,VOLUME #a1 ,*APT] #c 

#aicaaica 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,EMMA ,GOLDMAN 

,TEXT 3 

  

,PHOTO BY ,I,L,O1,C,C ,B,Y-,N,C-,N,D ,LIC5SE ,LIV+ ,MY ,LIFE 

BY ,EMMA ,GOLDMAN 

 ,VOLUME ONE 

,NEW ,YORK3 ,ALFR$ ,A ,KNOPF ,9C41 #a#i#c#a4 

,*APT] #c 

,HEL5 ,N9K9 WAS AWAY AT WORK4 ,ANNA WAS \T ( A JOB JU/ !N4 ,%E PREP>$ TEA1 & WE SAT D[N TO TALK4 ,B]KMAN 9QUIR$ AB\T MY PLANS = WORK1 = ACTIVITY 9 ! MOVEM5T4 ,W\LD ,I LIKE TO VISIT ! ,FREIHEIT (FICE8 ,C\LD HE BE ( HELP 9 ANY WAY8 ,HE WAS FREE TO TAKE ME AB\T1 HE SAID2 HE HAD LEFT HIS JOB AFT] A FI<T ) ! =EMAN4 0,A SLAVE-DRIV]10 HE COMM5T$2 0HE NEV] D>$ DRIVE ME1 BUT IT WAS MY DUTY TO /& UP = ! O!RS 9 ! %OP40 ,IT WAS RA!R SLACK N[ 9 ! CIG>-MAK+ TRADE1 HE 9=M$ US1 BUT AS AN AN>*I/ HE C\LD NOT /OP TO CONSID] HIS [N JOB4 ,NO?+ P]SONAL MATT]$4 ,ONLY ! ,CAUSE MATT]$4 ,FI<T+ 9JU/ICE & EXPLOITATION MATT]$4 

,H[ /RONG HE WAS1 ,I ?\<T2 H[ WOND]FUL 9 HIS REVOLUTION>Y ZEAL6 ,JU/ LIKE \R M>TYR$ COMRADES 9 ,*ICAGO4 

,I HAD TO GO TO ,WE/ ,=TY-SECOND ,/REET TO GET MY SEW+-MA*9E \T ( ! BAGGAGE-ROOM4 ,B]KMAN (F]$ TO ACCOMPANY ME4 ,HE SUGGE/$ ?AT ON \R WAY BACK WE MI<T RIDE D[N TO ,BROOKLYN ,BRIDGE ON ! ,ELEVAT$ & !N WALK OV] TO ,WILLIAM ,/REET1 :]E ! ,FREIHEIT (FICE WAS LOCAT$4 

,I ASK$ HIM :E!R ,I C\LD HOPE TO E/ABLI% MYSELF 9 ,NEW ,YORK AS A DRESSMAK]4 ,I WANT$ SO MU* TO FREE MYSELF FROM ! DREADFUL GR9D & SLAV]Y ( ! %OP4 ,I WANT$ TO HAVE TIME = READ+1 & LAT] ,I HOP$ TO REALIZE MY DREAM ( A COOP]ATIVE %OP4 0,SOME?+ LIKE ,V]A'S V5TURE 9 ,:AT'S TO BE ,DONE80 ,I EXPLA9$4 0,Y\ HAVE READ ,*]NI%EVSKY80 ,B]KMAN 9QUIR$1 9 SURPRISE1 0SURELY NOT 9 ,RO*E/]80 0,SURELY NOT10 ,I REPLI$1 LAU<+2 0BESIDES MY SI/] ,HEL5A1 ,I F\ND NO ONE !RE :O W\LD READ SU* BOOKS4 ,NO1 NOT 9 ?AT DULL T[N4 ,9 ,/4 ,PET]SBURG40 ,HE LOOK$ AT ME D\BTFULLY4 0,*]NI%EVSKY WAS A ,NIHILI/10 HE REM>K$1 0& HIS WORKS >E PROHIBIT$ 9 ,RUSSIA4 ,W]E Y\ CONNECT$ ) ! ,NIHILI/S8 ,!Y >E ! ONLY ONES :O C\LD HAVE GIV5 Y\ ! BOOK40 ,I FELT 9DIGNANT4 ,H[ D>$ HE D\BT MY WORD6 ,I REPEAT$ ANGRILY ?AT ,I HAD READ ! =BIDD5 BOOK & O!R SIMIL> WORKS1 SU* AS ,TURG5IEV'S ,FA!RS & ,SONS1 & ,OBRIV 7,! ,PRECIPICE7 BY ,GONT*>OV4 ,MY SI/] HAD GOT !M FROM /UD5TS & %E LET ME READ !M4 0,I AM SORRY IF ,I HURT Y\10 ,B]KMAN SAID 9 A S(T TONE4 0,I DID NOT REALLY D\BT Y\R WORD ,I WAS ONLY SURPRIS$ TO F9D A GIRL SO Y\NG :O HAD READ SU* BOOKS40 

,H[ F> ,I HAD W&]$ AWAY FROM MY ADOLESC5T DAYS1 ,I REFLECT$4 ,I RECALL$ ! MORN+ 9 ,KONIGSB]G :5 ,I HAD COME UPON A HUGE PO/] ANN\NC+ ! DEA? ( ! ,CZ>1 0ASSASS9AT$ BY MURD]\S ,NIHILI/S40 ,! ?\<T ( ! PO/] BR\<T BACK TO MY MEMORY AN 9CID5T ( MY E>LY *ILDHOOD :I* = A TIME HAD TURN$ \R HOME 9TO A H\SE ( M\RN+4 ,MO!R HAD RECEIV$ A LETT] FROM H] BRO!R ,M>T9 GIV+ ! APPALL+ NEWS ( ! >RE/ ( !IR BRO!R ,YEGOR4 ,HE HAD BE5 MIX$ UP ) ,NIHILI/S1 ! LETT] READ1 & HE WAS ?R[N 9TO ! ,PETRO-,PAVLOVSKY ,=TRESS & W\LD SOON BE S5T AWAY TO ,SIB]IA4 ,! NEWS /RUCK T]ROR 9 US4 ,MO!R DECID$ TO GO TO ,/4 ,PET]SBURG4 ,= WEEKS WE W]E KEPT 9 ANXI\S SUSP5SE4 ,AT LA/ %E RETURN$1 H] FACE BEAM+ ) HAPP9ESS4 ,%E HAD F\ND ?AT ,YEGOR WAS ALREADY ON ! WAY TO ,SIB]IA4 ,AFT] MU* DIFFICULTY & ) ! HELP ( A L>GE SUM ( MONEY %E HAD SUCCE$$ 9 GETT+ AN AUDI5CE ) ,TREPOV1 ! ,GOV]NOR ,G5]AL ( ,/4 ,PET]SBURG4 ,%E HAD LE>N$ ?AT HIS SON WAS A COLLEGE *UM ( ,YEGOR & %E URG$ IT AS PRO( ?AT H] BRO!R C\LD NOT HAVE BE5 MIX$ UP ) ! T]RIBLE ,NIHILI/S4 ,ONE SO CLOSE TO ! ,GOV]NOR'S [N SON W\LD SURELY HAVE NO?+ TO DO ) ! 5EMIES ( ,RUSSIA4 ,%E PLEAD$ ,YEGOR'S EXTREME Y\?1 W5T ON H] KNEES1 BEGG$ & WEPT4 ,F9ALLY ,TREPOV PROMIS$ ?AT HE W\LD HAVE ! BOY BR\<T BACK FROM ! ETAPE4 ,( C\RSE1 HE W\LD PUT HIM UND] /RICT SURVEILLANCE2 ,YEGOR W\LD HAVE TO PROMISE SOLEMNLY NEV] TO GO NE> ! MURD]\S GANG4 

,\R MO!R WAS ALWAYS V]Y VIVID :5 %E RELAT$ /ORIES ( BOOKS %E HAD READ4 ,WE *ILDR5 US$ TO HANG ON H] V]Y LIPS4 ,?IS TIME1 TOO1 H] /ORY WAS ABSORB+4 ,IT MADE ME SEE ,MO!R BE=E ! /]N ,GOV]NOR-,G5]AL1 H] BEAUTIFUL FACE1 FRAM$ BY H] MASSIVE HAIR1 BA!D 9 TE>S4 ,! ,NIHILI/S1 TOO1 ,I SAW --- BLACK1 S9I/] CREATURES :O HAD 5SN>$ MY UNCLE 9 !IR PLOTT+ TO KILL ! ,CZ>4 ,! GOOD1 GRACI\S ,CZ> --- ,MO!R HAD SAID --- ! FIR/ TO GIVE MORE FRE$OM TO ! ,JEWS2 HE HAD /OPP$ ! POGROMS & HE WAS PLANN+ TO SET ! PEASANTS FREE4 ,& HIM ! ,NIHILI/S MEANT TO KILL6 0,COLD-BLOOD$ MURD]]S10 ,MO!R CRI$1 0 !Y \<T TO BE EXT]M9AT$1 EV]Y ONE ( !M60 

,MO!R'S VIOL5CE T]RORIZ$ ME4 ,H] SUGGE/ION ( EXT]M9ATION FROZE MY BLOOD4 ,I FELT ?AT ! ,NIHILI/S MU/ BE BEA/S1 BUT ,I C\LD NOT BE> SU* CRUELTY 9 MY MO!R4 ,(T5 AFT] ?AT ,I CAU<T MYSELF ?9K+ ( ! ,NIHILI/S1 WOND]+ :O !Y W]E & :AT MADE !M SO F]OCI\S4 ,:5 ! NEWS REA*$ ,KONIGSB]G AB\T ! HANG+ ( ! ,NIHILI/S :O HAD KILL$ ! ,CZ>1 ,I NO LONG] FELT ANY BITT]NESS AGA9/ !M4 ,SOME?+ MY/]I\S HAD AWAK5$ COMPASSION = !M 9 ME4 ,I WEPT BITT]LY OV] !IR FATE4 

,YE>S LAT] ,I CAME UPON ! T]M 0,NIHILI/ 0 9 ,FA!RS & ,SONS4 ,& :5 ,I READ ,:AT'S TO BE ,DONE8 ,I UND]/OOD MY 9/9CTIVE SYMPA?Y ) ! EXECUT$ M54 ,I FELT ?AT !Y C\LD NOT WITNESS )\T PROTE/ ! SUFF]+ ( ! PEOPLE & ?AT !Y HAD SACRIFIC$ !IR LIVES = !M4 ,I BECAME ! MORE CONV9C$ ( IT :5 ,I LE>N$ ! /ORY ( ,V]A ,ZASSULI*1 :O HAD %OT ,TREPOV 9 #a#h#g#i4 ,MY Y\NG TEA*] ( ,RUSSIAN RELAT$ IT TO ME4 ,MO!R HAD SAID ?AT ,TREPOV WAS K9D & HUMANE1 BUT MY TEA*] TOLD ME H[ TYRANNICAL HE HAD BE51 A V]ITABLE MON/] :O US$ TO ORD] \T HIS ,COSSACKS AGA9/ ! /UD5TS1 HAVE !M LA%$ ) NAGAIKAS1 !IR GA!R+S DISP]S$1 & ! PRISON]S S5T TO ,SIB]IA4 0,(FICIALS LIKE ,TREPOV >E WILD BEA/S10 MY TEA*] W\LD SAY PASSIONATELY2 0!Y ROB ! PEASANTS & !N FLOG !M4 ,!Y TORTURE IDEALI/S 9 PRISON40 

,I KNEW ?AT MY TEA*] SPOKE ! TRU?4 ,9 ,POPELAN EV]YONE US$ TO TALK AB\T ! FLOGG+ ( PEASANTS4 ,ONE DAY ,I CAME UPON A HALF NAK$ HUMAN BODY BE+ LA%$ ) ! KN\T4 ,IT ?REW ME 9TO HY/]ICS1 & = DAYS ,I WAS HAUNT$ BY ! HORRIBLE PICTURE4 ,LI/5+ TO MY TEA*] REVIV$ ! <A/LY SI<T3 ! BLE$+ BODY1 ! PI]C+ %RIEKS1 ! DI/ORT$ FACES ( ! G5D>MES1 ! KN\TS :I/L+ 9 ! AIR & COM+ D[N ) A %>P HISS+ UPON ! HALF-NAK$ MAN4 ,:ATEV] D\BTS AB\T ! ,NIHILI/S ,I HAD LEFT FROM MY *ILDHOOD IMPRESSIONS N[ DISAPPE>$4 ,!Y BECAME TO ME H]OES & M>TYRS1 H5CE=? MY GUID+ />S4 

,I WAS >\S$ FROM MY REV]IE BY ,B]KMAN'S ASK+ :Y ,I HAD BECOME SO SIL5T4 ,I TOLD HIM ( MY RECOLLECTIONS4 ,HE !N RELAT$ TO ME SOME ( HIS [N E>LY 9FLU5CES1 DWELL+ P>TICUL>LY ON HIS BELOV$ ,NIHILI/ UNCLE ,MAXIM & ON ! %OCK HE HAD EXP]I5C$ ON LE>N+ ?AT HE HAD BE5 S5T5C$ TO DIE4 0,WE HAVE MU* 9 COMMON1 HAV5'T WE80 HE REM>K$4 0,WE EV5 COME FROM ! SAME CITY4 ,DO Y\ KN[ ?AT ,KOVNO HAS GIV5 MANY BRAVE SONS TO ! REVOLUTION>Y MOVEM5T8 ,& N[ P]HAPS ALSO A BRAVE DAU<T]10 HE ADD$4 ,I FELT MYSELF TURN R$4 ,MY S\L WAS PR\D4 0,I HOPE ,I %ALL NOT FAIL :54 ! TIME COMES10 ,I REPLI$4 

,! TRA9 WAS PASS+ N>R[ /REETS1 ! DRE>Y T5EM5TS SO CLOSE BY ?AT ,I C\LD SEE 9TO ! ROOMS4 ,! FIRE-ESCAPES W]E LITT]$ ) DIRTY PILL[S & BLANKETS & HUNG ) LAUNDRY /REAK$ ) DIRT4 ,B]KMAN T\*$ MY >M & ANN\NC$ ?AT ! NEXT /ATION WAS ,BROOKLYN ,BRIDGE4 ,WE GOT (F & WALK$ TO ,WILLIAM ,/REET4 

,9 AN OLD BUILD+1 UP TWO D>K & CREAK+ FLI<TS1 WAS ! (FICE ( ! ,FREIHEIT4 ,SEV]AL M5 W]E 9 ! FIR/ ROOM SETT+ TYPE4 ,9 ! NEXT WE F\ND ,JOHANN ,MO/ /&+ AT A HI< DESK1 WRIT+4 ,) A SIDE-GLANCE HE 9VIT$ US TO SIT D[N4 0,MY DAMN$ TORTUR]S !RE >E SQUEEZ+ ! BLOOD \T ( ME10 HE DECL>$ QU]UL\SLY4 0,COPY1 COPY1 COPY6 ,?AT'S ALL !Y KN[6 ,ASK !M TO WRITE A L9E --- NOT !Y4 ,!Y >E TOO /UPID & TOO LAZY40 ,A BUR/ ( GOOD-NATUR$ LAU<T] FROM ! COMPOS+-ROOM GREET$ ,MO/'S \TBUR/4 ,HIS GRUFF VOICE1 HIS TWI/$ JAW1 :I* HAD SO REPELL$ ME ON MY FIR/ MEET+ HIM1 RECALL$ TO ME ! C>ICATURES ( ,MO/ 9 ! ,RO*E/] PAP]S4 ,I C\LD NOT RECONCILE ! ANGRY MAN BE=E ME ) ! 9SPIR$ SPEAK] ( ! PREVI\S EV5+ :OSE ORATORY HAD SO C>RI$ ME AWAY4 

,B]KMAN NOTIC$ MY CONFUS$ & FRI<T5$ LOOK4 ,HE :ISP]$ 9 ,RUSSIAN NOT TO M9D ,MO/1 ?AT HE WAS ALWAYS 9 SU* A MOOD :5 AT WORK4 ,I GOT UP TO 9SPECT ! BOOKS :I* COV]$ ! %ELVES FROM FLOOR TO CEIL+1 R[ UPON R[4 ,H[ FEW ( !M ,I HAD READ1 ,I MUS$4 ,MY YE>S 9 S*OOL HAD GIV5 ME SO LITTLE4 ,%\LD ,I EV] BE ABLE TO MAKE UP8 ,:]E %\LD ,I GET ! TIME TO READ8 ,& ! MONEY TO BUY BOOKS8 ,I WOND]$ :E!R ,MO/ W\LD L5D ME SOME ( HIS1 :E!R ,I D>$ ASK HIM TO SUGGE/ A C\RSE ( READ+ & /UDY4 ,PRES5TLY ANO!R \TBUR/ GRAT$ ON MY E>S4 0,H]E'S MY P\ND ( FLE%1 Y\ ,%YLOCKS60 ,MO/ ?UND]$2 0MORE ?AN 5\< TO FILL ! PAP]4 ,H]E1 ,B]KMAN1 TAKE IT TO ! BLACK DEVILS 9 !RE60 

,MO/ APPROA*$ ME4 ,HIS DEEP BLUE EYES LOOK$ SE>*+LY 9TO M9E4 0,WELL1 Y\NG LADY10 HE SAID1 0HAVE Y\ F\ND ANY?+ Y\ WANT TO READ8 ,OR DON'T Y\ READ ,G]MAN & ,5GLI%80 ,! H>%NESS ( HIS VOICE HAD *ANG$ TO A W>M1 K9DLY TEXTURE4 0,NOT ,5GLI%10 ,I SAID1 SOO!D & EMBOLD5$ BY HIS TONE1 0,G]MAN40 ,HE TOLD ME ,I C\LD HAVE ANY BOOK ,I WANT$4 ,!N HE PLI$ ME ) QUE/IONS --- :]E ,I HAIL$ FROM & :AT ,I 9T5D$ TO DO4 ,I SAID ,I HAD COME FROM ,RO*E/]4 0,YES1 ,I KN[ ! CITY4 ,IT HAS GOOD BE]4 ,BUT ! ,G]MANS !RE >E A BUN* ( ,KAFF]N4 ,:Y ,NEW ,YORK EXACTLY80 HE 9QUIR$2 0IT IS A H>D CITY4 ,WORK POORLY PAID1 NOT EASILY F\ND4 ,HAVE Y\ 5\< MONEY TO HOLD \T80 ,I WAS DEEPLY T\*$ BY ! 9T]E/ ( ?IS MAN 9 ME1 A P]FECT /RANG]4 ,I EXPLA9$ ?AT ,NEW ,YORK HAD LUR$ ME BECAUSE IT WAS ! C5T] ( ! AN>*I/ MOVEM5T1 & BECAUSE ,I HAD READ ( HIM AS ITS LEAD+ SPIRIT4 ,I HAD REALLY COME TO HIM = SUGGE/IONS & HELP4 ,I WANT$ V]Y MU* TO TALK TO HIM4 0,BUT NOT N[1 SOME O!R TIME10 ,I SAID1 0SOME:]E AWAY FROM Y\R BLACK DEVILS40 

,Y\ HAVE A S5SE ( HUMOR10 --- HIS FACE LIT UP --- Y\'LL NE$ IT IF Y\ 5T] \R MOVEM5T40 ,HE SUGGE/$ ?AT ,I COME NEXT ,W$NESDAY1 TO HELP ) EXP$IT+ ! ,FREIHEIT1 TO WRITE ADDRESSES & FOLD ! PAP]S --- 0& AFT]W>DS WE MAY BE ABLE TO TALK40 

,) SEV]AL BOOKS UND] MY >M & A W>M H&%AKE1 ,MO/ S5T ME (F4 ,B]KMAN LEFT ) ME4 

,WE W5T TO ,SA*S'S4 ,I HAD HAD NO?+ TO EAT S9CE ! TEA ,ANNA HAD GIV5 US4 ,MY ESCORT1 TOO1 WAS HUNGRY1 BUT EVID5TLY NOT SO MU* AS ! NI<T BE=E3 HE DID NOT CALL = EXTRA /EAK OR EXTRA CUPS ( C(FEE4 ,OR WAS HE BROKE8 ,I SUGGE/$ ?AT ,I WAS /ILL RI* & BEGG$ HIM TO ORD] MORE4 ,HE REFUS$ BRUSQUELY1 TELL+ ME ?AT HE C\LDN'T ACCEPT IT FROM ANYONE \T ( A JOB :O HAD JU/ >RIV$ 9 A /RANGE CITY4 ,I FELT BO? ANGRY & AMUS$4 ,I EXPLA9$ ?AT ,I DID NOT WI% TO HURT HIM2 ,I BELIEV$ ?AT ONE ALWAYS %>$ ) A COMRADE4 ,HE REP5T$ HIS ABRUPTNESS1 BUT ASSUR$ ME ?AT HE WAS NOT HUNGRY4 ,WE LEFT ! RE/AURANT4 

,! ,AUGU/ HEAT WAS SUFFOCAT+4 ,B]KMAN SUGGE/$ A TRIP TO ! ,BATT]Y TO COOL (F4 ,I HAD NOT SE5 ! H>BOR S9CE MY >RIVAL 9 ,AM]ICA4 ,ITS BEAUTY GRIPP$ ME AGA9 AS ON ! MEMORABLE DAY4 ,BUT ! ,/ATUE ( ,LIB]TY HAD CEAS$ TO BE AN ALLUR+ SYMBOL4 ,H[ *ILDI%LY NAIVE ,I HAD BE51 H[ F> ,I HAD ADVANC$ S9CE ?AT DAY6  

,WE RETURN$ TO \R TALK ( ! AFT]NOON4 ,MY COMPANION EXPRESS$ D\BT AB\T MY F9D+ WORK AS A DRESSMAK]1 HAV+ NO CONNECTION 9 ! CITY4 ,I REPLI$ ?AT ,I W\LD TRY A FACTORY1 ONE = CORSETS1 GLOVES1 OR M5'S SUITS4 ,HE PROMIS$ TO 9QUIRE AMONG ! ,JEWI% COMRADES :O W]E 9 ! NE$LE TRADE4 ,!Y W\LD SURELY HELP F9D A JOB = ME4 

,IT WAS LATE 9 ! EV5+ :5 WE P>T$4 ,B]KMAN HAD TOLD ME LITTLE AB\T HIMSELF1 EXCEPT ?AT HE HAD BE5 EXPELL$ FROM ! ,GYMNASIUM = AN ANTI-RELIGI\S ESSAY HE HAD COMPOS$1 & ?AT HE HAD LEFT HOME = GOOD4 ,HE HAD COME TO ! ,UNIT$ ,/ATES 9 ! BELIEF ?AT IT WAS FREE & ?AT H]E EV]YONE HAD AN EQUAL *ANCE 9 LIFE4 ,HE KNEW BETT] N[4 ,HE HAD F\ND EXPLOITATION MORE SEV]E1 & S9CE ! HANG+ ( ! ,*ICAGO AN>*I/S HE HAD BECOME CONV9C$ ?AT ,AM]ICA WAS AS DESPOTIC AS ,RUSSIA4 

0,L+G WAS RI<T :5 HE SAID3 ',IF Y\ ATTACK US ) CANNON1 WE WILL REPLY ) DYNAMITE4' ,SOME DAY ,I WILL AV5GE \R DEAD10 HE ADD$ ) GREAT E>NE/NESS4 0,I TOO6 ,I TOO60 ,I CRI$2 0!IR DEA? GAVE ME LIFE4 ,IT N[ BELONGS TO !IR MEMORY --- TO !IR WORK40 ,HE GRIPP$ MY >M UNTIL IT HURT4 0,WE >E COMRADES4 ,LET US BE FRI5DS1 TOO --- LET US WORK TOGE!R40 ,HIS 9T5SITY VIBRAT$ ?R\< ME AS ,I WALK$ UP ! /AIRS TO ! ,M9K9 FLAT4 

,! FOLL[+ ,FRIDAY1 ,B]KMAN 9VIT$ ME TO COME TO A ,JEWI% LECTURE BY ,SOLOT>(F AT #$ ,OR*>D ,/REET1 ON ! ,EA/ ,SIDE4 ,9 ,NEW ,HAV5 ,SOLOT>(F HAD IMPRESS$ ME AS AN EXCEPTIONALLY F9E SPEAK]1 BUT N[1 AFT] HAV+ HE>D ,MO/1 HIS TALK APPE>$ FLAT TO ME1 & HIS BADLY MODULAT$ VOICE AFFECT$ ME UNPLEASANTLY4 ,HIS >DOR1 H[EV]1 MADE UP = MU*4 ,I WAS TOO GRATEFUL = ! W>M RECEPTION HE HAD GIV5 ME ON MY FIR/ >RIVAL 9 ! CITY TO ALL[ MYSELF ANY CRITICISM ( HIS LECTURE4 ,BESIDES1 EV]YBODY C\LD NOT BE AN ORATOR LIKE ,JOHANN ,MO/1 ,I REFLECT$4 ,TO ME HE WAS A MAN AP>T1 ! MO/ REM>KABLE 9 ALL ! WORLD4 

,AFT] ! MEET+ ,B]KMAN 9TRODUC$ ME TO A NUMB] ( PEOPLE1 0ALL GOOD ACTIVE COMRADES10 AS HE PUT IT4 0,& H]E IS MY *UM ,F$YA10 HE SAID1 9DICAT+ A Y\NG MAN BESIDE HIM2 0HE IS ALSO AN AN>*I/1 ( C\RSE1 BUT NOT SO GOOD AS HE %\LD BE40 

,! Y\NG *AP WAS PROBABLY ( ! SAME AGE AS ,B]KMAN1 BUT NOT SO /RONGLY BUILT1 NOR ) ! SAME AGGRESSIVE MANN] AB\T HIM4 ,HIS FEATURES W]E RA!R DELICATE1 ) A S5SITIVE M\?1 :ILE HIS EYES1 ?\< SOME:AT BULG+1 HAD A DREAMY EXPRESSION4 ,HE DID NOT SEEM TO M9D 9 ! LEA/ ! BANT] ( HIS FRI5D4 ,HE SMIL$ GOOD-NATUR$LY & SUGGE/$ ?AT WE RETIRE TO ,SA*S'S1 0TO GIVE ,SA%A A *ANCE TO TELL Y\ :AT A GOOD AN>*I/ IS40 

,B]KMAN DID NOT WAIT TILL WE REA*$ ! CAFE4 0,A GOOD AN>*I/10 HE BEGAN ) DEEP CONVICTION1 0IS ONE :O LIVES ONLY = ! ,CAUSE & GIVES EV]Y?+ TO IT4 ,MY FRI5D H]E 0 --- HE 9DICAT$ ,F$YA --- 0IS /ILL TOO MU* ( A B\RGEOIS TO REALIZE ?AT4 ,HE IS A MAM5K9 S9 7MO!R'S SPOIL$ D>L+71 :O EV5 ACCEPTS MONEY FROM HOME40 ,HE CONT9U$ TO EXPLA9 :Y IT WAS 9CONSI/5T = A REVOLUTION>Y TO HAVE ANY?+ TO DO ) HIS B\RGEOIS P>5TS OR RELATIVES4 ,HIS ONLY REASON = TOL]AT+ HIS FRI5D ,F$YA'S 9CONSI/5CY1 HE ADD$1 WAS ?AT HE GAVE MO/ ( :AT HE RECEIV$ FROM HOME TO ! MOVEM5T4 0,IF ,I'D LET HIM1 HE'D SP5D ALL HIS MONEY ON USELESS ?+S -'BEAUTIFUL1' HE CALLS !M4 ,W\LDN'T Y\1 ,F$YA80 ,HE TURN$ TO HIS FRI5D1 PATT+ HIM ON ! BACK AFFECTIONATELY4 

,! CAFE WAS CR[D$1 AS USUAL1 & FILL$ ) SMOKE & TALK4 ,= A LITTLE :ILE MY TWO ESCORTS W]E MU* 9 DEM&1 :ILE ,I WAS GREET$ BY SEV]AL PEOPLE ,I HAD MET DUR+ ! WEEK4 ,F9ALLY WE SUCCE$$ 9 CAPTUR+ A TABLE & ORD]$ SOME C(FEE & CAKE4 ,I BECAME AW>E ( ,F$YA WAT*+ ME & /UDY+ MY FACE4 ,TO HIDE MY EMB>RASSM5T ,I TURN$ TO ,B]KMAN4 0,:Y %\LD ONE NOT LOVE BEAUTY80 ,I ASK$2 0FL[]S1 = 9/ANCE1 MUSIC1 ! !AT] - BEAUTIFUL ?+S80 

0,I DID NOT SAY ONE %\LD NOT10 ,B]KMAN REPLI$2 0,I SAID IT WAS WRONG TO SP5D MONEY ON SU* ?+S :5 ! MOVEM5T IS SO MU* 9 NE$ ( IT4 ,IT IS 9CONSI/5T = AN AN>*I/ TO 5JOY LUXURIES :5 ! PEOPLE LIVE 9 POV]TY40 

0,BUT BEAUTIFUL ?+S >E NOT LUXURIES10 ,I 9SI/$2 0!Y >E NECESS>IES4 ,LIFE W\LD BE UNBE>ABLE )\T !M40 ,YET1 AT HE>T1 ,I FELT ?AT ,B]KMAN WAS RI<T4 ,REVOLUTIONI/S GAVE UP EV5 !IR LIVES -:Y NOT ALSO BEAUTY8 ,/ILL ! Y\NG >TI/ /RUCK A RESPONSIVE *ORD 9 ME4 ,I1 TOO1 LOV$ BEAUTY4 ,\R POV]TY-/RICK5 LIFE 9 ,KONIGSB]G HAD BE5 MADE BE>ABLE TO ME ONLY BY ! OCCASIONAL \T+S ) \R TEA*]S 9 ! OP54 ,! =E/1 ! MOON CA/+ ITS SILV]Y %IMM] ON ! FIELDS1 ! GRE5 WREA?S 9 \R HAIR1 ! FL[]S WE W\LD PICK --- !SE MADE ME =GET = A TIME ! SORDID HOME SURR\ND+S4 ,:5 ,MO!R SCOLD$ ME OR :5 ,I HAD DIFFICULTIES AT S*OOL1 A BUN* ( LILACS FROM \R NEI<BOR'S G>D5 OR ! SI<T ( ! COLORFUL SILKS & VELVETS DISPLAY$ 9 ! %OPS W\LD CAUSE ME TO =GET MY SORR[S & MAKE ! WORLD SEEM BEAUTIFUL & BRI<T4 ,OR ! MUSIC ,I W\LD ON R>E OCCASIONS BE ABLE TO HE> 9 ,KONIGSB]G &1 LAT]1 9 ,/4 ,PET]SBURG4 ,%\LD ,I HAVE TO =GO ALL ?AT TO BE A GOOD REVOLUTIONI/1 ,I WOND]$4 ,%\LD ,I HAVE ! /R5G?8 

,BE=E WE P>T$ ?AT EV5+ ,F$YA REM>K$ ?AT HIS FRI5D HAD M5TION$ ?AT ,I W\LD LIKE TO SEE SOME?+ ( ! CITY4 ,HE WAS FREE ! NEXT DAY & W\LD BE GLAD TO %[ ME SOME ( ! SI<TS4 0,>E Y\ ALSO \T ( WORK1 ?AT Y\ CAN AF=D ! TIME80 ,I ASK$4 0,AS Y\ KN[ FROM MY FRI5D1 ,I AM AN >TI/10 HE REPLI$1 LAU<+4 0,HAVE Y\ EV] HE>D ( >TI/S WORK+80 ,I FLU%$1 HAV+ TO ADMIT ?AT ,I HAD NEV] MET AN >TI/ BE=E4 0,>TI/S >E 9SPIR$ PEOPLE10 ,I SAID 0EV]Y?+ COMES EASY TO !M40 0,( C\RSE10 ,B]KMAN RETORT$1 0BECAUSE ! PEOPLE WORK = !M40 ,HIS TONE SEEM$ TOO SEV]E TO ME1 & MY SYMPA?Y W5T \T TO ! >TI/ BOY4 ,I TURN$ TO HIM & ASK$ HIM TO COME = ME ! NEXT DAY4 ,BUT ALONE 9 MY ROOM1 IT WAS ! UNCOMPROMIS+ F]VOR ( ! 0>ROGANT Y\NG/]10 AS ,I M5TALLY CALL$ ,B]KMAN1 ?AT FILL$ ME ) ADMIRATION4 

,! NEXT DAY ,F$YA TOOK ME TO ,C5TRAL ,P>K4 ,ALONG ,FIF? ,AV5UE HE PO9T$ \T ! V>I\S MANSIONS1 NAM+ !IR [N]S4 ,I HAD READ AB\T ?OSE WEAL?Y M51 !IR AFFLU5CE & EXTRAVAGANCE1 :ILE ! MASSES LIV$ 9 POV]TY4 ,I EXPRESS$ MY 9DIGNATION AT ! CONTRA/ BETWE5 ?OSE SPL5DID PALACES & ! MIS]ABLE T5EM5TS ( ! ,EA/ ,SIDE4 0,YES1 IT IS A CRIME ?AT ! FEW %\LD HAVE ALL1 ! MANY NO?+10 ! >TI/ SAID4 0,MY MA9 OBJECTIONS10 HE CONT9U$1 0IS ?AT !Y HAVE SU* BAD TA/E --- ?OSE BUILD+S >E UGLY40 ,B]KMAN'S ATTITUDE TO BEAUTY CAME TO MY M9D4 0,Y\ DON'T AGREE ) Y\R *UM ON ! NE$ & IMPORTANCE ( BEAUTY 9 ONE'S LIFE1 DO Y\80 ,I ASK$4 0,9DE$ ,I DO NOT4 ,BUT1 !N1 MY FRI5D IS A REVOLUTIONI/ ABOVE EV]Y?+ ELSE4 ,I WI% ,I C\LD ALSO BE1 BUT ,I AM NOT40 ,I LIK$ HIS FRANKNESS & SIMPLICITY4 ,HE DID NOT /IR ME AS ,B]KMAN DID :5 SPEAK+ ( REVOLUTION>Y E?ICS2 ,F$YA AWAK5$ 9 ME ! MY/]I\S YE>N+ ,I US$ TO FEEL 9 MY *ILDHOOD AT SI<T ( ! SUNSET TURN+ ! ,POPE,IAN MEAD[S GOLD5 9 ITS DY+ GL[1 AS ! SWEET MUSIC ( ,PETRU%KA'S FLUTE DID ALSO4 

,! FOLL[+ WEEK ,I W5T TO ! ,FREIHEIT (FICE4 ,SEV]AL PEOPLE W]E ALREADY !RE1 BUSY ADDRESS+ 5VELOPES & FOLD+ ! PAP]S4 ,EV]YBODY TALK$4 ,JOHANN ,MO/ WAS AT HIS DESK4 ,I WAS ASSIGN$ A PLACE & GIV5 WORK4 ,I M>VEL$ AT ,MO/'S CAPACITY TO GO ON WRIT+ 9 ?AT HUBBUB4 ,SEV]AL TIMES ,I WANT$ TO SUGGE/ ?AT HE WAS BE+ DI/URB$1 BUT ,I *ECK$ MYSELF4 ,AFT] ALL1 !Y MU/ KN[ :E!R HE M9D$ !IR *ATT]4 

,9 ! EV5+ ,MO/ /OPP$ WRIT+ & GRUFFLY ASSAIL$ ! TALK]S AS 0TOO?LESS OLD WOM510 0CACKL+ GEESE10 & O!R APPELLATIONS ,I HAD H>DLY EV] BE=E HE>D 9 ,G]MAN4 ,HE SNAT*$ HIS L>GE FELT HAT FROM ! RACK1 CALL$ TO ME TO COME ALONG1 & WALK$ \T4 ,I FOLL[$ HIM & WE W5T UP ON ! ,ELEVAT$4 0,I'LL TAKE Y\ TO ,T]RACE ,G>D510 HE SAID2 0WE CAN GO 9TO ! !AT] !RE IF Y\ LIKE4 ,!Y >E GIV+ ,D] ,ZIGEUN]B>ON TONI<T4 ,OR WE CAN SIT 9 SOME CORN]1 GET FOOD & DR9K1 & TALK40 ,I REPLI$ ?AT ,I DID NOT C>E = LI<T OP]A1 ?AT :AT ,I REALLY WANT$ WAS TO TALK TO HIM1 OR RA!R HAVE HIM TALK TO ME4 0,BUT NOT SO VIOL5TLY AS 9 ! (FICE10 ,I ADD$4 

,HE SELECT$ ! FOOD & ! W9E4 ,!IR NAMES W]E /RANGE TO ME4 ,! LABEL ON ! BOTTLE READ3 ,LIEBFRAU5MIL*4 0,MILK ( WOMAN'S LOVE - :AT A LOVELY NAME60 ,I REM>K$4 0,= W9E1 YES10 HE RETORT$1 0BUT NOT = WOMAN'S LOVE4 ,! ONE IS ALWAYS POETIC - ! O!R WILL NEV] BE ANY?+ BUT SORDIDLY PROSAIC4 ,IT LEAVES A BAD TA/E40 

,I HAD A FEEL+ ( GUILT1 AS IF ,I HAD MADE SOME BAD BREAK OR HAD T\*$ A SORE SPOT4 ,I TOLD HIM ,I HAD NEV] TA/$ ANY W9E BE=E1 EXCEPT ! K9D ,MO!R MADE = ,EA/]4 ,MO/ %OOK ) LAU<T]1 & ,I WAS NE> TE>S4 ,HE NOTIC$ MY EMB>RASSM5T & RE/RA9$ HIMSELF4 ,HE P\R$ \T TWO GLASSFULS1 SAY+3 0,PROSIT1 MY Y\NG1 NAIVE LADY10 & DRANK HIS D[N AT A GULP4 ,BE=E ,I C\LD DR9K HALF ( M9E1 HE HAD NE>LY F9I%$ ! BOTTLE & ORD]$ ANO!R4 

,HE BECAME ANIMAT$1 WITTY1 SP>KL+4 ,!RE WAS NO TRACE ( ! BITT]NESS1 ( ! HATR$ & DEFIANCE HIS ORATORY HAD BREA!D ON ! PLAT=M4 ,9/EAD !RE SAT NEXT TO ME A TRANS=M$ HUMAN BE+1 NO LONG] ! REPULSIVE C>ICATURE ( ! ,RO*E/] PRESS OR ! GRUFF CREATURE ( ! (FICE4 ,HE WAS A GRACI\S HO/1 AN ATT5TIVE & SYMPA!TIC FRI5D4 ,HE MADE ME TELL HIM AB\T MYSELF & HE GREW ?\<TFUL :5 HE LE>N$ ! MOTIVE ?AT HAD DECID$ ME TO BREAK ) MY OLD LIFE4 ,HE W>N$ ME TO REFLECT C>EFULLY BE=E TAK+ ! PUNGE4 0,! PA? ( AN>*ISM IS /EE & PA9FUL10 HE SAID2 0 SO MANY HAVE ATTEMPT$ TO CLIMB IT & HAVE FALL5 BACK4 ,! PRICE IS EXACT+4 ,FEW M5 >E READY TO PAY IT1 MO/ WOM5 NOT AT ALL4 ,L\ISE ,MI*EL1 ,SOPHIA ,P]OVSKAYA --- !Y W]E ! GREAT EXCEPTIONS40 ,HAD ,I READ AB\T ! ,P>IS ,COMMUNE & AB\T ?AT M>VEL\S ,RUSSIAN WOMAN REVOLUTIONI/8 ,I HAD TO ADMIT IGNORANCE4 ,I HAD NEV] HE>D ! NAME ( ,L\ISE ,MI*EL BE=E1 ?\< ,I DID KN[ AB\T ! GREAT ,RUSSIAN4 0,Y\ %ALL READ AB\T !IR LIVES --- !Y WILL 9SPIRE Y\10 ,MO/ SAID4 

,I 9QUIR$ :E!R ! AN>*I/ MOVEM5T 9 ,AM]ICA HAD NO \T/&+ WOMAN4 0,NONE AT ALL1 ONLY /UPIDS10 HE REPLI$2 0MO/ ( ! GIRLS COME TO ! MEET+S TO SNAT* UP A MAN2 !N BO? VANI%1 LIKE ! SILLY FI%]M5 AT ! LURE ( ! ,LORELEI40 ,!RE WAS A ROGUI% TW9KLE 9 HIS EYE4 ,HE DIDN'T BELIEVE MU* 9 WOMAN'S REVOLUTION>Y ZEAL4 ,BUT ,I1 COM+ FROM ,RUSSIA1 MI<T BE DIFF]5T & HE W\LD HELP ME4 ,IF ,I W]E REALLY 9 E>NE/1 ,I C\LD F9D MU* WORK TO DO4 0,!RE IS GREAT NE$ 9 \R RANKS ( Y\NG1 WILL+ PEOPLE --- >D5T ONES1 AS Y\ SEEM TO BE --- & ,I HAVE NE$ ( >D5T FRI5D%IP10 HE ADD$ ) MU* FEEL+4 

0,Y\80 ,I QUE/ION$2 0Y\ HAVE ?\S&S 9 ,NEW ,YORK --- ALL OV] ! WORLD4 ,Y\ >E LOV$1 Y\ >E IDOLIZ$40 0,YES1 LITTLE GIRL1 IDOLIZ$ BY MANY1 BUT LOV$ BY NONE4 ,ONE CAN BE V]Y LONELY AMONG ?\S&S --- DID Y\ KN[ ?AT80 ,SOME?+ GRIPP$ MY HE>T4 ,I WANT$ TO TAKE HIS H&1 TO TELL HIM ?AT ,I W\LD BE HIS FRI5D4 ,BUT ,I D>$ NOT SPEAK \T4 ,:AT C\LD ,I GIVE ?IS MAN --- ,I1 A FACTORY GIRL1 UN$UCAT$2 & HE1 ! FAM\S ,JOHANN ,MO/1 ! LEAD] ( ! MASSES1 ! MAN ( MAGIC TONGUE & P[]FUL P58 

,HE PROMIS$ TO SUPPLY ME ) A LI/ ( BOOKS TO READ - ! REVOLUTION>Y POETS1 ,FREILIGRA?1 ,H]WE<1 ,S*ILL]1 ,HE9E1 & BORNE1 & \R [N LIT]ATURE1 ( C\RSE4 ,IT WAS ALMO/ DAYBREAK :5 WE LEFT ,T]RACE ,G>D54 ,MO/ CALL$ A CAB & WE DROVE TO ! ,M9K9 FLAT4 ,AT ! DOOR HE LI<TLY T\*$ MY H&4 0,:]E DID Y\ GET Y\R SILKY BLOND HAIR80 HE REM>K$2 0& Y\R BLUE EYES8 ,Y\ SAID Y\ W]E ,JEWI%40 0,AT ! PIGS' M>KET10 ,I REPLI$2 0MY FA!R TOLD ME SO40 0,Y\ HAVE A READY TONGUE1 ME9 ,K9D40 ,HE WAIT$ = ME TO UNLOCK ! DOOR1 !N TOOK MY H&1 LOOK$ DEEPLY 9TO MY EYES1 & SAID3 0,?IS WAS MY FIR/ HAPPY EV5+ 9 A LONG :ILE40 ,A GREAT GLADNESS FILL$ MY BE+ AT HIS WORDS4 ,SL[LY ,I CLIMB$ ! /AIRS AS ! CAB ROLL$ AWAY4 

,! NEXT DAY1 :5 ,B]KMAN CALL$1 ,I RELAT$ TO HIM MY WOND]FUL EV5+ ) ,MO/4 ,HIS FACE D>K5$4 0,MO/ HAS NO RI<T TO SQU&] MONEY1 TO GO TO EXP5SIVE RE/AURANTS1 DR9K EXP5SIVE W9ES10 HE SAID GRAVELY2 0HE IS SP5D+ ! MONEY CONTRIBUT$ = ! MOVEM5T4 ,HE %\LD BE HELD TO ACC\NT4 ,I MYSELF WILL TELL HIM40 

0,NO1 NO1 Y\ MUSN'T10 ,I CRI$4 0,I C\LDN'T BE> TO BE ! CAUSE ( ANY AFFRONT TO ,MO/1 :O IS GIV+ SO MU*4 ,IS HE NOT 5TITL$ TO A LITTLE JOY80 

,B]KMAN P]SI/$ ?AT ,I WAS TOO Y\NG 9 ! MOVEM5T1 ?AT ,I DIDN'T KN[ ANY?+ AB\T REVOLUTION>Y E?ICS OR ! MEAN+ ( REVOLUTION>Y RI<T & WRONG4 ,I ADMITT$ MY IGNORANCE1 ASSUR$ HIM ,I WAS WILL+ TO LE>N1 TO DO ANY?+1 ONLY NOT TO HAVE ,MO/ HURT4 ,HE WALK$ \T )\T BIDD+ ME GOOD-BYE4 

,I WAS GREATLY DI/URB$4 ,! *>M ( ,MO/ WAS UPON ME4 ,HIS REM>KABLE GIFTS1 HIS EAG]NESS = LIFE1 = FRI5D%IP1 MOV$ ME DEEPLY4 ,& ,B]KMAN1 TOO1 APPEAL$ TO ME PR(\NDLY4 ,HIS E>NE/NESS1 HIS SELF-CONFID5CE1 HIS Y\? --- EV]Y?+ AB\T HIM DREW ME ) IRRESI/IBLE =CE4 ,BUT ,I HAD ! FEEL+ ?AT1 ( ! TWO1 ,MO/ WAS MORE ( ?IS E>?4 

,:5 ,F$YA CAME TO SEE ME1 HE TOLD ME ?AT HE HAD ALREADY HE>D ! /ORY FROM ,B]KMAN4 ,HE WAS NOT SURPRIS$1 HE SAID2 HE KNEW H[ UNCOMPROMIS+ \R FRI5D WAS & H[ H>D HE C\LD BE1 BUT H>DE/ T[>DS HIMSELF4 0,IT SPR+S FROM HIS ABSORB+ LOVE ( ! PEOPLE10 ,F$YA ADD$1 0A LOVE ?AT WILL YET MOVE HIM TO GREAT DE$S40 

,= A :OLE WEEK ,B]KMAN DID NOT %[ UP4 ,:5 HE CAME BACK AGA91 IT WAS TO 9VITE ME = AN \T+ 9 ,PROSPECT ,P>K4 ,HE LIK$ IT BETT] ?AN ,C5TRAL ,P>K1 HE SAID1 BECAUSE IT WAS LESS CULTIVAT$1 MORE NATURAL4 ,WE WALK$ AB\T A GREAT DEAL1 ADMIR+ ITS R\< BEAUTY1 & F9ALLY SELECT$ A LOVELY SPOT 9 :I* TO EAT ! LUN* ,I HAD BR\<T ) ME4 

,WE TALK$ AB\T MY LIFE 9 ,/4 ,PET]SBURG & 9 ,RO*E/]4 ,I TOLD HIM ( MY M>RIAGE TO ,JACOB ,K]%N] & ITS FAILURE4 ,HE WANT$ TO KN[ :AT BOOKS ,I HAD READ ON M>RIAGE & IF IT WAS !IR 9FLU5CE ?AT HAD DECID$ ME TO LEAVE MY HUSB&4 ,I HAD NEV] READ SU* WORKS1 BUT ,I HAD SE5 5\< ( ! HORRORS ( M>RI$ LIFE 9 MY [N HOME4 ,FA!R'S H>% TREATM5T ( ,MO!R1 ! CON/ANT WRANGLES & BITT] SC5ES ?AT 5D$ 9 ,MO!R'S FA9T+ SPELLS4 ,I HAD ALSO SE5 ! DEBAS+ SORDIDNESS ( ! LIFE ( MY M>RI$ AUNTS & UNCLES1 AS WELL AS 9 ! HOMES ( ACQUA9TANCES 9 ,RO*E/]4 ,TOGE!R ) MY [N M>ITAL EXP]I5CES !Y HAD CONV9C$ ME ?AT B9D+ PEOPLE = LIFE WAS WRONG4 ,! CON/ANT PROXIMITY 9 ! SAME H\SE1 ! SAME ROOM1 ! SAME B$1 REVOLT$ ME4 0,IF EV] ,I LOVE A MAN AGA91 ,I WILL GIVE MYSELF TO HIM )\T BE+ B\ND BY ! RABBI OR ! LAW10 ,I DECL>$1 0& :5 ?AT LOVE DIES1 ,I WILL LEAVE )\T P]MISSION40 

,MY COMPANION SAID HE WAS GLAD TO KN[ ?AT ,I FELT ?AT WAY4 ,ALL TRUE REVOLUTIONI/S HAD DISC>D$ M>RIAGE & W]E LIV+ 9 FRE$OM4 ,?AT S]V$ TO /R5G!N !IR LOVE & HELP$ !M 9 !IR COMMON TASK4 ,HE TOLD ME ! /ORY ( ,SOPHIA ,P]OVSKAYA & ,ZHELYABOV4 ,!Y HAD BE5 LOV]S1 HAD WORK$ 9 ! SAME GR\P1 & TOGE!R !Y ELABORAT$ ! PLAN = ! EXECUTION ( ,ALEX&] ,I,I4 ,AFT] ! EXPLOSION ( ! BOMB ,P]OVSKAYA VANI%$4 ,%E WAS 9 HID+4 ,%E HAD EV]Y *ANCE TO ESCAPE1 & H] COMRADES BEGG$ H] TO DO SO4 ,BUT %E REFUS$4 ,%E 9SI/$ ?AT %E MU/ TAKE ! CONSEQU5CES1 ?AT %E W\LD %>E ! FATE ( H] COMRADES & DIE TOGE!R ) ,ZHELYABOV4 0,( C\RSE1 IT WAS WRONG ( H] TO BE MOV$ BY P]SONAL S5TIM5T10 ,B]KMAN COMM5T$2 0H] LOVE = ! ,CAUSE %\LD HAVE URG$ H] TO LIVE = O!R ACTIVITIES40 ,AGA9 ,I F\ND MYSELF DISAGREE+ ) HIM4 ,I ?\<T ?AT IT C\LD NOT BE WRONG TO DIE ) ONE'S BELOV$ 9 A COMMON ACT --- IT WAS BEAUTIFUL1 IT WAS SUBLIME4 ,HE RETORT$ ?AT ,I WAS TOO ROMANTIC & S5TIM5TAL = A REVOLUTIONI/1 ?AT ! TASK BE=E US WAS H>D & WE MU/ BECOME H>D4 

,I WOND]$ IF ! BOY WAS REALLY SO H>D1 OR WAS HE M]ELY TRY+ TO MASK HIS T5D]NESS1 :I* ,I 9TUITIVELY S5S$ 9 HIM4 ,I FELT MYSELF DRAWN TO HIM & ,I LONG$ TO ?R[ MY >MS >\ND HIM1 BUT ,I WAS TOO %Y4 

,! DAY 5D$ 9 A GL[+ SUNSET4 ,JOY WAS 9 MY HE>T4 ,ALL ! WAY HOME ,I SANG ,G]MAN & ,RUSSIAN SONGS1 ,VEEYUT1 VITRI1 VEEYUT BOOYNIY1 BE+ ONE ( !M4 0,?AT IS MY FAVORITE SONG1 ,EMMA1 DOROGAYA 7DE>710 HE SAID4 0,I MAY CALL Y\ ?AT1 MAY ,I NOT8 ,& WILL Y\ CALL ME ,SA%A80 ,\R LIPS MET 9 A SPONTANE\S EMBRACE4 

,I HAD BEGUN TO WORK 9 ! CORSET FACTORY :]E ,HEL5 ,M9K9 WAS EMPLOY$4 ,BUT AFT] A FEW WEEKS ! /RA9 BECAME UNBE>ABLE4 ,I C\LD H>DLY PULL ?R\< ! DAY2 ,I SUFF]$ MO/ FROM VIOL5T HEADA*ES4 ,ONE EV5+ ,I MET A GIRL :O TOLD ME ( A SILK WAI/ FACTORY ?AT GAVE \T WORK TO BE DONE AT HOME4 ,%E W\LD TRY TO GET ME SOME1 %E PROMIS$4 ,I KNEW IT W\LD BE IMPOSSIBLE TO SEW ON A MA*9E 9 ! ,M9K9 FLAT1 IT W\LD BE TOO DI/URB+ = EV]YBODY4 ,FUR!RMORE1 ! GIRLS' FA!R HAD GOT ON MY N]VES4 ,HE WAS A DISAGREEABLE P]SON1 NEV] WORK+1 & LIV+ ON HIS DAU<T]S4 ,HE SEEM$ ]OTICALLY FOND ( ,ANNA1 FAIRLY DEV\R+ H] ) HIS EYES4 ,! MORE SURPRIS+ WAS HIS /RONG DISLIKE ( ,HEL51 :I* L$ TO CON/ANT QU>REL+4 ,AT LA/ ,I DECID$ TO MOVE \T4 

,I F\ND A ROOM ON ,SUFFOLK ,/REET1 NOT F> FROM ,SA*S'S CAFE4 ,IT WAS SMALL & HALF-D>K1 BUT ! PRICE WAS ONLY ?REE DOLL>S A MON?1 & ,I 5GAG$ IT4 ,!RE ,I BEGAN TO WORK ON SILK WAI/S4 ,OCCASIONALLY ,I W\LD ALSO GET SOME DRESSES TO MAKE = ! GIRLS ,I KNEW & !IR FRI5DS4 ,! WORK WAS EXHAU/+1 BUT IT FRE$ ME FROM ! FACTORY & ITS GALL+ DISCIPL9E4 ,MY E>N+S FROM ! WAI/S1 ONCE ,I ACQUIR$ SPE$1 W]E NOT LESS ?AN 9 ! %OP4 

,MO/ HAD GONE ON A LECTURE T\R4 ,FROM TIME TO TIME HE W\LD S5D ME A FEW L9ES1 WITTY & CAU/IC COMM5TS ON ! PEOPLE HE WAS MEET+1 VITRIOLIC D5UNCIATION ( REPORT]S :O 9T]VIEW$ HIM & !N WROTE VILIFY+ >TICLES AB\T HIM4 ,OCCASIONALLY HE W\LD 9CLUDE 9 HIS LETT]S ! C>ICATURES MADE ( HIM1 ) HIS [N M>G9AL COMM5TS3 0,BEHOLD ! WIFE-KILL]60 OR 0,H]E'S ! MAN :O EATS LITTLE *ILDR540 

,! C>ICATURES W]E MORE BRUTAL & CRUEL ?AN ANY?+ ,I HAD SE5 BE=E4 ,! LOA?+ ,I HAD FELT = ! ,RO*E/] PAP]S DUR+ ! ,*ICAGO EV5TS N[ TURN$ 9TO POSITIVE HATR$ = ! 5TIRE ,AM]ICAN PRESS4 ,A WILD ?\<T TOOK HOLD ( ME & ,I CONFID$ IT TO ,SA%A4 0,DON'T Y\ ?9K ONE ( ! ROTT5 NEWSPAP] (FICES %\LD BE BL[N UP --- $ITORS1 REPORT]S1 & ALL8 ,?AT W\LD TEA* ! PRESS A LESSON40 ,BUT ,SA%A %OOK HIS HEAD & SAID ?AT IT W\LD BE USELESS4 ,! PRESS WAS ONLY ! HIREL+ ( CAPITALISM4 0,WE MU/ /RIKE AT ! ROOT40 

,:5 ,MO/ RETURN$ FROM HIS T\R1 WE ALL W5T TO HE> HIS REPORT4 ,HE WAS MORE MA/]LY1 MORE WITTY & DEFIANT AGA9/ ! SY/EM ?AN ON ANY PREVI\S OCCASION4 ,HE ALMO/ HYPNOTIZ$ ME4 ,I C\LD NOT HELP GO+ UP AFT] ! LECTURE TO TELL HIM H[ SPL5DID HIS TALK WAS40,WILL Y\ GO ) ME TO HE> ,C>M5 ,MONDAY AT ! ,METROPOLITAN ,OP]A ,H\SE80 HE :ISP]$4 ,HE ADD$ ?AT ,MONDAY WAS AN AWFULLY BUSY DAY BECAUSE HE HAD TO KEEP HIS DEVILS SUPPLI$ ) COPY1 BUT ?AT HE W\LD WORK AHEAD ON ,SUNDAY IF ,I W\LD PROMISE TO COME4 0,TO ! 5D ( ! WORLD60 ,I REPLI$ IMPULSIVELY4 

,WE F\ND ! H\SE SOLD \T - NO SEATS TO BE HAD AT ANY PRICE4 ,WE %\LD HAVE TO /&4 ,I KNEW ?AT ,I WAS 9 = TORTURE4 ,S9CE *ILDHOOD ,I HAD HAD TR\BLE ) ! SMALL TOE ( MY LEFT FOOT2 NEW %OES US$ TO CAUSE ME SUFF]+ = WEEKS1 & ,I WAS WE>+ NEW %OES4 ,BUT ,I WAS TOO A%AM$ TO TELL ,MO/1 AFRAID HE W\LD ?9K ME VA94 ,I /OOD CLOSE TO HIM1 JAMM$ 9 BY A L>GE CR[D4 ,MY FOOT BURN$ AS IF IT W]E BE+ HELD OV] A FIRE4 ,BUT ! FIR/ B> ( ! MUSIC1 & ! GLORI\S S++1 MADE ME =GET MY AGONY4 ,AFT] ! FIR/ ACT1 :5 ! LI<TS W5T ON1 ,I F\ND MYSELF HOLD+ ON TO ,MO/ = DE> LIFE1 MY FACE DI/ORT$ ) PA94 0,:AT'S ! MATT]80 HE ASK$4 0,I MU/ GET (F MY %OE10 ,I PANT$1 0OR ,I %ALL SCREAM \T40 ,LEAN+ AGA9/ HIM1 ,I B5T D[N TO LOOS5 ! BUTTONS4 ,! RE/ ( ! OP]A ,I HE>D SUPPORT$ BY ,MO/'S >M1 MY %OE 9 MY H&4 ,I C\LD NOT TELL :E!R MY RAPTURE WAS DUE TO ! MUSIC ( ,C>M5 OR ! RELEASE FROM MY %OE6 

,WE LEFT ! ,OP]A ,H\SE >M 9 >M1 ,I LIMP+4 ,WE W5T TO A CAFE1 & ,MO/ TEAS$ ME AB\T MY VANITY4 ,BUT HE WAS RA!R GLAD1 HE SAID1 TO F9D ME SO FEM99E1 EV5 IF IT WAS /UPID TO WE> TI<T %OES4 ,HE WAS 9 A GOLD5 MOOD4 ,HE WANT$ TO KN[ IF ,I HAD EV] BE=E HE>D AN OP]A & ASK$ ME TO TELL HIM AB\T IT4 

,TILL ,I WAS T5 YE>S ( AGE ,I HAD NEV] HE>D ANY MUSIC1 EXCEPT ! PLA9TIVE FLUTE ( ,PETRU%KA1 ,FA!R'S /ABLE-BOY4 ,! SCREE*+ ( ! VIOL9S AT ! ,JEWI% W$D+S & ! S\ND+S ( ! PIANO AT \R S++ LESSONS HAD ALWAYS BE5 HATEFUL TO ME4 ,:5 ,I HE>D ! OP]A ,TROVATORE 9 ,KONIGSB]G1 ,I FIR/ REALIZ$ ! EC/ASY MUSIC C\LD CREATE 9 ME4 ,MY TEA*] MAY HAVE BE5 L>GELY RESPONSIBLE = ! ELECTRIFY+ EFFECT ( ?AT EXP]I5CE3 %E HAD IMBU$ ME ) ! ROMANCE ( H] FAVORITE ,G]MAN AU?ORS & HAD HELP$ TO R\SE MY IMAG9ATION AB\T ! SAD LOVE ( ! ,TR\BAD\R & ,LEONORE4 ,! TORTU\S SUSP5SE ( ! DAYS BE=E ,MO!R GAVE H] CONS5T TO MY ACCOMPANY+ MY TEA*] TO ! P]=MANCE AGGRAVAT$ MY T5SE EXPECTANCY4 ,WE REA*$ ! ,OP]A A FULL H\R BE=E ! BEG9N+1 MYSELF 9 A COLD SWEAT = FE> WE W]E LATE4 ,TEA*]1 ALWAYS 9 DELICATE HEAL?1 C\LD NOT KEEP UP ) MY Y\NG LEGS & MY FR5ZI$ HA/E TO REA* \R PLACES4 ,I FLEW UP TO ! TOP GALL]Y1 ?REE /EPS AT A TIME4 ,! H\SE WAS /ILL EMPTY & HALF-LIT1 & SOME:AT DISAPPO9T+ AT FIR/4 ,AS IF BY MAGIC1 IT SOON BECAME TRANS=M$4 ,QUICKLY ! PLACE FILL$ ) A VA/ AUDI5CE - WOM5 9 SILKS & VELVETS ( GORGE\S HUE1 ) GLI/5+ JEWELS ON !IR B>E NECKS & >MS1 ! FLOOD ( LI<T FROM ! CRY/AL *&ELI]S REFLECT+ ! COLORS ( GRE51 YELL[1 & AME?Y/4 ,IT WAS A FAIRYL& MORE MAGNIFIC5T ?AN ANY EV] PICTUR$ 9 ! /ORIES ,I HAD READ4 ,I =GOT ! PRES5CE ( MY TEA*]1 ! MEAN SURR\ND+S ( MY HOME2 HALF-HANG+ OV] ! RAIL1 ,I WAS LO/ 9 ! 5*ANT$ WORLD BEL[4 ,! OR*E/RA BROKE 9TO /IRR+ TONES1 MY/]I\SLY RIS+ FROM ! D>K5$ H\SE4 ,!Y S5T TREMORS D[N MY BACK & HELD ME BREA?LESS BY !IR SWELL+ S\NDS4 ,LEONORE & ! ,TR\BAD\R MADE REAL MY [N ROMANTIC FANCY ( LOVE4 ,I LIV$ ) !M1 ?RILL$ & 9TOXICAT$ BY !IR PASSIONATE SONG4 ,!IR TRAG$Y WAS M9E AS WELL1 & ,I FELT !IR JOY & SORR[ AS MY [N4 ,! SC5E BETWE5 ! ,TR\BAD\R & HIS MO!R1 H] PLA9TIVE SONG 0,A*1 I* V]GEHE UND /]BE HI]10 ,TR\BAD\R'S RESPONSE 9 01 TEU]E ,MUTT]10 FILL$ ME ) DEEP WOE & MADE MY HE>T PALPITATE ) COMPASSIONATE SI<S4 ,! SPELL WAS BROK5 BY ! L\D CLAPP+ ( H&S & ! NEW FLOOD ( LI<T4 ,I1 TOO1 CLAPP$ WILDLY1 CLIMB$ ON MY B5*1 & %\T$ FRANTICALLY = ,LEONORE & ! ,TR\BAD\R1 ! H]O & H]O9E ( MY FAIRY WORLD4 0,COME ALONG1 COME ALONG10 L HE>D MY TEA*] SAY1 TUGG+ AT MY SKIRTS4 ,I FOLL[$ 9 A DAZE1 MY BODY %AK5 ) CONVULSIVE SOBS1 ! MUSIC R++ 9 MY E>S4 ,I HAD HE>D O!R OP]AS 9 ,KONIGSB]G & LAT] 9 ,/4 ,PET]SBURG1 BUT ! IMPRESSION ( ,TROVATORE /OOD \T = A LONG TIME AS ! MO/ M>VEL\S MUSICAL EXP]I5CE ( MY Y\NG LIFE4 

,:5 ,I HAD F9I%$ RELAT+ ?IS TO ,MO/1 ,I NOTIC$ ?AT HIS GAZE WAS F> AWAY 9 ! DI/ANCE4 ,HE LOOK$ UP AS IF FROM A DREAM4 ,HE HAD NEV] HE>D1 HE REM>K$ SL[LY1 ! /IRR+S ( A *ILD MORE DRAMATICALLY TOLD4 ,I HAD GREAT TAL5T1 HE SAID1 & ,I MU/ BEG9 SOON TO RECITE & SPEAK 9 PUBLIC4 ,HE W\LD MAKE ME A GREAT SPEAK] --- 0TO TAKE MY PLACE :5 ,I AM GONE10 HE ADD$4 

,I ?\<T HE WAS ONLY MAK+ FUN1 OR FLATT]+ ME4 ,HE C\LD NOT REALLY BELIEVE ?AT ,I C\LD EV] TAKE HIS PLACE OR EXPRESS HIS FIRE1 HIS MAGIC P[]4 ,I DID NOT WANT HIM TO TREAT ME ?AT WAY --- ,I WANT$ HIM TO BE A TRUE COMRADE1 FRANK & HONE/1 )\T SILLY ,G]MAN COMPLIM5TS4 ,MO/ GR9N$ & EMPTI$ HIS GLASS TO MY 0FIR/ PUBLIC SPEE*40 

,AFT] ?AT WE W5T \T TOGE!R (T54 ,HE OP5$ UP A NEW WORLD TO ME1 9TRODUC$ ME TO MUSIC1 BOOKS1 ! !AT]4 ,BUT HIS [N RI* P]SONALITY MEANT F> MORE TO ME --- ! ALT]NAT+ HEI<TS & DEP?S ( HIS SPIRIT1 HIS HATR$ ( ! CAPITALI/ SY/EM1 HIS VISION ( A NEW SOCIETY ( BEAUTY & JOY = ALL4 

,MO/ BECAME MY IDOL4 ,I WOR%IP$ HIM4 

,FROM 3 ,AN>*Y ,>*IVES4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,DECEMB] #c#a1 #aic 3 ,VOLUME #a1 ,*APT] #c -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,JANU>Y #b#c1 #bag 3 ,VOLUME #a1 ,*APT] #c -- ,ADD$4 

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