,*APT] #* 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,WILLIAM ,GODW9 

,TEXT 3 

,*,A,P,T,] ,X,X,X,V,I,I,I4 

  

,AW>E ( ! DIFFICULTIES :I* UNAVOIDABLY SPRUNG \T ( ! NATURE ( MY SITUATION1 ,I RESOLV$ IMM$IATELY TO 5DEAVOR TO SUPPLY !M TO ! BE/ ( MY P[]4 ,I CONCEIV$ ?AT !RE WAS NO CONSID]ATION SO URG5T UPON ME AT ! PRES5T MOM5T1 AS ?AT ,I %\LD )\T LOSS ( TIME CREATE TO MYSELF CONNECTIONS ?AT MI<T BALANCE & KEEP AT BAY ! SALLIES ( >BITR>Y RULE1 & ?AT ,I %\LD WEAVE ) MY [N H& ! CORDS ( FRI5D%IP4 

,I HAD NO SOON] =M$ ?IS PROJECT1 ?AN AN 9DIVIDUAL SUGGE/$ HIMSELF TO MY REFLECTIONS1 :OM ,I JUDG$ TO BE1 BY A S+UL> CONCURR5CE ( CIRCUM/ANCES1 HAPPILY FITT$ TO BE ! SUBJECT ( MY EXP]IM5T1 & ADMIRABLY QUALIFI$ TO AF=D ME PROTECTION 9 ! MO/ UNFAVORABLE EV5TS4 ,! NAME ( ?IS MAN WAS ,BE?LEM ,GABOR4 ,HE HAD BE5 SOME TIME BE=E BR\<T TO ME BY ONE ( HIS FRI5DS1 & HE WAS A MAN :OM = A ?\S& REASONS IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO SEE & CONV]SE )1 )\T RECEIV+ ! MO/ 9DELIBLE IMPRESSION4 ,HE WAS ! L9EAL REPRES5TATIVE ( ONE ( ! MO/ ILLU/RI\S H\SES 9 ,HUNG>Y4 ,HIS VOCATION1 LIKE ?AT ( ! MAJORITY ( ! ,HUNG>IAN NOBILITY1 HAD BE5 >MS2 BUT1 9 ! MID/ ( A FRAT]NITY ALL ( :OM W]E W>LIKE1 HE /OOD CONSPICU\S & ALONE4 ,HIS C\RAGE1 ?\< COOL & DELIB]ATE1 ALMO/ M\NT$ TO A DEGREE ( DESP]ATE RA%NESS2 & ! F]TILITY ( HIS 9V5TION1 & ! V>IETY ( HIS /RATAGEMS DID NOT FALL %ORT ( HIS C\RAGE4 ,! CEL]ITY ( HIS MEASURES WAS EQUALLY DI/+UI%$2 DI/ANCE WAS NO B> TO HIM2 & HE HAD NO SOON] CONCEIV$ A PROJECT1 H[EV] >DU\S1 ?AN IT WAS EXECUT$4 ,HE HAD =M$ UND] HIS [N EYE A B& ( M5 LIKE HIMSELF1 IMPETU\S YET DELIB]ATE1 SWIFT 9 EXECUTION1 SIL5T 9 M>*1 9V9CIBLE TO H>D%IP1 CONTEMN]S ( FATIGUE1 ( DIFFICULTIES1 ( HUNG]1 & ( ?IR/4 ,:5 9TRODUC$ TO ME1 HE WAS UPW>DS ( FIFTY YE>S ( AGE4 ,HE WAS MORE ?AN SIX FEET 9 /ATURE2 & YET HE WAS BUILT AS IF IT HAD BE5 A COLOSSUS1 DE/9$ TO SU/A9 ! WEI<T ( ! />RY HEAV5S4 ,HIS VOICE WAS LIKE ?UND]2 & HE NEV] UTT]$ A WORD1 BUT IT SEEM$ TO %AKE HIS MANLY *E/4 ,HIS HEAD & *9 W]E CLO!D ) A ?ICK & %AGGY HAIR1 9 COLOR A DEAD BLACK4 ,HE HAD SUFF]$ CONSID]ABLE MUTILATION 9 ! S]VICES ?R\< :I* HE HAD PASS$2 ( ONE ( HIS H&S ?REE F+]S W]E GONE2 ! SI<T ( HIS RI<T EYE WAS EXT+UI%$1 & ! *EEK HALF %OT AWAY1 :ILE ! SAME EXPLOSION HAD BURN$ HIS COMPLEXION 9TO A COLOR ?AT WAS UNIV]SALLY DUN OR BLACK4 ,HIS NOSE WAS SC>R$1 & HIS LIPS W]E ?ICK & L>GE4 ,BE?LEM ,GABOR1 ?\< UNIV]SALLY RESPECT$ = ! HONOR & MAGNANIMITY ( A SOLDI]1 WAS NOT LESS REM>KABLE = HABITS ( RES]VE & TACITURNITY4 ,BUT !SE HABITS MIS=TUNE HAD CAUS$ TO BECOME MORE DEEPLY +RAFT$ 9 HIS NATURE4 ,DUR+ ONE ( HIS MILIT>Y EXCURSIONS1 A P>TY ( M>AUD]S HAD 9 HIS ABS5CE SURPRIS$ HIS CA/LE1 BURN$ IT TO ! GR\ND1 & SAVAGELY MURD]$ HIS WIFE & *ILDR51 & EV]Y LIV+ CREATURE )9 ! WALLS4 ,! SAME /ROKE ?AT R5D]$ HIM *ILDLESS MADE HIM ALSO A BEGG>4 ,HE HAD BE5 REG>D$ = HIS PROCE$+S AS AN ADH]5T TO ! ,TURKI% /&>D1 BUT HE HAD ALWAYS T5ACI\SLY MA9TA9$ ! MO/ COMPLETE 9DEP5D5CE4 ,! ADV]SITY ?AT HAD N[ FALL5 UPON HIM WAS TOO GREAT4 ,HE W\LD NOT BECOME A P5SION] ( ! SULTAN2 DESPAIR HAD TAK5 FA/ POSSESSION ( HIS HE>T4 ,HE DISB&$ ! BODY ( M5 HE HAD =M$1 & W&]$ A SOLIT>Y \TCA/ UPON ! FACE ( HIS C\NTRY4 ,= SOME TIME HE SEEM$ TO HAVE A SAVAGE COMPLAC5CE 9 CONCEIV+ ?AT ! EVIL HE HAD SUFF]$ WAS PA/ ALL REM$Y1 & 9 SPURN+ AT ?OSE PALLIATIONS & DISGUISES ) :I* VULG> S\LS >E ACCU/OM$ TO ASSUAGE !IR WOE4 ,YET ! 5]GY ( HIS NATURE W\LD NOT SUFF] HIM TO RE/3 HE W&]$ AN \TCA/2 BUT EV]Y DAY 5G5D]$ SOME NEW ?\<T OR PASSION3 & IT APPE>$ PROBABLE ?AT HE W\LD NOT YET QUIT ! /AGE ( EXI/5CE TILL HE HAD LEFT BEH9D HIM ! REMEMBRANCES ( A T]RIBLE & DESOLAT+ REV5GE4 

,IT MAY SEEM /RANGE ?AT SU* A MAN AS ,I HAVE DESCRIB$ %\LD BE ! 9DIVIDUAL ,I SELECT$ \T ( ! :OLE ,HUNG>IAN NATION TO MAKE MY FRI5D4 ,IT MAY SEEM ?AT HIS QUALITIES W]E BETT] ADAPT$ TO REPEL ?AN ATTRACT4 ,MY *OICE W\LD NOT APPE> /RANGE1 IF ! READ] C\LD HAVE CONV]S$ ) HIM1 AS ,I DID4 ,HE WAS HIDE\S TO ! SI<T2 & HE NEV] ADDRESS$ HIMSELF TO SPEAK1 ?AT ,I DID NOT FEEL MY V]Y HE>T %UDD] )9 ME4 ,SELDOM DID HE ALL[ HIMSELF TO OP5 HIS ?\<TS2 BUT1 :5 HE DID1 GREAT ,GOD6 :AT SUP]NATURAL ELOQU5CE SEEM$ TO 9SPIRE & 5%R\D HIM6 ,NOT ?AT UPON SU* OCCASIONS HE WAS COPI\S & ,CIC]ONIAN1 BUT ?AT EV]Y MUSCLE & EV]Y LIMB SEEM$ TO LIVE1 & TO QUIV] ) ! ?\<TS HE EXPRESS$4 ,! HE>] C\LD NOT REFUSE TO V5]ATE1 AS WELL AS FE> HIM4 ,I NEV] PITI$ HIM2 ,BE?LEM ,GABOR'S WAS A S\L ?AT SO>$ TO A SI<TLESS DI/ANCE ABOVE ! SPH]E ( PITY2 ,I CAN SC>CELY SAY ,I SYMPA?IZ$ ) HIM2 BUT1 :5 ,I LI/5$ TO HIS COMPLA9TS1 RA!R LET ME SAY HIS 9VECTIVES1 ,I WAS A/ONI%$1 OV]:ELM$1 & MOTIONLESS4 ,! SECRET ( ! EFFECTS HE ?US PRODUC$1 LAY 9 HIS [N WAY ( FEEL+ ! 9CID5TS HE DESCRIB$4 ,LOOK AT HIM1 :5 HE SAT ALONE1 WRAPP$ 9 M$ITATION1 Y\ W\LD SAY1 0,?AT IS A MAN ( IRON2 ?\< ADV]SITY P\R H] FI]CE/ D>TS UPON HIM1 HE IS 9VULN]ABLE2 HE IS ( TOO COLOSSAL A /RUCTURE TO BE ACCESSIBLE TO HUMAN FEEL+S & HUMAN AFFECTIONS40 ,LI/5 TO HIS N>RATIVE1 OR RA!R TO ! BUR/S ( PASSION1 :I* ) HIM SUPPLI$ ! PLACE & P]=M$ ! FUNCTIONS ( N>RATIVE1 Y\ W\LD SOON CONFESS Y\R MI/AKE4 ,:ILE HE SPOKE1 HE CEAS$ TO BE A MAN1 & BECAME SOME?+ MORE AMAZ+4 ,:5 HE ALLUD$ TO :AT HE HAD 5DUR$1 Y\ DID NOT COMPASSIONATE HIM1 = Y\ FELT ?AT HE WAS A CREATURE ( ANO!R NATURE2 BUT Y\ CONFESS$1 ?AT NEV] MAN SEEM$ TO HAVE SUFF]$ SO MU*1 OR TO SAVOR ) SU* BITT]NESS ! CUP ( WOE4 ,HE DID NOT LOVE HIS WIFE OR HIS *ILDR5 AS ANY O!R MAN W\LD DO2 HE PROBABLY NEV] D&L$ OR FONDL$ !M2 HIS LOVE WAS SPEE*LESS2 & DISDA9+ ! COMMON MODES ( EXHIBITION1 IT MI<T SOMETIMES BE MI/AK5 = 9DIFF]5CE4 ,BUT IT BROOD$ OV] & CLUNG R\ND HIS HE>T2 &1 :5 IT WAS DI/URB$1 :5 ! /RONG TIES ( DOME/IC *>ITY W]E BY ! M]CILESS H& ( W> SNAPP$ ASUND]1 Y\ !N SAW ITS VOLUM9\S FOLDS SPREAD & CONVULS$ BE=E Y\1 GIGANTIC & IMMEASURABLE4 ,HE CURS$ !IR MURD]]S2 HE CURS$ MANK9D2 HE ROSE UP 9 FI]CE DEFIANCE ( ET]NAL PROVID5CE2 & Y\R BLOOD CURDL$ )9 Y\ AS HE SPOKE4 ,SU* WAS ,BE?LEM ,GABOR3 ,I C\LD NOT HELP ADMIR+ HIM3 HIS GREATNESS EXCIT$ MY WOND] & MY REV]5CE2 &1 :ILE HIS MANN]S AW$ & OV]:ELM$ ME1 ,I FELT AN 9EXPLICABLE ATTA*M5T TO HIS P]SON /ILL 9CREAS+ 9 MY BOSOM4 

,ON HIS P>T1 MY K9DNESS & P>TIALITY APPE>$ SC>CELY LESS PLEAS+ TO ,BE?LEM ,GABOR1 ?AN HIS *>ACT] & DISC\RSE W]E FASC9AT+ TO ME4 ,HE HAD F\ND HIMSELF )\T A CONFIDANT OR A FRI5D4 ,HIS WIFE & HIS *ILDR5 9 A C]TA9 DEGREE UND]/OOD HIM2 &1 ?\< HE HAD AN ATMOSPH]E ( REPULSION BEYOND :I* NO MORTAL EV] P5ETRAT$1 !Y CAME TO ! $GE ( ?AT1 & RE/$ !RE2 !Y TREMBL$ 9VOLUNT>ILY AT HIS ASPECT1 BUT AT ! SAME TIME !Y ADOR$ & !Y LOV$ HIM4 ,! RE/ ( ! WORLD VIEW$ HIM FROM A MORE FE>FUL DI/ANCE2 RESPECT$ HIM1 BUT D>$ NOT EV5 9 FANCY BE FAMILI> ) HIM4 ,:5 !RE=E HE LO/ HIS FAMILY1 HE LO/ HIS ALL4 ,HE ROAM$ ! E>? 9 SOLITUDE1 & ALL M5 MADE ROOM = HIM AS HE PASS$4 ,I WAS ! FIR/ :O1 S9CE ! FATAL EV5T ?AT HAD MADE HIM *ILDLESS & A BEGG>1 HAD C\RT$ HIS SOCIETY1 & 9VIT$ HIS COMMUNICATIONS4 ,I HAD D>$ TO TAKE ! LION BY ! PAW1 & SEAT MYSELF NEXT HIM 9 HIS D54 ,!RE WAS A SIMIL>ITY 9 \R =TUNES ?AT SECRETLY 5DE>$ HIM TO ME4 ,WE HAD EA* BY ! MALICE ( A HO/ILE DE/9Y1 ?\< 9 A V]Y DIFF]5T MANN]1 BE5 DEPRIV$ ( \R FAMILIES2 WE W]E EA* ( US ALONE4 ,FAT$ EA* TO BE H]EAFT] = EV] ALONE2 WE BL5D$ \RSELVES ! ONE ) ! O!R AS P]FECTLY AS WE C\LD4 ,(T5 OV] \R GLOOMY B[L WE M+L$ GROANS1 & SWEET5$ \R DRAFT AS WE DRANK IT ) MAL$ICTIONS4 ,9 ! S*OOL ( ,BE?LEM ,GABOR ,I BECAME ACQUA9T$ ) ! DELI<TS ( MELAN*OLY---( A MELAN*OLY1 NOT ?AT CONTRACT$1 BUT ?AT SWELL$ ! S\L--( A MELAN*OLY ?AT LOOK$ D[N UPON ! WORLD ) 9DIGNATION1 & ?AT RELIEV$ ITS SECRET LOAD ) CURSES & EXECRATIONS4 ,WE FREQU5TLY CONT9U$ :OLE NI<TS 9 ! P>TICIPATION ( !SE BITT] JOYS2 & W]E SURPRIS$1 /ILL AT \R S]I\S BO>D1 BY ! LI<T ( ! MORR['S SUN4 

,I HAVE N[1 ,I BELIEVE1 FULLY ACC\NT$ = \R 9TIMACY1 & DISPLAY$ ! LIGATURES ?AT SECRETLY B\ND US TO EA* O!R4 ,IT IS SC>CELY NECESS>Y TO ADD1 ?AT MY UND]/&+ CONFIRM$ :AT MY HE>T IMPELL$4 ,BE?LEM ,GABOR APPE>$ TO ME ! FITTE/ MAN 9 ! WORLD UPON :OM TO FIX = MY FRI5D4 ,WE W]E QUALIFI$ MUTUALLY TO B5EFIT EA* O!R4 ,MY K9DNESS1 MY UNREMITT$ ATT5TIONS1 ! E>NE/NESS ) :I* ,I LI/5$ TO & SOO!D HIS GRIEFS1 MITIGAT$ !IR AGONY4 ,I PROPOS$1 :5 ,I C\LD ONCE MORE RECONCILE & 9CITE HIM TO ACTIVITY1 TO REPAIR HIS CA/LE1 & RE/ORE HIS =TUNE4 ,ON ! O!R H&1 HE WAS1 ( ALL ! P]SONS ,I C\LD HAVE PIT*$ UPON1 ! ABLE/ TO PROTECT ME4 ,BY HIS BIR? HE RANK$ AMONG ! FIR/ M5 ( HIS C\NTRY2 BY HIS ABILITY1 AT LEA/ AS A P>TISAN SOLDI]1 A *>ACT] AT ?AT TIME HI<LY E/EEM$1 HE ROSE ABOVE !M ALL4 

,= SOME TIME ,I REG>D$ ,BE?LEM ,GABOR AS 5TIRELY MY FRI5D1 & ,I CONSULT$ HIM 9 EV]Y ?+1 9 :I*1 COMPATIBLY ) ! LEGACY ( ! /RANG] ( ! SUMM]-H\SE1 ,I C\LD CONSULT HIM4 ,I TOLD HIM ( ! SUSPICIONS ( ! BA%AW1 & ! PREC>I\SNESS ( MY SAFETY4 ,I DEM&$ HIS ADVICE AS TO ! BE/ ME?OD ( SECUR+ IT4 ,\<T ,I TO REG>D IT AS A MORE EFFECTUAL OR AS A *EAP] EXP$I5T1 TO ATTEMPT TO PUR*ASE ! C\NT5ANCE ( ! SULTAN1 9/EAD ( CONDESC5D+ TO BRIBE HIS M9I/]8 ,\<T ,I TO SET UP = MYSELF1 & BY R5D]+ MYSELF ! 9DEP5D5T PR9CE ( ONE ( ! ,HUNG>IAN PROV9CES1 DEFY ! ,TURK1 OR AT LEA/ 5DEAVOR TO NEGOTIATE ) HIM FROM A MORE RESPECTABLE & COMM&+ SITUATION8 ,I SAID MORE ?AN 5\< UND] !SE HEADS1 AS IT AFT]W>DS APPE>$1 TO AWAK5 /RANGE IMAG9ATIONS 9 A M9D ( SO MU* P5ETRATION AS ?AT ( ,BE?LEM ,GABOR4 ,9 F9E1 ,I DEM&$ ( HIM :E!R1 9 CASE ( ANY GREAT & =MIDABLE DANG] FALL+ ON ME1 HE W\LD TO ! UTMO/ ( HIS P[] AF=D ME PROTECTION8 ,:5 ! QUE/ION WAS FIR/ />T$1 HE SWORE TO ME ) HIS CU/OM>Y IMPRESSIV5ESS & 5]GY ?AT HE W\LD4 

,:ILE ,I WAS ?US EMPLOY$ 9 CONSULT+ HIM1 & OP5+ TO HIM AS F> AS WAS PRACTICABLE MY PROSPECTS & FE>S1 ,I DID NOT LESS SUCCE$ 9 DISSIPAT+ OR SUSP5D+ ! DESPAIR ( HIS MELAN*OLY4 ,IT WAS ( B5EFIT TO HIM 9 ?IS RESPECT1 ?AT1 BY OP5+ TO HIM MY AFFAIRS1 ,I FROM TIME TO TIME CALL$ (F HIS ATT5TION FROM HIS P]SONAL MIS=TUNES4 ,I PROPOS$ TO HIM ! REBUILD+ HIS CA/LE1 & ,I AT L5G? OBTA9$ HIS P]MISSION TO S5D (F A CORPS ( WORKM5 = ?AT PURPOSE4 ,BESIDE ! CA/LE 9 :I* HIS WIFE & *ILDR5 HAD BE5 MURD]$1 & :I* ! M>AUD]S HAD NE>LY DE/ROY$1 HE HAD ONE CONSID]ABLY /RONG]1 ?\< VOID ( ALL RECOMM5DATION FROM *E]FULNESS OR BEAUTY1 9 ! MORE NOR!RLY P>T ( ! K+DOM4 ,?IS WE VISIT$ TOGE!R4 ,I RE/OR$ ! CONDITION ( HIS FIELDS2 ) CONSID]ABLE DIFFICULTY ,I REPLAC$ ! CATTLE HE HAD LO/1 BY PUR*ASES 9 ,POL&2 & ,I REVIV$ HIS DILAPIDAT$ REV5UES4 ,AT FIR/ HE FELT AN 9V9CIBLE REPUGNANCE TO ! RECEIV+ ANY ADVANTAGE FROM ! B\NTY ( ANO!R2 BUT BY CONT9UAL REMON/RANCES ,I WAS ABLE TO P]SUADE HIM1 ?AT HE [$ ME NO?+1 & ?AT :AT ,I DID WAS NO MORE ?AN WAS REQUIR$ FROM ME BY A REG>D = MY [N SAFETY4 

,IF EV] ON ! FACE ( ! E>? !RE LIV$ A MISAN?ROPE1 ,BE?LEM ,GABOR WAS ! MAN4 ,NEV] = A MOM5T DID HE =GET OR =GIVE ! SANGU9>Y CATA/ROPHE ( HIS FAMILY2 & = HIS [N MIS=TUNES HE SEEM$ TO HAVE V[$ V5GEANCE AGA9/ ! :OLE HUMAN RACE4 ,HE ALMO/ HAT$ ! V]Y FACE ( MAN2 &1 :5 EXPRESSIONS ( *E]FULNESS1 PEACE1 & CONT5TM5T DISCOV]$ !MSELVES 9 HIS PRES5CE1 ,I C\LD SEE1 BY ! HIDE\S WORK+ ( HIS FEATURES1 ?AT HIS SPIRIT EXP]I5C$ 9TOL]ABLE AGONIES4 ,TO HIM SU* EXPRESSIONS W]E TONES HORRIBLY DISCORDANT2 ALL WAS UPRO> & HAVOC )9 HIS [N BOSOM1 & ! GAIETY ( O!R M5 9SPIR$ HIM ) S5TIM5TS ( 9V9CIBLE ANTIPA?Y4 ,HE NEV] SAW A FE/IVE BO>D )\T AN 9CL9ATION TO OV]TURN IT2 OR A FA!R 5CIRCL$ ) A SMIL+ FAMILY1 )\T FEEL+ HIS S\L ?RILL ) SUGGE/IONS ( MURD]4 ,SOME?+1 ,I KN[ NOT :AT1 )HELD HIS H&3 IT MI<T BE SOME REMA9+ ATOM ( HUMANITY3 IT MI<T BE--= HIS :OLE *>ACT] WAS CONTEMPLATIVE & CLOSE--IT MI<T BE ?AT HE REG>D$ ?AT AS A PITIFUL & IMPOT5T REV5GE1 :I* %\LD CAUSE HIM ! NEXT H\R TO BE LOCK$ UP AS A MADMAN1 OR PUT TO DEA? AS CRIM9AL4 ,HORRIBLE AS WAS HIS P]SONAL ASPECT1 & WILD & SAVAGE AS WAS HIS M9D1 YET1 AS ,I HAVE ALREADY SAID1 ,I FELT MYSELF ATTA*$ TO HIM4 ,I KNEW ?AT ALL ! UNSOCIAL PROP5SITIES ?AT ANIMAT$ HIM1 W]E ! (FSPR+ ( LOVE1 W]E ! S5TIM5TS ( A LIONESS B]EAV$ ( H] Y\NG2 & ,I F\ND AN UNDESCRIBABLE & EXHAU/LESS PLEASURE 9 EXAM9+ ! SUBLIME DESOLATION ( A MI<TY S\L4 

,BE?LEM ,GABOR HAD AT FIR/ REG>D$ ME ) SOME DEGREE ( P>TIALITY4 ,K9DNESS 9 ALMO/ ALL CASES BEGETS K9DNESS2 HE C\LD NOT SEE H[ MU* ,I 9T]E/$ MYSELF AB\T & H[ MU* ,I C\RT$ HIM1 )\T FEEL+ = ME A S5TIM5T DIFF]5T FROM ?AT HE CONFESS$ = O!R M54 ,I SAW H[EV] AFT] SOME TIME1 ) 9EXPRESSIBLE GRIEF1 ?AT HIS REG>D = ME1 9/EAD ( 9CREAS+1 SUFF]$ P]CEPTIBLE DIM9UTION4 ,\R PROP5SITIES W]E OPPOS$ TO EA* O!R4 ,HE REJOIC$ 9 DISORD] & DESOLATION AS 9 HIS CONG5IAL ELEM5T2 MY PRES5T PURSUIT WAS ! RE/ORATION ( PUBLIC ORD] & PROSP]ITY4 ,HE REPEAT$LY EXPO/ULAT$ ) ME ON ?IS4 ,I HAD SOMETIMES 9 \R CONV]SATIONS1 9 ! BITT]NESS ( MY RECOLLECTIONS1 EXCLAIM$ ON MYSELF AS ! MO/ UN=TUNATE & MO/ P]SECUT$ ( M51 ?\< )\T 5T]+ 9TO AN EXPLANATION ( MY SUFF]+S4 ,HE REM9D$ ME ( !SE EXCLAMATIONS4 ,HE REPROA*$ ME AS A CONTEMPTIBLE & PUSILLANIM\S WRET*1 ?AT ,I DID NOT1 LIKE HIM1 RESOLVE AMPLY & MEMORABLY TO REV5GE MY [N SUFF]+S UPON MY SPECIES AT L>GE4 ,9 HIS E/IMATE1 ! POORE/ & MO/ S]VILE ( ALL MAXIMS WAS1 ?AT ( ! AU?OR ( ! *RI/IAN RELIGION1 TO REPAY 9JURY ) FAVOR1 & CURSES ) B5$ICTION4 

,I P]CEIV$ ) GRIEF ?AT ! K9DNESS T[>DS ME ?AT HAD BE5 EXCIT$ 9 ,BE?LEM ,GABOR'S M9D1 RA!R DECL9$ ?AN AUGM5T$2 BUT ,I WAS V]Y F> FROM BE+ AW>E ( ! DEGREE 9 :I*1 AS ,I AFT]W>DS F\ND1 ?IS S5TIM5T HAD RELAPS$ 9TO ITS OPPOSITE4 ,IT SEEMS1 ,I 9FLICT$ ON HIM A DAILY TORTURE BY MY DAILY EF=TS = ! DISSEM9ATION ( HAPP9ESS4 ,( !SE HE HAD NOT BE5 AT FIR/ COMPLETELY AW>E4 ,HIS M9D HAD BE5 TOO MU* ABSORB$ 9 ITS [N FEEL+S TO ATT5D V]Y DI/9CTLY TO ANY ?+ ,I DID1 UNLESS IT W]E DONE 9 HIS PRES5CE4 ,BUT1 9 PROPORTION AS ,I SOO!D HIS SORR[S1 & MADE HIM MY CONFIDANT1 ! FILM WAS REMOV$2 & ALL ?AT HE SAW HAD ! PECULI> MIS=TUNE TO EXCITE AT ONCE HIS CONTEMPT & HIS RAGE4 ,! F9I%+ /ROKE ?AT ,I GAVE TO ! ANIMOSITY :I*1 UNKN[N TO ME1 WAS N[ BROOD+ & 5G5D]+ 9 HIS BREA/1 CONSI/$ 9 MY BE/[+ AN IMPORTANT B5EFIT UPON ONE1 AGA9/ :OM HE HAD 5T]TA9$ A LONG & ET]NAL FEUD4 

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,*RONOLOGY 3 
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