,BOOK #a1 ,*APT] #bh 
,! ,AWAK5+ 

#ahiiahii 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TRANSLATOR 3 ,L\ISE ,MAUDE 

,TEXT 3 

0,%AMEFUL & /UPID1 HORRID & %AMEFUL60 ,NEKHLUD(F KEPT SAY+ TO HIMSELF1 AS HE WALK$ HOME ALONG ! FAMILI> /REETS4 ,! DEPRESSION HE HAD FELT :IL/ SPEAK+ TO ,MISSY W\LD NOT LEAVE HIM4 ,HE FELT ?AT1 LOOK+ AT IT EXT]NALLY1 AS IT W]E1 HE WAS 9 ! RI<T1 = HE HAD NEV] SAID ANY?+ TO H] ?AT C\LD BE CONSID]$ B9D+1 NEV] MADE H] AN (F]2 BUT HE KNEW ?AT 9 REALITY HE HAD B\ND HIMSELF TO H]1 HAD PROMIS$ TO BE H]S4 ,& YET TO-DAY HE FELT ) HIS :OLE BE+ ?AT HE C\LD NOT M>RY H]4 

0,%AMEFUL & HORRID1 HORRID & %AMEFUL60 HE REPEAT$ TO HIMSELF1 ) REF]5CE NOT ONLY TO HIS RELATIONS ) ,MISSY BUT ALSO TO ! RE/4 0,EV]Y?+ IS HORRID & %AMEFUL10 HE MUTT]$1 AS HE /EPP$ 9TO ! POR* ( HIS H\SE4 0,I AM NOT GO+ TO HAVE ANY SUPP]10 HE SAID TO HIS MANS]VANT ,CORNEY1 :O FOLL[$ HIM 9TO ! D9+-ROOM1 :]E ! CLO? WAS LAID = SUPP] & TEA4 0,Y\ MAY GO40 

0,YES1 SIR10 SAID ,CORNEY1 YET HE DID NOT GO1 BUT BEGAN CLE>+ ! SUPP] (F ! TABLE4 ,NEKHLUD(F LOOK$ AT ,CORNEY ) A FEEL+ ( ILL-WILL4 ,HE WI%$ TO BE LEFT ALONE1 & IT SEEM$ TO HIM ?AT EV]YBODY WAS BO!R+ HIM 9 ORD] TO SPITE HIM4 ,:5 ,CORNEY HAD GONE AWAY ) ! SUPP] ?+S1 ,NEKHLUD(F MOV$ TO ! TEA URN & WAS AB\T TO MAKE HIMSELF SOME TEA1 BUT HE>+ ,AGRAPH5A ,PETROVNA'S FOOT/EPS1 HE W5T HURRI$LY 9TO ! DRAW+-ROOM1 TO AVOID BE+ SE5 BY H]1 & %UT ! DOOR AFT] HIM4 ,9 ?IS DRAW+-ROOM HIS MO!R HAD DI$ ?REE MON?S BE=E4 ,ON 5T]+ ! ROOM1 9 :I* TWO LAMPS ) REFLECTORS W]E BURN+1 ONE LI<T+ UP HIS FA!R'S & ! O!R HIS MO!R'S PORTRAIT1 HE REMEMB]$ :AT HIS LA/ RELATIONS ) HIS MO!R HAD BE54 ,& !Y ALSO SEEM$ %AMEFUL & HORRID4 ,HE REMEMB]$ H[1 DUR+ ! LATT] P]IOD ( H] ILLNESS1 HE HAD SIMPLY WI%$ H] TO DIE4 ,HE HAD SAID TO HIMSELF ?AT HE WI%$ IT = H] SAKE1 ?AT %E MI<T BE RELEAS$ FROM H] SUFF]+1 BUT 9 REALITY HE WI%$ TO BE RELEAS$ FROM ! SI<T ( H] SUFF]+S = HIS [N SAKE4 

,TRY+ TO RECALL A PLEASANT IMAGE ( H]1 HE W5T UP TO LOOK AT H] PORTRAIT1 PA9T$ BY A CELEBRAT$ >TI/ = #h RUBLES4 ,%E WAS DEPICT$ 9 A V]Y L[-NECK$ BLACK VELVET DRESS4 ,!RE WAS SOME?+ V]Y REVOLT+ & BLASPHEM\S 9 ?IS REPRES5TATION ( HIS MO!R AS A HALF-NUDE BEAUTY4 ,IT WAS ALL ! MORE DISGU/+ BECAUSE ?REE MON?S AGO1 9 ?IS V]Y ROOM1 LAY ?IS SAME WOMAN1 DRI$ UP TO A MUMMY4 ,& HE REMEMB]$ H[ A FEW DAYS BE=E H] DEA? %E CLASP$ HIS H& ) H] BONY1 DISCOLOR$ F+]S1 LOOK$ 9TO HIS EYES1 & SAID3 0,DO NOT JUDGE ME1 ,MITIA1 IF ,I HAVE NOT DONE :AT ,I %\LD10 & H[ ! TE>S CAME 9TO H] EYES1 GR[N PALE ) SUFF]+4 

0,AH1 H[ HORRID60 HE SAID TO HIMSELF1 LOOK+ UP ONCE MORE AT ! HALF-NAK$ WOMAN1 ) ! SPL5DID M>BLE %\LD]S & >MS1 & ! TRIUMPHANT SMILE ON H] LIPS4 0,OH1 H[ HORRID60 ,! B>$ %\LD]S ( ! PORTRAIT REM9D$ HIM ( ANO!R1 A Y\NG WOMAN1 :OM HE HAD SE5 EXPOS$ 9 ! SAME WAY A FEW DAYS BE=E4 ,IT WAS ,MISSY1 :O HAD DEVIS$ AN EXCUSE = CALL+ HIM 9TO H] ROOM JU/ AS %E WAS READY TO GO TO A BALL1 SO ?AT HE %\LD SEE H] 9 H] BALL DRESS4 ,IT WAS ) DISGU/ ?AT HE REMEMB]$ H] F9E %\LD]S & >MS4 0,& ?AT FA!R ( H]S1 ) HIS D\BTFUL PA/ & HIS CRUELTIES1 & ! BEL-ESPRIT H] MO!R1 ) H] D\BTFUL REPUTATION40 ,ALL ?IS DISGU/$ HIM1 & ALSO MADE HIM FEEL A%AM$4 0,%AMEFUL & HORRID2 HORRID & %AMEFUL60 

0,NO1 NO10 HE ?\<T2 0FRE$OM FROM ALL !SE FALSE RELATIONS ) ! ,KOR*AG9S & ,M>Y ,VASILIEVNA & ! 9H]ITANCE & FROM ALL ! RE/ MU/ BE GOT4 ,OH1 TO BREA! FREELY1 TO GO ABROAD1 TO ,ROME & WORK AT MY PICTURE60 ,HE REMEMB]$ ! D\BTS HE HAD AB\T HIS TAL5T = >T4 0,WELL1 NEV] M9D2 ONLY JU/ TO BREA! FREELY4 ,FIR/ ,CON/ANT9OPLE1 !N ,ROME4 ,ONLY JU/ TO GET ?R\< ) ?IS JURY BUS9ESS1 & >RANGE ) ! ADVOCATE FIR/40 

,!N SUDD5LY !RE >OSE 9 HIS M9D AN EXTREMELY VIVID PICTURE ( A PRISON] ) BLACK1 SLI<TLY-SQU9T+ EYES1 & H[ %E BEGAN TO CRY :5 ! LA/ WORDS ( ! PRISON]S HAD BE5 HE>D2 & HE HURRI$LY PUT \T HIS CIG>ETTE1 PRESS+ IT 9TO ! A%-PAN1 LIT ANO!R1 & BEGAN PAC+ UP & D[N ! ROOM4 ,ONE AFT] ANO!R ! SC5ES HE HAD LIV$ ?R\< ) H] ROSE 9 HIS M9D4 ,HE RECALL$ ?AT LA/ 9T]VIEW ) H]4 ,HE REMEMB]$ ! :ITE DRESS & BLUE SA%1 ! E>LY MASS4 0,:Y1 ,I LOV$ H]1 REALLY LOV$ H] ) A GOOD1 PURE LOVE1 ?AT NI<T2 ,I LOV$ H] EV5 BE=E3 YES1 ,I LOV$ H] :5 ,I LIV$ ) MY AUNTS ! FIR/ TIME & WAS WRIT+ MY COMPOSITION40 ,& HE REMEMB]$ HIMSELF AS HE HAD BE5 !N4 ,A BREA? ( ?AT FRE%NESS1 Y\? & FULLNESS ( LIFE SEEM$ TO T\* HIM1 & HE GREW PA9FULLY SAD4 ,! DIFF]5CE BETWE5 :AT HE HAD BE5 !N & :AT HE WAS N[1 WAS 5ORM\S--JU/ AS GREAT1 IF NOT GREAT] ?AN ! DIFF]5CE BETWE5 ,KATU%A 9 *UR* ?AT NI<T1 & ! PRO/ITUTE :O HAD BE5 C>\S+ ) ! M]*ANT & :OM !Y JUDG$ ?IS MORN+4 ,!N HE WAS FREE & FE>LESS1 & 9NUM]ABLE POSSIBILITIES LAY READY TO OP5 BE=E HIM2 N[ HE FELT HIMSELF CAU<T 9 ! ME%ES ( A /UPID1 EMPTY1 VALUELESS1 FRIVOL\S LIFE1 \T ( :I* HE SAW NO MEANS ( EXTRICAT+ HIMSELF EV5 IF HE WI%$ TO1 :I* HE H>DLY DID4 ,HE REMEMB]$ H[ PR\D HE WAS AT ONE TIME ( HIS /RAI<T=W>DNESS1 H[ HE HAD MADE A RULE ( ALWAYS SPEAK+ ! TRU?1 & REALLY HAD BE5 TRU?FUL2 & H[ HE WAS N[ SUNK DEEP 9 LIES3 9 ! MO/ DREADFUL ( LIES--LIES CONSID]$ AS ! TRU? BY ALL :O SURR\ND$ HIM4 ,&1 AS F> AS HE C\LD SEE1 !RE WAS NO WAY \T ( !SE LIES4 ,HE HAD SUNK 9 ! MIRE1 GOT US$ TO IT1 9DULG$ HIMSELF 9 IT4 

,H[ WAS HE TO BREAK (F HIS RELATIONS ) ,M>Y ,VASILIEVNA & H] HUSB& 9 SU* A WAY AS TO BE ABLE TO LOOK HIM & HIS *ILDR5 9 ! EYES8 ,H[ DIS5TANGLE HIMSELF FROM ,MISSY8 ,H[ *OOSE BETWE5 ! TWO OPPOSITES--! RECOGNITION ?AT HOLD+ L& WAS UNJU/ & ! H]ITAGE FROM HIS MO!R8 ,H[ ATONE = HIS S9 AGA9/ ,KATU%A8 ,?IS LA/1 AT ANY RATE1 C\LD NOT BE LEFT AS IT WAS4 ,HE C\LD NOT AB&ON A WOMAN HE HAD LOV$1 & SATISFY HIMSELF BY PAY+ MONEY TO AN ADVOCATE TO SAVE H] FROM H>D LABOR 9 ,SIB]IA4 ,%E HAD NOT EV5 DES]V$ H>D LABOR4 ,ATONE = A FAULT BY PAY+ MONEY8 ,HAD HE NOT !N1 :5 HE GAVE H] ! MONEY1 ?\<T HE WAS ATON+ = HIS FAULT8 

,& HE CLE>LY RECALL$ TO M9D ?AT MOM5T :51 HAV+ CAU<T H] UP 9 ! PASSAGE1 HE ?RU/ ! MONEY 9TO H] BIB & RAN AWAY4 0,OH1 ?AT MONEY60 HE ?\<T ) ! SAME HORROR & DISGU/ HE HAD !N FELT4 0,OH1 DE>6 OH1 DE>6 H[ DISGU/+10 HE CRI$ AL\D AS HE HAD DONE !N4 0,ONLY A SC\NDREL1 A KNAVE1 C\LD DO SU* A ?+4 ,& ,I AM ?AT KNAVE1 ?AT SC\NDREL60 ,HE W5T ON AL\D3 0,BUT IS IT POSSIBLE80--HE /OPP$ & /OOD /ILL--0IS IT POSSIBLE ?AT ,I AM REALLY A SC\NDREL8 4 4 4 ,WELL1 :O BUT ,I80 HE ANSW]$ HIMSELF4 0,& !N1 IS ?IS ! ONLY ?+80 HE W5T ON1 CONVICT+ HIMSELF4 0,WAS NOT MY CONDUCT T[>DS ,M>Y ,VASILIEVNA & H] HUSB& BASE & DISGU/+8 ,& MY POSITION ) REG>D TO MONEY8 ,TO USE RI*ES CONSID]$ BY ME UNLAWFUL ON ! PLEA ?AT !Y >E 9H]IT$ FROM MY MO!R8 ,& ! :OLE ( MY IDLE1 DETE/ABLE LIFE8 ,& MY CONDUCT T[>DS ,KATU%A TO CR[N ALL8 ,KNAVE & SC\NDREL6 ,LET M5 JUDGE ME AS !Y LIKE1 ,I CAN DECEIVE !M2 BUT MYSELF ,I CANNOT DECEIVE40 

,&1 SUDD5LY1 HE UND]/OOD ?AT ! AV]SION HE HAD LATELY1 & P>TICUL>LY TO-DAY1 FELT = EV]YBODY--! ,PR9CE & ,SOPHIA ,VASILIEVNA & ,CORNEY & ,MISSY--WAS AN AV]SION = HIMSELF4 ,&1 /RANGE TO SAY1 9 ?IS ACKN[L$GM5T ( HIS BAS5ESS !RE WAS SOME?+ PA9FUL YET JOYFUL & QUIET+4 

,MORE ?AN ONCE 9 ,NEKHLUD(F'S LIFE !RE HAD BE5 :AT HE CALL$ A 0CLEANS+ ( ! S\L40 ,BY 0CLEANS+ ( ! S\L0 HE MEANT A /ATE ( M9D 9 :I*1 AFT] A LONG P]IOD ( SLUGGI% 9N] LIFE1 A TOTAL CESSATION ( ITS ACTIVITY1 HE BEGAN TO CLE> \T ALL ! RUBBI% ?AT HAD ACCUMULAT$ 9 HIS S\L1 & WAS ! CAUSE ( ! CESSATION ( ! TRUE LIFE4 ,HIS S\L NE$$ CLEANS+ AS A WAT* DOES4 ,AFT] SU* AN AWAK5+ ,NEKHLUD(F ALWAYS MADE SOME RULES = HIMSELF :I* HE MEANT TO FOLL[ =EV] AFT]1 WROTE HIS DI>Y1 & BEGAN AFRE% A LIFE :I* HE HOP$ NEV] TO *ANGE AGA94 0,TURN+ OV] A NEW LEAF10 HE CALL$ IT TO HIMSELF 9 ,5GLI%4 ,BUT EA* TIME ! TEMPTATIONS ( ! WORLD 5TRAPP$ HIM1 & )\T NOTIC+ IT HE FELL AGA91 (T5 L[] ?AN BE=E4 

,?US HE HAD SEV]AL TIMES 9 HIS LIFE RAIS$ & CLEANS$ HIMSELF4 ,! FIR/ TIME ?IS HAPP5$ WAS DUR+ ! SUMM] HE SP5T ) HIS AUNTS2 ?AT WAS HIS MO/ VITAL & RAPTUR\S AWAK5+1 & ITS EFFECTS HAD LA/$ SOME TIME4 ,ANO!R AWAK5+ WAS :5 HE GAVE UP CIVIL S]VICE & JO9$ ! >MY AT W> TIME1 READY TO SACRIFICE HIS LIFE4 ,BUT H]E ! *OK+-UP PROCESS WAS SOON ACCOMPLI%$4 ,!N AN AWAK5+ CAME :5 HE LEFT ! >MY & W5T ABROAD1 DEVOT+ HIMSELF TO >T4 

,FROM ?AT TIME UNTIL ?IS DAY A LONG P]IOD HAD ELAPS$ )\T ANY CLEANS+1 & !RE=E ! DISCORD BETWE5 ! DEM&S ( HIS CONSCI5CE & ! LIFE HE WAS LEAD+ WAS GREAT] ?AN IT HAD EV] BE5 BE=E4 ,HE WAS HORROR-/RUCK :5 HE SAW H[ GREAT ! DIV]G5CE WAS4 ,IT WAS SO GREAT & ! DEFILEM5T SO COMPLETE ?AT HE DESPAIR$ ( ! POSSIBILITY ( GETT+ CLEANS$4 0,HAVE Y\ NOT TRI$ BE=E TO P]FECT Y\RSELF & BECOME BETT]1 & NO?+ HAS COME ( IT80 :ISP]$ ! VOICE ( ! TEMPT] )94 0,:AT IS ! USE ( TRY+ ANY MORE8 ,>E Y\ ! ONLY ONE8--,ALL >E ALIKE1 SU* IS LIFE10 :ISP]$ ! VOICE4 ,BUT ! FREE SPIRITUAL BE+1 :I* ALONE IS TRUE1 ALONE P[]FUL1 ALONE ET]NAL1 HAD ALREADY AWAK5$ 9 ,NEKHLUD(F1 & HE C\LD NOT BUT BELIEVE IT4 ,5ORM\S ?\< ! DI/ANCE WAS BETWE5 :AT HE WI%$ TO BE & :AT HE WAS1 NO?+ APPE>$ 9SURM\NTABLE TO ! NEWLY-AWAK5$ SPIRITUAL BE+4 

0,AT ANY CO/ ,I WILL BREAK ?IS LIE :I* B9DS ME & CONFESS EV]Y?+1 & WILL TELL EV]YBODY ! TRU?1 & ACT ! TRU?10 HE SAID RESOLUTELY1 AL\D4 0,I %ALL TELL ,MISSY ! TRU?1 TELL H] ,I AM A PR(LIGATE & CANNOT M>RY H]1 & HAVE ONLY USELESSLY UPSET H]4 ,I %ALL TELL ,M>Y ,VASILIEVNA4 4 4 ,OH1 !RE IS NO?+ TO TELL H]4 ,I %ALL TELL H] HUSB& ?AT ,I1 SC\NDREL ?AT ,I AM1 HAVE BE5 DECEIV+ HIM4 ,I %ALL DISPOSE ( ! 9H]ITANCE 9 SU* A WAY AS TO ACKN[L$GE ! TRU?4 ,I %ALL TELL H]1 ,KATU%A1 ?AT ,I AM A SC\NDREL & HAVE S9N$ T[>DS H]1 & WILL DO ALL ,I CAN TO EASE H] LOT4 ,YES1 ,I WILL SEE H]1 & WILL ASK H] TO =GIVE ME4 

0,YES1 ,I WILL BEG H] P>DON1 AS *ILDR5 DO40 4 4 4 ,HE /OPP$---0WILL M>RY H] IF NECESS>Y40 ,HE /OPP$ AGA91 FOLD$ HIS H&S 9 FRONT ( HIS BREA/ AS HE US$ TO DO :5 A LITTLE *ILD1 LIFT$ HIS EYES1 & SAID1 ADDRESS+ SOME ONE3 0,LORD1 HELP ME1 TEA* ME1 COME 5T] )9 ME & PURIFY ME ( ALL ?IS ABOM9ATION40 

,HE PRAY$1 ASK+ ,GOD TO HELP HIM1 TO 5T] 9TO HIM & CLEANSE HIM2 & :AT HE WAS PRAY+ = HAD HAPP5$ ALREADY3 ! ,GOD )9 HIM HAD AWAK5$ HIS CONSCI\SNESS4 ,HE FELT HIMSELF ONE ) ,HIM1 & !RE=E FELT NOT ONLY ! FRE$OM1 FULLNESS & JOY ( LIFE1 BUT ALL ! P[] ( RI<TE\SNESS4 ,ALL1 ALL ! BE/ ?AT A MAN C\LD DO HE FELT CAPABLE ( DO+4 

,HIS EYES FILL$ ) TE>S AS HE WAS SAY+ ALL ?IS TO HIMSELF1 GOOD & BAD TE>S3 GOOD BECAUSE !Y W]E TE>S ( JOY AT ! AWAK5+ ( ! SPIRITUAL BE+ )9 HIM1 ! BE+ :I* HAD BE5 ASLEEP ALL !SE YE>S2 & BAD TE>S BECAUSE !Y W]E TE>S ( T5D]NESS TO HIMSELF AT HIS [N GOODNESS4 

,HE FELT HOT1 & W5T TO ! W9D[ & OP5$ IT4 ,! W9D[ OP5$ 9TO A G>D54 ,IT WAS A MOONLIT1 QUIET1 FRE% NI<T2 A VEHICLE RATTL$ PA/1 & !N ALL WAS /ILL4 ,! %AD[ ( A TALL POPL> FELL ON ! GR\ND JU/ OPPOSITE ! W9D[1 & ALL ! 9TRICATE PATT]N ( ITS B>E BRAN*ES WAS CLE>LY DEF9$ ON ! CLEAN SWEPT GRAVEL4 ,TO ! LEFT ! RO( ( A COA*-H\SE %ONE :ITE 9 ! MOONLI<T1 9 FRONT ! BLACK %AD[ ( ! G>D5 WALL WAS VISIBLE ?R\< ! TANGL$ BRAN*ES ( ! TREES4 

,NEKHLUD(F GAZ$ AT ! RO(1 ! MOONLIT G>D51 & ! %AD[S ( ! POPL>1 & DRANK 9 ! FRE%1 9VIGORAT+ AIR4 

0,H[ DELI<TFUL1 H[ DELI<TFUL2 OH1 ,GOD1 H[ DELI<TFUL10 HE SAID1 MEAN+ ?AT :I* WAS GO+ ON 9 HIS S\L4 

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,*RONOLOGY 3 
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