOT ON HIS *EEK & ?AT SPOT FILL$ ME ) HORROR4 ,HE ASK$ US 9TO A ROOM :I* WAS JU/ AN ORD9>Y ROOM4 ,MY UNEAS9ESS WAS GR[+4 

0,C\LD WE HAVE A ROOM TO RE/ 980 ,I ASK$4 

0,OH1 YES1 ,I HAVE A V]Y NICE B$ROOM AT Y\R DISPOSAL4 ,A SQU>E ROOM1 NEWLY :ITEWA%$40 

,! FACT ( ! LITTLE ROOM BE+ SQU>E WAS -- ,I REMEMB] IT SO WELL -- MO/ PA9FUL TO ME4 ,IT HAD ONE W9D[ ) A R$ CURTA91 A TABLE ( BIR*WOOD & A S(A ) A CURV$ BACK & >MS4 ,S]GIUS BOIL$ ! WAT] 9 ! SAMOV> & MADE ! TEA4 ,I PUT A PILL[ ON ! S(A 9 ! MEANTIME & LAY D[N4 ,I WAS NOT ASLEEP2 ,I HE>D ,S]GIUS BUSY ) ! SAMOV> & URG+ ME TO HAVE TEA4 ,I WAS AFRAID TO GET UP FROM ! S(A1 AFRAID ( DRIV+ AWAY SLEEP2 & JU/ TO BE SITT+ 9 ?AT ROOM SEEM$ AWFUL4 ,I DID NOT GET UP1 BUT FELL 9TO A SORT ( DOZE4 ,:5 ,I />T$ UP \T ( IT1 NOBODY WAS 9 ! ROOM & IT WAS QUITE D>K4 ,I WOKE UP ) ! V]Y SAME S5SATION ,I HAD ! FIR/ TIME & KNEW SLEEP WAS GONE4 0,:Y AM ,I H]E8 ,:]E AM ,I GO+8 ,JU/ AS ,I AM ,I MU/ BE = EV]4 ,NEI!R ! ,P5SA NOR ANY O!R E/ATE WILL ADD TO OR TAKE ANY?+ AWAY FROM ME4 ,AS = ME1 ,I AM UNBE>ABLY WE>Y ( MYSELF4 ,I WANT TO GO TO SLEEP1 TO =GET -- & ,I CANNOT1 ,I CANNOT GET RID ( SELF40 

,I W5T \T 9TO ! PASSAGE4 ,S]GIUS WAS SLEEP+ !RE ON A N>R[ B5*1 HIS H& HANG+ D[N BESIDE IT4 ,HE WAS SLEEP+ S\NDLY1 & ! MAN ) ! SPOT ON HIS *EEK WAS ALSO ASLEEP4 ,I ?\<T1 BY GO+ \T ( ! ROOM1 TO GET AWAY FROM :AT WAS TORM5T+ ME4 ,BUT IT FOLL[$ ME & MADE EV]Y?+ SEEM D>K & DRE>Y4 ,MY FEEL+ ( HORROR1 9/EAD ( LEAV+ ME1 WAS 9CREAS+4 

0,:AT NONS5SE60 ,I SAID TO MYSELF4 0,:Y AM ,I SO DEJECT$8 ,:AT AM ,I AFRAID (80 0,Y\ >E AFRAID ( ME0 -- ,I HE>D ! VOICE ( ,DEA? -- 0,I AM H]E40 

,I %UDD]$4 ,YES1 -- ,DEA?6 ,DEA? WILL COME1 IT WILL COME & IT \<T NOT TO COME4 ,EV5 9 FAC+ ACTUAL DEA? ,I W\LD C]TA9LY NOT FEEL ANY?+ ( :AT ,I FELT N[4 ,!N IT W\LD BE SIMPLY FE>1 :]EAS N[ IT WAS MORE ?AN ?AT4 ,I WAS ACTUALLY SEE+1 FEEL+ ! APPROA* ( DEA?1 & ALONG ) IT ,I FELT ?AT DEA? \<T NOT TO EXI/4 

,MY 5TIRE BE+ WAS CONSCI\S ( ! NECESSITY ( ! RI<T TO LIVE1 & AT ! SAME TIME ( ! 9EVITABILITY ( DY+4 ,?IS 9N] CONFLICT WAS CAUS+ ME UNBE>ABLE PA94 ,I TRI$ TO %AKE (F ! HORROR2 ,I F\ND A HALF-BURNT C&LE 9 A BRASS C&LE/ICK & LI<T$ IT4 ,! C&LE ) ITS R$ FLAME BURNT D[N UNTIL IT WAS NOT MU* TALL] ?AN ! L[ C&LE/ICK4 ,! SAME ?+ SEEM$ TO BE REPEAT$ OV] & OV]3 NO?+ LA/S1 LIFE IS NOT1 ALL IS DEA? -- BUT DEA? \<T NOT TO EXI/4 ,I TRI$ TO TURN MY ?\<TS TO :AT HAD 9T]E/$ ME BE=E1 TO ! E/ATE ,I WAS TO BUY & TO MY WIFE4 ,F> FROM BE+ A RELIEF1 !SE SEEM$ NO?+ TO ME N[4 ,TO FEEL MY LIFE DOOM$ TO BE TAK5 FROM ME WAS A T]ROR %UTT+ \T ANY O!R ?\<T4 0,I MU/ TRY TO SLEEP10 ,I DECID$4 ,I W5T TO B$1 BUT ! NEXT 9/ANT ,I JUMP$ UP1 SEIZ$ ) HORROR4 ,A SICKNESS OV]CAME ME1 A SPIRITUAL SICKNESS NOT UNLIKE ! PHYSICAL UNEAS9ESS PREC$+ ACTUAL ILLNESS -- BUT 9 ! SPIRIT1 NOT 9 ! BODY4 ,A T]RIBLE FE> SIMIL> TO ! FE> ( DEA?1 :5 M+L$ ) ! RECOLLECTIONS ( MY PA/ LIFE1 DEVELOP$ 9TO A HORROR AS IF LIFE W]E DEP>T+4 ,LIFE & DEA? W]E FL[+ 9TO ONE ANO!R4 ,AN UNKN[N P[] WAS TRY+ TO TE> MY S\L 9TO PIECES1 BUT C\LD NOT B5D IT4 ,ONCE MORE ,I W5T \T 9TO ! PASSAGE TO LOOK AT ! TWO M5 ASLEEP2 ONCE MORE ,I TRI$ TO GO TO SLEEP4 ,! HORROR WAS ALWAYS ! SAME -- N[ R$1 N[ :ITE & SQU>E4 ,SOME?+ WAS TE>+ )9 BUT C\LD NOT BE TORN AP>T4 ,A TORTUR+ S5SATION6 ,AN >ID HATR$ DEPRIV$ ME ( EV]Y SP>K ( K9DLY FEEL+4 ,JU/ A DULL & /EADY HATR$ AGA9/ MYSELF & AGA9/ ?AT :I* HAD CREAT$ ME4 ,:AT DID CREATE ME8 ,GOD8 ,WE SAY ,GOD4444 0,:AT IF ,I TRI$ TO PRAY80 ,I SUDD5LY ?\<T4 ,I HAD NOT SAID A PRAY] = MORE ?AN TW5TY YE>S & ,I HAD NO RELIGI\S S5TIM5T1 AL?\< JU/ = =MALITY'S SAKE ,I FA/$ & P>TOOK ( ! COMMUNION EV]Y YE>4 ,I BEGAN SAY+ PRAY]S2 0,GOD1 =GIVE ME10 0,\R ,FA!R10 0,\R ,LADY10 ,I WAS COMPOS+ NEW PRAY]S1 CROSS+ MYSELF1 B[+ TO ! E>?1 LOOK+ >\ND ME ALL ! :ILE = FE> ,I MI<T BE DISCOV]$ 9 MY DEVOTIONAL ATTITUDE4 ,! PRAY]S SEEM$ TO DIV]T MY ?\<TS FROM ! PREVI\S T]ROR1 BUT IT WAS MORE ! FE> ( BE+ SE5 BY SOMEBODY ?AT DID IT4 ,I W5T TO B$ AGA94 BUT ! MOM5T ,I %UT MY EYES ! V]Y SAME FEEL+ ( T]ROR MADE ME JUMP UP4 ,I C\LD NOT /& IT ANY LONG]4 ,I CALL$ ! HOTEL S]VANT1 R\S$ ,S]GIUS FROM HIS SLEEP1 ORD]$ HIM TO H>NESS ! HORSES TO ! C>RIAGE & WE W]E SOON DRIV+ ON ONCE MORE4 ,! OP5 AIR & ! DRIVE MADE ME FEEL MU* BETT]4 ,BUT ,I REALIZ$ ?AT SOME?+ NEW HAD COME 9TO MY S\L1 & HAD POISON$ ! LIFE ,I HAD LIV$ UP TO ?AT H\R4 

,WE REA*$ \R DE/9ATION 9 ! EV5+4 ,! :OLE DAY LONG ,I REMA9$ /RUGGL+ ) DESPAIR1 & F9ALLY CONQU]$ IT2 BUT A HORROR REMA9$ 9 ! DEP? ( MY S\L4 ,IT WAS AS IF A MIS=TUNE HAD HAPP5$ TO ME1 & AL?\< ,I WAS ABLE TO =GET IT = A :ILE1 IT REMA9$ AT ! BOTTOM ( MY S\L1 & ,I WAS 5TIRELY DOM9AT$ BY IT4 

,! MANAG] ( ! E/ATE1 AN OLD MAN1 RECEIV$ US 9 A V]Y FRI5DLY MANN]1 ?\< NOT EXACTLY ) GREAT JOY2 HE WAS SORRY ?AT ! E/ATE WAS TO BE SOLD4 ,! CLEAN LITTLE ROOMS ) UPHOL/]$ FURNITURE1 A NEW1 %9+ SAMOV> ON ! TEA-TABLE1 NICE L>GE CUPS1 HONEY S]V$ ) ! TEA1 -- EV]Y?+ WAS PLEASANT TO SEE4 ,I BEGAN QUE/ION+ HIM AB\T ! E/ATE )\T ANY 9T]E/1 AS IF ,I W]E REPEAT+ A LESSON LE>N$ LONG AGO & NE>LY =GOTT54 ,IT WAS SO UN9T]E/+4 ,BUT ?AT NI<T ,I WAS ABLE TO GO TO SLEEP )\T FEEL+ MIS]ABLE4 ,I ?\<T ?IS WAS DUE TO HAV+ SAID MY PRAY]S AGA9 BE=E GO+ TO B$4 

,AFT] ?AT 9CID5T ,I RESUM$ MY ORD9>Y LIFE2 BUT ! APPREH5SION ?AT ?IS HORROR W\LD AGA9 COME UPON ME WAS CONT9UAL4 ,I HAD TO LIVE MY USUAL LIFE )\T ANY RESPITE1 NOT GIV+ WAY TO MY ?\<TS1 JU/ LIKE A S*OOLBOY :O REPEATS BY HABIT & )\T ?9K+ ! LESSON LE>N$ BY HE>T4 ,?AT WAS ! ONLY WAY TO AVOID BE+ SEIZ$ AGA9 BY ! HORROR & ! DESPAIR ,I HAD EXP]I5C$ 9 ,>ZAMAS4 

,I HAD RETURN$ HOME SAFE FROM MY J\RNEY2 ,I HAD NOT B\<T ! E/ATE -- ,I HAD NOT 5\< MONEY4 ,MY LIFE AT HOME SEEM$ TO BE JU/ AS IT HAD ALWAYS BE51 SAVE = MY HAV+ TAK5 TO SAY+ PRAY]S & TO GO+ TO *UR*4 ,BUT N[1 :5 ,I RECOLLECT ?AT TIME1 ,I SEE ?AT ,I ONLY IMAG9$ MY LIFE TO BE ! SAME AS BE=E4 ,! FACT WAS ,I M]ELY CONT9U$ :AT ,I HAD PREVI\SLY />T$1 & WAS RUNN+ ) ! SAME SPE$ ON RAILS ALREADY LAID2 BUT ,I DID NOT UND]TAKE ANY?+ NEW4 

,EV5 9 ?OSE ?+S :I* ,I HAD ALREADY TAK5 9 H& MY 9T]E/ HAD DIM9I%$4 ,I WAS TIR$ ( EV]Y?+1 & WAS GR[+ V]Y RELIGI\S4 ,MY WIFE NOTIC$ ?IS1 & WAS (T5 VEX$ ) ME = IT4 ,NO NEW FIT ( DI/RESS OCCURR$ :ILE ,I WAS AT HOME4 ,BUT ONE DAY ,I HAD TO GO UNEXPECT$LY TO ,MOSC[1 :]E A LAWSUIT WAS P5D+4 ,9 ! TRA9 ,I 5T]$ 9TO CONV]SATION ) A L&-[N] FROM ,KH>KOV4 ,WE W]E TALK+ AB\T ! MANAGEM5T ( E/ATES1 AB\T BANK BUS9ESS1 AB\T ! HOTELS 9 ,MOSC[1 & ! !AT]S4 ,WE BO? DECID$ TO /OP AT ! 0,MOSC[ ,C\RT10 9 ! ,MIASNIZKAIA ,/REET1 & GO ?AT EV5+ TO ! OP]A1 TO ,FAU/4 ,:5 WE >RIV$ ,I WAS %[N 9TO A SMALL ROOM1 ! HEAVY SMELL ( ! PASSAGE BE+ /ILL 9 MY NO/RILS4 ! PORT] BR\<T 9 MY PORTMANTEAU1 & ! AMID LI<T$ ! C&LE1 ! FLAME ( :I* BURN$ UP BRI<TLY & !N FLICK]$1 AS IT USUALLY DOES4 ,9 ! ROOM NEXT TO M9E ,I HE>D SOMEBODY C\<+1 PROBABLY AN OLD MAN4 ,! MAID W5T \T1 & ! PORT] ASK$ :E!R ,I WI%$ HIM TO OP5 MY BAG4 ,9 ! MEAN:ILE ! C&LE FLAME HAD FL>$ UP1 ?R[+ ITS LI<T ON ! BLUE WALLPAP] ) YELL[ /RIPES1 ON ! P>TITION1 ON ! %ABBY TABLE1 ON ! SMALL S(A 9 ! FRONT ( IT1 ON ! MIRROR HANG+ ON ! WALL1 & ON ! W9D[4 ,I SAW :AT ! SMALL ROOM WAS LIKE1 & SUDD5LY FELT ! HORROR ( ! ,>ZAMAS NI<T AWAK5+ )9 ME4 

0,MY ,GOD6 ,MU/ ,I /AY H]E = ! NI<T8 ,H[ CAN ,I80 ,I ?\<T4 0,WILL Y\ K9DLY UNFA/5 MY BAG80 ,I SAID TO ! PORT]1 TO KEEP HIM LONG] 9 ! ROOM4 0,& N[ ,I'LL DRESS QUICKLY & GO TO ! !AT]10 ,I SAID TO MYSELF4 

,:5 ! BAG HAD BE5 UNTI$ ,I SAID TO ! PORT]1 0,PLEASE TELL ! G5TLEMAN 9 ,NUMB] #h -- ! ONE :O CAME ) ME -- ?AT ,I %ALL BE READY PRES5TLY1 & ASK HIM TO WAIT = ME40 

,! PORT] LEFT1 & ,I BEGAN TO DRESS 9 HA/E1 AFRAID TO LOOK AT ! WALLS4 0,BUT :AT NONS5SE60 ,I SAID TO MYSELF4 0,:Y AM ,I FRI<T5$ LIKE A *ILD8 ,I AM NOT AFRAID ( <O/S -0 ,<O/S6 -- TO BE AFRAID ( <O/S IS NO?+ TO :AT ,I WAS AFRAID (6 0,BUT :AT IS IT8 ,ABSOLUTELY NO?+4 ,I AM ONLY AFRAID ( MYSELF4444,NONS5SE60 

,I SLIPP$ 9TO A COLD1 R\<1 />*$ %IRT1 /UCK 9 ! /UDS1 PUT ON EV5+ DRESS & NEW BOOTS1 & W5T TO CALL = ! ,KH>KOV L&[N]1 :O WAS READY4 ,WE />T$ = ! OP]A H\SE4 ,HE /OPP$ ON ! WAY TO HAVE HIS HAIR CURL$1 :ILE ,I W5T TO A ,FR5* HAIRDRESS] TO HAVE M9E CUT1 :]E ,I TALK$ A LITTLE TO ! ,FR5*WOMAN 9 ! %OP & B\<T A PAIR ( GLOVES4 ,EV]Y?+ SEEM$ ALL RI<T4 ,I HAD COMPLETELY =GOTT5 ! OBLONG ROOM 9 ! HOTEL1 & ! WALLS4 

,I 5JOY$ ! ,FAU/ P]=MANCE V]Y MU*1 & :5 IT WAS OV] MY COMPANION PROPOS$ ?AT WE %\LD HAVE SUPP]4 ,?IS WAS CONTR>Y TO MY HABITS2 BUT JU/ AT ?AT MOM5T ,I REMEMB]$ ! WALLS 9 MY ROOM1 & ACCEPT$4 

,WE RETURN$ HOME AFT] ONE4 ,I HAD TWO GLASSES ( W9E -- AN UNUSUAL ?+ = ME -- 9 SPITE ( :I* ,I WAS FEEL+ QUITE AT EASE4 

,BUT ! MOM5T WE 5T]$ ! PASSAGE ) ! L[]$ LAMP LI<T+ IT1 ! MOM5T ,I WAS SURR\ND$ BY ! PECULI> SMELL ( ! HOTEL4 ,I FELT A COLD %UDD] ( HORROR RUNN+ D[N MY BACK4 ,BUT !RE WAS NO?+ TO BE DONE4 ,I %OOK H&S ) MY NEW FRI5D1 & /EPP$ 9TO MY ROOM4 

,I HAD A FRI<TFUL NI<T -- MU* WORSE ?AN ! NI<T AT ,>ZAMAS2 & IT WAS NOT UNTIL DAWN1 :5 ! OLD MAN 9 ! NEXT ROOM WAS C\<+ AGA91 ?AT ,I FELL ASLEEP -- & !N NOT 9 MY B$1 BUT1 AFT] GETT+ 9 & \T ( IT MANY TIMES1 ON ! S(A4 

,I SUFF]$ ! :OLE NI<T UNBE>ABLY4 ,ONCE MORE MY S\L & MY BODY W]E TE>+ !MSELVES AP>T )9 ME4 ! SAME ?\<TS CAME AGA93 0,I AM LIV+1 ,I HAVE LIV$ UP TILL N[1 ,I HAVE ! RI<T TO LIVE2 BUT ALL >\ND ME IS DEA? & DE/RUCTION4 ,!N :Y LIVE8 ,:Y NOT DIE8 ,:Y NOT KILL MYSELF IMM$IATELY8 ,NO2 ,I C\LD NOT4 ,I AM AFRAID4 ,IS IT BETT] TO WAIT = DEA? TO COME :5 IT WILL8 ,NO1 ?AT IS EV5 WORSE2 & ,I AM ALSO AFRAID ( ?AT4 ,!N1 ,I MU/ LIVE4 ,BUT :AT =8 ,9 ORD] TO DIE80 ,I C\LD NOT GET \T ( ?AT CIRCLE4 ,I TOOK A BOOK1 & BEGAN READ+4 ,= A MOM5T IT MADE ME =GET MY ?\<TS4 ,BUT !N ! SAME QUE/IONS & ! SAME HORROR CAME AGA94 ,I GOT 9TO B$1 LAY D[N1 & %UT MY EYES4 ,?AT MADE ! HORROR WORSE4 ,GOD HAD CREAT$ ?+S AS !Y >E4 ,BUT :Y8 ,!Y SAY1 0,DON'T ASK2 PRAY40 ,WELL1 ,I DID PRAY2 ,I WAS PRAY+ N[1 JU/ AS ,I DID AT ,>ZAMAS4 ,AT ?AT TIME ,I HAD PRAY$ SIMPLY1 LIKE A *ILD4 N[ MY PRAY]S HAD A DEF9ITE MEAN+3 0,IF ,?\ EXI/1 REVEAL ,?Y EXI/5CE TO ME4 ,TO :AT 5D AM ,I CREAT$8 ,:AT AM ,I80 ,I WAS B[+ TO ! E>?1 REPEAT+ ALL ! PRAY]S ,I KNEW1 COMPOS+ NEW ONES2 & ,I WAS ADD+ EA* TIME1 0,REVEAL ,?Y EXI/5CE TO ME60 ,I BECAME QUIET1 WAIT+ = AN ANSW]4 ,BUT NO ANSW] CAME1 AS IF !RE W]E NO?+ TO ANSW]4 ,I WAS ALONE1 ALONE ) MYSELF & WAS ANSW]+ MY [N QUE/IONS 9 PLACE ( HIM :O W\LD NOT ANSW]4 0,:AT AM ,I CREAT$ =80 0,TO LIVE 9 A FUTURE LIFE10 ,I ANSW]$4 0,!N :Y ?IS UNC]TA9TY & TORM5T8 ,I CANNOT BELIEVE 9 FUTURE LIFE4 ,I DID BELIEVE :5 ,I ASK$1 BUT NOT ) MY :OLE S\L4 ,N[ ,I CANNOT1 ,I CANNOT6 ,IF ,?\ DID/ EXI/1 ,?\ W\LD/ REVEAL IT TO ME1 TO ALL M54 ,BUT ,?\ DO/ NOT EXI/1 & !RE IS NO?+ TRUE BUT DI/RESS40 ,BUT ,I CANNOT ACCEPT ?AT6 ,I REBELL$ AGA9/ IT2 ,I IMPLOR$ ,HIM TO REVEAL ,HIS EXI/5CE TO ME4 ,I DID ALL ?AT EV]YBODY DOES1 BUT ,HE DID NOT REVEAL ,HIMSELF TO ME4 0,ASK & IT %ALL BE GIV5 UNTO Y\10 ,I REMEMB]$1 & BEGAN TO 5TREAT2 9 DO+ SO ,I FELT NO REAL COM=T1 BUT JU/ SURCEASE ( DESPAIR4 ,P]HAPS IT WAS NOT 5TREATY ON MY P>T1 BUT ONLY D5IAL ( ,HIM4 ,Y\ RETREAT A /EP FROM ,HIM1 & ,HE GOES FROM Y\ A MILE4 ,I DID NOT BELIEVE 9 ,HIM1 & YET H]E ,I WAS 5TREAT+ ,HIM4 ,BUT ,HE DID NOT REVEAL ,HIMSELF4 ,I WAS BALANC+ MY ACC\NTS ) ,HIM1 & WAS BLAM+ ,HIM4 ,I SIMPLY DID NOT BELIEVE4 

,! NEXT DAY ,I US$ ALL MY 5DEAVORS TO GET ?R\< ) MY AFFAIRS SOMEH[ DUR+ ! DAY1 9 ORD] TO BE SAV$ FROM ANO!R NI<T 9 ! HOTEL ROOM4 ,AL?\< ,I HAD NOT F9I%$ EV]Y?+1 ,I LEFT = HOME 9 ! EV5+4 

,?AT NI<T AT ,MOSC[ BR\<T A /ILL GREAT] *ANGE 9TO MY LIFE1 :I* HAD BE5 *ANG+ EV] S9CE ! NI<T AT ,>ZAMAS4 ,I WAS N[ PAY+ LESS ATT5TION TO MY AFFAIRS1 & GREW MORE & MORE 9DIFF]5T TO EV]Y?+ >\ND ME4 MY HEAL? WAS ALSO GETT+ BAD4 ,MY WIFE URG$ ME TO CONSULT A DOCTOR4 ,TO H] MY CONT9UAL TALK AB\T ,GOD & RELIGION WAS A SIGN ( ILL-HEAL?1 :]EAS ,I KNEW ,I WAS ILL & WEAK1 BECAUSE ( ! UNSOLV$ QUE/IONS ( RELIGION & ( ,GOD4 

,I WAS TRY+ NOT TO LET ?AT QUE/ION DOM9ATE MY M9D1 & CONT9U$ LIV+ AMID ! OLD UNALT]$ CONDITIONS1 FILL+ UP MY TIME ) 9CESSANT OCCUPATIONS4 ,ON ,SUNDAYS & FEA/ DAYS ,I W5T TO *UR*2 ,I EV5 FA/$ AS ,I HAD BEGUN TO DO S9CE MY J\RNEY TO ,P5SA1 & DID NOT CEASE TO PRAY4 ,I HAD NO FAI? 9 MY PRAY]S1 BUT SOMEH[ ,I KEPT ! DEM& NOTE 9 MY POSSESSION 9/EAD ( TE>+ IT UP1 & WAS ALWAYS PRES5T+ IT = PAYM5T1 AL?\< ,I WAS AW>E ( ! IMPOSSIBILITY ( GETT+ PAID4 ,I DID IT JU/ ON ! *ANCE4 ,I OCCUPI$ MY DAYS1 NOT ) ! MANAGEM5T ( ! E/ATE -- ,I FELT DISGU/$ ) ALL BUS9ESS BECAUSE ( ! /RUGGLE IT 9VOLV$ -- BUT ) ! READ+ ( PAP]S1 MAGAZ9ES1 & NOVELS1 & ) C>D-PLAY+ = SMALL /AKES4 ! ONLY \TLET = MY 5]GY WAS HUNT+4 ,I HAD KEPT ?AT UP FROM HABIT1 HAV+ BE5 FOND ( ?IS SPORT ALL MY LIFE4 

,ONE DAY 9 W9T]1 A NEI<BOR ( M9E CAME ) HIS DOGS TO HUNT WOLVES4 ,HAV+ >RIV$ AT ! MEET+ PLACE WE PUT ON SN[%OES TO WALK OV] ! SN[ & MOVE RAPIDLY ALONG4 ,! HUNT WAS UNSUCCESSFUL2 ! WOLVES CONTRIV$ TO ESCAPE ?R\< ! /OCKADE4 ,AS ,I BECAME AW>E ( ?AT FROM A DI/ANCE1 ,I TOOK ! DIRECTION ( ! =E/ TO FOLL[ ! FRE% TRACK ( A H>E4 ,?IS L$ ME F> AWAY 9TO A FIELD4 ,!RE ,I SPI$ ! H>E1 BUT HE HAD DISAPPE>$ BE=E ,I C\LD FIRE4 ,I TURN$ TO GO BACK1 & HAD TO PASS A =E/ ( HUGE TREES4 ,! SN[ WAS DEEP1 ! SN[%OES W]E S9K+ 91 & ! BRAN*ES W]E 5TANGL+ ME4 ,! WOOD WAS GETT+ ?ICK] & ?ICK]4 ,I WOND]$ :]E ,I WAS1 = ! SN[ HAD *ANG$ ALL ! FAMILI> PLACES4 ,SUDD5LY ,I REALIZ$ ?AT ,I HAD LO/ MY WAY4 ,H[ %\LD ,I GET HOME OR REA* ! HUNT+ P>TY8 ,NOT A S\ND TO GUIDE ME6 ,I WAS TIR$ & BA!D 9 P]SPIRATION4 ,IF ,I /OPP$1 ,I W\LD PROBABLY FREEZE TO DEA?2 IF ,I WALK$ ON1 MY /R5G? W\LD =SAKE ME4 ,I %\T$1 BUT ALL WAS QUIET1 & NO ANSW] CAME4 ,I TURN$ 9 ! OPPOSITE DIRECTION1 :I* WAS WRONG AGA91 & LOOK$ R\ND4 ,NO?+ BUT ! WOOD ON EV]Y H&4 ,I C\LD NOT TELL :I* WAS EA/ OR WE/4 ,I TURN$ BACK AGA91 BUT ,I C\LD H>DLY MOVE A /EP4 ,I WAS FRI<T5$1 & /OPP$4 ! HORROR ,I HAD EXP]I5C$ 9 ,>ZAMAS & 9 ,MOSC[ SEIZ$ ME AGA91 ONLY A HUNDR$ TIMES GREAT]4 ,MY HE>T WAS BEAT+1 MY H&S & FEET W]E %AK+4 ,AM ,I TO DIE H]E8 ,I DON'T WANT TO6 ,:Y DEA?8 ,:AT IS DEA?8 ,I WAS AB\T TO ASK AGA91 TO REPROA* ,GOD1 :5 ,I SUDD5LY FELT ,I MU/ NOT2 ,I \<T NOT4 ,I HAD NOT ! RI<T TO PRES5T ANY ACC\NT TO HIM2 ,HE HAD SAID ALL ?AT WAS NECESS>Y1 & ! FAULT WAS :OLLY M9E4 ,I BEGAN TO IMPLORE ,HIS =GIV5ESS = ,I FELT DISGU/$ ) MYSELF4 ,! HORROR1 H[EV]1 DID NOT LA/ LONG4 ,I /OOD /ILL ONE MOM5T1 PLUCK$ UP C\RAGE1 TOOK ! DIRECTION :I* SEEM$ TO BE ! RI<T ONE1 & WAS ACTUALLY SOON \T ( ! WOOD4 ,I HAD NOT BE5 F> FROM ITS $GE :5 ,I LO/ MY WAY4 ,AS ,I CAME \T ON ! MA9 ROAD1 MY H&S & FEET W]E /ILL %AK+1 & MY HE>T WAS BEAT+ VIOL5TLY4 ,BUT MY S\L WAS FULL ( JOY4 ,I SOON F\ND MY P>TY1 & WE ALL RETURN$ HOME TOGE!R4 ,I WAS NOT QUITE HAPPY BUT ,I KNEW !RE WAS A JOY )9 ME :I* ,I W\LD UND]/& LAT] ON2 & ?AT JOY PROV$ REAL4 ,I W5T TO MY /UDY TO BE ALONE & PRAY$ REMEMB]+ MY S9S1 & ASK+ = =GIV5ESS4 ,!Y DID NOT SEEM TO BE NUM]\S2 BUT :5 ,I ?\<T ( :AT !Y W]E !Y W]E HATEFUL TO ME4 

,!N ,I BEGAN TO READ ! ,SCRIPTURES4 ,! ,OLD ,TE/AM5T ,I F\ND 9COMPREH5SIBLE BUT 5*ANT+1 ! ,NEW T\*+ 9 ITS MEEKNESS4 ,BUT MY FAVORITE READ+ WAS N[ ! LIVES ( ! SA9TS2 !Y W]E CONSOL+ TO ME1 AF=D+ EXAMPLE :I* SEEM$ MORE & MORE POSSIBLE TO FOLL[4 ,S9CE ?AT TIME ,I HAVE GR[N EV5 LESS 9T]E/$ 9 ! MANAGEM5T ( AFFAIRS & 9 FAMILY MATT]S4 ,!SE ?+S EV5 BECAME REPULSIVE TO ME4 ,EV]Y?+ WAS WRONG 9 MY EYES4 ,I DID NOT QUITE REALIZE :Y !Y W]E WRONG1 BUT ,I KNEW ?AT ! ?+S ( :I* MY :OLE LIFE HAD CONSI/$1 N[ C\NT$ = NO?+4 ,?IS WAS PLA9LY REVEAL$ TO ME AGA9 ON ! OCCASION ( ! PROJECT$ PUR*ASE ( AN E/ATE1 :I* WAS = SALE 9 \R NEI<BORHOOD ON V]Y ADVANTAGE\S T]MS4 ,I W5T TO 9SPECT IT4 ,EV]Y?+ WAS V]Y SATISFACTORY1 ! MORE SO BECAUSE ! PEASANTS ON ?AT E/ATE HAD NO L& ( !IR [N BEYOND !IR VEGETABLE G>D5S4 ,I GRASP$ AT ONCE ?AT 9 EX*ANGE = ! RI<T ( US+ ! L&[N]'S PA/URE-GR\NDS1 !Y W\LD DO ALL ! H>VE/+ = HIM2 & ! 9=MATION ,I WAS GIV5 PROV$ ?AT ,I WAS RI<T4 ,I SAW H[ IMPORTANT ?AT WAS1 & WAS PLEAS$1 AS IT WAS 9 ACCORDANCE ) MY OLD HABITS ( ?\<T4 ,BUT ON MY WAY HOME ,I MET AN OLD WOMAN :O ASK$ H] WAY1 & ,I 5T]$ 9TO A CONV]SATION ) H]1 DUR+ :I* %E TOLD ME AB\T H] POV]TY4 ,ON RETURN+ HOME1 :5 TELL+ MY WIFE AB\T ! ADVANTAGES ! E/ATE AF=D$1 ALL AT ONCE ,I FELT A%AM$ & DISGU/$4 ,I SAID ,I WAS NOT GO+ TO BUY ?AT E/ATE1 = ITS PR(ITS W]E BAS$ ON ! SUFF]+S ( ! PEASANTS4 ,I WAS /RUCK AT ?AT MOM5T ) ! TRU? ( :AT ,I WAS SAY+1 ! TRU? ( ! PEASANTS HAV+ ! SAME DESIRE TO LIVE AS \RSELVES1 ( !IR BE+ \R EQUALS1 \R BRE?R51 ! *ILDR5 ( ! ,FA!R1 AS ! ,GOSPEL SAYS4 ,BUT UNEXPECT$LY SOME?+ :I* HAD BE5 GNAW+ )9 ME = A LONG TIME BECAME LOOS5$ & WAS TORN AWAY1 & SOME?+ NEW SEEM$ TO BE BORN 9/EAD4 

,MY WIFE WAS VEX$ ) ME & ABUS$ ME4 ,BUT ,I WAS FULL ( JOY4 ,?IS WAS ! FIR/ SIGN ( MY MADNESS4 ,MY UTT] MADNESS BEGAN TO %[ ITSELF AB\T A MON? LAT]4 

,?IS BEGAN BY MY GO+ TO *UR*2 ,I WAS LI/5+ TO ! ,MASS ) GREAT ATT5TION & ) A FAI?FUL HE>T1 :5 ,I WAS SUDD5LY GIV5 A WAF]2 AFT] :I* EV]Y ONE BEGAN TO MOVE =W>D TO KISS ! ,CROSS1 PU%+ EA* O!R ON ALL SIDES4 ,AS ,I WAS LEAV+ *UR*1 BEGG>S W]E /&+ ON ! /EPS4 ,IT BECAME 9/ANTLY CLE> TO ME ?AT ?IS \<T NOT TO BE1 & 9 REALITY WAS NOT4 ,BUT IF ?IS IS NOT1 !N !RE IS NO DEA? & NO FE>1 & NO?+ IS BE+ TORN ASUND] )9 ME1 & ,I AM NOT AFRAID ( ANY CALAMITY :I* MAY COME4 

,AT ?AT MOM5T ! FULL LI<T ( ! TRU? WAS K9DL$ 9 ME1 & ,I GREW 9TO :AT ,I AM N[4 ,IF ALL ?IS HORROR DOES NOT NECESS>ILY EXI/ >\ND ME1 !N IT C]TA9LY DOES NOT EXI/ )9 ME4 ,I DI/RIBUT$ ON ! SPOT ALL ! MONEY ,I HAD AMONG ! BEGG>S 9 ! POR*1 & WALK$ HOME 9/EAD ( DRIV+ 9 MY C>RIAGE AS USUAL1 & ALL ! WAY ,I TALK$ ) ! PEASANTS4 

,FROM 3 ,!,AN>*I/,LIBR>Y4ORG4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #aib 3 ,DI>Y ( A ,LUNATIC -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,JUNE #a#b1 #bba 3 ,DI>Y ( A ,LUNATIC -- ,ADD$4 
,JANU>Y #i1 #bbb 3 ,DI>Y ( A ,LUNATIC -- ,UPDAT$4 

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