,VOLUME #a1 ,*APT] #e 

#aicaaica 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,EMMA ,GOLDMAN 

,TEXT 3 

  

,PHOTO BY &Y BOR51,C,C ,B,Y-,N,C ,LIC5SE ,LIV+ ,MY ,LIFE 

  

BY ,EMMA ,GOLDMAN 

 ,VOLUME ONE 

,NEW ,YORK3 ,ALFR$ ,A ,KNOPF ,9C41 #a#i#c#a4 

,*APT] #e 

,I HAD BEGG$ ,MO/ NOT TO GIVE ! TIME ( MY >RIVAL TO ! ,G]MAN ,UNION 9 ,RO*E/]1 BE=E :I* ,I WAS TO SPEAK4 ,I WANT$ TO SEE MY BELOV$ SI/] ,HEL5A FIR/4 ,I HAD WRITT5 H] AB\T MY COM+1 BUT NOT ! PURPOSE ( MY VISIT4 ,%E MET ME AT ! /ATION & WE CLUNG TO EA* O!R AS IF WE HAD BE5 SEP>AT$ = DECADES4 

,I EXPLA9$ TO ,HEL5A MY MISSION 9 ,RO*E/]4 ,%E />$ AT ME OP5-M\!D4 ,H[ C\LD ,I UND]TAKE SU* A ?+1 FACE AN AUDI5CE8 ,I HAD BE5 AWAY ONLY SIX MON?S2 :AT C\LD ,I HAVE LE>N$ 9 SU* A BRIEF TIME8 ,:]E DID ,I GET ! C\RAGE8 ,& 9 ,RO*E/]1 ( ALL CITIES6 ,\R P>5TS W\LD NEV] GET OV] ! %OCK4 

,I HAD NEV] BE=E BE5 ANGRY ) ,HEL5A2 !RE NEV] HAD BE5 OCCASION = IT4 ,9 FACT1 IT WAS ALWAYS ,I :O TRI$ H] PATI5CE TO ! BREAK+-PO9T4 ,BUT ! REF]5CE TO \R P>5TS MADE ME WRO?4 ,IT BR\<T BACK ,POPELAN1 ,HEL5A'S CRU%$ Y\NG LOVE = ,SU%A1 & ALL ! O!R <A/LY PICTURES4 ,I BROKE \T 9 A BITT] >RAIGNM5T ( \R PEOPLE1 ESPECIALLY PICK+ \T MY FA!R1 :OSE H>%NESS HAD BE5 ! NI<TM>E ( MY *ILDHOOD1 & :OSE TYRANNY HAD HELD ME EV5 AFT] MY M>RIAGE4 ,I REPROA*$ ,HEL5A = HAV+ ALL[$ \R P>5TS TO ROB H] ( H] Y\?4 0,!Y CAME NE> DO+ IT TO ME1 TOO60 ,I CRI$4 ,I HAD F9I%$ ) !M :5 !Y JO9$ ! ,RO*E/] BIGOTS & CA/ ME \T4 ,MY LIFE WAS N[ MY [N1 ! WORK ,I HAD *OS5 MORE PRECI\S TO ME ?AN MY LIFE6 ,NO?+ C\LD TAKE ME FROM IT1 LEA/ ( ALL CONSID]ATION = MY P>5TS4 

,! PA9 9 MY D>L+'S FACE *ECK$ ME4 ,I TOOK H] 9 MY >MS & ASSUR$ H] ?AT !RE WAS NO?+ TO WORRY AB\T1 ?AT \R FAMILY NE$ NOT KN[ AB\T MY PLANS4 ,! MEET+ WAS TO BE ONLY BE=E A ,G]MAN UNION2 NO PUBLICITY W\LD BE CONNECT$ ) IT4 ,BESIDES1 ! ,JEWS ON ,/4 ,JOSEPH'S ,/REET KNEW NO?+ AB\T ! ADVANC$ ,G]MANS1 OR AB\T ANY?+ ELSE1 = ?AT MATT]1 \TSIDE ( !IR [N COLORLESS1 PETTY LIVES4 ,HEL5A BRI<T5$ UP4 ,%E SAID ?AT IF MY PUBLIC SPEE* WAS AS ELOQU5T AS MY >GUM5TS TO H]1 ,I W\LD MAKE A HIT4 

,:5 ,I FAC$ ! AUDI5CE ! NEXT EV5+1 MY M9D WAS A BLANK4 ,I C\LD NOT REMEMB] A S+LE WORD ( MY NOTES4 ,I %UT MY EYES = AN 9/ANT2 !N SOME?+ /RANGE HAPP5$4 ,9 A FLA% ,I SAW IT --- EV]Y 9CID5T ( MY ?REE YE>S 9 ,RO*E/]3 ! ,G>SON FACTORY1 ITS DRUDG]Y & HUMILIATION1 ! FAILURE ( MY M>RIAGE1 ! ,*ICAGO CRIME4 ,! LA/ WORDS ( ,AUGU/ ,SPIES RANG 9 MY C>S3 0,\R SIL5CE WILL SPEAK L\D] ?AN ! VOICES Y\ /RANGLE TODAY40 

,I BEGAN TO SPEAK4 ,WORDS ,I HAD NEV] HE>D MYSELF UTT] BE=E CAME P\R+ =?1 FA/] & FA/]4 ,!Y CAME ) PASSIONATE 9T5SITY2 !Y PA9T$ IMAGES ( ! H]OIC M5 ON ! GALL[S1 !IR GL[+ VISION ( AN IDEAL LIFE1 RI* ) COM=T & BEAUTY3 M5 & WOM5 RADIANT 9 FRE$OM1 *ILDR5 TRANS=M$ BY JOY & ALL AFFECTION4 ,! AUDI5CE HAD VANI%$1 ! HALL ITSELF HAD DISAPPE>$1 ,I WAS CONSCI\S ONLY ( MY [N WORDS1 ( MY EC/ATIC SONG4 

,I /OPP$4 ,TUMULTU\S APPLAUSE ROLL$ OV] ME1 ! BUZZ+ ( VOICES1 PEOPLE TELL+ ME SOME?+ ,I C\LD NOT UND]/&4 ,!N ,I HE>D SOMEONE QUITE CLOSE TO ME3 0,IT WAS AN 9SPIR$ SPEE*2 BUT :AT AB\T ! EI<T-H\R /RUGGLE8 ,Y\'VE SAID NO?+ AB\T ?AT40 ,I FELT HURL$ D[N FROM MY EXALT$ HEI<TS1 CRU%$4 ,I TOLD ! *AIRMAN ,I WAS TOO TIR$ TO ANSW] QUE/IONS1 & ,I W5T HOME FEEL+ ILL 9 BODY & M9D4 ,I LET MYSELF QUIETLY 9TO ,HEL5A'S AP>TM5T & ?REW MYSELF ON ! B$ 9 MY CLO!S4 

 ,EXASP]ATION ) ,MO/ = =C+ ! T\R ON ME1 ANG] ) MYSELF = HAV+ SO EASILY SUCCUMB$ TO HIS 9FLU5CE1 ! CONVICTION ?AT ,I HAD *EAT$ ! AUDI5CE --- ALL SEE!D 9 MY M9D TOGE!R ) A NEW REVELATION4 ,I C\LD SWAY PEOPLE ) WORDS6 ,/RANGE & MAGIC WORDS ?AT WELL$ UP FROM )9 ME1 FROM SOME UNFAMILI> DEP?4 ,I WEPT ) ! JOY ( KN[+4 

,I W5T TO ,BUFFALO1 DET]M9$ TO MAKE ANO!R EF=T4 ,! PRELIM9>IES ( ! MEET+ ?REW ME 9TO ! SAME N]V\S T5SION1 BUT :5 ,I FAC$ ! AUDI5CE1 !RE W]E NO VISIONS TO 9FLAME MY M9D4 ,9 AN 5DLESS1 REPETITI\S MANN] ,I MADE MY SPEE* AB\T ! WA/E ( 5]GY & TIME ! EI<T-H\R /RUGGLE 9VOLV$1 SC(F+ AT ! /UPIDITY ( ! WORK]S :O F\<T = SU* TRIFLES4 ,AT ! 5D ( :AT SEEM$ TO ME SEV]AL H\RS ,I WAS COMPLIM5T$ ON MY CLE> & LOGICAL PRES5TATION4 ,SOME QUE/IONS W]E ASK$1 & ,I ANSW]$ !M ) A SUR5ESS ?AT BROOK$ NO GA9SAY+4 ,BUT ON ! WAY HOME FROM ! MEET+ MY HE>T WAS HEAVY4 ,NO WORDS ( EXALTATION HAD COME TO ME1 & H[ C\LD ONE HOPE TO REA* O!R HE>TS :5 ONE'S [N REMA9$ COLD8 ,I DECID$ TO WIRE ,MO/ ! NEXT MORN+1 BEGG+ HIM TO RELIEVE ME ( ! NECESSITY ( GO+ TO ,CLEVEL&4 ,I C\LD NOT BE> TO REPEAT ONCE MORE ! MEAN+LESS PRATTLE4 

,AFT] A NI<T'S SLEEP MY DECISION SEEM$ *ILDI% & WEAK4 ,H[ C\LD ,I GIVE UP SO SOON8 ,W\LD ,MO/ HAVE GIV5 UP LIKE ?AT8 ,W\LD ,SA%A8 ,WELL1 ,I1 TOO1 W\LD GO ON4 ,I TOOK ! TRA9 = ,CLEVEL&4 

,! MEET+ WAS L>GE & ANIMAT$4 ,IT WAS A ,SATURDAY NI<T1 & ! WORK]S ATT5D$ ) !IR WIVES & *ILDR54 ,EV]YBODY DRANK4 ,I WAS SURR\ND$ BY A GR\P1 (F]$ REFRE%M5TS1 & ASK$ QUE/IONS4 ,H[ DID ,I HAPP5 TO COME 9TO ! MOVEM5T8 ,WAS ,I ,G]MAN8 ,:AT WAS ,I DO+ = A LIV+8 ,! PETTY CURIOSITY ( PEOPLE SUPPOS$ TO BE 9T]E/$ 9 ! MO/ ADVANC$ IDEAS REM9D$ ME ( ! ,RO*E/] GRILL+ ON ! DAY ( MY >RIVAL 9 ,AM]ICA4 ,IT MADE ME ?OR\<LY ANGRY4 

,! GI/ ( MY TALK WAS ! SAME AS 9 ,BUFFALO1 BUT ! =M WAS DIFF]5T4 ,IT WAS A S>CA/IC >RAIGNM5T1 NOT ( ! SY/EM OR ( ! CAPITALI/S1 BUT ( ! WORK]S !MSELVES --- !IR READ9ESS TO GIVE UP A GREAT FUTURE = SOME SMALL TEMPOR>Y GA9S4 ,! AUDI5CE SEEM$ TO 5JOY BE+ H&L$ 9 SU* AN \TSPOK5 MANN]4 ,!Y RO>$ 9 SOME PLACES1 & 9 O!RS VIGOR\SLY APPLAUD$4 ,IT WAS NOT A MEET+2 IT WAS A CIRCUS1 & ,I WAS ! CL[N6 

,A MAN 9 ! FRONT R[ :O HAD ATTRACT$ MY ATT5TION BY HIS :ITE HAIR & LEAN1 HAGG>D FACE ROSE TO SPEAK4 ,HE SAID ?AT HE UND]/OOD MY IMPATI5CE ) SU* SMALL DEM&S AS A FEW H\RS LESS A DAY1 OR A FEW DOLL>S MORE A WEEK4 ,IT WAS LEGITIMATE = Y\NG PEOPLE TO TAKE TIME LI<TLY4 ,BUT :AT W]E M5 ( HIS AGE TO DO8 ,!Y W]E NOT LIKELY TO LIVE TO SEE ! ULTIMATE OV]?R[ ( ! CAPITALI/ SY/EM4 ,W]E !Y ALSO TO =GO ! RELEASE ( P]HAPS TWO H\RS A DAY FROM ! HAT$ WORK8 ,?AT WAS ALL !Y C\LD HOPE TO SEE REALIZ$ 9 !IR LIFETIME4 ,%\LD !Y D5Y !MSELVES EV5 ?AT SMALL A*IEVEM5T8 ,%\LD !Y NEV] HAVE A LITTLE MORE TIME = READ+ OR BE+ \T 9 ! OP58 ,:Y NOT BE FAIR TO PEOPLE *A9$ TO ! BLOCK8 

,! MAN'S E>NE/NESS1 HIS CLE> ANALYSIS ( ! PR9CIPLE 9VOLV$ 9 ! EI<T-H\R /RUGGLE1 BR\<T HOME TO ME ! FALSITY ( ,MO/'S POSITION4 ,I REALIZ$ ,I WAS COMMITT+ A CRIME AGA9/ MYSELF & ! WORK]S BY S]V+ AS A P>ROT REPEAT+ ,MO/'S VIEWS4 ,I UND]/OOD :Y ,I HAD FAIL$ TO REA* MY AUDI5CE4 ,I HAD TAK5 REFUGE 9 *EAP JOKES & BITT] ?RU/S AGA9/ ! TOIL]S TO COV] UP MY [N 9N] LACK ( CONVICTION4 ,MY FIR/ PUBLIC EXP]I5CE DID NOT BR+ ! RESULT ,MO/ HAD HOP$ =1 BUT IT TAU<T ME A VALUABLE LESSON4 ,IT CUR$ ME SOME:AT ( MY *ILDLIKE FAI? 9 ! 9FALLIBILITY ( MY TEA*] & IMPRESS$ ON ME ! NE$ ( 9DEP5D5T ?9K+4 

  

,9 ,NEW ,YORK MY FRI5DS HAD PREP>$ A GR& RECEPTION = ME2 \R FLAT WAS SPOTLESSLY CLEAN & FILL$ ) FL[]S4 ,!Y W]E EAG] = AN ACC\NT ( MY T\R & !Y FELT APPREH5SIVE ( ! EFFECT UPON ,MO/ ( MY *ANG$ ATTITUDE4 

,! NEXT EV5+ ,I W5T \T ) ,MO/1 AGA9 TO ,T]RACE ,G>D54 ,HE HAD GR[N Y\NG] DUR+ MY TWO WEEKS' ABS5CE3 HIS R\< BE>D WAS TRIMM$ NEATLY & HE WORE A NATTY NEW GRAY SUIT1 A R$ C>NATION 9 HIS BUTTONHOLE4 ,HE JO9$ ME 9 A GAY MOOD1 PRES5T+ ME ) A L>GE B\QUET ( VIOLETS4 ,! TWO WEEKS ( MY ABS5CE HAD BE5 UNBE>ABLY LONG1 HE SAID1 & HE HAD REPROA*$ HIMSELF = HAV+ LET ME GO JU/ :5 WE HAD GR[N SO CLOSE4 ,BUT N[ HE W\LD NEV] AGA9 LET ME GO --- NOT ALONE1 ANYH[4 

,I TRI$ SEV]AL TIMES TO TELL HIM AB\T MY TRIP1 HURT TO ! QUICK ?AT HE HAD NOT ASK$ AB\T IT4 ,HE HAD S5T ME =? AGA9/ MY WILL1 HE HAD BE5 SO EAG] TO MAKE A GREAT SPEAK] ( ME2 WAS HE NOT 9T]E/$ TO KN[ :E!R ,I HAD PROV$ AN APT PUPIL8 

,YES1 ( C\RSE1 HE REPLI$4 ,BUT HE HAD ALREADY RECEIV$ ! REPORTS FROM ,RO*E/] ?AT ,I HAD BE5 ELOQU5T1 FROM ,BUFFALO ?AT MY PRES5TATION HAD SIL5C$ ALL OPPON5TS1 & FROM ,CLEVEL& ?AT ,I HAD FLAY$ ! DULL>DS ) BIT+ S>CASM4 0,:AT AB\T MY [N REACTIONS80 ,I ASK$4 0,DON'T Y\ WANT ME TO TELL Y\ AB\T ?AT80 0,YES1 ANO!R TIME40 ,N[ HE WANT$ ONLY TO FEEL ME NE>-HIS ,BLONDKOPF1 HIS LITTLE GIRL-WOMAN4 

,I FL>$ UP1 DECL>+ ,I W\LD NOT BE TREAT$ AS A M]E FEMALE4 ,I BLURT$ \T ?AT ,I W\LD NEV] AGA9 FOLL[ BL9DLY1 ?AT ,I HAD MADE A FOOL ( MYSELF1 ?AT ! FIVE-M9UTE SPEE* ( ! OLD WORK] HAD CONV9C$ ME MORE ?AN ALL HIS P]SUASIVE PHRASES4 ,I TALK$ ON1 MY LI/5] KEEP+ V]Y SIL5T4 ,:5 ,I HAD F9I%$1 HE CALL$ ! WAIT] & PAID ! BILL4 ,I FOLL[$ HIM \T4 

,ON ! /REET HE BUR/ \T 9 A /ORM ( ABUSE4 ,HE HAD RE>$ A VIP]1 A SNAKE1 A HE>TLESS COQUETTE1 :O HAD PLAY$ ) HIM LIKE A CAT ) A M\SE4 ,HE HAD S5T ME \T TO PLEAD HIS CAUSE & ,I HAD BETRAY$ HIM4 ,I WAS LIKE ! RE/1 BUT HE W\LD NOT /& = IT4 ,HE W\LD RA!R CUT ME \T ( HIS HE>T RI<T N[ ?AN HAVE ME AS A LUKEW>M FRI5D4 0,:O IS NOT ) ME IS AGA9/ ME10 HE %\T$2 0,I WILL NOT HAVE IT O!RWISE60 ,A GREAT SADNESS OV]:ELM$ ME1 AS IF ,I HAD JU/ EXP]I5C$ AN IRREP>ABLE LOSS4 

,RETURN+ TO \R FLAT1 ,I COLLAPS$4 ,MY FRI5DS W]E DI/URB$ & DID EV]Y?+ TO SOO! ME4 ,I RELAT$ ! /ORY FROM BEG9N+ TO 5D1 EV5 TO ! VIOLETS ,I HAD ME*ANICALLY C>RI$ HOME4 ,SA%A GREW 9DIGNANT4 0,VIOLETS AT ! HEI<T ( W9T]1 ) ?\S&S \T ( WORK & HUNGRY60 HE EXCLAIM$4 ,HE HAD ALWAYS SAID ?AT ,MO/ WAS A SP5D?RIFT1 LIV+ AT ! EXP5SE ( ! MOVEM5T4 ,& :AT K9D ( A REVOLUTIONI/ WAS ,I1 ANYWAY1 TO ACCEPT ,MO/'S FAVORS8 ,DIDN'T ,I KN[ ?AT HE ONLY C>$ = WOM5 PHYSICALLY8 ,MO/ ( ! ,G]MANS W]E ?AT WAY4 ,!Y CONSID]$ WOM5 ONLY AS FEMALES4 ,I W\LD HAVE TO *OOSE ONCE = ALL BETWE5 ,MO/ & HIM4 ,MO/ WAS NO LONG] A REVOLUTIONI/2 HE HAD GONE BACK ON ! ,CAUSE4 

,ANGRILY HE LEFT ! H\SE1 & ,I REMA9$ BEWILD]$1 BRUIS$1 ) MY NEW-F\ND WORLD 9 DEBRIS AT MY FEET4 ,A G5TLE H& TOOK M9E1 L$ ME QUIETLY 9TO MY ROOM1 & LEFT ME4 ,IT WAS ,F$YA4 

  

,SOON A NEW CALL CAME TO ME1 ( WORK]S ON /RIKE1 & ,I FOLL[$ IT EAG]LY4 ,IT CAME FROM ,JOSEPH ,B>ONDESS1 :OM ,I HAD PREVI\SLY MET2 HE WAS ( ! GR\P ( Y\NG ,JEWI% SOCIALI/S & AN>*I/S :O HAD ORGANIZ$ ! CLOAKMAK]S & O!R ,YIDDI% UNIONS4 ,! AGGREGATION NUMB]$ MORE 9=M$ M5 & ABL] SPEAK]S ?AN ,B>ONDESS1 BUT HE /OOD \T BY REASON ( HIS GREAT] SIMPLICITY4 ,!RE WAS NO BOMBA/ AB\T ?IS ATTRACTIVE1 LANKY *AP4 ,HIS M9D WAS NOT ( A S*OL>LY TYPE2 IT WAS ( A PRACTICAL TURN4 ,HE WAS JU/ ! MAN ! WORK]S NE$$ TO HELP !M 9 !IR DAILY /RUGGLE4 ,B>ONDESS WAS N[ AT ! HEAD ( ! UNION1 DIRECT+ ! CLOAKMAK]S' /RIKE4 

,EV]YBODY ON ! ,EA/ ,SIDE :O WAS ABLE TO SAY A FEW WORDS 9 PUBLIC WAS DRAWN 9TO ! /RUGGLE4 ,!Y W]E NE>LY ALL M51 EXCEPT ,ANNIE ,NETT]1 A Y\NG GIRL :O HAD ALREADY MADE A NAME = H]SELF BY H] UNTIR+ ACTIVITY 9 ! AN>*I/ & LABOR RANKS4 ,%E HAD BE5 ONE ( ! MO/ 9TELLIG5T & 9DEFATIGABLE WOM5 WORK]S 9 V>I\S /RIKES1 9CLUD+ ?OSE ( ! ,KNI<TS ( ,LABOR1 AN ORGANIZATION :I* HAD BE5 = A NUMB] ( YE>S ! /ORM-C5T] ( ! 9T5SE CAMPAIGNS ( ! EI<TIES4 ,IT HAD REA*$ ITS Z5I? 9 ! EI<T-H\R FI<T L$ BY ,P>SONS1 ,SPIES1 ,FIELD5 & ! O!R M5 :O HAD DI$ 9 ,*ICAGO4 ,IT BEGAN ITS D[NW>D C\RSE :5 ,T]5CE ,V4 ,P[D]LY1 ,GR& ,MA/] ( ! ,KNI<TS ( ,LABOR1 HAD ALLI$ HIMSELF ) ! 5EMIES ( HIS COMRADES :O W]E BE+ RU%$ TO !IR DOOM4 ,IT WAS WELL KN[N ?AT ,P[D]LY1 9 RETURN = ?IRTY PIECES ( SILV]1 HAD HELP$ TO PULL ! /R+S ?AT /RANGL$ ! M5 9 ,*ICAGO4 ,MILITANT WORK]S )DREW FROM ! ,KNI<TS ( ,LABOR1 & IT BECAME A DUMP+-GR\ND = UNSCRUPUL\S JOB-HUNT]S4 

 ,ANNIE ,NETT] HAD BE5 AMONG ! FIR/ TO TURN FROM ! ,JUDAS ORGANIZATION4 ,%E WAS N[ A MEMB] ( ! ,PIONE]S ( ,LIB]TY1 TO :I* MO/ ( ! ACTIVE ,JEWI% AN>*I/S 9 ,NEW ,YORK BELONG$4 ,AN >D5T WORK]1 %E GAVE UN/9T+LY ( H] TIME & MEAG] E>N+S4 ,9 H] EF=TS %E WAS SU/A9$ BY H] FA!R :O HAD DEVELOP$ HIMSELF \T ( RELIGI\S OR?ODOXY TO A!ISM & SOCIALISM4 ,HE WAS A MAN ( EXCEPTIONAL QUALITY1 A GREAT S*OL>1 ( W>M HUMANITY1 A LOV] ( LIFE & Y\?4 ,! ,NETT] HOME1 BEH9D !IR LITTLE GROC]Y /ORE1 BECAME ! OASIS = ! RADICAL ELEM5T1 AN 9TELLECTUAL C5T]4 ,MRS4 ,NETT] KEPT OP5 H\SE3 ! SAMOV> & A G5]\S SPREAD ( ZAKUSKY W]E NEV] (F ! TABLE4 ,WE Y\NG REBELS W]E APPRECIATIVE1 IF NOT PR(ITABLE1 CU/OM]S ( ! ,NETT] GROC]Y4 

,I HAD NEV] KN[N A REAL HOME4 ,AT ! ,NETT]S' ,I BASK$ 9 ! SUNNY ATMOSPH]E ( ! BEAUTIFUL UND]/&+ ?AT EXI/$ BETWE5 ! P>5TS & !IR *ILDR54 ,! GA!R+S !RE W]E 9T5SELY 9T]E/+1 ! EV5+S SP5T 9 DISCUSSIONS1 5LIV5$ BY ! 5T]TA9+ BANT] ( \R K9DLY HO/4 ,AMONG ! FREQU5T]S W]E SOME V]Y ABLE Y\NG M5 :OSE NAMES W]E WELL KN[N 9 ! ,NEW ,YORK <ETTO2 AMONG O!RS1 ,DAVID ,$EL/ADT1 A F9E IDEALI/IC NATURE1 A SPIRITUAL PETREL :OSE SONGS ( REVOLT W]E BELOV$ BY EV]Y ,YIDDI%-SPEAK+ RADICAL4 ,!N !RE WAS ,BOV%OV]1 :O WROTE UND] ! NAME ( ,BASIL ,DAHL1 A HI<-/RUNG & IMPULSIVE MAN ( EXCEPTIONAL POETIC GIFTS4 ,Y\NG ,MI*AEL ,COHN1 ,M4 ,KATZ1 ,GIRZHDANSKY1 ,L\IS1 & O!R Y\NG M5 ( ABILITY & PROMISE US$ TO MEET AT ! ,NETT]S'1 ALL HELP+ TO MAKE ! EV5+S REAL 9TELLECTUAL FEA/S4 ,JOSEPH ,B>ONDESS (T5 P>TICIPAT$1 & IT WAS HE :O S5T = ME TO HELP 9 ! /RIKE4  

,I ?REW MYSELF 9TO ! WORK ) ALL ! >DOR ( MY BE+ & ,I BECAME ABSORB$ 9 IT TO ! EXCLUSION ( EV]Y?+ ELSE4 ,MY TASK WAS TO GET ! GIRLS 9 ! TRADE TO JO9 ! /RIKE4 ,= ?AT PURPOSE MEET+S1 CONC]TS1 SOCIALS1 & DANCES W]E ORGANIZ$4 ,AT !SE AFFAIRS IT WAS NOT DIFFICULT TO PRESS UPON ! GIRLS ! NE$ ( MAK+ COMMON CAUSE ) !IR /RIK+ BRO!RS4 ,I HAD TO SPEAK (T5 & ,I BECAME LESS & LESS DI/URB$ :5 ON ! PLAT=M4 ,MY FAI? 9 ! JU/ICE ( ! /RIKE HELP$ ME TO DRAMATIZE MY TALKS & TO C>RY CONVICTION4 ,)9 A FEW WEEKS MY WORK BR\<T SCORES ( GIRLS 9TO ! RANKS ( ! /RIK]S4 

,I BECAME ALIVE ONCE MORE4 ,AT ! DANCES ,I WAS ONE ( ! MO/ UNTIR+ & GAYE/4 ,ONE EV5+ A C\S9 ( ,SA%A1 A Y\NG BOY1 TOOK ME ASIDE4 ,) A GRAVE FACE1 AS IF HE W]E AB\T TO ANN\NCE ! DEA? ( A DE> COMRADE1 HE :ISP]$ TO ME ?AT IT DID NOT BEHOOVE AN AGITATOR TO DANCE4 ,C]TA9LY NOT ) SU* RECKLESS AB&ON1 ANYWAY4 ,IT WAS UNDIGNIFI$ = ONE :O WAS ON ! WAY TO BECOME A =CE 9 ! AN>*I/ MOVEM5T4 ,MY FRIVOLITY W\LD ONLY HURT ! ,CAUSE4 

,I GREW FURI\S AT ! IMPUD5T 9T]F]5CE ( ! BOY4 ,I TOLD HIM TO M9D HIS [N BUS9ESS1 ,I WAS TIR$ ( HAV+ ! ,CAUSE CON/ANTLY ?R[N 9TO MY FACE4 ,I DID NOT BELIEVE ?AT A ,CAUSE :I* /OOD =1 A BEAUTIFUL IDEAL1 = AN>*ISM1 = RELEASE & FRE$OM FROM CONV5TIONS & PREJUDICE1 %\LD DEM& ! D5IAL ( LIFE & JOY4 ,I 9SI/$ ?AT \R ,CAUSE C\LD NOT EXPECT ME TO BECAME A NUN & ?AT ! MOVEM5T %\LD NOT BE TURN$ 9TO A CLOI/]4 ,IF IT MEANT ?AT1 ,I DID NOT WANT IT4 0,I WANT FRE$OM1 ! RI<T TO SELF-EXPRESSION1 EV]YBODY'S RI<T TO BEAUTIFUL1 RADIANT ?+S40 ,AN>*ISM MEANT ?AT TO ME1 & ,I W\LD LIVE IT 9 SPITE ( ! :OLE WORLD --- PRISONS1 P]SECUTION1 EV]Y?+4 ,YES1 EV5 9 SPITE ( ! CONDEMNATION ( MY [N CLOSE/ COMRADES ,I W\LD LIVE MY BEAUTIFUL IDEAL4 

,I HAD WORK$ MYSELF 9TO A PASSION1 MY VOICE R++ \T4 ,I F\ND MYSELF SURR\ND$ BY MANY PEOPLE4 ,!RE WAS APPLAUSE1 M+L$ ) PROTE/S ?AT ,I WAS WRONG1 ?AT ONE MU/ CONSID] ! ,CAUSE ABOVE EV]Y?+4 ,ALL ! ,RUSSIAN REVOLUTIONI/S HAD DONE ?AT1 !Y HAD NEV] BE5 CONSCI\S ( SELF4 ,IT WAS NO?+ BUT N>R[ EGOTISM TO WANT TO 5JOY ANY?+ ?AT W\LD TAKE ONE AWAY FROM ! MOVEM5T4 ,9 ! HUBBUB ,SA%A'S VOICE WAS ! L\DE/4 

,I TURN$ 9 HIS DIRECTION4 ,HE WAS /&+ NE> ,ANNA ,M9K94 ,I HAD NOTIC$ !IR GR[+ 9T]E/ 9 EA* O!R LONG BE=E \R LA/ ALT]CATION4 ,SA%A HAD !N MOV$ \T ( \R FLAT1 :]E ,ANNA US$ TO BE ALMO/ A DAILY VISITOR4 ,IT WAS N[ ! FIR/ TIME 9 WEEKS ?AT ,I HAD SE5 EI!R ( !M4 ,MY HE>T CONTRACT$ ) YE>N+ = MY IMPETU\S1 HEAD/RONG LOV]4 ,I LONG$ TO CALL HIM BY ! NAME HE LOV$ BE/1 ,DU%5KA - TO /RET* \T MY >MS TO HIM --- BUT HIS FACE WAS SET1 HIS EYES FULL ( REPROA*1 & ,I *ECK$ MYSELF4 ,I DANC$ NO MORE ?AT EV5+4 

,PRES5TLY ,I WAS CALL$ 9TO ! COMMITTEE ROOM1 :]E ,I F\ND ,JOSEPH ,B>ONDESS & O!R /RIKE LEAD]S ALREADY AT WORK4 ,NEXT TO ,B>ONDESS ,I NOTIC$ ,PR(ESSOR ,T4 ,H4 ,G>SIDE1 A ,SCOT*MAN1 =M]LY LECTUR] = ! ,KNI<TS ( ,LABOR1 & N[ AT ! HEAD ( ! /RIKE4 ,G>SIDE WAS AB\T ?IRTY-FIVE1 TALL1 PALE1 & LANGUID-LOOK+4 ,HIS MANN] WAS G5TLE & +RATIAT+1 & HE RESEMBL$ SOME:AT ! PICTURES ( ,*RI/4 ,HE WAS ALWAYS TRY+ TO PACIFY CONFLICT+ ELEM5TS1 TO SMOO? ?+S OV]4 

,G>SIDE 9=M$ US ?AT ! /RIKE W\LD BE LO/ IF WE DID NOT CONS5T TO A COMPROMISE4 ,I DISAGRE$ ) HIM & OBJECT$ TO HIS PROPOSAL4 ,SEV]AL MEMB]S ( ! COMMITTEE UPHELD ME1 BUT ,G>SIDE'S 9FLU5CE PREVAIL$4 ,! /RIKE WAS SETTL$ ACCORD+ TO HIS SUGGE/IONS4 

,! /R5U\S WEEKS ( ! /RIKE N[ GAVE WAY TO LESS >DU\S ACTIVITIES3 LECTURES1 EV5+S AT ! ,NETT]S' OR AT \R FLAT1 & EF=TS TO SECURE EMPLOYM5T AGA94 ,F$YA HAD BEGUN TO WORK ) CRAYONS1 5L>G+ PHOTOGRAPHS2 HE DECL>$ ?AT HE C\LD NOT KEEP ON WA/+ \R MONEY1 ,HEL5'S & M9E1 ON PA9TS4 ,HE FELT HE W\LD NEV] BECOME A GREAT PA9T]1 ANYWAY4 ,I SUSPECT$ IT WAS SOME?+ ELSE3 NO D\BT HIS DESIRE TO E>N MONEY SO ?AT HE C\LD RELIEVE ME ( H>D WORK4 

,I HAD NOT BE5 FEEL+ V]Y WELL1 ESPECIALLY DUR+ P]IODS1 ON :I* OCCASIONS ,I ALWAYS HAD TO TAKE TO B$1 9 EXCRUCIAT+ PA9 = DAYS4 ,IT HAD BE5 SO S9CE MY GREAT %OCK :5 ,MO!R SLAPP$ MY FACE4 ,IT GREW WORSE :5 ,I CAU<T A COLD ON \R WAY FROM ,KONIGSB]G TO ,/4 ,PET]SBURG4 ,WE HAD TO BE SMUGGL$ ACROSS ! BORD]1 ,MO!R1 MY TWO BRO!RS1 & ,I4 ,IT WAS 9 ! LATT] P>T ( #ahha & ! W9T] WAS P>TICUL>LY SEV]E4 ,! SMUGGL]S HAD TOLD ,MO!R ?AT WE W\LD HAVE TO WADE ?R\< DEEP SN[1 EV5 ACROSS A HALF-FROZ5 BROOK4 ,MO!R WORRI$ AB\T ME BECAUSE ,I WAS TAK5 SICK A FEW DAYS E>LI] ?AN MY TIME1 [+ TO ! EXCITEM5T ( \R DEP>TURE FROM ,KONIGSB]G4 ,AT FIVE 9 ! MORN+1 %IV]+ ) COLD & FE>1 WE />T$ \T4 ,SOON WE REA*$ ! BROOK ?AT SEP>AT$ ! ,G]MAN & ,RUSSIAN FRONTI]S4 ,! V]Y ANTICIPATION ( ! ICY WAT] WAS P>ALYZ+1 BUT !RE WAS NO ESCAPE2 WE HAD TO PLUNGE 9 OR BE OV]TAK5 & P]HAPS %OT BY SOLDI]S PATROLL+ ! BORD]4 ,A FEW RUBLES F9ALLY 9DUC$ !M TO TURN !IR BACKS1 BUT !Y HAD CAUTION$ US TO BE QUICK4 

,WE PLUNG$ 91 ,MO!R LOAD$ ) BUNDLES & ,I C>RY+ MY LITTLE BRO!R4 ,! SUDD5 *ILL FROZE MY BLOOD2 !N ,I FELT A /++ S5SATION 9 MY SP9E1 ABDOM51 & LEGS1 AS IF ,I W]E BE+ PI]C$ ) HOT IRONS4 ,I WANT$ TO SCREAM1 BUT T]ROR ( ! SOLDI]S *ECK$ ME4 ,SOON WE W]E OV]1 & ! /++ CEAS$2 BUT MY TEE? KEPT *ATT]+ & ,I WAS 9 A HOT SWEAT4 ,WE RAN AS FA/ AS WE C\LD TO ! 9N ON ! ,RUSSIAN SIDE4 ,I WAS GIV5 HOT TEA ) MAL9Y1 PACK$ 9 HOT BRICKS1 & COV]$ ) A L>GE FEA!R B$4 ,I FELT FEV]I% ALL ! WAY TO ,/4 ,PET]SBURG1 & ! PA9 9 MY SP9E & LEGS WAS RACK+4 ,I WAS LAID UP = WEEKS1 & MY SP9E REMA9$ WEAK = YE>S AFT]W>DS4 

,9 ,AM]ICA ,I HAD CONSULT$ ,SOLOT>(F AB\T MY TR\BLE1 & HE TOOK ME TO A SPECIALI/1 :O URG$ AN OP]ATION4 ,HE SEEM$ SURPRIS$ ?AT ,I C\LD HAVE /OOD MY CONDITION SO LONG & ?AT ,I HAD BE5 AT ALL ABLE TO HAVE PHYSICAL CONTACT4 ,MY FRI5DS 9=M$ ME ?AT ! PHYSICIAN HAD SAID ,I W\LD NEV] BE FREE FROM PA91 OR EXP]I5CE FULL SEXUAL RELEASE1 UNLESS ,I SUBMITT$ TO ! OP]ATION4 

,SOLOT>(F ASK$ ME :E!R ,I HAD EV] WANT$ A BABY4 0,BECAUSE IF Y\ HAVE ! OP]ATION10 HE EXPLA9$1 0Y\ WILL BE ABLE TO HAVE A *ILD4 ,SO F> Y\R CONDITION HAS MADE ?AT IMPOSSIBLE40 

,A *ILD6 ,I HAD LOV$ *ILDR5 MADLY1 EV] S9CE ,I C\LD REMEMB]4 ,AS A LITTLE GIRL ,I US$ TO LOOK ) 5VI\S EYES ON ! /RANGE LITTLE BABIES \R NEI<BOR'S DAU<T] PLAY$ )1 DRESS+ !M UP & PUTT+ !M TO SLEEP4 ,I WAS TOLD !Y W]E NOT REAL BABIES1 !Y W]E ONLY DOLLS1 AL?\< TO ME !Y W]E LIV+ ?+S BECAUSE !Y W]E SO BEAUTIFUL4 ,I LONG$ = DOLLS1 BUT ,I NEV] HAD ANY4 

,:5 MY BRO!R ,H]MAN WAS BORN1 ,I WAS ONLY F\R YE>S OLD4 ,HE REPLAC$ ! NE$ ( DOLLS 9 MY LIFE4 ,! >RIVAL ( LITTLE ,LEIBALE TWO YE>S LAT] FILL$ ME ) EC/ATIC JOY4 ,I WAS ALWAYS NE> HIM1 ROCK+ & S++ HIM TO SLEEP4 ,ONCE :5 HE WAS AB\T A YE> OLD1 ,MO!R PUT HIM 9 MY B$4 ,AFT] %E LEFT1 ! *ILD BEGAN TO CRY4 ,HE MU/ BE HUNGRY1 ,I ?\<T4 ,I REMEMB]$ H[ ,MO!R GAVE HIM ! BREA/4 ,I1 TOO1 W\LD GIVE HIM MY BREA/4 ,I PICK$ HIM UP 9 MY >MS & PRESS$ HIS LITTLE M\? CLOSE TO ME1 ROCK+ & COO+ & URG+ HIM TO DR9K4 ,9/EAD HE BEGAN TO *OKE1 TURN$ BLUE 9 ! FACE1 & GASP$ = BREA?4 ,MO!R CAME RUNN+ 9 & DEM&$ TO KN[ :AT ,I HAD DONE TO ,BABY4 ,I EXPLA9$4 ,%E BROKE \T 9TO LAU<T]1 !N SLAPP$ & SCOLD$ ME4 ,I WEPT1 NOT FROM PA91 BUT BECAUSE MY BREA/ HAD NO MILK = ,LEIBALE4 

,MY COMPASSION = \R S]VANT ,AMALIA HAD SURELY BE5 DUE TO ! CIRCUM/ANCE ?AT %E WAS GO+ TO HAVE E9 ,K9D*54 ,I LOV$ BABIES PASSIONATELY1 & N[ - N[ ,I MI<T HAVE A *ILD ( MY [N & EXP]I5CE = ! FIR/ TIME ! MY/]Y & WOND] ( MO!RHOOD6 ,I CLOS$ MY EYES 9 BLISSFUL DAYDREAM+4 

,A CRUEL H& CLUT*$ AT MY HE>T4 ,MY <A/LY *ILDHOOD /OOD BE=E ME1 MY HUNG] = AFFECTION1 :I* ,MO!R WAS UNABLE TO SATISFY4 ,FA!R'S H>%NESS T[>DS ! *ILDR51 HIS VIOL5T \TBREAKS1 HIS BEAT+ MY SI/]S & ME4 ,TWO FRI<TFUL EXP]I5CES W]E P>TICUL>LY FRE% 9 MY M9D3 ,ONCE ,FA!R LA%$ ME ) A /RAP SO ?AT MY LITTLE BRO!R ,H]MAN1 AWAK5$ BY MY CRIES1 CAME RUNN+ UP & BIT ,FA!R ON ! CALF4 ,! LA%+ /OPP$4 ,HEL5A TOOK ME TO H] ROOM1 BA!D MY BRUIS$ BACK1 BR\<T ME MILK1 HELD ME TO H] HE>T1 H] TE>S M+L+ ) M9E1 :ILE ,FA!R \TSIDE WAS RAG+3 0,I'LL KILL H]6 ,I WILL KILL ?AT BRAT6 ,I WILL TEA* H] TO OBEY60 

,ANO!R TIME1 9 ,KONIGSB]G1 MY PEOPLE1 HAV+ LO/ EV]Y?+ 9 ,POPELAN1 W]E TOO POOR TO AF=D DEC5T S*OOL+ = ,H]MAN & MYSELF4 ,! CITY'S RABBI1 A DI/ANT RELATIVE1 HAD PROMIS$ TO >RANGE ! MATT]1 BUT HE 9SI/$ ON MON?LY REPORTS ( \R BEHAVIOR & PROGRESS AT S*OOL4 ,I HAT$ IT AS A HUMILIATION ?AT \TRAG$ ME1 BUT ,I HAD TO C>RY ! REPORT4 ,ONE DAY ,I WAS GIV5 A L[ M>K = BAD BEHAVIOR4 ,I W5T HOME 9 TREMBL+ FE>4 ,I C\LD NOT FACE ,FA!R --- ,I %[$ MY PAP] TO ,MO!R4 ,%E BEGAN TO CRY1 SAID ?AT ,I W\LD BE !IR RU91 ?AT ,I WAS AN UNGRATEFUL & WILLFUL *ILD1 & ?AT %E W\LD HAVE TO LET ,FA!R SEE ! PAP]4 ,BUT %E W\LD PLEAD ) HIM = ME1 AL?\< ,I DID NOT DES]VE IT4 ,I WALK$ AWAY FROM H] ) A HEAVY HE>T4 ,AT \R BAY W9D[ ,I LOOK$ \T OV] ! FIELDS 9 ! DI/ANCE4 ,*ILDR5 W]E PLAY+ !RE2 !Y SEEM$ TO BELONG TO ANO!R WORLD --- !RE NEV] HAD BE5 MU* PLAY 9 MY LIFE4 ,A /RANGE ?\<T CAME TO ME3 H[ WOND]FUL IT W\LD BE IF ,I W]E /RICK5 ) SOME CONSUM+ DISEASE6 ,IT W\LD SURELY S(T5 ,FA!R'S HE>T4 ,I HAD NEV] KN[N HIM S(T SAVE ON ,SUKKESS1 ! AUTUMNAL HOLIDAY ( REJOIC+4 ,FA!R DID NOT DR9K1 EXCEPT A LITTLE ON C]TA9 ,JEWI% FETES1 ON ?IS DAY ESPECIALLY4 ,!N HE W\LD GR[ JOLLY1 GA!R ! *ILDR5 AB\T HIM1 PROMISE US NEW DRESSES & TOYS4 ,IT WAS ! ONE BRI<T SPOT 9 \R LIVES & WE ALWAYS EAG]LY LOOK$ =W>D TO IT4 ,IT HAPP5$ ONLY ONCE A YE>4 ,AS LONG AS ,I C\LD ?9K BACK1 ,I REMEMB]$ HIS SAY+ ?AT HE HAD NOT WANT$ ME4 ,HE HAD WANT$ A BOY1 ! PIG WOMAN HAD *EAT$ HIM4 ,P]HAPS IF ,I %\LD BECOME V]Y ILL1 NE> DEA?1 HE W\LD BECOME K9D & NEV] BEAT ME AGA9 OR LET ME /& 9 ! CORN] = H\RS1 OR MAKE ME WALK BACK & =? ) A GLASS ( WAT] 9 MY H&4 0,IF Y\ SPILL A DROP1 Y\ WILL GET :IPP$60 HE W\LD ?REAT54 ,! :IP & ! LITTLE /OOL W]E ALWAYS AT H&4 ,!Y SYMBOLIZ$ MY %AME & MY TRAG$Y4 ,AFT] MANY ATTEMPTS & CONSID]ABLE PUNI%M5T ,I HAD LE>N$ TO C>RY ! GLASS )\T SPILL+ ! WAT]4 ,! PROCESS US$ TO UNN]VE ME & MAKE ME ILL = H\RS AFT]4 

,MY FA!R WAS H&SOME1 DA%+1 & FULL ( VITALITY4 ,I LOV$ HIM EV5 :ILE ,I WAS AFRAID ( HIM4 ,I WANT$ HIM TO LOVE ME1 BUT ,I NEV] KNEW H[ TO REA* HIS HE>T4 ,HIS H>DNESS S]V$ ONLY TO MAKE ME MORE CONTR>Y4 ,:Y WAS HE SO H>D1 ,I WAS WOND]+1 AS ,I LOOK$ \T ( ! BAY W9D[1 LO/ 9 RECOLLECTIONS4 

,SUDD5LY ,I FELT A T]RIFIC PA9 9 MY HEAD1 AS IF ,I HAD BE5 /RUCK ) AN IRON B>4 ,IT WAS ,FA!R'S FI/ ?AT HAD SMA%$ ! R\ND COMB ,I WORE TO HOLD MY UNRULY HAIR4 ,HE P\ND$ ME & PULL$ ME AB\T1 RAG+3 0,Y\ >E MY DISGRACE6 ,Y\ WILL ALWAYS BE SO6 ,Y\ CAN'T BE MY *ILD2 Y\ DON'T LOOK LIKE ME OR LIKE Y\R MO!R2 Y\ DON'T ACT LIKE US60 

,SI/] ,HEL5A WRE/L$ ) HIM = MY LIFE4 ,%E TRI$ TO TE> ME AWAY FROM HIS GRIP1 & ! BL[S 9T5D$ = ME FELL UPON H]4 ,AT LA/ ,FA!R BECAME TIR$1 GREW DIZZY1 & FELL HEADLONG TO ! FLOOR4 ,HEL5A %\T$ TO ,MO!R ?AT ,FA!R HAD FA9T$4 ,%E HURRI$ ME ALONG TO H] ROOM & LOCK$ ! DOOR4 

,ALL MY LOVE & LONG+ = MY FA!R W]E TURN$ TO HATR$4 ,AFT] ?AT ,I AVOID$ HIM & NEV] TALK$ TO HIM1 UNLESS 9 ANSW]4 ,I DID :AT ,I WAS TOLD ME*ANICALLY2 ! GULF BETWE5 US WID5$ ) ! YE>S4 ,MY HOME HAD BECOME A PRISON4 ,EV]Y TIME ,I TRI$ TO ESCAPE1 ,I WAS CAU<T & PUT BACK 9 ! *A9S =G$ = ME BY ,FA!R4 ,FROM ,/4 ,PET]SBURG TO ,AM]ICA1 FROM ,RO*E/] TO MY M>RIAGE1 !RE W]E REPEAT$ ATTEMPTS TO ESCAPE4 ,! LA/ & F9AL ONE WAS BE=E ,I LEFT ,RO*E/] = ,NEW ,YORK4 

,MO!R HAD NOT BE5 FEEL+ WELL & ,I W5T OV] TO PUT H] H\SE 9 ORD]4 ,I WAS ON ! FLOOR SCRUBB+ :ILE ,FA!R WAS NAGG+ ME = HAV+ M>RI$ ,K]%N]1 = HAV+ LEFT HIM1 & AGA9 = RETURN+ TO HIM4 0,Y\ >E A LOOSE *>ACT]10 HE KEPT ON SAY+2 0Y\ HAVE ALWAYS DISGRAC$ Y\RSELF 9 ! FAMILY40 ,HE TALK$1 :ILE ,I CONT9U$ SCRUBB+4 

,!N SOME?+ SNAPP$ )9 ME2 MY LONE & WOEFUL *ILDHOOD1 MY TORM5T$ ADOLESC5CE1 MY JOYLESS Y\? --- ,I FLUNG !M ALL 9TO ,FA!R'S FACE4 ,HE /OOD A<A/ AS ,I D5\NC$ HIM1 EMPHASIZ+ EV]Y *>GE BY BEAT+ MY SCRUBB+-BRU% ON ! FLOOR4 ,EV]Y CRUEL 9CID5T ( MY LIFE /OOD \T 9 MY >RAIGNM5T4 ,\R L>GE B>N ( A HOME1 ,FA!R'S ANGRY VOICE RES\ND+ ?R\< IT1 HIS ILL-TREATM5T ( ! S]VANTS1 HIS IRON GRIP ON MY MO!R --- EV]Y?+ ?AT HAD HAUNT$ MY DAYS & T]RORIZ$ MY NI<TS ,I N[ RECALL$ 9 MY BITT]NESS4 ,I TOLD HIM ?AT IF ,I HAD NOT BECOME ! H>LOT HE REPEAT$LY CALL$ ME1 IT WAS NOT HIS FAULT4 ,I HAD BE5 ON ! V]GE EV5 ( GO+ ON ! /REET MORE ?AN ONCE4 ,IT WAS ,HEL5A'S LOVE & DEVOTION ?AT HAD SAV$ ME4 

,MY WORDS RU%$ ON LIKE A TORR5T1 ! BRU% P\ND+ ! FLOOR ) ALL ! HATR$ & SCORN ,I FELT = MY FA!R4 ,! T]RIBLE SC5E 5D$ ) MY HY/]ICAL SCREAMS4 ,MY BRO!RS C>RI$ ME UP & PUT ME TO B$4 ,! NEXT MORN+ ,I LEFT ! H\SE4 ,I DID NOT SEE ,FA!R AGA9 BE=E ,I W5T TO ,NEW ,YORK4 

,I HAD LE>N$ S9CE !N ?AT MY TRAGIC *ILDHOOD HAD BE5 NO EXCEPTION1 ?AT !RE W]E ?\S&S ( *ILDR5 BORN UNWANT$1 M>R$ & MAIM$ BY POV]TY & /ILL MORE BY IGNORANT MISUND]/&+4 ,NO *ILD ( M9E %\LD EV] BE ADD$ TO ?OSE UN=TUNATE VICTIMS4 

,!RE WAS ALSO ANO!R REASON3 MY GR[+ ABSORPTION 9 MY NEW F\ND IDEAL4 ,I HAD DET]M9$ TO S]VE IT COMPLETELY4 ,TO FULFILL ?AT MISSION ,I MU/ REMA9 UNHAMP]$ & UNTI$4 ,YE>S ( PA9 & ( SUPPRESS$ LONG+ = A *ILD --- :AT W]E !Y COMP>$ ) ! PRICE MANY M>TYRS HAD ALREADY PAID8 ,I1 TOO1 W\LD PAY ! PRICE1 ,I W\LD 5DURE ! SUFF]+1 ,I W\LD F9D AN \TLET = MY MO!R-NE$ 9 ! LOVE ( ALL *ILDR54 ,! OP]ATION DID NOT TAKE PLACE4 

  

,SEV]AL WEEKS' RE/ & ! LOV+ C>E ( MY FRI5DS --- ( ,SA%A1 :O HAD RETURN$ TO ! H\SE1 ! ,M9K9 SI/]S1 ,MO/1 :O CALL$ (T5 & S5T FL[]S1 &1 ABOVE ALL1 ! >TI/ BOY - GAVE ME BACK TO HEAL?4 ,I ROSE FROM MY SICK-B$ R5EW$ 9 FAI? 9 MY [N /R5G?4 ,LIKE ,SA%A ,I N[ FELT ?AT ,I1 TOO1 C\LD OV]COME EV]Y DIFLICULTY & FACE EV]Y TE/ = MY IDEAL4 ,HAD ,I NOT OV]COME ! /RONGE/ & MO/ PRIMITIVE CRAV+ ( A WOMAN --- ! DESIRE = A *ILD8 

,DUR+ ?OSE WEEKS ,F$YA & ,I BECAME LOV]S4 ,IT HAD GR[N CLE> TO ME ?AT MY FEEL+S = ,F$YA HAD NO BE>+ ON MY LOVE = ,SA%A4 ,EA* CALL$ \T DIFF]5T EMOTIONS 9 MY BE+1 TOOK ME 9TO DIFF]5T WORLDS4 ,!Y CREAT$ NO CONFLICT1 !Y ONLY BR\<T FULFILLM5T4 

,I TOLD ,SA%A AB\T MY LOVE = ,F$YA4 ,HIS RESPONSE WAS BIGG] & MORE BEAUTIFUL ?AN ,I BAD EXPECT$4 0,I BELIEVE 9 Y\R FRE$OM TO LOVE10 HE SAID4 ,HE WAS AW>E ( HIS POSSESSIVE T5D5CIES & HAT$ !M LIKE EV]Y?+ ELSE HE HAD GOT FROM HIS B\RGEOIS BACKGR\ND4 ,P]HAPS IF ,F$YA W]E NOT HIS FRI5D1 HE MI<T BE JEAL\S2 HE KNEW HE HAD A L>GE /REAK ( JEAL\SY 9 HIS MAKE-UP4 ,BUT NOT ONLY WAS ,F$YA HIS FRI5D1 HE WAS HIS COMRADE 9 BATTLE2 & ,I WAS MORE TO HIM ?AN M]ELY A WOMAN4 ,HIS LOVE = ME WAS 9T5SE1 BUT ! REVOLUTIONI/ & ! FI<T] MEANT MORE TO HIM4 

,:5 \R >TI/ FRI5D CAME HOME ?AT DAY1 ! BOYS EMBRAC$4 ,LATE 9TO ! NI<T WE TALK$ ( \R PLANS = FUR!R ACTIVITIES4 ,:5 WE SEP>AT$1 WE HAD MADE A PACT --- TO D$ICATE \RSELVES TO ! ,CAUSE 9 SOME SUPREME DE$1 TO DIE TOGE!R IF NECESS>Y1 OR TO CONT9UE TO LIVE & WORK = ! IDEAL = :I* ONE ( US MI<T HAVE TO GIVE HIS LIFE4 

,! DAYS & WEEKS ?AT FOLL[$ W]E ILLUM9$ BY ! GLORI\S NEW LI<T 9 US4 ,WE BECAME MORE PATI5T ) EA* O!R1 MORE UND]/&+4 

,FROM 3 ,AN>*Y ,>*IVES4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,DECEMB] #c#a1 #aic 3 ,VOLUME #a1 ,*APT] #e -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,JANU>Y #b#c1 #bag 3 ,VOLUME #a1 ,*APT] #e -- ,ADD$4 

 FILE G5]AT$ FROM 3  
HTTP3_/_/REVOLTLIB4COM_/