,VOLUME #a1 ,*APT] #d 

#aicaaica 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,EMMA ,GOLDMAN 

,TEXT 3 

  

,PHOTO BY ,SMI?SONIAN ,AM]ICAN ,>T1,C,C ,B,Y-,N,C-,N,D ,LIC5SE ,LIV+ ,MY ,LIFE 

  

BY ,EMMA ,GOLDMAN 

 ,VOLUME ONE 

,NEW ,YORK3 ,ALFR$ ,A ,KNOPF ,9C41 #a#i#c#a4 

,*APT] #d 

,! #a#a? ( ,NOVEMB] WAS APPROA*+1 ! ANNIV]S>Y ( ! ,*ICAGO M>TYRDOMS4 ,SA%A & ,I W]E BUSY ) PREP>ATIONS = ! GREAT EV5T ( SO MU* SIGNIFICANCE TO US4 ,COOP] ,UNION HAD BE5 SECUR$ = ! COMMEMORATION4 ,! MEET+ WAS TO BE HELD JO9TLY BY AN>*I/S & SOCIALI/S1 ) ! COOP]ATION ( ADVANC$ LABOR ORGANIZATIONS4 

,EV]Y EV5+ = SEV]AL WEEKS WE VISIT$ V>I\S TRADE UNIONS TO 9VITE !M TO P>TICIPATE4 ,?IS 9VOLV$ %ORT TALKS FROM ! FLOOR1 :I* ,I MADE4 ,I ALWAYS W5T 9 TREPIDATION4 ,ON PREVI\S OCCASIONS1 AT ,G]MAN & ,JEWI% LECTURES1 ,I HAD MU/]$ UP C\RAGE TO ASK QUE/IONS1 BUT EV]Y TIME ,I W\LD EXP]I5CE A K9D ( S9K+ S5SATION4 ,:ILE ,I WAS LI/5+ TO ! SPEAK]S1 ! QUE/IONS W\LD =MULATE !MSELVES EASILY 5\<1 BUT ! MOM5T ,I GOT UP ON MY FEET1 ,I W\LD FEEL FA9T4 ,DESP]ATELY ,I W\LD GRIP ! *AIR 9 FRONT ( ME1 MY HE>T ?ROBB+1 MY KNEES TREMBL+ --- EV]Y?+ 9 ! HALL W\LD TURN HAZY4 ,!N ,I W\LD BECOME AW>E ( MY VOICE1 F>1 F> AWAY1 & F9ALLY ,I W\LD S9K BACK 9 MY SEAT 9 A COLD SWEAT4 

,:5 ,I WAS FIR/ ASK$ TO MAKE %ORT SPEE*ES1 ,I DECL9$2 ,I WAS SURE ,I C\LD NEV] MANAGE IT4 ,BUT ,MO/ W\LD ACCEPT NO REFUSAL1 & ! O!R COMRADES SU/A9$ HIM4 ,= ! ,CAUSE1 ,I WAS TOLD1 ONE MU/ BE ABLE TO DO EV]Y?+1 & ,I SO EAG]LY WANT$ TO S]VE ! ,CAUSE4 

,MY TALKS US$ TO S\ND 9COH]5T TO ME1 FULL ( REPETITIONS1 LACK+ 9 CONVICTION2 & ALWAYS ! DISMAL FEEL+ ( S9K+ W\LD BE UPON ME4 ,I ?\<T EV]YONE MU/ SEE MY TURMOIL1 BUT APP>5TLY NO ONE AID4 ,EV5 ,SA%A (T5 COMM5T$ ON MY CALM & SELF-CONTROL4 ,I DO NOT KN[ :E!R IT WAS DUE TO MY BE+ A BEG9N]1 TO MY Y\?1 OR TO MY 9T5SE FEEL+ = ! M>TYR$ M51 BUT ,I NEV] ONCE FAIL$ TO 9T]E/ ! WORK]S ,I HAD BE5 S5T TO 9VITE4 

,\R [N LITTLE GR\P1 CONSI/+ ( ,ANNA1 ,HEL51 ,F$YA1 ,SA%A1 & ,I1 DECID$ ON A CONTRIBUTION - A L>GE LAUREL-WREA? ) BROAD BLACK & R$ SAT9 RIBBONS4 ,AT FIR/ WE WANT$ TO BUY EI<T WREA?S1 BUT WE W]E TOO POOR1 S9CE ONLY ,SA%A & ,I W]E WORK+4 ,AT LA/ WE DECID$ 9 FAVOR ( ,L+G3 9 \R EYES HE /OOD \T AS ! SUBLIME H]O AMONG ! EI<T4 ,HIS UNB5D+ SPIRIT1 HIS UTT] CONTEMPT = HIS ACCUS]S & JUDGES1 HIS WILL-P[]1 :I* MADE HIM ROB HIS 5EMIES ( !IR PREY & DIE BY HIS [N H& --- EV]Y?+ AB\T ?AT BOY ( TW5TY-TWO L5T ROMANCE & BEAUTY TO HIS P]SONALITY4 ,HE BECAME ! BEACON ( \R LIVES4 

,AT LA/ ! LONG-AWAIT$ EV5+ >RIV$ --- MY FIR/ PUBLIC MEET+ 9 MEMORY ( ! M>TYR$ M54 ,S9CE ,I HAD READ ! ACC\NTS 9 ! ,RO*E/] PAP]S ( ! IMPRESSIVE M>* TO ,WALDHEIM --- ! FIVE MILE L9E ( WORK]S :O FOLL[$ ! GREAT DEAD TO !IR LA/ RE/+ PLACE --- & ! L>GE MEET+S ?AT HAD S9CE BE5 HELD ALL OV] ! WORLD1 ,I HAD >D5TLY LOOK$ =W>D TO BE+ PRES5T AT SU* AN EV5T4 ,N[ ! MOM5T HAD AT LA/ COME4 ,I W5T ) ,SA%A TO ,COOP] ,UNION4 

,WE F\ND ! HI/ORIC HALL D5SELY PACK$1 BUT ) \R WREA? HELD HI< OV] \R HEADS WE F9ALLY MANAG$ TO GET ?R\<4 ,EV5 ! PLAT=M WAS CR[D$4 ,I WAS BEWILD]$ UNTIL ,I SAW ,MO/ /&+ NEXT TO A MAN & A WOMAN2 HIS PRES5CE MADE ME FEEL AT EASE4 ,HIS TWO COMPANIONS W]E DI/+UI%$-LOOK+ PEOPLE2 ! MAN RADIAT$ FRI5DL9ESS1 BUT ! WOMAN1 CLAD 9 A TI<T-FITT+ BLACK VELVET DRESS ) A LONG TRA91 H] PALE FACE FRAM$ 9 A MASS ( COPP] HAIR1 SEEM$ COLD & ALO(4 ,%E EVID5TLY BELONG$ TO ANO!R WORLD4 

 ,PRES5TLY ,SA%A SAID3 0,! MAN NE> ,MO/ IS ,S]GEY ,%EVIT*1 ! FAM\S ,RUSSIAN REVOLUTIONI/1 N[ $ITOR-9-*IEF ( ! SOCIALI/ DAILY ,DIE ,VOLKSZEITUNG2 ! WOMAN IS HIS WIFE1 ! =M] ,HEL5E VON ,DONNIGES40 0,NOT ! ONE ,F]D9& ,LASSALLE LOV$ --- ! ONE HE LO/ HIS LIFE =80 ,I ASK$4 0,YES1 ! SAME2 %E HAS REMA9$ AN >I/OCRAT4 ,%E REALLY DOESN'T BELONG AMONG US4 ,BUT ,%EVIT* IS SPL5DID40 

,MO/ HAD GIV5 ME ,LASSALLE'S WORKS TO READ4 ,!Y HAD IMPRESS$ ME BY !IR PR(\ND ?\<T1 =CE1 & CL>ITY4 ,I HAD ALSO /UDI$ HIS MANIFOLD ACTIVITIES 9 BEHALF ( ! 9CIPI5T WORK]S' MOVEM5T 9 ,G]MANY 9 ! FIFTIES4 ,HIS ROMANTIC LIFE & UNTIMELY DEA? AT ! H&S ( AN (FIC] 9 A DUEL F\<T OV] ,HEL5E VON ,DONNIGES HAD AFFECT$ ME DEEPLY4 

,I WAS REPELL$ BY ! WOMAN'S HAU<TY AU/]ITY4 ,H] LONG TRA91 ! LORGNETTE ?R\< :I* %E SCRUT9IZ$ EV]YBODY1 FILL$ ME ) RES5TM5T4 ,I TURN$ TO ,%EVIT*4 ,I LIK$ HIM = HIS FRANK1 K9DLY FACE & ! SIMPLICITY ( HIS MANN]4 ,I TOLD HIM ,I WANT$ TO PUT \R WREA? OV] ,L+G'S PORTRAIT1 BUT IT WAS HUNG SO HI< ?AT ,I W\LD HAVE TO GET A LADD] TO REA* IT4 0,I'LL LIFT Y\ UP1 LITTLE COMRADE1 & HOLD Y\ UNTIL Y\ HAVE HUNG Y\R WREA?10 HE SAID PLEASANTLY4 ,HE PICK$ ME UP AS IF ,I W]E A BABY4 

,I FELT GREATLY EMB>RASS$1 BUT ,I HUNG ! WREA?4 ,%EVIT* SET ME D[N & ASK$ :Y ,I HAD *OS5 ,L+G RA!R ?AN SOME ONE ( ! O!R M>TYRS4 ,I REPLI$ ?AT HIS APPEAL WAS /RONGE/ TO ME4 ,RAIS+ MY *9 G5TLY ) HIS /RONG H&S1 ,%EVIT* SAID3 0,YES1 HE WAS MORE LIKE \R ,RUSSIAN H]OES40 ,HE SPOKE ) MU* FEEL+4 

,SOON ! MEET+ BEGAN4 ,%EVIT* & ,ALEX&] ,JONAS1 HIS CO$ITOR ON ! ,VOLKSZEITUNG1 & A NUMB] ( O!R SPEAK]S 9 V>I\S LANGUAGES TOLD ! /ORY ,I HAD FIR/ HE>D FROM ,JOHANNA ,GREIE4 ,I HAD S9CE READ & R]EAD IT UNTIL ,I KNEW EV]Y DETAIL BY HE>T4 

,%EVIT* & ,JONAS W]E IMPRESSIVE SPEAK]S4 ,! RE/ LEFT ME COLD4 ,!N ,MO/ ASC5D$ ! PLAT=M1 & EV]Y?+ ELSE SEEM$ BLOTT$ \T4 ,I WAS CAU<T 9 ! /ORM ( HIS ELOQU5CE1 TOSS$ AB\T1 MY V]Y S\L CONTRACT+ & EXP&+ 9 ! RISE & FALL ( HIS VOICE4 ,IT WAS NO LONG] A SPEE*1 IT WAS ?UND] 9T]SP]S$ ) FLA%ES ( LI<TN+4 ,IT WAS A WILD1 PASSIONATE CRY AGA9/ ! T]RIBLE ?+ ?AT HAD HAPP5$ 9 ,*ICAGO - A FI]CE CALL TO BATTLE AGA9/ ! 5EMY1 A CALL TO 9DIVIDUAL ACTS1 TO V5GEANCE4 

,! MEET+ WAS AT AN 5D4 ,SA%A & ,I FIL$ \T ) ! RE/4 ,I C\LD NOT SPEAK2 WE WALK$ ON 9 SIL5CE4 ,:5 WE REA*$ ! H\SE :]E ,I LIV$1 MY :OLE BODY BEGAN TO %AKE AS 9 A FEV]4 ,AN OV]P[]+ YE>N+ POSSESS$ ME1 AN UNUTT]ABLE DESIRE TO GIVE MYSELF TO ,SA%A1 TO F9D RELIEF 9 HIS >MS FROM ! FE>FUL T5SION ( ! EV5+4 

,MY N>R[ B$ N[ HELD TWO HUMAN BODIES1 CLOSELY PRESS$ TOGE!R4 ,MY ROOM WAS NO LONG] D>K2 A S(T1 SOO?+ LI<T SEEM$ TO COME FROM SOME:]E4 ,AS 9 A DREAM ,I HE>D SWEET1 5DE>+ WORDS BREA!D 9TO MY C>1 LIKE ! S(T1 BEAUTIFUL ,RUSSIAN LULLABIES ( MY *ILDHOOD4 ,I BECAME DR[SY1 MY ?\<TS 9 CONFUSION4 

,! MEET+ 4 4 4 ,%EVIT* HOLD+ ME UP 4 4 4 ! COLD FACE ( ,HEL5E VON ,DONNIGES 4 4 4 ,JOHANN ,MO/ 4 4 4 ! =CE & WOND] ( HIS SPEE*1 HIS CALL TO EXT]M9ATION - :]E HAD ,I HE>D ?AT WORD BE=E8 ,AH1 YES1 ,MO!R - ! ,NIHILI/S6 ,! HORROR ,I HAD FELT AT H] CRUELTY AGA9 CAME OV] ME4 ,BUT1 !N1 %E WAS NOT AN IDEALI/6 ,MO/ WAS AN IDEALI/1 YET HE1 TOO1 URG$ EXT]M9ATION4 ,C\LD IDEALI/S BE CRUEL8 ,! 5EMIES ( LIFE & JOY & BEAUTY >E CRUEL4 ,!Y >E REL5TLESS1 !Y HAVE KILL$ \R GREAT COMRADES4 ,BUT MU/ WE1 TOO1 EXT]M9ATE8 

,I WAS R\S$ FROM MY DR[S9ESS AS IF BY AN ELECTRIC CURR5T4 ,I FELT A TREMBL+1 %Y H& T5D]LY GLIDE OV] ME4 ,HUNGRILY ,I REA*$ = IT1 = MY LOV]4 ,WE W]E 5GULF$ 9 A WILD EMBRACE4 ,AGA9 ,I FELT T]RIFIC PA91 LIKE ! CUT ( A %>P KNIFE4 ,BUT IT WAS NUMB$ BY MY PASSION1 BREAK+ ?R\< ALL ?AT HAD BE5 SUPPRESS$1 UNCONSCI\S1 & DORMANT4 

,! MORN+ /ILL F\ND ME EAG]LY REA*+ \T1 HUNGRILY SEEK+4 ,MY BELOV$ LAY AT MY SIDE1 ASLEEP 9 BLISSFUL EXHAU/ION4 ,I SAT UP1 MY HEAD RE/+ ON MY H&4 ,LONG ,I WAT*$ ! FACE ( ! BOY :O HAD SO ATTRACT$ & REPELL$ ME AT ! SAME TIME1 :O C\LD BE SO H>D & :OSE T\* WAS YET SO T5D]4 ,DEEP LOVE = HIM WELL$ UP 9 MY HE>T - A FEEL+ ( C]TA9TY ?AT \R LIVES W]E L9K$ = ALL TIME4 ,I PRESS$ MY LIPS TO HIS ?ICK HAIR & !N ,I1 TOO1 FELL ASLEEP4 

,! PEOPLE FROM :OM ,I R5T$ MY ROOM SLEPT ON ! O!R SIDE ( ! WALL4 ,!IR NE>NESS ALWAYS DI/URB$ ME1 & N[ 9 ,SA%A'S PRES5CE IT GAVE ME A FEEL+ ( BE+ SE54 ,HE ALSO HAD NO PRIVACY :]E HE LIV$4 ,I SUGGE/$ ?AT WE F9D A SMALL AP>TM5T1 & HE CONS5T$ JOYFULLY4 ,:5 WE TOLD ,F$YA ( \R PLAN1 HE ASK$ TO BE TAK5 94 ,! F\R? ( \R LITTLE COMMUNE WAS ,HEL5 ,M9K94 ,! FRICTION ) H] FA!R HAD BECOME MORE VIOL5T S9CE ,I HAD MOV$ \T1 & %E C\LD NOT 5DURE IT4 ,%E BEGG$ TO COME ) US4 ,WE R5T$ A F\R ROOM FLAT ON ,=TY-SECOND ,/REET & WE ALL FELT IT A LUXURY TO HAVE \R [N PLACE4 

,FROM ! V]Y FIR/ WE AGRE$ TO %>E EV]Y?+1 TO LIVE LIKE REAL COMRADES4 ,HEL5 CONT9U$ TO WORK 9 ! CORSET FACTORY1 & ,I DIVID$ MY TIME BETWE5 SEW+ SILK WAI/S & KEEP+ H\SE4 ,F$YA DEVOT$ HIMSELF TO PA9T+4 ,! EXP5SE ( HIS OILS1 CANVASES1 & BRU%ES (T5 CONSUM$ MORE ?AN WE C\LD AF=D1 BUT IT NEV] OCCURR$ TO ANY ONE ( US TO COMPLA94 ,FROM TIME TO TIME HE W\LD SELL A PICTURE TO SOME DEAL] = FIFTE5 OR TW5TY-FIVE DOLL>S1 :]EUPON HE W\LD BR+ AN >MFUL ( FL[]S OR SOME PRES5T = ME4 ,SA%A W\LD UP BRAID HIM = IT3 ! IDEA ( SP5D+ MONEY = SU* ?+S1 :5 ! MOVEM5T NE$$ IT SO BADLY1 WAS 9TOL]ABLE TO HIM4 ,HIS ANG] HAD NO EFFECT ON ,F$YA4 ,HE W\LD LAU< IT (F1 CALL HIM A FANATIC1 & SAY HE HAD NO S5SE ( BEAUTY4 

,ONE DAY ,F$YA >RIV$ ) A BEAUTIFUL BLUE & :ITE /RIP$ SILK J]SEY1 CONSID]$ V]Y /YLI% !N4 ,:5 ,SA%A CAME HOME & SAW ! J]SEY1 HE FLEW 9TO A RAGE1 CALL$ ,F$YA A SP5D?RIFT & AN 9CURABLE B\RGEOIS1 :O W\LD NEV] AM\NT TO ANY?+ 9 ! MOVEM5T4 ,! TWO NE>LY CAME TO BL[S1 & F9ALLY BO? LEFT ! FLAT4 ,I FELT SICK ) ! PA9 ( ,SA%A'S SEV]ITY4 ,I BEGAN TO D\BT HIS LOVE4 ,IT C\LD NOT BE V]Y DEEP OR HE W\LD NOT SPOIL ! LITTLE JOYS ?AT ,F$YA BR\<T 9TO MY LIFE4 ,TRUE1 ! J]SEY CO/ TWO DOLL>S & A HALF4 ,P]HAPS IT WAS EXTRAVAGANT ( ,F$YA TO SP5D SO MU* MONEY4 ,BUT H[ C\LD HE HELP LOV+ BEAUTIFUL ?+S8 ,!Y W]E A NECESSITY TO HIS >TI/'S SPIRIT4 ,I GREW BITT]1 & WAS GLAD :5 ,SA%A DID NOT RETURN ?AT NI<T4 

,HE /AY$ AWAY = SOME DAYS4 ,DUR+ ?AT TIME ,I WAS A GREAT DEAL ) ,F$YA4 ,HE HAD SO MU* ?AT ,SA%A LACK$ & ?AT ,I CRAV$4 ,HIS SUSCEPTIBILITY TO EV]Y MOOD1 HIS LOVE ( LIFE & ( COLOR1 MADE HIM MORE HUMAN1 MORE AK9 TO ME4 ,HE NEV] EXPECT$ ME TO LIVE UP TO ! ,CAUSE4 ,I FELT RELEASE ) HIM4 

,ONE MORN+ ,F$YA ASK$ ME TO POSE = HIM4 ,I EXP]I5C$ NO S5SE ( %AME AT /&+ NAK$ BE=E HIM4 ,HE WORK$ AWAY = A TIME1 & NEI!R ( US TALK$4 ,!N HE BEGAN TO FIDGET AB\T & F9ALLY SAID HE W\LD HAVE TO /OP3 HE C\LD NOT CONC5TRATE1 ! MOOD WAS GONE4 ,I W5T BACK BEH9D ! SCRE5 TO DRESS4 ,I HAD NOT QUITE F9I%$ :5 ,I HE>D VIOL5T WEEP+4 ,I RU%$ =W>D & F\ND ,F$YA /RET*$ ON ! S(A1 HIS HEAD BURI$ 9 ! PILL[1 SOBB+4 ,AS ,I B5T OV] HIM1 HE SAT UP & BROKE LOOSE 9 A TORR5T - SAID HE LOV$ ME1 ?AT HE HAD FROM ! V]Y BEG9N+1 ?\< HE HAD TRI$ TO KEEP 9 ! BACKGR\ND = ,SA%A'S SAKE2 HE HAD /RUGGL$ FI]CELY AGA9/ HIS FEEL+ = ME1 BUT HE KNEW N[ ?AT IT WAS ( NO USE4 ,HE W\LD HAVE TO MOVE \T4 

,I SAT BY HIM1 HOLD+ HIS H& 9 M9E & /ROK+ HIS S(T WAVY HAIR4 ,F$YA HAD ALWAYS DRAWN ME TO HIM BY HIS ?\<TFUL ATT5TION1 HIS S5SITIVE RESPONSE1 & HIS LOVE ( BEAUTY4 ,N[ ,I FELT SOME?+ /RONG] /IRR+ )9 ME4 ,C\LD IT BE LOVE = ,F$YA1 ,I WOND]$4 ,C\LD ONE LOVE TWO P]SONS AT ! SAME TIME8 ,I LOV$ ,SA%A4 ,AT ?AT V]Y MOM5T MY RES5TM5T AT HIS H>%NESS GAVE WAY TO YE>N+ = MY /RONG1 >DU\S LOV]4 ,YET ,I FELT ,SA%A HAD LEFT SOME?+ UNT\*$ 9 ME1 SOME?+ ,F$YA C\LD P]HAPS WAK5 TO LIFE4 ,YES1 IT MU/ BE POSSIBLE TO LOVE MORE ?AN ONE6 ,ALL ,I HAD FELT = ! BOY >TI/ MU/ HAVE REALLY BE5 LOVE )\T MY BE+ AW>E ( IT TILL N[1 ,I DECID$4 

,I ASK$ ,F$YA :AT HE ?\<T ( LOVE = TWO OR EV5 = MORE P]SONS AT ONCE4 ,HE LOOK$ UP 9 SURPRISE & SAID HE DID NOT KN[1 HE HAD NEV] LOV$ ANYONE BE=E4 ,HIS LOVE = ME HAD ABSORB$ HIM TO ! EXCLUSION ( ANYONE ELSE4 ,HE KNEW HE C\LD NOT C>E = ANO!R WOMAN :ILE HE LOV$ ME4 ,& HE WAS C]TA9 ?AT ,SA%A W\LD NEV] WANT TO %>E ME2 HIS S5SE ( POSSESSION WAS TOO /RONG4 

,I RES5T$ ! SUGGE/ION ( %>+4 ,I 9SI/$ ?AT ONE CAN ONLY RESPOND TO :AT ! O!R IS ABLE TO CALL \T4 ,I DID NOT BELIEVE ?AT ,SA%A WAS POSSESSIVE4 ,ONE :O SO F]V5TLY WANT$ FRE$OM & PREA*$ IT SO :OLEHE>T$LY C\LD NEV] OBJECT TO MY GIV+ MYSELF TO SOMEONE ELSE4 ,WE AGRE$ ?AT1 :ATEV] HAPP5$1 !RE MU/ BE NO DECEPTION4 ,WE MU/ GO TO ,SA%A & TELL HIM FRANKLY H[ WE FELT4 ,HE W\LD UND]/&4 

,?AT EV5+ ,SA%A RETURN$ /RAI<T FROM WORK4 ,! F\R ( US SAT D[N1 AS USUAL1 TO \R SUPP]4 ,WE TALK$ AB\T V>I\S ?+S4 ,NO REF]5CE WAS MADE TO ,SA%A'S LONG ABS5CE & !RE WAS NO *ANCE TO SPEAK TO HIM ALONE AB\T ! NEW LI<T ?AT HAD COME 9TO MY LIFE4 ,WE ALL W5T TO ,OR*>D ,/REET TO A LECTURE4 

,AFT] ! MEET+ ,SA%A W5T HOME ) ME1 ,F$YA & ,HEL5 REMA9+ BEH9D4 ,9 \R FLAT HE ASK$ P]MISSION TO COME TO MY ROOM4 ,!N HE BEGAN TO TALK1 P\R+ \T HIS :OLE S\L4 ,HE SAID HE LOV$ ME DE>LY1 ?AT HE WANT$ ME TO HAVE BEAUTIFUL ?+S2 ?AT HE1 TOO1 LOV$ BEAUTY4 ,BUT HE LOV$ ! ,CAUSE MORE ?AN ANY?+ ELSE 9 ! WORLD4 ,= ?AT HE W\LD =GO EV5 \R LOVE4 ,YES1 & HIS V]Y LIFE4 

,HE TOLD ME AB\T ! FAM\S ,RUSSIAN REVOLUTION>Y CATE*ISM ?AT DEM&$ ( ! TRUE REVOLUTIONI/ ?AT HE GIVE UP HOME1 P>5TS1 SWEE!>T1 *ILDR51 EV]Y?+ DE> TO ONE'S BE+4 ,HE AGRE$ ) IT ABSOLUTELY & HE WAS DET]M9$ TO ALL[ NO?+ TO /& 9 ! WAY4 0,BUT ,I DO LOVE Y\10 HE REPEAT$4 ,HIS 9T5SITY1 HIS UNCOMPROMIS+ F]VOR1 IRRITAT$ & YET DREW ME LIKE A MAGNET4 ,:ATEV] LONG+ ,I HAD EXP]I5C$ :5 NE> ,F$YA WAS SIL5T N[4 ,SA%A1 MY [N WOND]FUL1 D$ICAT$1 OBSESS$ ,SA%A1 WAS CALL+4 ,I FELT 5TIRELY HIS4 

,LAT] 9 ! DAY ,I HAD TO MEET ,MO/4 ,HE HAD SPOK5 TO ME AB\T A %ORT LECTURE T\R HE WAS PLANN+ = ME1 BUT ?\< ,I DID NOT TAKE IT S]I\SLY1 HE HAD ASK$ ME TO COME TO SEE HIM AB\T IT4 

,! ,FREIHEIT (FICE WAS CR[D$4 ,MO/ SUGGE/$ A NE>BY SALOON1 :I* HE KNEW TO BE QUIET 9 ! E>LY AFT]NOON4 ,WE W5T !RE4 ,HE BEGAN TO EXPLA9 HIS PLANS = MY T\R2 ,I WAS TO VISIT ,RO*E/]1 ,BUFFALO1 & ,CLEVEL&4 ,IT ?REW ME 9TO A PANIC4 0,IT IS IMPOSSIBLE60 ,I PROTE/$2 0,I DON'T KN[ A ?+ AB\T LECTUR+40 ,HE WAV$ MY OBJECTIONS ASIDE1 DECL>+ ?AT EV]YBODY FELT ?AT WAY 9 ! BEG9N+4 

,HE WAS DET]M9$ TO MAKE A PUBLIC SPEAK] ( ME1 & ,I W\LD SIMPLY HAVE TO BEG94 ,HE HAD ALREADY *OS5 ! SUBJECT = ME & HE W\LD HELP ME PREP>E IT4 ,I WAS TO SPEAK ON ! FUTILITY ( ! /RUGGLE = ! EI<T-H\R WORKDAY1 N[ AGA9 MU* DISCUSS$ 9 LABOR RANKS4 ,HE PO9T$ \T ?AT ! EI<T-H\R CAMPAIGNS 9 '#h#d1 '#h#e1 & '#h#f HAD ALREADY TAK5 A TOLL F> BEYOND ! VALUE ( ! 0DAMN$ ?+40 0,\R COMRADES 9 ,*ICAGO LO/ !IR LIVES = IT1 & ! WORK]S /ILL WORK LONG H\RS40 ,BUT EV5 IF ! EI<T-H\R DAY W]E E/ABLI%$1 !RE W\LD BE NO ACTUAL GA91 HE 9SI/$4 ,ON ! CONTR>Y1 IT W\LD S]VE ONLY TO DI/RACT ! MASSES FROM ! REAL ISSUE - ! /RUGGLE AGA9/ CAPITALISM1 AGA9/ ! WAGE SY/EM1 = A NEW SOCIETY4 ,AT ANY RATE1 ALL ,I W\LD HAVE TO DO W\LD BE TO MEMORIZE ! NOTES HE W\LD GIVE ME4 ,HE WAS SURE ?AT MY DRAMATIC FEEL+ & MY 5?USIASM W\LD DO ! RE/4 ,AS USUAL1 HE HELD ME BY HIS ELOQU5CE4 ,I HAD NO P[] TO RESI/4 

,:5 ,I GOT HOME2 AWAY FROM ,MO/'S PRES5CE1 ,I AGA9 EXP]I5C$ ! S9K+ FEEL+ ?AT HAD COME UPON ME :5 ,I HAD FIR/ TRI$ TO SPEAK 9 PUBLIC4 ,I /ILL HAD ?REE WEEKS 9 :I* TO READ UP1 BUT ,I WAS SURE ,I NEV] C\LD GO ?R\ ) IT4  

,/RONG] ?AN MY LACK ( FAI? 9 MYSELF WAS MY LOA?+ = ,RO*E/]4 ,I HAD COMPLETELY BROK5 ) MY P>5TS & MY SI/] ,L5A1 BUT ,I YE>N$ = ,HEL5A1 = LITTLE ,/ELLA1 N[ 9 H] F\R? YE>1 & = MY Y\NGE/ BRO!R4 ,OH1 IF ,I W]E REALLY AN ACCOMPLI%$ SPEAK]1 ,I W\LD RU% TO ,RO*E/] & FL+ MY ACCUMULAT$ BITT]NESS 9TO ! SMUG FACES ( ! PEOPLE :O HAD TREAT$ ME SO BRUTALLY4 ,N[ !Y W\LD ONLY ADD RIDICULE TO ! HURT !Y HAD GIV5 ME4 ,ANXI\SLY ,I WAIT$ = ! RETURN ( MY FRI5DS4 

,H[ GREAT WAS MY A/ONI%M5T :5 ,SA%A & ,HEL5 ,M9K9 GREW 5?USIA/IC AB\T ,MO/'S PLAN6 ,IT WAS A M>VEL\S OPPORTUNITY1 !Y SAID4 ,:AT IF ,I W\LD HAVE TO WORK H>D TO PREP>E MY TALK8 ,IT W\LD BE ! MAK+ ( ME AS A PUBLIC LECTUR]1 ! FIR/ WOMAN SPEAK] 9 ! ,G]MAN AN>*I/ MOVEM5T 9 ,AM]ICA6 ,SA%A WAS ESPECIALLY 9SI/5T3 ,I MU/ SET ASIDE EV]Y CONSID]ATION1 ,I MU/ ?9K ONLY ( H[ USEFUL ,I W\LD BECOME TO ! ,CAUSE4 ,F$YA WAS DUBI\S4 

,MY ?REE GOOD FRI5DS 9SI/$ ?AT ,I /OP WORK TO HAVE MORE TIME = /UDY4 ,!Y W\LD ALSO RELIEVE ME ( EV]Y DOME/IC RESPONSIBILITY4 ,I DEVOT$ MYSELF TO READ+4 ,N[ & !N ,F$YA W\LD COME ) FL[]S4 ,HE KNEW ?AT ,I HAD NOT YET SPOK5 TO ,SA%A4 ,HE NEV] PRESS$ ME1 BUT HIS FL[]S SPOKE MORE APPEAL+LY ?AN ANY?+ HE C\LD HAVE SAID4 ,SA%A NO LONG] SCOLD$ HIM = WA/+ MONEY4 0,I KN[ Y\ LOVE FL[]S10 HE W\LD SAY2 0!Y MAY 9SPIRE Y\ 9 Y\R NEW WORK40 

,I READ UP A GREAT DEAL ON ! EI<T-H\R MOVEM5T1 W5T TO EV]Y MEET+ :]E ! MATT] WAS TO BE DISCUSS$2 BUT ! MORE ,I /UDI$ ! SUBJECT1 ! MORE CONFUS$ ,I BECAME4 0,! IRON LAW ( WAGES10 0SUPPLY & DEM&10 0POV]TY AS ! ONLY LEAV5 ( REVOLT0 --- ,I C\LD NOT FOLL[ IT ALL4 ,IT LEFT ME AS COLD AS ! ME*ANI/IC !ORIES ,I US$ TO HE> EXP\ND$ 9 ! ,RO*E/] ,SOCIALI/ LOCAL4 ,BUT :5 ,I READ ,MO/'S NOTES1 EV]Y?+ SEEM$ CLE>4 ,! IMAG]Y ( HIS LANGUAGE1 HIS UNANSW]ABLE CRITICISM ( EXI/+ CONDITIONS1 & HIS GLORI\S VISION ( ! NEW SOCIETY AWAK5$ 5?USIASM 9 ME4 ,I CONT9U$ TO D\BT MYSELF1 BUT EV]Y?+ ,MO/ SAID SEEM$ IRREFUTABLE4 

,ONE ?\<T TOOK DEF9ITE %APE 9 MY M9D4 ,I W\LD NEV] MEMORIZE ,MO/'S NOTES4 ,HIS PHRASES1 ! FL[] & SPICE ( HIS 9VECTIVE1 W]E TOO WELL KN[N = ME TO REPEAT !M P>ROT-LIKE4 ,I W\LD USE HIS IDEAS & PRES5T !M 9 MY [N WAY4 ,BUT ! IDEAS --- W]E !Y NOT ALSO ,MO/'S8 ,AH1 WELL1 !Y HAD BECOME SU* A P>T ( ME ?AT ,I C\LD NOT DI/+UI% H[ F> ,I WAS REPEAT+ HIM OR TO :AT EXT5T !Y HAD BE5 REBORN AS MY [N4 

,! DAY ( MY DEP>TURE = ,RO*E/] >RIV$4 ,I MET ,MO/ = A LA/ TALK2 ,I CAME 9 A DEPRESS$ MOOD1 BUT A GLASS ( W9E & ,MO/'S SPIRIT SOON LIFT$ ! WEI<T4 ,HE TALK$ LONG & >D5TLY1 MADE NUM]\S SUGGE/IONS1 & SAID ,I MU/ NOT TAKE ! AUDI5CES TOO S]I\SLY2 MO/ ( !M W]E DULL>DS1 ANYWAY4 ,HE IMPRESS$ UPON ME ! NE$ ( BURN\T4 0,IF Y\ CAN MAKE PEOPLE LAU<1 SAIL+ WILL BE EASY40 ,HE TOLD ME ?AT ! CON/RUCTION ( MY LECTURE DID NOT MATT] MU*4 ,I MU/ TALK 9 ! WAY ,I RELAT$ TO HIM MY IMPRESSIONS ( MY FIR/ OP]A4 ,?AT W\LD MOVE ! AUDI5CE4 0,= ! RE/1 BE BOLD1 BE >ROGANT1 ,I AM SURE Y\ WILL BE BRAVE40 

,HE TOOK ME TO ! ,GR& ,C5TRAL 9 A CAB4 ,ON ! WAY HE MOV$ CLOSE TO ME4 ,HE YE>N$ TO TAKE ME 9 HIS >MS & ASK$ IF HE MI<T4 ,I NODD$1 & HE HELD ME PRESS$ TO HIM4 ,CONFLICT+ ?\<TS & EMOTIONS POSSESS$ ME2 ! SPEE*ES ,I WAS GO+ TO MAKE1 ,SA%A1 ,F$YA1 MY PASSION = ! ONE1 MY BUDD+ LOVE = ! O!R4 ,BUT ,I YIELD$ TO ,MO/'S TREMBL+ EMBRACE1 HIS KISSES COV]+ MY M\? AS ( ONE FAMI%$ ) ?IR/4 ,I LET HIM DR9K2 ,I C\LD HAVE D5I$ HIM NO?+4 ,HE LOV$ ME1 HE SAID2 HE HAD NEV] KN[N SU* LONG+ = ANY WOMAN BE=E4 ,( LATE YE>S HE HAD NOT EV5 BE5 ATTRACT$ TO ANYONE4 ,A FEEL+ ( GR[+ AGE WAS OV]COM+ HIM1 & HE FELT WORN FROM ! LONG /RUGGLE & ! P]SECUTION HE HAD 5DUR$4 ,MORE DEPRESS+ EV5 WAS ! CONSCI\SNESS ?AT HIS BE/ COMRADES MISUND]/OOD HIM4 ,BUT MY Y\? HAD MADE HIM Y\NG1 MY >DOR HAD RAIS$ HIS SPIRIT4 ,MY :OLE BE+ HAD AWAK5$ HIM TO A NEW MEAN+ 9 LIFE4 ,I WAS HIS ,BLONDKOPF1 HIS 0BLUE EYES02 HE WANT$ ME TO BE HIS [N1 HIS HELPMATE1 HIS VOICE4 

,I LAY BACK ) MY EYES CLOS$4 ,I WAS TOO OV]P[]$ TO SPEAK1 TOO LIMP TO MOVE4 ,SOME?+ MY/]I\S /IRR$ ME1 SOME?+ 5TIRELY UNLIKE ! URGE T[>DS ,SA%A OR ! S5SITIVE RESPONSE TO ,F$YA4 ,IT WAS DIFF]5T FROM !SE4 ,IT WAS 9F9ITE T5D]NESS = ! GREAT MAN-*ILD AT MY SIDE4 ,AS HE SAT !RE1 HE SUGGE/$ A RUGG$ TREE B5T BY W9DS & /ORM1 MAK+ ONE SUPREME LA/ EF=T TO /RET* ITSELF T[>DS ! SUN4 0,ALL = ! ,CAUSE10 ,SA%A HAD SO (T5 SAID4 ,! FI<T] NEXT TO ME HAD ALREADY GIV5 ALL = ! ,CAUSE4 ,BUT :O HAD GIV5 ALL = HIM8 ,HE WAS HUNGRY = AFFECTION1 = UND]/&+4 ,I W\LD GIVE HIM BO?4 

,AT ! /ATION MY ?REE FRI5DS W]E ALREADY WAIT+ = ME4 ,SA%A HELD \T AN ,AM]ICAN ,BEAUTY ROSE TO ME4 0,AS A TOK5 ( MY LOVE1 ,DU%5KA1 & AS A H>B+] ( LUCK ON Y\R FIR/ PUBLIC QUE/40 

,PRECI\S ,SA%A2 ONLY A FEW DAYS BE=E1 :5 WE W5T %OPP+ ON ,HE/] ,/REET1 HE HAD PROTE/$ /R5U\SLY BECAUSE ,I WANT$ HIM TO SP5D MORE ?AN SIX DOLL>S = A SUIT & TW5TY-FIVE C5TS = A HAT4 ,HE W\LD NOT HAVE IT4 0,WE MU/ GET ! *EAPE/ WE CAN10 HE REIT]AT$4 ,& N[ --- :AT T5D]NESS !RE WAS UND] HIS /]N EXT]IOR6 ,LIKE ,HANNES4 ,/RANGE1 ,I HAD NEV] BE=E REALIZ$ H[ MU* ALIKE !Y W]E4 ,! BOY & ! MAN4 ,BO? H>D2 ONE BECAUSE HE HAD NEV] YET TA/$ LIFE1 & ! O!R BECAUSE IT HAD /RUCK HIM SO MANY BL[S4 ,BO? EQUALLY UNYIELD+ 9 !IR ZEAL1 BO? SO *ILDLIKE 9 !IR NE$ = LOVE4 

,! TRA9 SP$ ON T[>DS ,RO*E/]4 ,ONLY SIX MON?S HAD PASS$ S9CE ,I HAD CUT LOOSE FROM MY MEAN+LESS PA/4 ,I HAD LIV$ YE>S 9 ?AT TIME4 

,FROM 3 ,AN>*Y ,>*IVES4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,DECEMB] #c#a1 #aic 3 ,VOLUME #a1 ,*APT] #d -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,JANU>Y #b#c1 #bag 3 ,VOLUME #a1 ,*APT] #d -- ,ADD$4 

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