#ahif 

#aiagaiag 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TRANSLATOR 3 ,ROSE ,/RUNSKY 

,TEXT 3 

#ahif 

  
  

.<#a#i.> 

,JANU>Y #b#c4 ,MOSC[4 

,JU/ A MON? ?AT ,I MADE NO 5TRIES4 ,DUR+ ?IS TIME ,I WROTE A LETT] AB\T PATRIOTISM.<#c#i.> & A LETT] TO ,CROSBY.<#d.> & H]E N[ = TWO WEEKS ,I HAVE BE5 WRIT+ ! DRAMA4 ,I WROTE ?REE ACTS ABOM9ABLY4 ,I ?\<T TO MAKE AN \TL9E SO AS TO =M A *>P5TE4 ,I HAVE LITTLE HOPE ( SUCCESS4 

,*]TKOV & ,K5WOR?Y W5T AWAY ! #g?4 ,SONYA W5T TO ,TV] TO ,&RU%A4.<#d#a.> ,TO-DAY ,NAGORNOV.<#d#b.> DI$4 ,I AM AGA9 A LITTLE 9DISPOS$4 

,I JOTT$ D[N DUR+ ?IS TIME3 

#a7 ,A TRUE WORK ( >T--A CONTAGI\S ONE--IS PRODUC$ ONLY :5 ! >TI/ SEEKS1 /RIVES4 ,9 POETRY ?IS PASSION = REPRES5T+ ?AT :I* IS1 COMES FROM ! FACT ?AT ! >TI/ HOPES ?AT HAV+ SE5 CLE>LY & HAV+ FIX$ ?AT :I* IS1 HE WILL UND]/& ! MEAN+ ( ?AT :I* IS4 

#b7 ,9 EV]Y >T !RE >E TWO DEP>TURES FROM ! WAY1 VULG>ITY & >TIFICIALITY4 ,BETWE5 !M BO? !RE IS ONLY A N>R[ PA?4 ,& ?IS N>R[ PA? IS \TL9$ BY IMPULSE4 ,IF Y\ HAVE IMPULSE & DIRECTION1 Y\ PASS BY BO? DANG]S4 ,( ! TWO1 ! MORE T]RIBLE IS >TIFICIALITY4 

.<#b.> 

#c7 ,IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO COMPEL REASON TO EXAM9E & CL>IFY ?AT :I* ! HE>T DOES NOT WI%4 

#d7 ,IT IS BAD :5 REASON WI%ES TO GIVE ! MEAN+ ( VIRTUE TO SELFI% EF=TS4 

,KUD95KO.<#d#c.> WAS H]E4 ,A REM>KABLE MAN4 ,N4 TOOK ! OA? & IS S]V+4.<#d#d.> ,A LETT] FROM ,MAKOVITSKY.<#d#e.> ) AN >TICLE ON ! ,NAZ>5ES4.<#d#f.> 

,JAN4 #b#d4 ,MOSC[4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,JAN4 #b#e4 ,MOSC[4 

,DUR+ !SE TWO DAYS ! *IEF EV5T WAS ! DEA? ( ,NAGORNOV4 ,ALWAYS NEW & FULL ( MEAN+ IS DEA?4 ,IT OCCURR$ TO ME3 !Y REPRES5T DEA? 9 ! !AT]4 ,DOES IT PRODUCE #a_/#a11 ( ?AT IMPRESSION :I* ! NE>NESS ( A REAL DEA? PRODUCES8 

,I CONT9UE WRIT+ ! DRAMA4 ,I HAVE WRITT5 F\R ACTS4 ,ALL BAD4 ,BUT IT IS BEG9N+ TO RESEMBLE A REAL ?+4 

,JAN4 #b#f4 ,MOSC4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,JANU>Y #b#f4 ,MOSC[4 

,I AM ALIVE1 BUT ,I DON'T LIVE4 ,/RAKHOV--TO-DAY ,I HE>D ( HIS DEA?4.<#d#g.> ,TO-DAY !Y BURI$ ,NAGORNOV--& ?AT IS NEWS4 ,I LAY D[N TO SLEEP1 BUT C\LD NOT SLEEP1 & !RE APPE>$ BE=E ME SO CLE>LY & BRI<TLY1 AN UND]/&+ ( LIFE :]EBY WE W\LD FEEL.<#b#a.> \RSELVES TO BE TRAVEL]S4 ,BE=E US LIES A /AGE ( ! ROAD ) ! SAME WELL-KN[N CONDITIONS4 ,H[ CAN ONE WALK ALONG ?AT ROAD O!RWISE ?AN EAG]LY1 GAILY1 FRI5DLY1 & ACTIVELY TOGE!R1 NOT GRIEV+ OV] ! FACT ?AT Y\ Y\RSELF >E GO+ AWAY OR ?AT O!RS >E GO+ AHEAD ( Y\ ?I!R1 :]E WE %ALL AGA9 BE /ILL MORE TOGE!R4 

,TO-DAY ,I WROTE A PO/SCRIPT TO ! LETT] TO ,CROSBY4 ,A GOOD LETT] FROM ,K5WOR?Y4 ,UNPLEASANTNESS ) ,N4 ,HE IS A J\RNALI/4 

,JAN4 #bf .<#b#g8.>4 ,MOSC[4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,ALMO/ A MON? ?AT ,I HAVE MADE NO 5TRIES4 ,TO-DAY1  
,FEB4 #a#c1 ,MOSC[4 

,I WANT$ TO GO TO ! ,OLSUPHIEVS4.<#d#h.>4444 ,!RE IS MU* BU/LE H]E & IT TAKES UP MU* TIME4 ,I SIT D[N LATE TO MY WORK & !RE=E WRITE LITTLE4 ,I F9I%$ SOMEH[ ! FIF? ACT ( ! DRAMA & TOOK UP ,RESURRECTION4 ,I READ OV] ELEV5 *APT]S & AM GRADUALLY ADVANC+4 ,I CORRECT$ ! LETT] TO ,CROSBY4 

,AN EV5T--AN IMPORTANT ONE--,/RAKHOV'S DEA?1 & SOME?+ ELSE--,DAVYDOV'S CONV]SATION ) ! ,EMP]OR4.<#d#i.>444444 

,! >TICLE BY ,]TEL.<#e.> ?AT ! EF=TS ( ! LIB]ALS >E USEFUL1 & ALSO ! LETT] BY ,SPIELHAG5 ON ! SAME !ME1.<#e#a.> PROVOKE ME4 ,BUT ,I CAN NOT1 ,I MU/ NOT WRITE4 ,I HAVE NO TIME4 ,! LETT]S.<#b#b.> FROM ,SOPOTSKO.<#e#b.> & ,ZDZIEKHOVSKY.<#e#c.> ON ! ,OR?ODOX ,*UR* & ON ! ,CA?OLIC1 PROVOKE ME ON ! O!R H&4 ,H[EV]1 ,I %ALL H>DLY WRITE4 ,BUT H]E YE/]DAY ,I RECEIV$ A LETT] FROM ,GR9EVI*'S.<#e#d.> MO!R ON ! RELIGI\S BR++ UP ( *ILDR54 ,?AT ,I MU/ DO4 ,AT LEA/ ,I MU/ USE ALL MY /R5G? TO DO ?IS4 

,V]Y MU* MUSIC--IT IS USELESS4444 ,AS REG>DS RELIGION1 ,I AM V]Y COOL AT PRES5T4 

,?\<T DUR+ ?IS TIME 7MU* ,I HAVE =GOTT5 & HAVE NOT WRITT5 D[N73 

#a7 ,OH1 NOT TO =GET DEA? = A MOM5T1 9TO :I* AT ANY MOM5T Y\ CAN FALL6 ,IF WE W\LD ONLY REMEMB] ?AT WE >E NOT /&+ UPON AN EV5 PLA9 7IF Y\ ?9K WE >E /&+ SO1 !N Y\ >E ONLY IMAG9+ ?AT ?OSE :O HAVE GONE AWAY HAVE FALL5 OV]BO>D & Y\ Y\RSELF >E AFRAID ?AT Y\ WILL FALL OV]BO>D71 BUT ?AT WE >E ROLL+ ON1 )\T /OPP+1 RUNN+ 9TO EA* O!R1 GETT+ AHEAD & BE+ GOT AHEAD (1 YOND] BEH9D ! CURTA9 :I* HIDES FROM US ?OSE :O >E GO+ AWAY1 & WILL HIDE US FROM ?OSE :O REMA94 ,IF WE REMEMB] ?AT ALWAYS1 !N1 H[ EASY & JOY\S IT IS TO LIVE & ROLL TOGE!R1 YOND] D[N ! SAME 9CL9E1 9 ! P[] ( ,GOD1 ) ,:OM WE HAVE BE5 & 9 ,:OSE P[] WE >E N[ & WILL BE AFT]W>DS & =EV]4 ,I HAVE BE5 FEEL+ ?IS V]Y KE5LY4 

.<#b#c.> 

#b7 ,!RE IS NO MORE CONV9C+ PRO( ( ! EXI/5CE ( ,GOD1 ?AN ! FACULTY ( ! S\L BY :I* WE CAN TRANSPORT \RSELVES 9TO O!R BE+S4 ,\T ( ?IS FACULTY FL[S BO? LOVE & REASON1 BUT NEI!R ONE NOR ! O!R IS 9 US1 BUT !Y >E \TSIDE ( US & WE ONLY CO9CIDE ) !M4 7,UNCLE>47 

#c7 ,! P[] TO KILL ONESELF IS FREE PLAY GIV5 TO PEOPLE4 ,GOD DID NOT WANT SLAVES 9 ?IS LIFE1 BUT FREE WORK]S4 ,IF Y\ REMA9 9 ?IS LIFE1 !N IT MEANS ?AT ITS CONDITIONS >E ADVANTAGE\S TO Y\4 ,IF ADVANTAGE\S--!N WORK4 ,IF Y\ GO AWAY FROM ! CONDITIONS H]E1 IF Y\ KILL Y\RSELF1 !N ! SAME ?+ WILL BE PUT BE=E Y\ AGA9 !RE4 ,SO !RE IS NO:]E TO GO4 

,IT W\LD BE GOOD TO WRITE ! HI/ORY ( :AT A MAN LIVES ?R\< 9 ?IS LIFE :O COMMITT$ SUICIDE 9 A PA/ LIFE2 H[1 COM+ UP AGA9/ ! SAME REQUIREM5TS :I* W]E PLAC$ BE=E HIM 9 ! O!R LIFE1 HE COMES TO ! REALIZATION ?AT HE MU/ FULFILL !M4 ,& 9 ?IS LIFE HE IS MORE 9TELLIG5T ?AN 9 ! O!RS1 REMEMB]+ ! LESSON GIV5 HIM4 

#d7 ,H[ DOES IT HAPP5 ?AT A CLEV]1 $UCAT$ MAN BELIEVES 9 ! NONS5SICAL8 ,MAN ?9KS ?AT :I* HIS HE>T DESIRES4 ,ONLY IF HIS HE>T DESIRES ! TRU?1 & ONLY IF IT DOES1 WILL HE ?9K ! TRU?4 ,BUT IF HIS HE>T DESIRES E>?LY PLEASURES & PEACE1 HE WILL ?9K ( ?AT :I* WILL BR+.<#b#d.> HIM E>?LY PLEASURES & PEACE OR /ILL SOME?+ ELSE4 ,BUT AS IT IS NOT AN ATTRIBUTE ( MAN TO HAVE E>?LY PLEASURES & PEACE1 HE WILL ?9K FALSELY2 & TO BE ABLE TO ?9K FALSELY HE WILL HYPNOTIZE HIMSELF4 

7,UNCLE>1 NOT GOOD47 

,FEB4 #a#d4 ,M4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,TO-DAY ,FEBRU>Y #b#b4 ,NI*OLSKOE1 AT ! ,OLSUPHIEVS4.<#e#e.> 

,IT IS ALREADY MORE ?AN A WEEK ?AT ,I FEEL DEPRESS$ 9 SPIRIT4 ,NO LIFE2 ,I CAN NOT WORK ON ANY?+4 ,FA!R ( MY LIFE & ( ALL LIFE6 ,IF MY WORK IS ALREADY F9I%$ H]E1 AS ,I AM BEG9N+ TO ?9K1 & ! 5D+ ( MY SPIRITUAL LIFE1 :I* ,I AM BEG9N+ TO FEEL1 MEANS A TRANSF] 9TO ?AT O!R LIFE--?AT ,I AM ALREADY BEG9N+ TO LIVE !RE & ?AT H]E !SE REMNANTS >E BE+ TAK5 AWAY LITTLE BY LITTLE--!N %[ IT TO ME MORE CLE>LY ?AT ,I MAY NOT SEEK & WE>Y MYSELF4 ,O!RWISE IT SEEMS TO ME ?AT ,I HAVE MANY WELL-?\<T PLANS1 YET ,I HAVE NO MEANS1 NOT ONLY = C>RY+ !M ?R\<--?IS ,I KN[1 ,I \<T NOT TO ?9K (--BUT EV5 TO DO SOME?+ GOOD1 SOME?+ PLEAS+ TO ,!E AS LONG AS ,I LIVE H]E4 ,OR GIVE ME /R5G? TO WORK ) ! CONSCI\SNESS ( S]V+ ,!E4 ,/ILL1 ,?Y WILL BE DONE4 ,IF ONLY ,I ALWAYS FELT ?AT LIFE CONSI/$ ONLY 9 ! FULFILLM5T.<#b#e.> ( ,?Y WILL1 ,I W\LD NOT D\BT4 ,BUT D\BT COMES BECAUSE ,I BITE ! BIT & DON'T FEEL ! RE9S4 

,IT IS N[ #b O'CLOCK4 ,I AM GO+ TO D9N]4 ,I TOOK A WALK1 SLEPT 9 ! MORN+1 READ ,TRILBY4 ,& ,I WANT TO SLEEP ALL ! TIME4 

,DUR+ ?IS TIME1 :AT HAS HAPP5$8 ,ALMO/ NO?+4 ,I ?\<T ON ! ,DECL>ATION ( ,FAI?4 

,IF ,I LIVE4 ,FEBRU>Y #b#c4 ,NI*OLSKOE4 

,TO-DAY ,FEBRU>Y #b#g4 ,NI*OLSKOE4 

,AM WRIT+ ! DRAMA1 IT MOVES V]Y /IFFLY4 ,9DE$ ,I DON'T EV5 KN[ IF ,I AM PROGRESS+ OR NOT4444 ,I AM V]Y COM=TABLE H]E2 ! IMPORTANT ?+--IT IS QUIET4 

,READ ,TRILBY--POOR4 ,WROTE LETT]S TO ,*]TKOV1 ,S*MIDT1.<#e#f.> ,K5WOR?Y4 ,READ ,CORNEILLE--9/RUCTIVE4 

,HAVE BE5 ?9K+3 

#a7 ,I MADE A NOTE ?AT !RE >E TWO >TS4 ,N[ ?9K+ IT OV]1 ,I DON'T F9D A CLE> EXPRESSION ( MY ?\<T4 ,!N ,I ?\<T ?AT !RE WAS AN >T1 AS !Y RI<TLY *>ACT]IZE IT1 :I* GREW FROM PLAY1 FROM ! NE$ ( EV]Y CREATURE TO PLAY4 ,! PLAY ( ! CALF IS JUMP+1 ! PLAY ( MAN IS A SYMPHONY1 A PICTURE1 A POEM1 A NOVEL4 

,?IS IS ONE K9D ( >T1 ! >T ( PLAY1 (.<#b#f.> ?9K+ \T NEW PLAYS1 PRODUC+ OLD ONES & 9V5T+ NEW4 ,?AT IS A GOOD ?+1 USEFUL & VALUABLE BECAUSE IT 9CREASES MAN'S JOYS4 ,BUT IT IS CLE> ?AT IT IS POSSIBLE TO OCCUPY ONESELF ) PLAY ONLY :5 SAT$4 ,?US SOCIETY CAN ONLY OCCUPY ITSELF ) >T1 :5 ALL ITS MEMB]S >E SAT$4 ,BUT AS LONG AS ALL ITS MEMB]S >E NOT SAT$1 !RE CAN NOT BE REAL >T1 !RE WILL BE AN >T ( ! OV]F$1 A DE=M$ ONE1 & AN >T ( ! HUNGRY ONES--R\< & POOR1 JU/ AS IT IS N[4 ,& !RE=E1 9 ! FIR/ K9D ( >T--( PLAY--ONLY ?AT P>T IS ( VALUE :I* IS ATTA9ABLE TO ALL1 :I* 9CREASES ! JOYS ( ALL4 

,IF IT IS LIKE ?IS1 !N IT IS NOT A BAD ?+1 ESPECIALLY IF IT DOES NOT DEM& AN 9CREASE ( TOIL ON ! P>T ( ! OPPRESS$1 AS HAPP5S N[4 

7,?IS C\LD & %\LD BE EXPRESS$ BETT]47 

,BUT !RE IS YET ANO!R >T :I* CALLS =? 9 MAN BETT] & HI<] FEEL+S4 ,I WROTE ?IS JU/ N[--SOME?+ ,I HAVE SAID MANY TIMES--& ,I ?9K IT ISN'T TRUE4 ,>T IS ONLY ONE & CONSI/S 9 ?IS3 TO 9CREASE ! S9LESS G5]AL JOYS ACCESSIBLE TO ALL--! GOOD ( MAN4 ,A NICE BUILD+1 A GAY PICTURE1 A SONG1 A /ORY GIVE A LITTLE GOOD2 ! AWAK5+ ( RELIGI\S FEEL+S1 ( ! LOVE ( GOOD BR\<T =? BY A DRAMA1 A PICTURE1 A SONG--GIVE GREAT GOOD4 

,! #bND ?+ ?AT ,I HAVE BE5 ?9K+ AB\T >T1 IS ?AT NO:]E IS CONS]VATISM SO H>MFUL.<#b#g.> AS 9 >T4 ,>T IS ONE ( ! MANIFE/ATIONS ( ! SPIRITUAL LIFE ( MAN1 & !RE=E1 AS :5 AN ANIMAL IS ALIVE1 IT BREA!S & DIS*>GES ! PRODUCTS ( ITS BREA?+1 SO :5 HUMANITY IS ALIVE1 IT MANIFE/S ACTIVITY 9 >T4 ,& !RE=E1 AT EV]Y GIV5 MOM5T IT MU/ BE CONTEMPORANE\S--! >T ( \R TIME4 ,ONE \<T ONLY TO KN[ :]E IT IS 7NOT 9 ! DECAD5CE ( MUSIC1 POETRY1 OR ! NOVEL72 & ONE MU/ SEEK IT NOT 9 ! PA/1 BUT 9 ! PRES5T4 ,PEOPLE :O WI% TO %[ !MSELVES CONNOISSEURS ( >T & :O !RE=E PRAISE ! PA/ CLASSIC >T & 9SULT ! PRES5T1 ONLY %[ BY ?IS1 ?AT !Y HAVE NO FEEL+ = >T4 

#c7 ,RA*9SKY.<#e#g.> SAYS3 0,NOTICE ?AT CONTEMPORANE\S ) ! SPREAD ( ! USE ( N>COTICS1 S9CE ! #a#g? C5TURY1 ! A/\ND+ PROGRESS ( SCI5CE BEGAN1 & ESPECIALLY ( ! NATURAL ONES40 ,IS IT NOT BECAUSE ( ?IS1 ,I SAY TO HIM1 ?AT ! FALSE DIRECTION ( SCI5CE HAS COME1 ! /UDY+ ( ?AT :I* IS NOT NECESS>Y TO MAN1 BUT IS ONLY AN OBJECT = IDLE CURIOSITY1 OR :5 USEFUL1 IS NOT ! ONLY ?+ REALLY NECESS>Y8 ,IS IT NOT BECAUSE ( ?IS ?AT FROM ?AT TIME ON !RE WAS NEGLECT$ ! ONE ?+ ?AT WAS NECESS>Y1 I4E4 ! SETTL+ ( MORAL QUE/IONS & !IR APPLICATION TO LIFE8 

#d7 ,:AT IS ! GOOD8 ,I ONLY KN[ A WORD 9 ,RUSSIAN :I* DEF9ES ?IS IDEA4 ,! GOOD IS ! REAL GOOD1 ! GOOD = ALL1 LE V]ITABLE BI51 LE BI5 DE T\S1 :AT IS GOOD = EV]YBODY4.<#e#h.> 

.<#b#h.> 

#e7 ,M51 9 /RUGGL+ ) UNTRU? & SUP]/ITION1 (T5 CONSOLE !MSELVES ) ! QUANTITY ( SUP]/ITION !Y HAVE DE/ROY$4 ,?IS IS NOT RI<T4 ,IT IS NOT RI<T TO CALM ONESELF UNTIL ALL ?AT IS CONTRADICTORY TO REASON & DEM&S CR$UL5CE IS DE/ROY$4 ,SUP]/ITION IS LIKE A CANC]4 ,EV]Y?+ MU/ BE CLEAN$ \T IF ONE UND]TAKES AN OP]ATION4 ,BUT IF A LITTLE BIT IS LEFT1 EV]Y?+ WILL GR[ FROM IT AGA94 

#f7 ,! HI/ORIC KN[L$GE ( H[ DIFF]5T MY?S & BELIEFS >OSE AMONG PEOPLES 9 DIFF]5T PLACES & 9 DIFF]5T TIMES \<T TO1 IT SEEMS1 DE/ROY ! FAI? ?AT !SE MY?S & BELIEFS :I* HAVE BE5 9OCULAT$ 9 US FROM \R 9FANCY1 CON/ITUTE ! ABSOLUTE TRU?2 BUT NEV]!LESS1 SO-CALL$ $UCAT$ PEOPLE BELIEVE 9 !M4 ,H[ SUP]FICIAL !N1 IS ! $UCATION ( SO-CALL$ $UCAT$ PEOPLE6 

#g7 ,TO-DAY AT D9N] !RE WAS TALK AB\T A BOY ) VICI\S 9CL9ATIONS :O WAS EXPELL$ FROM S*OOL1 & AB\T H[ GOOD IT W\LD BE TO GIVE HIM OV] TO A RE=MATORY4 

,IT IS EXACTLY :AT A MAN DOES :O LIVES A BAD LIFE1 H>MFUL TO HIS HEAL?1 & :O1 :5 HE BECOMES ILL1 TURNS TO ! DOCTOR SO ?AT ! LATT] MAY CURE HIM1 BUT HAS NO IDEA ?AT ! ILLNESS WAS GIV5 TO HIM AS A B5EFICIAL 9DICATOR ?AT HIS :OLE LIFE IS BAD & ?AT HE \<T TO *ANGE IT4 ,!.<#b#i.> SAME ?+ IS TRUE ) ! ILLNESSES 9 \R SOCIETY2 EV]Y ILL MEMB] ( SOCIETY DOES NOT REM9D US ?AT ! :OLE LIFE ( \R SOCIETY IS IRREGUL> & ?AT WE \<T TO *ANGE IT4 ,BUT WE ?9K ?AT = EV]Y SU* ILL MEMB]1 !RE IS OR \<T TO BE1 AN 9/ITUTION FREE+ US FROM ?IS MEMB] OR EV5 BETT]+ HIM4 

,NO?+ HAMP]S ! PROGRESS ( HUMANITY SO MU* AS ?IS FALSE CONVICTION4 ,! MORE ILL ! SOCIETY1 ! MORE 9/ITUTIONS !RE >E = ! HEAL+ ( SYMPTOMS & ! LESS ANXIETY = *ANG+ ! 5TIRE LIFE4 

,IT IS N[ #a O'CLOCK 9 ! EV5+4 ,I AM GO+ TO SUPP]4 ,I WANT TO WORK V]Y MU*1 BUT AM )\T 9TELLECTUAL 5]GY2 A GREAT WEAKNESS1 YET ,I WANT TO WORK T]RIBLY4 ,IF ,GOD W\LD ONLY GIVE IT TO-MORR[4 

,FEB4 #b#h4 ,NI*OLSKOE4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,TO-DAY ,M>* #f4 ,NI*OLSKOE4 

,ALL ?IS TIME ,I HAVE FELT WEAKNESS & 9TELLECTUAL APA?Y4 ,I AM WORK+ ON ! DRAMA V]Y SL[LY4 ,MU* HAS BECOME CLE>4 ,BUT !RE ISN'T ONE SC5E ) :I* ,I AM FULLY SATISFI$4 

,TO-DAY ,I WAS AB\T TO PLAN SOME?+ SILLY3 TO WRITE \T AN \TL9E ( ! ,DECL>ATION ( ,FAI?4 ,( C\RSE IT DIDN'T GO4 ,9 ! SAME WAY ,I BEGAN & DROPP$ A LETT] TO ! ,ITALIANS4.<#e#i.> 

.<#c.> 

,DUR+ ?IS TIME ,I JOTT$ D[N3 

#a7 ,CORNEILLE WRITES 9 HIS ,PREFACE TO ,M5TEUR ON >T1 ?AT ITS AIM IS A DIV]SION1 0DIV]TIR10 BUT ?AT IT MU/ NOT BE H>MFUL1 & IF POSSIBLE1 IT \<T TO BE $UCATIONALLY 5LI<T5+4 

#b7 ,AT SUPP] !RE WAS A DISCUSSION ON H]$ITY3 !Y SAY VICI\S PEOPLE >E BORN FROM AN ALCOHOLIC 444 7,I CAN'T CLE>LY EXPRESS MY ?\<T & WILL PUT IT BY47 

#c7 ,SOME?+ V]Y IMPORTANT4 ,I LAY & WAS ALMO/ ASLEEP1 SUDD5LY SOME?+ SEEM$ TO TE> 9 MY HE>T4 ,IT OCCURR$ TO ME3 ?AT IS ! WAY DEA? COMES FROM HE>T FAILURE2 & ,I REMA9$ CALM--,I FELT NEI!R GRIEF NOR JOY1 BUT BLESS$LY CALM--:E!R H]E OR !RE1 ,I KN[ ?AT IT IS WELL ) ME1 ?AT ?+S >E AS !Y \<T TO BE1 JU/ LIKE A *ILD1 TOSS$ 9 ! >MS ( ITS MO!R1 DOES NOT /OP SMIL+ FROM JOY = IT KN[S ?AT IT IS 9 H] LOV+ >MS4 

,& ! ?\<T CAME TO ME3 :Y IS IT SO N[ & WAS NOT SO BE=E8 ,BECAUSE BE=E1 ,I DID NOT LIVE ! :OLE ( LIFE1 BUT LIV$ ONLY AN E>?LY LIFE4 ,9 ORD] TO BELIEVE 9 IMMORTALITY1 ONE MU/ LIVE AN IMMORTAL LIFE H]E4 ,ONE CAN WALK ) ONE'S FEET & NOT SEE ! PRECIPICE BE=E ONE1 OV] :I* IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO CROSS1 & ONE CAN RISE ON ONE'S W+S4444.<#f.> 

7,IT ISN'T GO+ & ,I DON'T FEEL LIKE ?9K+47 

,M>* #g1 #a#h#i#f4 ,NI*OLSKOE4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

.<#c#a.> 

,TO-DAY ,MAY #b4 ,YASNAYA ,POLYANA4 

,IT IS ALMO/ TWO MON?S S9CE ,I HAVE MADE AN 5TRY4 ,ALL ?IS TIME ,I LIV$ 9 ,MOSC[4 ,( IMPORTANT EV5TS !RE W]E3 A GETT+ CLOS] TO ! SCRIBE ,NOVIKOV.<#f#a.> :O *ANG$ HIS LIFE ON ACC\NT ( MY BOOKS :I* HIS BRO!R1 A LACKEY1 RECEIV$ FROM HIS MI/RESS ABROAD4 ,A HOT-BLOOD$ Y\?4 ,ALSO HIS BRO!R1 A WORK+ MAN1 ASK$ = 0,:AT IS MY ,FAI?80 & ,TANIA.<#f#b.> S5T HIM TO ,MME4 ,KHOLEV9SKY4.<#f#c.> ,!Y TOOK ,MME4 ,KHOLEV9SKY TO PRISON4 ,! PROSECUT+ ATTORNEY SAID ?AT !Y \<T TO GO AFT] ME4 ,ALL ?IS TOGE!R MADE ME WRITE A LETT] TO ! M9I/]S ( ,JU/ICE & ! ,9T]IOR 9 :I* ,I BEGG$ !M TO TRANSF] !IR PROSECUTION TO ME4.<#f#d.> 

,ALL ?IS TIME ,I WROTE ON ! ,DECL>ATION ( ,FAI?4 ,I MADE LITTLE PROGRESS4 ,*]TKOV1 ,PO%A ,BIRIUKOV W]E H]E & W5T AWAY4 ,MY RELATIONS ) PEOPLE >E GOOD4 ,I HAVE /OPP$ RID+ ! BICYCLE4 ,I WOND] H[ ,I C\LD HAVE BE5 SO 9FATUAT$4 

,I HE>D ,WAGN]'S ,SIEGFRI$4.<#f#e.> ,I HAVE MANY ?\<TS 9 CONNECTION ) ?IS & O!R ?+S4 ,9 ALL ,I HAVE JOTT$ D[N #b ?\<TS 9 MY NOTEBOOK4 

,/ILL ANO!R IMPORTANT EV5T--! WORK ( ,AFRICAN ,SPI]4.<#f#f.> ,I JU/ READ ?R\< :AT ,I WROTE 9 ! BEG9N+ ( ?IS NOTEBOOK4 ,AT BOTTOM1 IT IS NO?+ ELSE ?AN A %ORT SUMM>Y ( ALL (.<#c#b.> ,SPI]'S PHILOSOPHY :I* ,I NOT ONLY HAD NOT READ AT ?AT TIME1 BUT AB\T :I* ,I HAD NOT ! SLI<TE/ IDEA4 ,?IS WORK CL>IFI$ MY IDEAS ON ! MEAN+ ( LIFE REM>KABLY1 & 9 SOME WAYS /R5G!N$ !M4 ,! ESS5CE ( HIS DOCTR9E IS ?AT ?+S DO NOT EXI/1 BUT ONLY \R IMPRESSIONS :I* APPE> TO US 9 \R CONCEPTION AS OBJECTS4 ,CONCEPTION 7,VOR/ELLUNG7 HAS ! QUALITY ( BELIEV+ 9 ! EXI/5CE ( OBJECTS4 ,?IS COMES FROM ! FACT ?AT ! QUALITY ( ?9K+ CONSI/S 9 ATTRIBUT+ AN OBJECTIVITY TO IMPRESSIONS1 A SUB/ANCE1 & A PROJECT+ ( !M 9TO SPACE4 

,MAY #c4  
,Y4 ,P4 

,LET ME WRITE D[N ANY?+4 ,AM 9DISPOS$4 ,WEAKNESS & PHYSICAL APA?Y4 ,BUT ?9K & FEEL KE5LY4 ,YE/]DAY AT LEA/1 ,I WROTE A FEW LETT]S3 TO ,SPI]1.<#f#g.> ,%K>VAN1 ,MYASOY$OV1.<#f#h.> ,P]]1  
,SV]BEEV4.<#f#i.> 

,I AM READ+ ,SPI] ALL ! TIME1 & ! READ+ PROVOKES A MASS ( ?\<TS4 

,LET ME WRITE \T SOME?+ AT LEA/ FROM MY #ba NOTES4 

,TO-DAY ,I WORK$ ON ! ,DECL>ATION ( ,FAI?4 

#a7 0,COME & DWELL 9 US & CLEANSE US ( ALL EVIL0 444 ,ON ! CONTR>Y3 ,CLEANSE ?Y S\L ( EVIL ?YSELF & ,HE WILL COME & DWELL 9 !E4 ,HE ONLY WAITS = ?IS4 ,LIKE WAT] HE FL[S 9TO.<#c#c.> !E 9 ! MEASURE AS ROOM IS FRE$4 0,DWELL 9 US40 ,H[ AGONIZ+LY LONELY IT IS )\T ,!E--?IS ,I EXP]I5C$ !SE DAYS & H[ PEACEFUL1 FIRM & JOY\S1 NE$+ NO?+ & NO ONE :5 ) ,!E4 ,DO NOT LEAVE ME6 

,I CAN NOT PRAY4 ,HIS TONGUE IS DIFF]5T FROM ?AT :I* ,I SPEAK1 BUT ,HE WILL UND]/& & TRANSLATE IT 9TO ,HIS [N :5 ,I SAY3 0,HELP ME1 COME TO ME1 DO NOT LEAVE ME60 

,& H]E ,I HAVE FALL5 9TO A CONTRADICTION4 ,I SAY Y\ HAVE TO CLEANSE Y\RSELF1 !N ,HE WILL COME4 ,BUT ,I1 NOT YET HAV+ CLEANS$ MYSELF1 CALL UPON ,HIM4 

,MAY #d4 ,IF ,I /ILL LIVE H]E1 ,Y4 ,P4 

,MAY #e4 ,Y4 ,P4 

,! SAME G5]AL DESPAIR4 ,& ,I AM SAD4 ,!RE IS ONE CAUSE2 ! HI<] MORAL REQUIREM5T ?AT ,I PUT =W>D4 ,9 ITS NAME ,I HAVE REJECT$ EV]Y?+ ?AT IS B5EA? IT4 ,BUT IT WAS NOT FOLL[$4 ,FIFTE5 YE>S AGO ,I PROPOS$ GIV+ AWAY ! GREAT] P>T ( ! PROP]TY & TO LIVE 9 F\R ROOMS4 ,!N !Y W\LD HAVE AN IDEAL4444 

,TO-DAY ,I RODE PA/ ,GILL4.<#g.> ,I ?\<T3 NO UND]TAK+ IS PR(ITABLE ) A SMALL AM\NT ( CAPITAL4 ,! MORE CAPITAL1 ! MORE PR(ITS2 ! LESS EXP5SES4 ,BUT FROM ?IS IT 9 NO WAY FOLL[S ?AT1 AS ,M>X SAYS1 CAPITALISM WILL LEAD TO SOCIALISM4.<#c#d.> ,P]HAPS IT WILL LEAD TO IT1 BUT TO ONE ) =CE4 ,! WORK+M5 WILL BE COMPELL$ TO WORK TOGE!R1 & !Y WILL WORK LESS & ! PAY WILL BE MORE1 BUT !RE WILL BE ! SAME SLAV]Y4 ,IT IS NECESS>Y ?AT PEOPLE WORK FREELY 9 COMMON1 ?AT !Y LE>N TO WORK = EA* O!R1 BUT CAPITALISM DOESN'T TEA* !M ?AT2 ON ! CONTR>Y1 IT TEA*ES !M 5VY1 GRE$1 SELFI%NESS4 ,!RE=E1 ?R\< A =C$ UNIT+ BR\<T AB\T BY CAPITALISM1 ! MAT]IAL CONDITION ( ! WORK]S CAN BE BETT]$1 BUT !IR CONT5TM5T CAN 9 NO WAY BE E/ABLI%$4 ,CONT5TM5T CAN ONLY BE E/ABLI%$ ?R\< ! FREE UNION ( ! WORK]S4 ,& = ?IS IT IS NECESS>Y TO LE>N H[ TO UNITE1 TO P]FECT ONESELF MORALLY1 TO WILL+LY S]VE O!RS )\T BE+ HURT :5 NOT RECEIV+ A RETURN4 ,& ?IS CAN'T 9 ANY WAY BE LE>N$ UND] ! CAPITALI/IC1 COMPETITIVE SY/EM1 BUT UND] AN 5TIRELY DIFF]5T ONE4 

,I SLEEP ALONE D[N/AIRS4 

,TO-MORR[1 ,MAY #f?1 ,Y4 ,P4 

,TO-DAY1 ,MAY #i1 ,Y4 ,P4 

,UP TO N[1 ,I HAV5'T YET WRITT5 \T ALL ?AT ,I HAD TO4 ,HAVE BE5 CONT9UALLY 9DISPOS$4 ,NOT)/&+ ?IS1 ,I WORK 9 ! MORN+S4 ,TO-DAY1 IT SEEM$ TO ME ,I ADVANC$ V]Y MU*4 ,\R PEOPLE HAVE GONE AWAY1 SOME TO ! CORONATION1.<#c#e.> O!RS TO ,SW$54.<#g#a.> ,I AM ALONE ) ,MA%A2 %E HAS A SORE ?ROAT4 ,I AM WELL4 

,MAY #a1 ,IF ,I LIVE4 ,Y4 ,P4 

,TO-DAY1 ,MAY #a#a1 ,Y4 ,P4 

,SONYA >RIV$ FROM ,MOSC[4 ,I CONT9UE TO WRITE ! ,DECL>ATION ( ,FAI?4 ,IT SEEMS AS IF ,I W]E WEAK5+4 ,TO-DAY ,I RECEIV$ A LETT] FROM ,N1 A TANGL$ UP REVOLUTIONI/4 ,9 ! EV5+ ,I RODE HORSEBACK TO ,YAS5KI.<#g#b.> & ?\<T3 

,I HAVE NOT YET WRITT5 \T EV]Y?+ FROM MY NOTEBOOKS4 ,I WILL JOT D[N AT LEA/ ?IS1 ! MORE SO S9CE1 :5 IT CAME 9TO MY HEAD IT SEEM$ TO ME V]Y IMPORTANT4 ,NAMELY3 

#a7 ,SPI] SAYS WE KN[ ONLY S5SATIONS4 ,IT IS TRUE1 ! MAT]IAL ( \R KN[L$GE IS S5SATIONS4 ,BUT ONE MU/ ASK2 :Y V>IATION ( S5SATIONS 7EV5 ( ONE & ! SAME S5SE ( SI<T OR T\*74 ,HE 7,SPI]7 9SI/S TOO MU* ?AT CORPOREALITY IS AN ILLUSION1 & DOES NOT ANSW] ! QUE/ION3 :Y V>IATION ( S5SATIONS8 ,IT IS NOT BODIES ?AT MAKE V>IATION ( S5SATIONS1 ,I AGREE TO ?IS1 BUT IT IS JU/ SU* BE+S AS WE1 :O MU/ BE ! CAUSE ( !SE S5SATIONS4 

,I KN[ ?AT :AT HE RECOGNIZES AS \R BE+ HE RECOGNIZES AS A UNIT4 ,GOOD4 ,ADMITT+ IT IS A UNIT1 !N IT IS A DIVID$ (F1 BROK5 (F UNIT1 & ,I AM A UNIT BE+ ONLY )9 C]TA9 LIMITS4 ,&.<#c#f.> !SE LIMITS ( MY BE+ >E ! LIMITS ( O!R BE+S4 ,OR1 ONE BE+ IS \TL9$ BY LIMITS & !SE LIMITS CREATE S5SATIONS1 I4 E41 ! MAT]IAL ( KN[L$GE4 ,!RE >E NO BODIES1 BODIES >E ILLUSIONS1 BUT O!R BE+S >E NOT ILLUSIONS & ,I RECOGNIZE !M ?R\< S5SATIONS4 ,!IR ACTIVITY PRODUCES S5SATIONS 9 ME & ,I CONCLUDE ?AT ! SAME EFFECT IS PRODUC$ 9 !M BY MY ACTIVITY4 ,:5 ,I RECEIVE S5SATIONS FROM A MAN ) :OM ,I COME 9 CONTACT1 IT CAN BE UND]/OOD2 BUT :5 ,I RECEIVE S5SATIONS FROM ! E>? UPON :I* ,I FALL1 FROM ! SUN :I* W>MS ME1 :AT IS IT ?AT PRODUCES !SE S5SATIONS 9 ME8 ,PROBABLY ! ACTIVITIES ( BE+S :OSE LIFE ,I DO NOT UND]/&2 BUT ,I RECOGNIZE ONLY A P>T ( !M LIKE ! FLEA ON MY BODY4 ,T\*+ ! E>?1 FEEL+ ! W>M? ( ! SUN1 MY LIMITS COME 9 CONTACT ) ! LIMITS ( ! SUN4 ,I AM 9 ! WORLD 7,I PROJECT ?IS 9TO SPACE4 ,I CAN NOT DO IT O!RWISE ?\< IT IS NOT SO 9 REALITY7 LIKE A CELL1 NOT AN IMMOVABLE ONE1 BUT ONE W&]+ & T\*+ BY HIS LIMITS1 NOT ONLY ! LIMITS ( O!R CELLS ( ! SAME K9D1 BUT O!R 5ORM\S BODIES4 

,BETT] /ILL1 NOT TO PROJECT ?IS 9TO SPACE2 ,I ACT & AM ACT$ UPON BY ! GREATE/ V>IETY ( BE+S2 OR1 MY DIVISION ( A UNIT BE+ ASSOCIATES ) O!R DIVISIONS ( ! MO/ V>I\S K9DS4 

7,:AT A LOT ( NONS5SE67 

.<#c#g.> 

,MAY #a#b1 ,Y4 ,P4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,P5TECO/4 ,IT IS COLD1 DAMP1 & NOT A LEAF ON ! TREES4 

,TO-DAY ALREADY1 ,MAY #a#f1  
,Y4 ,P4 ,MORN+4 

,I CAN NOT WRITE MY ,DECL>ATION ( ,FAI?4 ,IT IS UNCLE>1 METAPHYSICAL1 & :ATEV] GOOD !RE IS 9 IT1 ,I SPOIL4 ,I AM ?9K+ ( BEG9N+ IT ALL FROM ! BEG9N+ AGA9 OR TO CALL A /OP & GET TO WORK ON A NOVEL OR A DRAMA4 

,N4.<#g#c.> WAS H]E2 IT WAS A DIFFICULT LOVE TE/4 ,I PASS$ IT ONLY \TW>DLY & EV5 !N BADLY4 ,IF ! EXAM9] HAD GONE ALONG ?OR\<LY1 SKIPP+ AB\T1 ,I W\LD HAVE FAIL$ %AMEFULLY4 

,A BEAUTIFUL >TICLE BY ,M5%IKOV1 0,! ,BLUND]S ( ,FE>40.<#g#d.> ,H[ JOY\S6 ,I CAN ALMO/ DIE1 EV5 ABSOLUTELY1 & YET IT ALWAYS SEEMS AS IF !RE IS SOME?+ /ILL TO BE DONE4 ,DO IT & ! 5D WILL TAKE C>E ( ITSELF4 ,IF Y\ >E NO LONG] FIT = ! WORK1 Y\ WILL BE *ANG$ & A NEW ONE WILL BE S5T & Y\ WILL BE S5T TO ANO!R WORK4 ,IF ONLY ONE RISES 9 WORK6 

,/RAKHOV ,?4 ,A4.<#g#e.> WAS H]E4 ,! O!R ONE1 ,N41.<#g#f.> CAME TO ME 9 MY SLEEP4 ,I HAD A TALK ) HIM.<#g#g.> AB\T ! ,DECL>ATION ( ,FAI?4 ,9 SPEAK+ TO HIM ,I FELT H[ HAZY WAS ! DESIRE = ! GOOD 9 ITSELF4 ,& ,I CORRECT$ IT ?IS WAY3 

#a7 ,A MAN AT A C]TA9 P]IOD ( HIS DEVELOPM5T AWAK5S TO A CONSCI\SNESS ( HIS LIFE4 ,HE.<#c#h.> SEES ?AT EV]Y?+ AB\T HIM LIVES 7& HE HIMSELF LIV$ LIKE ?AT BE=E ! AWAK5+ ( HIS REASON7 )\T KN[+ ITS LIFE4 ,N[ ?AT HE HAS LE>N$ ?AT HE LIVES1 HE UND]/&S ?AT =CE :I* GIVES LIFE TO ! :OLE WORLD & 9 HIS CONSCI\SNESS HE CO9CIDES ) IT1 BUT BE+ LIMIT$ BY HIS SEP>ATE BE+ 7HIS ORGANISM71 IT SEEMS TO HIM ?AT ! PURPOSE ( ?IS =CE :I* GIVES LIFE TO ! WORLD1 IS ! LIFE ( HIS SEP>ATE BE+4 

7,I ?\<T ?AT ,I W\LD WRITE IT CLE>LY & AGA9 ,I AM CONFUS$2--EVID5TLY ,I AM NOT READY47 

,LIFE IS ! DESIRE = ! GOOD4 7,EV]Y?+ ?AT LIVES1 LIVES ONLY BECAUSE IT DESIRES ! GOOD2 ?AT :I* DOES NOT DESIRE ! GOOD1 DOES NOT LIVE47 

,MAN1 :5 AWAK5$ TO A REASON+ CONSCI\SNESS1 IS CONSCI\S ( LIFE 9 HIMSELF1 I4 E4 ( ! DESIRE = ! GOOD4 ,BUT S9CE ?IS CONSCI\SNESS IS 5G5D]$ 9 ! SEP>ATE BODILY BE+ ( MAN1 S9CE MAN LE>NS ?AT LIFE IS ! DESIRE = ! GOOD :5 HE IS ALREADY SEP>AT$ FROM O!RS BY HIS BODILY BE+1 !RE=E1 9 ! FIR/ AWAK5+ ( MAN TO A REASON+ CONSCI\SNESS1 IT SEEMS TO HIM ?AT LIFE1 I4 E4 ! DESIRE = ! GOOD :I* HE RECOGNIZES 9 HIMSELF1 HAS = ITS OBJECT HIS SEP>ATE BODILY BE+4 ,& MAN BEG9S TO LIVE CONSCI\SLY = ! GOOD ( HIS SEP>ATE BE+1 BEG9S.<#c#i.> TO USE ?AT REASON ( HIS :I* REVEAL$ TO HIM ! ESS5CE ( ALL LIFE2 ! DESIRE = ! GOOD1 9 ORD] TO SECURE ! GOOD = HIS [N SEP>ATE BE+4 

,BUT ! LONG] A MAN LIVES1 ! MORE OBVI\S IT BECOMES TO HIM ?AT HIS PURPOSE IS UNATTA9ABLE4 ,& !RE=E1 :ILE HE HAS NOT YET MADE CLE> TO HIMSELF HIS ]ROR1 EV5 BE=E HE RECOGNIZES BY REASON ! IMPOSSIBILITY ( ! GOOD = A SEP>ATE P]SONALITY1 MAN KN[S BY EXP]I5CE & FEEL+ ! ]ROR ( ACTIVITY :I* IS DIRECT$ TO ! GOOD ( HIS [N SEP>ATE P]SONALITY & HE NATURALLY /RIVES ?AT HIS LIFE1 HIS DESIRE = ! GOOD1 BE DRAWN AWAY FROM HIS [N P]SONALITY & BR\<T OV] TO O!R ?+S2 TO COMRADES1 FRI5DS1 FAMILY1 SOCIETY4 

,?IS SAME REASON :I* HE DESIRES TO USE = ! ATTA9M5T ( ! GOOD = HIS [N SEP>ATE BE+1 %[S MAN ?AT ?IS GOOD IS UNATTA9ABLE1 ?AT IT BECOMES DE/ROY$ BY ! /RUGGLE BETWE5 ! SEP>ATE BE+S = ! DESIR$ GOOD1 DE/ROY$ BY ! UNPREV5TABLE1 9NUM]ABLE DISA/]S & SUFF]+S :I* ?REAT5 MAN1 & ABOVE ALL1 BY ! UNAVOIDABLE ILLNESSES1 SUFF]+S1 OLD AGE & DEA? :I* OCCUR 9 ! 9DIVIDUAL LIFE ( MAN4 ,NO MATT] H[ MAN MI<T EXP& HIS DESIRE = ! GOOD TO O!R BE+S1 HE CAN NOT BUT SEE ?AT ALL !SE SEP>ATE BE+S >E LIKE HIM1 SUBJECT TO UNAVOIDABLE SUFF]+S & DEA? & !RE=E1.<#d.> !Y1 JU/ AS HE1 CAN NOT HAVE REAL LIFE BY !MSELVES4 

,& IT IS JU/ ?IS ]ROR ( M5 :O HAVE AWAK5$ TO ! CONSCI\SNESS ( LIFE ?AT ! ,*RI/IAN TEA*+ DISSIPATES1 9 %[+ TO MAN ?AT AS SOON AS A CONSCI\SNESS ( LIFE HAS AWAK5$ 9 HIM1 I4 E4 ! DESIRE = ! GOOD1 !N HIS BE+1 HIS 0SELF0 IS NO LONG] HIS SEP>ATE BODILY BE+1 BUT ?AT SAME CONSCI\SNESS ( LIFE1 ! DESIRE = ! GOOD NOT = HIMSELF1 :I* WAS BORN 9 HIS SEP>ATE BE+4 ,! CONSCI\SNESS1 !RE=E1 ( ! DESIRE = ! GOOD1 IS ! DESIRE = ! GOOD = EV]Y?+ EXI/5T4 ,& ! DESIRE = ! GOOD = EV]Y?+ EXI/5T1 IS ,GOD4 

,! ,*RI/IAN TEA*+ TEA*ES JU/ ?IS1 ?AT ,HIS SON1 :O RESEMBLES ,GOD1 & :O WAS S5T BY ! ,FA!R 9TO ! WORLD ?AT ! WILL ( ! ,FA!R BE FULFILL$ 9 HIM1 LIVES 9 MAN ) AN AWAK5$ CONSCI\SNESS 7! CONV]SATION ) ,NICODEMUS47 

,! ,*RI/IAN TEA*+ REVEALS TO MAN ) AN AWAK5$ CONSCI\SNESS1 ?AT ! MEAN+ & ! AIM ( HIS LIFE DOES NOT CONSI/1 AS IT SEEM$ TO HIM BE=E1 9 ! ACQUIR+ ( ! GREAT] GOOD = HIS [N SEP>ATE P]SONALITY OR = O!R SU* P]SONALITIES LIKE HIM1 NO MATT] H[ MANY !Y >E1 BUT ONLY 9 ! FULFILLM5T 9 ?IS WORLD ( ! WILL ( ! ,FA!R :O HAS S5T MAN 9TO !.<#d#a.> WORLD--IT REVEALS ALSO TO MAN ! WILL ( ! ,FA!R 9 REG>D TO ! SON4 ,! WILL ( ! ,FA!R 9 REG>D TO ! SON IS ?AT !RE %\LD BE MANIFE/$ 9 ?IS WORLD ?AT DESIRE = ! GOOD :I* =MS ! ESS5CE ( HIS LIFE1 SO ?AT MAN LIV+ 9 ?IS WORLD %\LD WI% ! GOOD TO A GREAT] & GREAT] NUMB] ( BE+S & CONSEQU5TLY HE %\LD S]VE !M AS HE S]VES HIS [N GOOD4 

7,CONFUS$47 

,MAY #a#g1 ,Y4 ,P4 

,AGA9 ,I AM DISSATISFI$ ) :AT ,I WROTE YE/]DAY & :I* SEEM$ TO ME TRUE & FULL4 ,LA/ NI<T & ?IS MORN+ ,I ?\<T AB\T ! SAME ?+4 ,H]E >E ! NEW ?+S :I* HAVE BECOME CLE> TO ME3 

#a7 ,?AT ! DESIRE = ! GOOD IS NOT ,GOD1 BUT ONLY ONE ( ,HIS MANIFE/ATIONS1 ONE ( ! SIDES FROM :I* WE SEE ,GOD4 ,GOD 9 ME IS MANIFE/$ BY ! DESIRE = ! GOOD2 

#b7 ,?AT ?IS ,GOD :I* IS 5CLOS$ 9 MAN1 BEG9S TO /RIVE TO FREE ,HIMSELF 9 BROAD5+ & 5L>G+ ! BE+ 9 :OM ,HE DWELLS2 !N1 SEE+ ! IMPASSABLE LIMITS ( ?IS BE+1 ,HE TRIES TO FREE ,HIMSELF BY GO+ \TSIDE ( ?IS BE+ & EMBRAC+ O!R BE+S2 

#c7 ,?AT A REASON+ BE+ CANNOT F9D ROOM =.<#d#b.> HIMSELF 9 ! LIFE ( AN 9DIVIDUAL1 & ?AT AS SOON AS HE BECOMES REASON+ HE TRIES TO GO \T ( IT2 

#d7 ,?AT ! ,*RI/IAN TEA*+ REVEALS TO MAN ?AT ! ESS5CE ( HIS LIFE IS NOT HIS SEP>ATE BE+1 BUT ,GOD1 :I* IS 5CLOS$ 9 HIS BE+4 ,?IS ,GOD1 !RE=E1 BECOMES KN[N TO MAN ?R\< REASON & LOVE 444 

,I CAN NOT WRITE ANY F>!R2 WEAK1 SLEEPY4 

#e7 ,& ABOVE ALL1 ?AT ! DESIRE = ! GOOD = ONESELF1 LOVE = ONESELF1 C\LD EXI/ 9 MAN ONLY UP TO ! TIME :5 REASON HAD NOT YET AWAK5$ 9 HIM4 ,BUT AS SOON AS REASON HAD WAK5$ 9 HIM1 !N IT BECAME CLE> TO MAN ?AT ! DESIRE = ! GOOD = HIMSELF--A SEP>ATE BE+--WAS FUTILE1 BECAUSE ! GOOD IS NOT REALIZABLE = A SEP>ATE & MORTAL BE+4 ,JU/ AS SOON AS REASON APPE>$1 !N !RE BECAME POSSIBLE ONLY ONE K9D ( DESIRE = ! GOOD2 ! DESIRE = ! GOOD = ALL1 BECAUSE ) ! DESIRE = ! GOOD = ALL1 !RE IS NO /RUGGLE BUT UNION1 & NO DEA? BUT ! TRANSMISSION ( LIFE4 ,GOD IS NOT LOVE1 BUT 9 LIV+1 UNREASON+ BE+S ,HE IS MANIFE/$ ?R\< A LOVE = ONESELF1 & 9 LIV+1 REASON+ BE+S1 ?R\< LOVE = EV]Y?+ ?AT EXI/S4 

,I AM N[ GO+ TO WRITE \T ! #ba PO9TS FROM MY NOTEBOOKS4 

#a7 ,9 ORD] TO BELIEVE 9 IMMORTALITY ONE HAS.<#d#c.> TO LIVE AN IMMORTAL LIFE H]E1 I4 E4 TO LIVE NOT T[>DS ONESELF BUT T[>DS ,GOD1 NOT = ONESELF1 BUT = ,GOD4 ,MAN1 9 ?IS LIFE1 SEEMS TO BE /&+ ) ONE FOOT ON A BO>D & ! O!R ON ! E>?2 & AS SOON AS HIS REASON HAS AWAK5$1 HE SEES ?AT ?AT BO>D UPON :I* HE WAS JU/ AB\T TO /EP LIES OV] AN ABYSS & IT NOT ONLY B5DS & CREAKS1 BUT IS ALREADY FALL+ & MAN TRANSF]S HIS WEI<T TO ?AT FOOT :I* /&S ON ! E>?4 ,H[ NOT BE AFRAID IF ONE /&S ON ?AT :I* B5DS & CREAKS & FALLS2 & H[ BE AFRAID1 & ( :AT TO BE AFRAID1 IF Y\ /& ON ?AT UPON :I* EV]Y?+ FALLS & BEL[ :I* IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO FALL8 

#b7 ,READ AB\T ,GRANOVSKY4.<#g#h.> ,9 \R LIT]ATURE IT IS CU/OM>Y TO SAY1 ?AT DUR+ ! REIGN ( ,NI*OLAS CONDITIONS W]E SU* ?AT IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO EXPRESS GREAT ?\<TS4 7,GRANOVSKY COMPLA9S ( ?IS & O!RS TOO47 ,BUT ! ?\<TS !RE W]E NOT REAL4 ,IT IS ALL SELF-DECEPTION4 ,IF ALL ?OSE ,GRANOVSKYS1 ,BIEL9SKYS1.<#g#i.> & O!RS HAD ANY?+ TO SAY1 !Y W\LD HAVE SAID IT1 NO MATT] :AT ! OB/ACLES4 ,! PRO( IS ,H]Z54.<#h.> ,HE W5T AWAY ABROAD & DESPITE HIS 5ORM\S TAL5T1 :AT DID HE SAY ?AT WAS NEW1 NECESS>Y8 ,ALL ?OSE ,GRANOVSKYS1 ,BIEL9SKYS1 ,*]NI%EVSKYS1.<#h#a.> ,DOBROLIUBOVS1 :O W]E RAIS$ TO GREAT M51 \<T TO BE GRATEFUL TO ! GOV]NM5T & ! C5SOR%IP )\T :I* !Y W\LD.<#d#d.> HAVE BE5 ! MO/ UNNOTIC$ ( SKET*-WRIT]S4 

,P]HAPS ! ,BIEL9SKYS1 ,GRANOVSKYS1 & ! O!R UNIMPORTANT ONES MI<T HAVE HAD SOME?+ REAL )9 !M1 BUT !Y /IFL$ IT1 IMAG9+ !Y HAD TO S]VE SOCIETY ) ! =MS ( SOCIAL LIFE & NOT TO S]VE ,GOD BY PR(ESS+ ! TRU? & BY PREA*+ IT )\T ANY C>E AB\T ! =MS ( SOCIAL LIFE4 ,LET !RE BE CONT5TS & ! =MS WILL %APE !MSELVES4 

,PEOPLE ACT+ ?US1 I4 E4 ADAPT+ !IR /RIV+ = TRU? TO ! EXI/+ =MS ( SOCIETY1 >E LIKE A BE+ TO :OM W+S HAVE BE5 GIV5 TO FLY1 )\T KN[+ OB/ACLES1 & :O US$ !SE W+S 9 ORD] TO HELP ITSELF 9 WALK+4 ,SU* A BE+ W\LD NOT ATTA9 ITS 5DS--EV]Y OB/ACLE W\LD /OP IT & IT W\LD SPOIL ITS W+S4 ,& !N ?IS BE+ W\LD COMPLA9 ?AT IT HAD BE5 HELD BACK & W\LD TELL ) SORR[ 7LIKE ,GRANOVSKY7 ?AT IT W\LD HAVE GONE F> IF OB/ACLES HAD NOT HELD IT BACK4 

,! QUALITY ( REAL SPIRITUAL ACTIVITY IS SU*1 ?AT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO HOLD IT BACK4 ,IF IT IS HELD BACK1 !N IT MEANS ONLY ONE ?+3 IT IS NOT REAL4 

#c7 ,MAN DY+ LITTLE BY LITTLE 7GR[+ OLD7 EXP]I5CES ?AT :I* A SPR\T+ SE$ \<T TO EXP]I5CE :I* HAS NOT YET TRANSF]R$ ITS CONSCI\SNESS FROM ! SE$ TO ! PLANT4 ,HE FEELS.<#d#e.> ?AT HE GR[S LESS1 BUT HE IS NOT CONSCI\S ( HIMSELF !RE :]E HE 9CREASES2 9 ANO!R LIFE4 

,I AM BEG9N+ TO EXP]I5CE ?IS4 

#d7 ,I WROTE D[N3 0,REASON IS A TOOL = ! RECOGNITION ( TRU?1 V]IFICATION1 CRITICISM40 ,I CAN'T REMEMB] V]Y WELL4 ,IT SEEMS TO ME1 & ,I AM EV5 C]TA9 ( IT1 ?AT IT IS ?IS3 

,UND] REASON IS UND]/OOD MANY DIFF]5T 9TELLECTUAL ACTIVITIES & V]Y COMPLEX ONES1 & !RE=E ! CORRECTNESS ( ! SOLUTIONS ( REASON IS (T5 D\BT$4 ,AS AN ANSW] TO ?IS D\BT1 ,I SAY1 ?AT !RE IS AN ACTIVITY ( ! REASON :I* IS NOT TO BE D\BT$1 NAMELY1 ! CRITICAL ACTIVITY1 ! ACTIVITY ( V]IFY+ :AT IS TOLD ME4 ,!Y TELL ME ?AT ,GOD 444 ETC4 ,I SUBMIT ?IS TO ! V]IFICATION ( REASON & DECIDE )\T D\BT ?AT ?AT :I* IS NOT REASONABLE DOES NOT EXI/ = ME4 ,IT IS WRONG TO SAY ?AT EV]Y?+ :I* EXI/S IS REASONABLE1 OR ?AT EV]Y?+ :I* IS REASONABLE EXI/S1 BUT IT IS WRONG NOT TO SAY ?AT ?AT :I* IS UNREASONABLE DOES NOT EXI/ = ME4 

#e7 ,IT SEEMS TO MAN ?AT HIS ANIMAL LIFE IS HIS REAL ESS5CE & ?AT ! SPIRITUAL LIFE IS ! PRODUCT ( HIS ANIMAL ONE1 JU/ AS IT SEEMS TO A MAN R[+ 9 A BOAT ?AT HE IS /&+ /ILL & ?AT ! BANKS1 & ! :OLE E>?1 >E RUNN+ PA/ HIM4 

#f7 ,!RE IS A GOODNESS :I* WANTS TO MAKE.<#d#f.> USE ( ! ADVANTAGES ( GOODNESS & DOES NOT WANT TO BE> ! DISADVANTAGES ( IT4 ,?AT IS ANIMAL GOODNESS4 

#g7 ,*RI/IAN TRU?1 !Y SAY1 CAN NOT BE PROV$2 IT MU/ BE BELIEV$4 ,AS IF IT W]E EASI] TO BECOME CONV9C$ ( ! TRU? ( ! NONS5SICAL ?AN ( ! REASONABLE4 ,:Y DEPRIVE ,*RI/IANITY ( ! P[] ( CONV9C+8 ,:Y8 

#h7 ,NATURE1 !Y SAY1 IS ECONOMICAL ( ITS [N =CES2 BY ! LEA/ EF=T1 IT ATTA9S ! GREATE/ RESULTS4 ,SO IS ,GOD4 ,TO E/ABLI% ! ,K+DOM ( ,GOD ON E>?1 ( UNION1 ( S]V+ ONE ANO!R--& TO DE/ROY HO/ILITY1 ,GOD DOES NOT HAVE TO DO IT HIMSELF4 ,HE HAS PLAC$ ,HIS REASON 9 MAN1 :I* FREES LOVE 9 MAN & EV]Y?+ :I* ,HE DESIRES WILL BE DONE BY MAN4 ,GOD DOES ,HIS WORK ?R\< US4 ,& !RE IS NO TIME = ,GOD--OR !RE IS 9F9ITE TIME4 ,:5 HE HAS PLAC$ REASON+ LOVE 9 MAN1 HE HAS ALREADY DONE EV]Y?+4 

,:Y HAS ,HE DONE ?IS 9 ?IS WAY ?R\< MAN1 & NOT BY ,HIMSELF8 ,! QUE/ION IS /UPID & ONE :I* NEV] W\LD HAVE 5T]$ ONE'S HEAD IF WE W]E ALL NOT SPOIL$ BY ABSURD SUP]/ITION4444 

#i7 ,ONE ( ! MO/ TORTUR+ SPIRITUAL SUFF]+S IS ! NOT BE+ UND]/OOD BY PEOPLE :5 Y\ FEEL Y\RSELF HOPELESSLY ALONE 9 Y\R ?\<TS4 ,!RE IS CONSOLATION 9 ?IS1 ?AT Y\.<#d#g.> KN[ ?AT ?AT V]Y ?+ :I* PEOPLE DO NOT UND]/& 9 Y\1 ,GOD UND]/&S4 

#a7 ,TO C>RY OV] ONE'S 0SELF0 FROM ! BODILY TO ! SPIRITUAL1 ?AT MEANS TO CONSCI\SLY WI% ONLY ! SPIRITUAL4 ,MY BODY CAN UNCONSCI\SLY /RIVE = ! FLE%LY1 BUT ,I CONSCI\SLY DESIRE NO?+ ( ! FLE%LY1 AS :5 ,I DO NOT DESIRE TO FALL1 BUT CAN NOT BUT SUBMIT TO ! LAW ( GRAVITATION4 

#a#a7 ,IF Y\ HAVE TRANSF]R$ Y\R 0SELF0 TO Y\R SPIRITUAL BE+1 Y\ WILL FEEL ! SAME PA9 9 VIOLAT+ LOVE AS Y\ WILL FEEL PHYSICAL PA9 :5 Y\ VIOLATE ! GOOD ( ! BODY4 ,! 9DICATOR IS JU/ AS DIRECT & TRUE4 ,& ,I ALREADY FEEL IT4 

#a#b7 ,S9 IS ! /R5G!N+ ( ! CONSCI\SNESS ( LIFE 9 ONE'S SEP>ATE BE+1 OR ! WEAK5+ ( ONE'S REASON+ CONSCI\SNESS1 :I* %[S ! 9CONSI/5CY ( ANIMAL LIFE4 ,= ! FIR/ 5D1 ! ACTIVITY ( REASON IS DIRECT$ TO ! /R5G!N+ ( ! DELUSION ( A SEP>ATE LIFE3 #a1 FOOD2 #b1 LU/2 #c1 VANITY1 /R5G!N$ BY REASON4 ,= ! SECOND 5D1 >E US$ ! MEANS ( WEAK5+ REASON3 TOBACCO1 OPIUM1 W9E4 

#a#c7 ,TEMPTATION IS ! ASS]TION ?AT IT IS P]MITT$ TO VIOLATE LOVE = ! GREAT] GOOD3 #a1 TO ONESELF2 IT IS NECESS>Y TO FE$1 CURE1 $UCATE1 CALM ONESELF1 9 ORD] TO BE 9 CONDITION TO S]VE M51 & = ?IS IT IS P]MITT$ TO VIOLATE LOVE2 #b1 ONE MU/ SECURE1 PRES]VE1 & $UCATE ! FAMILY1 &.<#d#h.> = ?IS IT IS P]MITT$ TO VIOLATE LOVE2 #c1 ONE HAS TO ORGANIZE1 SECURE1 PROTECT ! COMMUNITY1 ! /ATE1 & = ?IS IT IS P]MITT$ TO VIOLATE LOVE2 #d1 ONE HAS TO CONTRIBUTE TO ! SALVATION ( ! S\LS ( PEOPLE BY VIOL5T SUGGE/ION1 ?R\< $UCATION1 & = ?IS IT IS P]MITT$ TO VIOLATE LOVE4 

#a#d7 ,! ESSAY ON >T HAS TO BE BEGUN ) A DISCUSSION ( ! FACT1 ?AT = ! PICTURE H]E1 :I* IT HAS CO/ ! MA/] #a1 WORK+ DAYS1 HE IS GIV5 #d ?\S& WORK+ DAYS3 = AN OP]A1 A NOVEL1 /ILL MORE4 ,& !N1 SOME SAY ( !SE WORKS1 ?AT !Y >E BEAUTIFUL2 O!RS1 ?AT !Y >E ABSOLUTELY BAD4 ,& !RE IS NO 9CONTE/ABLE CRIT]ION4 ,!RE IS NO SU* >GUM5T AB\T WAT]1 FOOD1 & GOOD WORKS4 ,:Y IS ?AT SO8 

#a#e7 ,:AT IS ! RESULT ( A MAN RECOGNIZ+ AS HIS 0SELF0 NOT HIS [N SEP>ATE BE+1 BUT ,GOD LIV+ 9 HIM8 ,9 ! FIR/ PLACE1 NOT CONSCI\SLY DESIR+ ! GOOD = HIS [N SEP>ATE BE+1 ?AT MAN WILL NOT1 OR WILL LESS EAG]LY1 TAKE ! GOOD AWAY FROM O!RS2 9 ! SECOND PLACE1 HAV+ RECOGNIZ$ AS HIS 0SELF0 ,GOD1 :O DESIRES ! GOOD = ALL ?AT EXI/S1 MAN ALSO WILL DESIRE IT4 

#a#f7 ,:Y DO PEOPLE HOLD ON SO PASSIONATELY TO ! PR9CIPLE ( FAMILY1 ! PRODUC+ & BR++ UP ( *ILDR58 ,BECAUSE TO A MAN :O HAS NOT YET TRANSF]R$ HIS CONSCI\SNESS FROM HIS SEP>ATE BE+ TO ?AT ( ,GOD1 IT IS ! ONLY SEEM+LY.<#d#i.> SATISFACTORY EXPLANATION ( ! MEAN+ ( LIFE4 

#a#g7 ,! MEAN+ ( LIFE BECOMES CLE> TO MAN :5 HE RECOGNIZES AS HIMSELF1 HIS DIV9E ESS5CE :I* IS 5CLOS$ 9 HIS BODILY 5VELOPE4 ,! MEAN+ ( ?IS LIES 9 ! FACT ?AT ?IS BE+1 /RIV+ = ITS EMANCIPATION1 = ! BROAD5+ ( ! REALM ( LOVE1 ACCOMPLI%ES ?R\< ?IS BROAD5+ ! WORK ( ,GOD1 :I* CONSI/S 9 ! E/ABLI%M5T ( ! ,K+DOM ( ,GOD ON E>?4 

#a#h7 ,VIOL5CE CAN NEI!R WEAK5 NOR /R5G!N A SPIRITUAL MOVEM5T4 ,TO ACT ON SPIRITUAL ACTIVITY BY =CE IS JU/ LIKE CAT*+ ! RAYS ( ! SUN--NO MATT] H[ Y\ COV] !M1 !Y WILL ALWAYS BE ON TOP4 

#a#i7 ,I HAVE NOT$ D[N3 0,DO Y\ IMAG9E Y\R LIFE 9 ! WOOD :I* IS BE+ BURN$ D[N OR 9 ! FIRE :I* BURNS80 

,IT IS ?IS WAY3 Y\ GET ! WOOD READY1 & !N Y\ >E SORRY TO USE IT2 9 ! SAME WAY Y\ GET Y\RSELF READY & !N Y\ >E SORRY4 ,BUT ! COMP>ISON IS NOT GOOD1 BECAUSE FIRE COMES TO AN 5D4 ,A BETT] COMP>ISON W\LD BE ) FOOD2 DO Y\ IMAG9E Y\R LIFE 9 FOOD OR 9 ?AT :I* IS BE+ F$8 ,IS NOT ?AT ! MEAN+ ( ! WORDS ( ,/4 ,JOHN AB\T 0MY BODY01 :I* \<T TO BE FOOD8 ,MAN IS FOOD = ,GOD IF HE GIVES HIMSELF TO ,GOD4 

7,UNCLE>2 NONS5SE47 

.<#e.> 

#b7 ,! PR9CIPAL AIM ( >T1 IF !RE IS >T1 & IF IT HAS AN AIM1 IS TO MANIFE/ & TO EXPRESS ! TRU? AB\T MAN'S S\L1 TO EXPRESS ?OSE MY/]IES :I* IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO EXPRESS SIMPLY BY SPEE*4 ,FROM ?IS SPR+S >T4 ,>T IS A MICROSCOPE :I* ! >TI/ FIXES ON ! MY/]IES ( HIS S\L & %[S TO PEOPLE ?OSE MY/]IES :I* >E COMMON TO ALL4 

#b#a7 ,LOVE1 5CLOS$ 9 MAN & FRE$ BY REASON1 MANIFE/S ITSELF 9 TWO WAYS3 #a1 BY ITS EXPANSION1 & #b1 BY ! E/ABLI%M5T ( ! ,K+DOM ( ,GOD4 ,IT IS /EAM :I*1 9 SPREAD+1 WORKS4 

#b#b7 ,LATELY1 ,I HAVE BEGUN TO FEEL SU* FIRMNESS & /R5G?1 NOT MY [N1 BUT ?AT ( ?AT ,GOD'S WORK :I* ,I WI% TO S]VE1 ?AT ! IRRITATION1 ! REPROA*ES1 ! MOCK+ PEOPLE HO/ILE TO ! WORK ( ,GOD1 IS /RANGE TO ME2 !Y >E PITIABLE1 T\*+4 

#b#c7 ,! WORLD1 LIV+ UNCONSCI\SLY1 & MAN1 9 ! P]IOD ( HIS *ILDHOOD1 P]=M$ UNCONSCI\SLY ! WORK ( ,GOD4 ,HAV+ AWAK5$ TO CONSCI\SNESS1 HE DOES IT CONSCI\SLY4 ,9 ! COLLISION BETWE5 ! TWO ME?ODS ( S]V+1 MAN \<T TO KN[ ?AT ! UNCONSCI\S PASSES & WILL PASS 9TO ! CONSCI\S & NOT ! OPPOSITE & ?AT !RE=E IT IS NECESS>Y TO GIVE ONESELF OV] TO ! FUTURE & NOT TO ! PA/4 7,/UPID47 

.<#e#a.> 

#b#d7 ,! DELUSION ( MAN :O HAS AWAK5$ TO CONSCI\SNESS & :O CONT9UES TO CONSID] HIS [N SEP>ATE BE+ AS HIMSELF1 IS ?AT HE CONSID]S A TOOL AS HIMSELF4 ,IF Y\ FEEL PA9 AT ! DI/URB+ ( ! GOOD ( Y\R SEP>ATE BE+1 IT IS AS IF Y\ FELT ON Y\R H& ! BL[S ON ! TOOL ) :I* Y\ WORK4 ,! TOOL HAS TO BE TAK5 C>E (1 GR\ND1 BUT NOT TO BE CONSID]$ AS ONESELF4 

#b#e7 ,GOD ,HIMSELF IS ECONOMICAL4 ,HE HAS TO P5ETRATE ALL ) LOVE4 ,HE HAS FIR$ MAN ALONE ) LOVE & HAS PLAC$ HIM 9 ! NECESSITY ( FIR+ ALL ! RE/4 

#b#f7 ,NO?+ AFFECTS ! RELIGI\S \TLOOK SO MU* AS ! WAY WE LOOK UPON ! WORLD2 :E!R ) A BEG9N+ & AN 5D1 AS IT WAS LOOK$ UPON 9 ANTIQUITY1 OR 9F9ITE AS IT IS LOOK$ UPON N[4 ,9 A F9ITE WORLD1 ONE CAN CON/RUCT A REASONABLE ROLE = SEP>ATE MORTAL MAN1 BUT 9 AN 9F9ITE WORLD ! LIFE ( SU* A BE+ HAS NO MEAN+4 

#b#g7 7,= ,KONEVSKY7 ,IT HAPP5S TO ,KATIU%A AFT] H] RESURRECTION1 ?AT %E HAS C]TA9 P]IODS 9 :I* %E SMILES SLYLY & LAZILY AS IF %E HAD =GOTT5 ALL :I* %E CONSID]$ TRUE BE=E2 %E IS M]ELY JOY\S & WANTS TO LIVE4 

#b#h7 ,TO HIM :O LIVES A SPIRITUAL LIFE 5TIRELY1 LIFE H]E BECOMES SO UN9T]E/+ & BURD5SOME ?AT HE CAN P>T ) IT EASILY4 

.<#e#b.> 

#b#i7 ,NATA%A ,/RAKHOV.<#h#b.> ASKS H] FA!R1 :5 HE SPEAKS ( SOME?+ :I* HAPP5$ :5 %E WAS NOT YET BORN3 0,:]E WAS ,I !N80 ,I W\LD HAVE ANSW]$3 0,Y\ W]E ASLEEP & HAD NOT YET WAK$ UP H]E40 ,CONCEPTION1 BIR?1 *ILDHOOD >E ONLY A PREP>ATION TO AN AWAK5+1 :I* WE SEE1 BUT NOT ! SLEEP+ ONES4 

#c7 ,! ]ROR 9 :I* WE F9D \RSELVES :5 WE CONSID] \R SEP>ATE BE+S AS \RSELVES IS ! SAME AS :5 A TRAVEL] C\NTS ONLY ONE /AGE AS ! :OLE ROAD1 OR A MAN1 ONE DAY AS HIS :OLE LIFE4 

#c#a7 ,READ AB\T 444 & WAS HORRIFI$ AT ! CONSCI\S DECEPTION ( M5 444 

#c#b7 0,AN ]AS]40 ,I HAVE =GOTT54 ,I %ALL RECALL IT4 

,HAVE WRITT5 UP TO D9N]4 ,IT IS N[ #b O'CLOCK & ,I AM GO+ TO D9E4 

,MAY #b#h1 ,YSN4 ,POL4 #ab O'C4 NOON4 

,IT IS ALREADY SEV]AL DAYS ?AT ,I AM /RUGGL+ ) MY WORK.<#h#c.> & AM MAK+ NO PROGRESS4 ,I SLEEP4 ,I WANT$ TO SCRIBBLE IT SOMEH[ TO ! V]Y 5D1 BUT ,I CAN'T POSSIBLY DO IT4 ,AM 9 A WRET*$ MOOD1 AGGRAVAT$ BY ! EMPT9ESS1 BY ! POOR1 SELF-SATISFI$1 COLD EMPT9ESS ( MY SURR\ND+ LIFE4 

,9 ! MEANTIME ,I HAVE BE5 TO ,PIROGOVO4.<#h#d.> ,I HAVE A MO/ JOY\S IMPRESSION2 MY BRO!R ,S]GEI.<#h#e.>.<#e#c.> HAS UND\BT$LY HAD A SPIRITUAL TRANS=MATION4 ,HE HIMSELF HAS =MULAT$ ! ESS5CE ( MY FAI? 7& HE EVID5TLY RECOGNIZES IT AS TRUE = HIMSELF72 TO RAISE 9 ONESELF ! SPIRITUAL ESS5CE & TO SUBJECT TO IT ! ANIMAL ELEM5T4 ,HE HAS A MIRACUL\S ICON & HE WAS TORTUR$ BY HIS UNDEF9$ ATTITUDE TO IT4 ,! LITTLE GIRLS.<#h#f.> >E V]Y GOOD & LIVE S]I\SLY4 ,MA%A HAS BE5 9FECT$ BY !M4 ,LAT] !RE W]E AT \R H\SE3 ,SALAMON1.<#h#g.> ,TANYEE4.<#h#h.>444 

,A T]RIBLE EV5T 9 ,MOSC[--! DEA? ( ?REE ?\S&.<#h#i.>--,I SOMEH[ CAN NOT EXPRESS MYSELF AS ,I \<T TO4 ,I AM 9DISPOS$ ALL ! TIME1 GETT+ WEAK]4 ,9 ,PIROGOVO1 !RE WAS ! H>NESSMAK]1 AN 9TELLIG5T MAN4 ,YE/]DAY A WORK+-MAN CAME FROM ,TULA1 9TELLIG5T4 ,I ?9K A REVOLUTIONI/4 ,TO-DAY A SEM9>Y /UD5T1 A T\*+ CASE4 

,I AM ADVANC+ V]Y1 V]Y BADLY 9 MY WORK4 ,RA!R BOR+ LETT]S BECAUSE !Y DEM& POLITE ANSW]S4 ,I HAVE WRITT5 TO ,BOND>EV1.<#i.> ,PO%A1 & TO SOME ONE ELSE4 ,O YES2 ,(FIC] ,N4 WAS H]E TOO4 ,I ?9K ,I WAS USEFUL TO HIM4 ,SPL5DID NOTES BY ,%K>VAN4.<#i#a.> 

,YE/]DAY !RE WAS A LETT] FROM POOR ,N4.<#i#b.>1 :OM !Y HAVE DRIV5 (F TO ! ,P]SIAN FRONTI]1 HOP+ TO KILL HIM4 ,GOD HELP HIM4 ,& DON'T =GET ME4 ,GIVE ME LIFE1 LIFE1 I4 E4 A CONSCI\S1 JOYFUL S]V+ ( ,!E4 

.<#e#d.> 

,9 ! MEANTIME1 ,I ?\<T1 

#a7 ,IT IS REM>KABLE H[ MANY PEOPLE SEE SOME 9SOLUBLE PROBLEM 9 EVIL4 ,I HAVE NEV] SE5 ANY PROBLEM 9 IT4 ,= ME IT IS N[ ALTOGE!R CLE> ?AT ?AT :I* WE CALL EVIL IS ?AT GOOD1 ! ACTION ( :I* WE DON'T YET SEE4 

#b7 ,! POETRY ( ,MALL>ME1.<#i#c.> & O!RS4 ,WE :O DON'T UND]/& IT1 SAY BOLDLY ?AT IT IS HUMBUG1 ?AT IT IS POETRY /RIK+ AN  
IMPASSE4 ,:Y IS IT ?AT :5 WE HE> MUSIC :I* WE DON'T UND]/& & :I* IS JU/ AS NONS5SICAL1 WE DON'T SAY ?AT BOLDLY1 BUT SAY TIMIDLY3 YES1 P]HAPS ONE \<T TO UND]/& IT OR PREP>E ONESELF = IT1 ETC4 ,?AT IS SILLY4 ,EV]Y WORK ( >T IS ONLY A WORK ( >T :5 IT IS UND]/&ABLE1 ,I DO NOT SAY = ALL1 BUT = PEOPLE /&+ ON A C]TA9 LEVEL ( $UCATION1 ON ! SAME LEVEL AS ! MAN :O READS POETRY & :O JUDGES IT4 

,?IS REASON+ LEADS ME TO AN ABSOLUTELY C]TA9 CONCLUSION ?AT MUSIC BE=E ANY O!R >T 7DECAD5CE 9 POETRY & SYMBOLISM & O!R ?+S 9 PA9T+7 HAS LO/ ITS WAY & /RUCK AN IMPASSE4 ,& HE :O HAS TURN$ IT FROM ! ROAD WAS ?AT MUSICAL G5IUS ,BEE?OV54 ,! PR9CIPAL FACTORS >E ! AU?ORITIES & PEOPLE DEPRIV$ ( AES!TIC FEEL+ :O JUDGE >T4 

,GOE!8 ,%AKESPE>E8.<#i#d.> ,EV]Y?+ ?AT GOES UND] !IR NAMES IS SUPPOS$ TO BE GOOD & ON SE BAT LES FLANCS 9 ORD] TO F9D SOME?+.<#e#e.> BEAUTIFUL 9 ! /UPID & ! UNSUCCESSFUL1 & TA/E IS 5TIRELY P]V]T$4 ,& ALL !SE GREAT TAL5TS--,GOE!1 ,%AKESPE>E1 ,BEE?OV51 ,MI*AEL-,ANGELO--SIDE BY SIDE ) EXQUISITE ?+S1 PRODUC$ NOT ONLY M$IOCRE ONES1 BUT DISGU/+ ONES4 ,! M$IOCRE >TI/S PRODUCE A M$IOCRITY AS REG>DS VALUE & NEV] ANY?+ V]Y BAD4 ,BUT RECOGNIZ$ G5IUSES CREATE EI!R REALLY GREAT WORKS OR ABSOLUTE /UFF & NONS5SE2 ,%AKESPE>E1 ,GOE!1 ,BEE?OV51 ,BA*1 & O!RS4 

#c7 ,TO PLACE BE=E MYSELF ! MO/ COMPLEX & CONFUS$ ?+ :I* DEM&S MY P>TICIPATION4 ,ON ALL SIDES IT SEEMS !RE EXI/ 9SOLUBLE DILEMMAS2 IT IS BAD ONE WAY & WORSE ! O!R4 ,& IT IS ONLY NECESS>Y TO C>RY OV] ! PROBLEM FROM ! \T] REALM 9TO ! 9N]1 9TO ONE'S [N LIFE1 TO UND]/& ?AT ?IS IS ONLY AN >5A = MY 9N] P]FECTION1 ?AT IT IS A TE/1 A MEASURE ( MY MORAL DEVELOPM5T1 AN EXP]IM5T AS TO H[ MU* ,I CAN & WANT TO DO ! WORK ( ,GOD1 ! 5L>GEM5T ( LOVE1 & EV]Y?+ RESOLVES ITSELF SO EASILY1 SIMPLY1 JOY\SLY4 

#d7 ,A MI/AKE 7S97 IS ! USE ( REASON1 GIV5 ME TO RECOGNIZE MY ESS5CE 9 ! LOVE = EV]Y?+ :I* EXI/S1 9 ACQUIR+ ! GOOD = MY SEP>ATE BE+4 ,AS LONG AS MAN LIV$ )\T A REASON+ CONSCI\SNESS1 HE FULFILL$ ! WILL ( ,GOD 9 ACQUIR+ ! GOOD = HIMSELF & 9.<#e#f.> /RUGGL+ = IT & !RE WAS NO S92 BUT AS SOON AS REASON HAD AWAK5$1 !N !RE WAS S94 

#e7 ,! H>NESS-MAK]1 ,MIKHAILO1 SAYS TO ME ?AT HE DOES NOT BELIEVE 9 A FUTURE LIFE1 ?AT HE ?9KS ?AT :5 A MAN DIES1 HIS SPIRIT WILL LEAVE HIM & WILL GO AWAY4 ,BUT ,I SAY TO HIM3 0,WELL1 GO (F !N ) ?IS SPIRIT2 !N Y\ WON'T DIE40 

,MAY #b#i1 ,YSN4 ,POL4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,IT SEEMS TO ME1  
,JUNE #f1 ,YSN4 ,POL4 

,! PR9CIPAL ?+ IS ?AT DUR+ ?IS TIME ,I HAVE ADVANC$ 9 MY WORK1.<#i#e.> & AM ADVANC+4 ,I WRITE ON S9S & ! :OLE WORK IS CLE> TO ! 5D4 

,F9I%$ ,SPI]--SPL5DID4 

,! ECONOMIC MOVEM5T ( HUMANITY BY ?REE MEANS3 ! DE/RUCTION ( [N]%IP ( L& ACCORD+ TO ,H5RY ,GEORGE.<#i#f.>2 ! 9H]ITANCE :I* W\LD GIVE OV] ACCUMULAT$ WEAL? TO SOCIETY1 IF NOT 9 ! FIR/ G5]ATION1 !N 9 ! SECOND2 & A SIMIL> TAX ON WEAL? ON AN EXCESS ( OV] #a1 RUBLES 9COME = A FAMILY OR #b = EA* MAN4 

,TO-DAY ! ,*]TKOVS >RIV$4 ,GALIA.<#i#g.> IS V]Y GOOD4 

,! DAY BE=E YE/]DAY A G5D>ME CAME1 A.<#e#g.> SPY1 :O CONFESS$ ?AT HE WAS S5T AFT] ME4 ,IT WAS BO? PLEASANT & NA/Y4.<#i#h.> 

,DUR+ ?IS TIME HAVE ?\<T PR9CIPALLY ! FOLL[+3 

#a7 ,:5 A MAN LIVES AN ANIMAL LIFE1 HE DOES NOT KN[ ?AT ,GOD LIVES ?R\< HIM4 ,:5 REASON AWAK5S 9 HIM1 !N HE KN[S IT4 ,& KN[+ IT1 HE BECOMES UNIT$ ) ,GOD4 

#b7 ,MAN 9 HIS ANIMAL LIFE HAS TO BE GUID$ BY 9/9CT2 REASON DIRECT$ TO ?AT :I* IS NOT SUBJECT TO IT1 WILL SPOIL EV]Y?+4 

#c7 ,IS NOT LUXURY A PREP>+ = SOME?+ BETT]1 :5 !RE IS ALREADY A SUFFICI5CY8 

,YE/]DAY WAS NOT ! #f?1 BUT ! #h?4 ,TO-DAY1  
,JUNE #i1 ,Y4 ,P4 

,I HAVE WRITT5 LITTLE & NOT V]Y WELL4 ,IT SEEMS TO ME ?AT IT IS GETT+ CLE>]4 ,9 ! MORN+ ,I HAD A CONV]SATION ) ! WORK+M5 :O CAME = BOOKS4 ,I REMEMB]$ ! WOMAN :O ASK$ TO WRITE TO ,JOHN ( ,KRON/AD4.<#i#i.> 

,! RELIGION ( ! PEOPLE IS ?IS3 !RE IS A ,GOD & !RE >E GODS & SA9TS4 7,*RI/ CAME ON E>?1 AS A PEASANT TOLD ME TO-DAY1 TO TEA* PEOPLE H[ & TO :OM TO PRAY47 ,! GODS & ! SA9TS P]=M MIRACLES1 HAVE P[] OV] ! FLE% & P]=M H]OIC DE$S & GOOD WORKS1 & ! PEOPLE HAVE ONLY TO PRAY1 TO KN[ H[.<#e#h.> & TO :OM TO PRAY4 ,BUT PEOPLE CAN NOT P]=M GOOD WORKS1 !Y CAN ONLY PRAY4 ,H]E IS !IR :OLE FAI?4 

,I BA!D & DON'T FEEL WELL4 

,JUNE #a#i1 ,Y4 ,P4 

,HAVE BE5 FEEL+ WEAK ALL ?IS TIME & SLEEP BADLY4 ,PO%A CAME YE/]DAY4 ,HE SPOKE AB\T ! ,KHOD9KA ACCID5T WELL1 BUT WROTE IT BADLY4 ,\R V]Y IDLE1 LUXURI\S LIFE OPPRESSES ME4 ,N4 CAME4 ,A /RANG]4 ,HE IS Y\NG & HE DOES NOT UND]/& 9 ! SAME WAY AS ,I DO1 ?AT :I* HE UND]/&S1 AL?\< HE AGREES ) EV]Y?+4 ,F9I%$ ! FIR/ DRAFT.<#a.> ON ! #a#c? ( ,JUNE4 ,N[ ,I AM REVIS+ IT1 BUT AM WORK+ V]Y LITTLE4 

444 ,/RUGGL$ ) MYSELF TWICE & SUCCESSFULLY4 ,OH1 IF IT W]E ALWAYS SO6 

,ONCE ,I PASS$ BEYOND ,ZAKAZ.<#a#a.> AT NI<T & WEPT = JOY1 BE+ GRATEFUL = LIFE4 ,! PICTURES ( LIFE 9 ,SAM>A /& \T V]Y CLE>LY BE=E ME2 ! /EPPES1 ! FI<T ( ! NOMADIC1 PATRI>*IC PR9CIPLE ) ! AGRICULTURAL CIVILIZ$ ONE4.<#a#b.> ,IT DRAWS ME V]Y MU*4 ,KONEFSKY WAS NOT BORN 9 ME2 ?AT IS :Y IT MOVES SO AWKW>DLY4 

,HAVE BE5 ?9K+3 

#a7 ,SOME?+ V]Y IMPORTANT AB\T >T3 :AT IS BEAUTY8 ,BEAUTY IS ?AT :I* WE LOVE4 0,HE.<#e#i.> IS NOT DE> BECAUSE HE IS GOOD1 BUT GOOD BECAUSE HE IS DE>40 ,H]E IS ! PROBLEM2 :Y DE>8 ,:Y DO WE LOVE8 ,& TO SAY ?AT WE LOVE1 BECAUSE A ?+ IS BEAUTIFUL1 IS JU/ ! SAME AS SAY+ ?AT WE BREA! BECAUSE ! AIR IS PLEASANT4 ,WE F9D ! AIR PLEASANT1 BECAUSE WE HAVE TO BREA!2 & 9 ! SAME WAY WE DISCOV] BEAUTY1 BECAUSE WE HAVE TO LOVE4 ,& HE :O HASN'T ! P[] TO SEE SPIRITUAL BEAUTY1 SEES AT LEA/ A BODILY ONE & LOVES IT4 

,JUNE #b#f1 ,Y4 ,P4 ,MORN+4 

,ALL NI<T ,I DID NOT SLEEP4 ,MY HE>T A*ES )\T /OPP+4 ,I CONT9UE TO SUFF] & CAN NOT SUBJECT MYSELF TO ,GOD4444 ,I HAVE NOT MA/]$ PRIDE & REBELLION & ! PA9 9 MY HE>T DOES NOT /OP4 ,ONE ?+ CONSOLES ME2 ,I AM NOT ALONE BUT ) ,GOD1 & !RE=E NO MATT] H[ PA9FUL IT IS1 YET ,I FEEL ?AT SOME?+ IS TAK+ PLACE )9 ME4 ,HELP ME1 ,FA!R4 

,YE/]DAY ,I WALK$ TO ,BABUR9O.<#a#c.> & UNWILL+LY 7,I RA!R W\LD HAVE AVOID$ ?AN S\<T IT71 ,I MET ! #h-YE>-OLD ,AKIME PL[+1 ! WOMAN ,Y>EMI*OV :O HASN'T A COAT TO H] H\SEHOLD & ONLY ONE JACKET1 !N ,M>IA :OSE HUSB& WAS FROZ5 & :O HAS NO ONE TO GA!R H] RYE & :O IS />V+ H] *ILD1 & ,TROPHIME & ,KHALIAVKA1 & ! HUSB& & WIFE W]E DY+ AS WELL AS ! *ILDR54 ,& WE /UDY.<#f.> ,BEE?OV54 ,& ,I PRAY ?AT ,HE RELEASE ME FROM ?IS LIFE4 ,& AGA9 ,I PRAY & CRY FROM PA94 ,I AM 5TRAPP$1 S9K+1 ,I CANNOT ALONE1 ONLY ,I HATE MYSELF & MY LIFE4 

,JUNE #c1 ,YSN4 ,POL4 

,CONT9U$ TO SUFF] & /RUGGLE MU*1 & HAVE CONQU]$ NEI!R ONE NOR ! O!R4 ,BUT IT IS BETT]4 ,MME4 ,ANN5KOV.<#a#d.> WAS H]E & PUT IT V]Y WELL 444.<#a#e.> ,!Y HAVE SPOIL$ = ME EV5 MY DI>Y :I* ,I WRITE ) ! PO9T ( VIEW ( ! POSSIBILITY ( ITS BE+ READ BY ! LIV+.<#a#f.> 444 

,JU/ N[ UP/AIRS !Y BEGAN TO SPEAK AB\T ! ,NEW ,TE/AM5T & ,N4 5 RICANANT PROV$ ?AT ,*RI/ ADVIS$ CA/RATION4 ,I BECAME ANGRY1--%AMEFUL4 

,TWO DAYS AGO ,I W5T TO ?OSE :O HAD BE5 BURN$ \T2 HAD NOT D9$1 WAS TIR$ & FELT WELL4444 ,YE/]DAY ,I VISIT$ ! LAWY] :O WANT$ TO SNAT* A HUNDR$ RUBLES FROM A BEGG>-WOMAN TO DECORATE HIS [N H\SE )4 ,IT IS ! SAME EV]Y:]E4 

,DUR+ ?IS TIME ,I HAVE BE5 9 ,PIROGOVO4 ,MY BRO!R ,S]EZHA HAS 5TIRELY COME OV] TO US4 ,! J\RNEY ) ,TANIA & ,*]TKOV WAS JOY\S4 ,TO-DAY 9 ,DEM5KA.<#a#g.> ,I GAVE ! LA/ WORDS = HIS J\RNEY TO A DY+ PEASANT4 

,I AM ADVANC+ MU* ON ! WORK4.<#a#h.> ,I WILL.<#f#a.> TRY TO WRITE \T N[ :AT ,I HAVE JOTT$ D[N 9 ! BOOK4 

,TO-DAY1 ,JULY #a#i4.<#a#i.> 

,I AM 9 ,PIROGOVO4 ,I >RIV$ ! DAY BE=E YE/]DAY ) ,TANIA & ,*]TKOV4 ,9 ,S]EZHA.<#a#a.> !RE HAS C]TA9LY TAK5 PLACE A SPIRITUAL *ANGE2 HE ADMITS IT HIMSELF SAY+ ?AT HE WAS BORN SEV]AL MON?S AGO4 ,I AM V]Y HAPPY ) HIM4 

,AT HOME1 DUR+ ?IS TIME1 ,I LIV$ ?R\< MU* DIFFICULTY4 ,LORD1 ,FA!R1 RELEASE ME FROM MY BASE BODY4 ,CLEANSE ME & DO NOT LET Y\R SPIRIT P]I% 9 ME & BECOME OV]GR[N4 ,I PRAY$ TWICE BESEE*+LY2 ONCE ?AT ,HE LET ME BE ,HIS TOOL2 & SECOND ?AT ,HE SAVE ME FROM MY ANIMAL 0SELF40 

,DUR+ ?IS TIME ,I PROGRESS$ ON ! ,DECL>ATION ( ,FAI?4 ,IT IS F> FROM :AT HAS TO BE SAID & FROM :AT ,I WANT TO SAY4 ,IT IS 5TIRELY 9ACCESSIBLE TO ! PLA9 MAN & ! *ILD1 BUT1 NEV]!LESS ,I HAVE SAID ALL ?AT ,I KN[ COH]5TLY & LOGICALLY4 

,9 ?IS TIME ALSO ,I WROTE ! PREFACE TO ! READ+ ( ! ,GOSPELS.<#a#a#a.> & ANNOTAT$ ! ,GOSPELS4 ,HAD VISITORS4 ,5GLI%M51 ,AM]ICANS--NO ONE ( IMPORTANCE4 

,I WILL WRITE \T ALL ?AT ,I JOTT$ D[N3 

#a7 ,YE/]DAY ,I WALK$ ?R\< A TWICE.<#f#b.> PL[$1 BLACK-E>? FALL[ FIELD4 ,AS F> AS ! EYE C\LD SEE1 !RE WAS NO?+ BUT BLACK E>?--NOT ONE GRE5 BLADE ( GRASS1 & !RE ON ! $GE ( ! DU/Y GRAY ROAD !RE GREW A BU% ( BURDOCK4 ,!RE W]E ?REE (F-%OOTS4 ,ONE WAS BROK5 & ITS :ITE SOIL$ FL[] HUNG2 ! O!R ALSO BROK51 WAS BESPATT]$ ) BLACK DIRT1 ITS /EM B5T & SOIL$2 ! ?IRD %OOT /UCK \T TO ! SIDE1 ALSO BLACK FROM DU/1 BUT /ILL ALIVE & R$ 9 ! C5T]4 ,IT REM9D$ ME (  
,HAJJI-,MURAD4.<#a#a#b.> ,IT MAKES ME WANT TO WRITE4 ,IT ASS]TS LIFE TO ! 5D1 & ALONE 9 ! MID/ ( ! :OLE FIELD1 SOMEH[ OR O!R HAS ASS]T$ IT4 

#b7 ,HE HAS A CAPACITY = LANGUAGES1 = MA!MATICS1 IS QUICK TO COMPREH5D & TO ANSW]1 CAN S+1 DRAW CORRECTLY1 BEAUTIFULLY1 & CAN WRITE 9 ! SAME WAY2 BUT HE HAS NO MORAL OR >TI/IC FEEL+ & !RE=E NO?+ ( HIS [N4 

#c7 ,LOVE T[>DS 5EMIES4 ,IT IS DIFFICULT1 SELDOM DOES IT SUCCE$--AS ) EV]Y?+ ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL4 ,BUT !N :AT HAPP9ESS :5 Y\ ATTA9 IT6 ,!RE IS AN EXQUISITE SWEETNESS 9 ?IS LOVE1 EV5 9 ! =ETA/E ( IT4 ,& ?IS SWEETNESS IS JU/ 9 ! 9V]SE RATIO TO ! ATTRACTIV5ESS ( ! OBJECT ( LOVE4 ,YES1 ! SPIRITUAL VOLUPTU\SNESS ( LOVE T[>DS 5EMIES4 

#d7 ,SOME ONE MAKES ME SUFF]4 ,AS SOON AS ,I ?9K AB\T MYSELF1 AB\T MY [N SUFF]+1 ! SUFF]+ CONT9UES TO GR[ & GR[ & T]ROR.<#f#c.> OV]COMES ME AT ! ?\<T TO :]E IT MI<T LEAD4 ,IT SUFFICES TO ?9K ( ! MAN ON ACC\NT ( :OM Y\ >E SUFF]+1 TO ?9K AB\T HIS SUFF]+--& 9/ANTLY Y\ >E HEAL$4 ,SOMETIMES IT IS EASY :5 Y\ ALREADY LOVE Y\R TORTUR]2 BUT EV5 :5 IT IS DIFFICULT1 IT IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE4 

#e7 ,YE/]DAY 9 WALK+ ,I ?\<T :AT >E ?OSE B\ND>IES :I* SEP>ATE US1 ONE BE+ FROM ANO!R8 ,& IT OCCURR$ TO ME4 ,>E NOT SPACE & TIME ! CONDITIONS ( !SE DIVISIONS1 OR RA!R1 ! CONSEQU5CES ( !SE DIVISIONS8 ,IF ,I W]E NOT A SEP>AT$ P>T1 !RE W\LD BE NEI!R SPACE NOR TIME = ME1 AS !RE IS NOT = ,GOD4 ,BUT S9CE ,I AM NOT ! :OLE1 ,I CAN UND]/& MYSELF & O!R BE+S ?R\< SPACE & TIME ONLY4 

7,I FEEL ?AT !RE IS SOME?+ 9 ?IS1 BUT ,I CAN NOT YET EXPRESS IT CLE>LY47 

#f7 ,!RE WAS AN >GUM5T AB\T :E!R BE+ 9 LOVE WAS GOOD4 ,= ME ! CONCLUSION WAS CLE>2 IF A MAN ALREADY LIVES A HUMAN1 SPIRITUAL LIFE1 !N BE+ 9 LOVE--LOVE1 M>RIAGE--W\LD BE A D[NFALL = HIM1 HE W\LD HAVE TO GIVE A P>T ( HIS /R5G? TO HIS WIFE1 TO HIS FAMILY1 OR EV5 AT LEA/ TO ! OBJECT ( HIS LOVE4 ,BUT IF HE IS ON ! ANIMAL PLANE1 IF HE EATS1 DR9KS1 LABORS1 HOLDS A PO/1 WRITES1 PLAYS--!N TO BE 9 LOVE W\LD BE AN UPLIFT = HIM AS = ANIMALS1 = 9SECTS1 9 ! TIME ( 444.<#a#a#c.>.<#f#d.> 

#g7 ,TO PRAY8 ,!Y SAY ?AT PRAY] IS NECESS>Y1 ?AT IT IS NECESS>Y TO HAVE ! SWEET FEEL+ ( PRAY] :I* IS CALL$ =? BY S]VICE1 S++1 READ+1 EXCLAMATIONS1 ICONS4 ,BUT :AT IS PRAY]8 ,A COMMUNION ) ,GOD1 A RECOGNITION ( ONE'S RELATION TO ,GOD1 ! HI<E/ /ATE ( ! S\L4 ,IS IT POSSIBLE ?AT ?IS /ATE ( ! S\L CAN BE ATTA9$ BY AN ACTION UPON ! \T] S5SES4444 ,IS IT NOT MORE PROBABLE ?AT ! PRAY]FUL /ATE MI<T BE REA*$ ONLY 9 R>E EXCEPTIONAL MOM5TS & NECESS>ILY 9 ISOLATION1 AS EV5 ,*RI/ SAID & AS ,ELIJAH SAW ,GOD1 NOT 9 A /ORM BUT 9 A T5D] BREEZE8 

#h7 ,YE/]DAY ,I LOOK$ ?R\< ! ROMANCES1 NOVELS1 & POEMS ( ,FET4.<#a#a#d.> ,I RECALL$ \R 9CESSANT MUSIC ON #d GR&-PIANOS 9 ,YASNAYA ,POLYANA & IT BECAME CLE> TO ME ?AT ALL ?IS--! ROMANCES1 ! POEMS1 ! MUSIC--WAS NOT >T1 SOME?+ IMPORTANT & NECESS>Y TO PEOPLE 9 G5]AL1 BUT A SELF-9DULG5CE ( ROBB]S1 P>ASITES1 :O HAVE NO?+ 9 COMMON ) LIFE2 ROMANCES1 NOVELS AB\T H[ ONE FALLS 9 LOVE DISGU/+LY1 POETRY AB\T ?IS OR AB\T H[ ONE LANGUI%ES FROM BOR$OM4 ,& MUSIC AB\T ! SAME !ME4 ,BUT LIFE1 ALL LIFE1 SEE!S ) ITS [N PROBLEMS ( FOOD1 DI/RIBUTION1 LABOR1 AB\T FAI?1 AB\T ! RELATIONS ( M5 444 ,IT IS %AMEFUL1 NA/Y4 ,HELP ME1 ,FA!R1 TO S]VE ,!E BY %[+ UP ?IS LIE4 

.<#f#e.> 

#i7 ,I WAS GO+ FROM ! ,*]TKOVS ON ! #e? ( ,JULY4 ,IT WAS EV5+1 & BEAUTY1 HAPP9ESS1 BLESS$NESS1 LAY ON EV]Y?+4 ,BUT 9 ! WORLD ( M58 ,!RE WAS GRE$1 MALICE1 5VY1 CRUELTY1 LU/1 DEBAU*]Y4 ,:5 WILL IT BE AMONG M5 AS IT IS 9 ,NATURE8 ,H]E !RE IS A /RUGGLE1 BUT IT IS HONE/1 SIMPLE1 BEAUTIFUL4 ,BUT !RE IT IS BASE4 ,I KN[ IT & ,I HATE IT1 BECAUSE ,I MYSELF AM A MAN4 

7,I HAVE NOT SUCCE$$47 

#a7 ,:5 ,I SUFF]$ 9 MY S\L1 ,I TRI$ TO CALM MYSELF ) ! CONSCI\SNESS ( S]V+4 ,& ?AT US$ TO CALM ME1 BUT ONLY !N :5 !RE HAPP5$ TO BE AN OBVI\S 9/ANCE ( S]V+1 I4 E4 :5 IT WAS UNQUE/IONABLY REQUIR$ & ,I WAS DRAWN TO IT4 ,BUT :AT IS TO BE DONE :5 IT HAPP5S NEI!R ONE WAY NOR ! O!R8 ,GIVE MYSELF TO ,GOD1 NEGATE MYSELF4 ,DO AS ,?\ WILT1 ,I CONS5T4 

7,AGA91 NOT :AT ,I WANT TO SAY47 

,I AM GO+ TO D9N]4 

#a#a7 ,KANT1.<#a#a#e.> !Y TELL US1 MADE A REVOLUTION 9 ! ?\<T ( M54 ,HE WAS ! FIR/ TO %[ ?AT A ?+ 9 ITSELF IS 9ACCESSIBLE TO KN[L$GE1 ?AT ! S\RCE ( KN[L$GE & LIFE IS SPIRITUAL4 ,BUT IS NOT ?AT ! SAME :I* ,*RI/ SAID TWO ?\S& YE>S AGO1 ONLY 9 A WAY UND]/&ABLE TO M58 ,B[ 9 SPIRIT & 9 TRU?2 !.<#f#f.> SPIRIT IS LIFE CREAT+1 ! LETT]1 ! FLE%1 IS B5EFICIAL 9 NO WAY4 

#a#b7 ,BALLS1 FEA/S1 SPECTACLES1 P>ADES1 PLEASURE-G>D5S1 ETC41 >E A DREADFUL TOOL 9 ! H&S ( ! ORGANIZ]S4 ,!Y CAN HAVE A T]RIBLE 9FLU5CE4 ,& IF ANY?+ HAS TO BE SUBJECT$ TO CONTROL1 IT IS ?IS4 

#a#c7 ,I WALK$ ALONG ! ROAD & ?\<T1 LOOK+ AT ! =E/S1 ! E>?1 ! GRASS1 :AT A FUNNY MI/AKE IT IS TO ?9K ?AT ! WORLD IS SU* AS IT APPE>S TO ME4 ,TO ?9K ?AT ! WORLD IS SU* AS IT APPE>S TO ME1 MEANS TO ?9K ?AT !RE CAN BE NO O!R BE+ CAPABLE ( KN[L$GE EXCEPT MYSELF ) MY SIX S5SES4.<#a#a#f.> ,I /OPP$ & WAS WRIT+ ?AT D[N4 ,S]GEI ,IVANOVI*.<#a#a#g.> APPROA*$ ME4 ,I TOLD HIM :AT ,I WAS ?9K+4 ,HE SAID3 

0,YES1 ONE ?+ IS TRUE1 ?AT ! WORLD IS NOT SU* AS WE SEE IT & WE DON'T KN[ ANY?+ AS IT IS40 

,I SAID3 

0,YES1 WE KN[ SOME?+ EXACTLY AS IT IS40 

0,:AT IS IT80 

0,?AT :I* KN[S4 ,IT IS EXACTLY SU* AS WE KN[ IT40 

#a#d7 ,ONE IS (T5 SURPRIS$ ?AT PEOPLE >E UNGRATEFUL4 ,ONE \<T TO BE SURPRIS$ AT H[ !Y C\LD BE GRATEFUL = GOOD DONE !M4 ,H[EV].<#f#g.> LITTLE GOOD PEOPLE DO1 !Y KN[ ) C]TA9TY ?AT ! DO+ ( GOOD IS ! GREATE/ HAPP9ESS4 ,H[ !N CAN PEOPLE BE GRATEFUL TO O!RS ?AT !SE O!RS HAVE DRUNK !MSELVES FULL1 :5 ?AT IS ! GREATE/ 5JOYM5T8 

#a#e7 ,ONLY HE IS FREE :OM NO?+ & NOBODY CAN H9D] FROM DO+ :AT HE WANTS4 ,!RE IS ONLY ONE SU* WORK TO DO--TO LOVE4 

#a#f7 ,PRAY] IS DIRECT$ TO A P]SONAL ,GOD1 NOT BECAUSE ,GOD IS P]SONAL 7,I EV5 KN[ AS A MATT] ( FACT ?AT ,HE IS NOT P]SONAL1 BECAUSE ! P]SONAL IS F9ITE & ,GOD IS 9F9ITE71 BUT BECAUSE ,I AM A P]SONAL BE+4 ,I HAVE A LITTLE GRE5 GLASS 9 MY EYE & ,I SEE EV]Y?+ GRE54 ,I CAN NOT HELP BUT SEE ! WORLD GRE51 AL?\< ,I KN[ ?AT IT IS NOT LIKE ?AT4 

#a#g7 ,! AES!TIC PLEASURE IS A PLEASURE ( A L[] ORD]4 ,& !RE=E ! HI<E/ AES!TIC PLEASURE LEAVES ONE UNSATISFI$4 ,9 FACT1 ! HI<] ! AES!TIC PLEASURE1 ! MORE UNSATISFI$ IT LEAVES ONE4 ,IT ALWAYS MAKES ONE WANT SOME?+ MORE & MORE4 ,& SO )\T 5D4 ,ONLY MORAL GOOD GIVES FULL SATISFACTION4 ,H]E !RE IS FULL SATISFACTION4 ,NO?+ FUR!R IS WI%$ = OR NE$$4 

#a#h7 ,A LIE TO O!RS IS BY F> NEI!R AS IMPORTANT NOR AS H>MFUL AS A LIE TO ONESELF4 ,A LIE TO O!RS IS (T5 AN 9NOC5T PLAY1 A SATISFY+ (.<#f#h.> VANITY4 ,A LIE TO ONESELF IS ALWAYS A P]V]SION ( ! TRU?1 A TURN+ ASIDE FROM ! DEM&S ( LIFE4 

#a#i7 ,AL?\< SELDOM1 YET IT HAS HAPP5$ TO ME ?AT ,I HAVE DONE GOOD FROM PITY1 A REAL GOOD4 ,9 ?AT CASE Y\ NEV] REMEMB] :AT Y\ REALLY HAVE DONE & UND] :AT CIRCUM/ANCES4 ,Y\ REMEMB] ONLY ?AT Y\ W]E ) ,GOD 7?IS OCCURR$ TO ME 9 REG>D TO MY FAVORITE BOOTS :I* ,I REMEMB] ,I GAVE AWAY \T ( PITY & = A LONG TIME ,I C\LD NOT REMEMB] :]E !Y HAD GONE74 ,IT IS ! SAME WAY ) ALL ?OSE MOM5TS :5 ,I WAS ) ,GOD1 :E!R 9 PRAY] OR 9 ! BUS9ESS ( LIFE4 ,MEMORY IS A FLE%LY AFFAIR1 BUT H]E1 ! ?+ IS SPIRITUAL4 

#b7 ,MAN CAN NOT LIVE A FLE%LY LIFE1 IF HE DOES NOT CONSID] HIMSELF 9 ! RI<T & HE CAN NOT LIVE A SPIRITUAL LIFE IF HE DOES NOT CONSID] HIMSELF S9FUL4 

#b#a7 444 

,I AM GO+ TO SLEEP4 ,IT IS #a#b3#c 9 ! MORN+1 ,JULY #c?4 

,JULY #c#a1 ,Y4 ,P4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,JULY #c#a1 ,Y4 ,P4 

,I AM ALIVE4 ,IT IS EV5+ N[4 ,IT IS PA/ F\R4 ,I AM LY+ D[N & CAN NOT FALL ASLEEP4 ,MY HE>T A*ES4 ,I AM TIR$ \T4 ,I HE> ?R\< ! W9D[--!Y PLAY T5NIS & >E LAU<+4 ,S4.<#f#i.> W5T AWAY TO ! ,%5%9S4.<#a#a#h.> ,EV]Y ONE IS WELL1 BUT ,I AM SAD & CAN NOT MA/] MYSELF4 ,IT IS LIKE ! FEEL+ ,I HAD :5 ,/4 ,?OMAS.<#a#a#i.> LOCK$ ME 9 & ,I HE>D ?R\< MY PRISON H[ EV]Y ONE WAS GAY & WAS LAU<+4 ,BUT ,I DON'T WANT TO4 ,ONE MU/ SUFF] HUMILIATION & BE GOOD4 ,I CAN DO IT4 

,I CONT9UE TO COPY3 

#a7 ,! DISBELIEF 9 REASON IS ! S\RCE ( ALL EVIL4 ,?IS DISBELIEF IS REA*$ BY ! TEA*+ ( A DI/ORT$ FAI? FROM *ILDHOOD4 ,BELIEVE 9 ONE MIRACLE & ! TRU/ 9 REASON IS DE/ROY$4 

#b7 444 

#c7 ,*RI/IANITY DOES NOT GIVE HAPP9ESS BUT SAFETY2 IT LETS Y\ D[N TO ! BOTTOM FROM :I* !RE IS NO PLACE TO FALL4 

#d7 ,I RODE HORSEBACK FROM ,TULA & ?\<T AB\T ?IS2 ?AT ,I AM A P>T ( ,HIM1 SEP>AT$ 9 A C]TA9 WAY FROM O!R SU* P>TS1 & ,HE IS EV]Y?+1 ! ,FA!R1 & ,I FELT LOVE1 JU/ LOVE1 = ,HIM4 ,N[1 ESPECIALLY N[1 ,I NOT ONLY CAN NOT REPRODUCE ?IS FEEL+1 BUT NOT EV5 RECALL IT4 ,BUT ,I WAS SO JOYFUL ?AT ,I SAID TO MYSELF3 ,H]E ,I WAS ?9K+ ?AT ,I CAN NOT LE>N ANY?+ NEW & SUDD5LY ,I ACQUIR$ A WOND]FUL BLESS$ NEW FEEL+1 A REAL FEEL+4 

#e7 ,:AT HUMBUG.<#a#b.>--BEAUTY1 TRU?1 GOODNESS6 ,BEAUTY IS ONE ( ?OSE ATTRIBUTES ( \T] OBJECTS1 LIKE HEAL?1 AN ATTRIBUTE ( ! LIV+ BODY4.<#g.> ,TRU? IS NOT ! IDEAL ( SCI5CE4 ,! IDEAL ( SCI5CE IS KN[L$GE1 NOT TRU?4 ,! GOOD CAN NOT BE PLAC$ ON ! PLANE ) EI!R ( !SE1 BECAUSE IT IS ! GOAL ( LIFE4 

7,IT IS UNCLE>1 BUT IT WAS CLE> & WILL BE47 

#f7 ,I DO NOT REMEMB] GOOD WORKS1 BECAUSE !Y >E \TSIDE ( ! MAT]IAL MAN--( MEMORY4 

,AUGU/ #a1 ,YSN4 ,POL4 ,IF ,I LIVE4--:I* IS D\BTFUL4 ,MY HE>T A*ES V]Y MU*4444 

,IT IS DREADFUL TO ?9K H[ MU* TIME HAS ELAPS$2 A MON? & A HALF4 ,TO-DAY1 ,SEPT4 #a#d1  
,Y4 ,P4 

,DUR+ ?IS TIME ,I TOOK A TRIP TO ! MONA/]Y ) ,SONYA4.<#a#b#a.>444 ,I WROTE ON ,HAJJI-,MURAD.<#a#b#b.> V]Y POORLY1 A FIR/ DRAFT4 ,I HAVE CONT9U$ MY WORK ON ! ,DECL>ATION ( ,FAI?4 ,! ,*]TKOVS HAVE GONE AWAY4444 ,ALL ?REE SONS >E H]E N[ ) !IR WIVES4.<#a#b#c.> 

,!RE WAS A LETT] FROM ! ,HOLL&] :O HAS REFUS$ TO S]VE4.<#a#b#d.> ,I WROTE A PREFACE TO ! LETT]4.<#a#b#e.> ,I WROTE A LETT] ALSO TO  
,MME4 ,KALMIKOV.<#a#b#f.> ) V]Y %>P /ATEM5TS AB\T ! ,GOV]NM5T4 ,! :OLE MON? & A HALF HAS BE5 COND5S$ 9 ?IS4 ,OH1 YES2 ,I HAVE ALSO BE5 ILL FROM MY USUAL SICKNESS & MY /OMA* IS /ILL NOT /RONG4 

,ONE ?+ MORE4 ,DUR+ ?IS TIME !RE WAS A.<#g#a.> LETT] FROM ! ,H9DU ,TOD & AN EXQUISITE BOOK ( ,H9DU WISDOM1 ,IOGA'S ,PHILOSOPHY4.<#a#b#g.> 

,9 ! MEANTIME ,I ?\<T3 

#a7 ,!RE >E MANY PEOPLE1 ESPECIALLY ,EUROPEANS & ESPECIALLY WOM51 :O NOT ONLY TALK BUT :O WRITE ?+S ?AT APPE> 9TELLIG5T1 9 ! SAME WAY AS DUMB PEOPLE SPEAK2 AS A MATT] ( FACT1 IT ISN'T ANY MORE NATURAL = !M TO ?9K ?AN = A DUMB P]SON TO SPEAK1 BUT BO? ONE & ! O!R1 BO? ! /UPID & ! DUMB1 HAVE BE5 TAU<T4 

#b7 ,TO LOVE AN 9DIVIDUAL MAN1 ONE HAS TO BE BL9D$4 ,)\T BE+ BL9D$ ONE CAN LOVE ONLY ,GOD1 BUT PEOPLE CAN BE PITI$1 :I* MEANS TO LOVE 9 A ,GODLY WAY4 

#c7 ,TO GET RID ( AN 5EMY1 ONE MU/ LOVE HIM1 AS IT IS ALSO SAID 9 ! 0,TEA*+ ( ! TWELVE APO/LES40.<#a#b#h.> ,BUT TO LOVE ONE HAS TO PUT TO ONESELF ! TASK = ALL ONE'S LIFE ( LOVE T[>DS AN 5EMY1 TO DO HIM GOOD ?R\< LOVE & TO P]FECT ONESELF 9 LOVE = HIM4 

#d7 ,AT FIR/1 ONE IS SURPRIS$ ?AT /UPID PEOPLE %\LD HAVE )9 !M SU* AN ASS]TIVE CONV9C+ 9TONATION4 ,BUT IT IS AS IT %\LD BE4 ,O!RWISE NO ONE W\LD LI/5 TO !M4 

#e7 ,I F9D ?IS NOTE3 0,A DECORATION = PEASANTS1 \R HAPP9ESS0--,I CAN NOT REMEMB] :AT ?AT MEANS1 BUT IT IS SOME?+ ?AT PLEAS$ ME4.<#g#b.> ,I ?9K IT MEANS ?AT TO A POOR MAN LOOK+ ON ! LIFE ( ! RI*1 IT APPE>S AS HAPP9ESS4 ,BUT ?IS HAPP9ESS IS AS MU* HAPP9ESS1 AS C>DBO>D MADE 9TO A TREE OR A CA/LE--IS A TREE OR A CA/LE4 

#f7 ,WE >E ALL ATTRACT$ TO ! ,:OLE & ONE TO ANO!R1 LIKE P>TICLES ( ONE BODY4 ,ONLY \R R\<NESS1 ! LACK ( SMOO?NESS1 \R ANGLES1 9T]F]E ) \R UNIT+4 ,!RE IS ALREADY AN ATTRACTION1 !RE IS NO NE$ ( MAK+ IT1 BUT ONE MU/ PLANE ONESELF1 WIPE \T ONE'S ANGLES4 

#g7 ,ONE ( ! /RONGE/ MEANS ( HYPNOTISM1 ( EXT]IOR ACTION ON ! SPIRITUAL /ATE ( MAN1 IS HIS DRESS4 ,PEOPLE KN[ ?AT V]Y WELL2 ?AT IS :Y !RE IS A MONA/IC G>B 9 MONA/]IES & A UNI=M 9 ! >MY4 

#h7 ,I WAS TRY+ TO RECALL TWO EXCELL5T SUBJECTS = NOVELS1 ! SUICIDE ( OLD ,P]SIANN9OV & ! SUB/ITUTION ( A *ILD 9 AN ORPHAN ASYLUM4 

#i7 ,:5 MY WEAKNESS TORTUR$ ME1 ,I S\<T MEANS ( SALVATION1 & ,I F\ND ONE 9 ! ?\<T ?AT !RE IS NO?+ /ATION>Y1 ?AT EV]Y?+ FL[S1 *ANGES1 ?AT ALL ?IS IS = A :ILE1 & ?AT IT IS ONLY NECESS>Y TO SUFF] ! :ILE :ILE WE LIVE--,I & ! O!RS4 ,& SOME ONE ( US WILL GO AWAY FIR/4 7,! :ILE DOES NOT MEAN TO LIVE 9 ANY WAY1 BUT MEANS1 NOT TO DESPAIR1 TO SUFF] IT ?R\< TO ! 5D47.<#g#c.> 

#a7 ,I WANT$ TO SAY ?AT ,I WAS GRATEFUL1 SO AS TO MAKE ! O!R ONE WELL DISPOS$1 & LAT] TO TELL ! TRU?4 ,NO1 ,I ?\<T1 ?AT IS NOT P]MITT$4 ,HE WILL ASCRIBE IT TO HIS VIRTUES & ! TRU? WILL BE ACCEPT$ EV5 LESS4 ,MAN1 NOT ACKN[L$G+ HIS S9S1 IS A VESSEL H]METICALLY CLOS$ ) A COV] :I* LETS NO?+ 5T]4 ,TO HUMBLE ONESELF1 TO REP5T1 ?AT MEANS TO TAKE (F ! COV] & TO MAKE ONESELF CAPABLE ( P]FECTION1 ( ! GOOD4 

#a#a7 ,B>B>ISM 9T]F]ES ) ! UNION ( PEOPLE1 BUT ! SAME ?+ IS DONE BY A TOO GREAT REF9EM5T )\T A RELIGI\S BASIS4 ,9 ! O!R1 ! PHYSICAL DISUNITES1 & 9 ?IS1 ! SPIRITUAL4 

#a#b7 ,MAN IS A TOOL ( ,GOD4 ,AT FIR/ ,I ?\<T ?AT IT WAS A TOOL ) :I* MAN HIMSELF WAS CALL$ TO WORK2 N[ ,I HAVE UND]/OOD ?AT IT IS NOT MAN :O WORKS1 BUT ,GOD4 ,! BUS9ESS ( MAN IS ONLY TO KEEP HIMSELF 9 ORD]4 ,LIKE AN AX1 :I* W\LD HAVE TO KEEP ITSELF ALWAYS CLEAN & %>P4 

#a#c7 ,:Y IS IT ?AT SC\NDRELS /& = DESPOTISM8 ,BECAUSE UND] AN IDEAL ORD] :I* PAYS ACCORD+ TO M]IT1 !Y >E BADLY (F4 ,UND] DESPOTISM EV]Y?+ CAN HAPP54 

#a#d7 ,I (T5 MEET PEOPLE :O RECOGNIZE NO ,GOD EXCEPT ONE :I* WE \RSELVES RECOGNIZE 9 \RSELVES4 ,& ,I AM A/ONI%$2 ,GOD 9 ME4 ,BUT.<#g#d.> ,GOD IS AN 9F9ITE PR9CIPLE2 H[ !N1 :Y !N1 %\LD ,HE HAPP5 TO BE 9 ME8 ,IT IS IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO QUE/ION ONESELF AB\T ?IS4 ,& AS SOON AS Y\ QUE/ION Y\RSELF1 Y\ HAVE TO ACKN[L$GE AN EXT]IOR CAUSE4 ,:Y DO PEOPLE NOT FEEL !MSELVES 9 NE$ ( ANSW]+ ?IS QUE/ION8 ,BECAUSE = !M1 ! ANSW] TO ?IS QUE/ION IS 9 ! REALITY ( ! EXI/+ WORLD1 :E!R ACCORD+ TO ,MOSES OR TO ,D>W9--IT IS ALL ! SAME4 ,& !RE=E1 TO HAVE A CONCEPTION ( AN EXT]IOR ,GOD1 ONE HAS TO UND]/& ?AT ?AT :I* IS ACTUALLY REAL1 IS ONLY ! IMPRESSION ( \R S5SES1 I4 E4 IT IS WE \RSELVES1 \R SPIRITUAL 0SELF40 

#a#e7 ,9 MOM5TS ( PASSION1 9FATUATION1 9 ORD] TO CONQU]1 ONE ?+ IS NECESS>Y1 TO DE/ROY ! ILLUSION ?AT IT IS ! 0SELF0 :O SUFF]S1 :O DESIRES1 & TO SEP>ATE ONE'S TRUE 0SELF0 FROM ! TR\BL$ WAT]S ( PASSION4 

,SEPT4 #a#e4 ,Y4 ,P4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,TO-DAY ,OCTOB] #a4 ,Y4 ,P4 

,IT IS ALMO/ A MON? ?AT ,I HAVE MADE NO 5TRIES & IT SEEM$ TO ME IT WAS ONLY YE/]DAY4 ,DUR+ ?IS TIME1 ?\< 9 V]Y POOR =M1 ,I F9I%$ ! ,DECL>ATION ( ,FAI?4 ,DUR+ ?IS TIME !RE W]E SOME ,JAPANESE ) A LETT] FROM ,KONISSI4.<#a#b#i.> ,!Y1 ! ,JAPANESE1 >E UND\BT$LY NE>] ,*RI/IANITY ?AN \R *UR* ,*RI/IANS4.<#g#e.> ,I HAVE LE>N$ TO LOVE !M V]Y MU*4444 

,I WANT TO WRITE \T ! :OLE ,DECL>ATION ( ,FAI? FROM ! BEG9N+ AGA94 ,YE/]DAY !RE WAS A GOOD LETT] FROM ,V]IG91 ,PET]4.<#a#c.> 

,ALL LA/ NI<T ,I ?\<T AB\T ! MEAN+ ( LIFE & ?\< !RE >E O!R ?+S TO NOTE D[N1 ,I WANT TO NOTE D[N ?IS3 

,! :OLE WORLD IS NO?+ ELSE ?AN AN 9F9ITE SPACE FILL$ ) 9F9ITELY SMALL1 COLORLESS1 SIL5TLY MOV+ P>TICLES ( MATT]4 ,AT BOTTOM1 EV5 ?IS IS NOT SO2 ,I KN[ ?AT !Y >E P>TICLES ( MATT] ONLY ?R\< !IR IMP5ETRABILITY1 BUT ! IMP5ETRABILITY ,I KN[ ONLY ?R\< MY S5SE ( T\* & MY MUSCLE S5SE4 ,IF ,I DID NOT HAVE ?IS S5SE1 ,I W\LD NOT KN[ AB\T IMP5ETRABILITY OR AB\T MATT]4 ,AS TO MOTION1 ALSO1 ,I1 /RICTLY SPEAK+1 HAVE NO RI<T TO SPEAK1 BECAUSE IF ,I DID NOT HAVE ! S5SE ( SI<T OR AGA9 MUSCLE S5SE1 ,I W\LD NOT KN[ ANY?+ AB\T MOTION EI!R4 

,SO ?AT ALL ?AT ,I HAVE ! RI<T TO ASS]T AB\T ! \T] WORLD IS ?AT SOME?+ EXI/S1 SOME?+ 5TIRELY UNKN[N TO ME1 AS IT WAS SAID LONG AGO BO? BY ! ,BRAHM9S & BY ,KANT & BY ,B]KELEY4 ,!RE IS SOME K9D ( OCCASION1 SOME K9D ( GRA9 ( S& :I* CAUSES IRRITATION 9 ! %ELL ( ! SNAIL & PRODUCES A PE>L 7SECRETION1 SECRETION 9 ! SNAIL74 ,?IS IS \R :OLE \TSIDE WORLD4 

.<#g#f.> 

,:AT IS !RE !N8 ,!RE IS MYSELF ) MY REPRES5TATIONS ( MYSELF1 ( ! SUN1 TREES1 ANIMALS1 /ONES4 ,BUT :AT !N IS IT ?AT ,I CALL MYSELF8 ,IS IT SOME?+ >BITR>Y DEP5D+ ON MYSELF8 ,NO1 IT IS SOME?+ 9DEP5D5T ( MYSELF1 PR$ET]M9$4 ,I CAN NOT NOT BE MYSELF1 & NOT HAVE ?AT REPRES5TATION :I* ,I HAVE1 NAMELY1 ?AT ,I 9CLUDE 9 MYSELF A SMALL P>T ( !SE MOV+ ATOMS & CALL !M MYSELF4 ,& ALL ! O!R REMA9+ ATOMS ,I SEE 9 ! =M ( BE+S MORE OR LESS LIKE MYSELF4 ,! WORLD APPE>S TO ME TO CONSI/ 5TIRELY ( BE+S :I* >E LIKE ME OR RESEMBLE ME4.<#a#c#a.> 

7,I HAVE BECOME CONFUS$1 YET HAVE SOME?+ TO SAY4 ,I AM GO+ TO TRY :5 ,I HAVE ! /R5G?47 

,I AM CONT9U+ TO WRITE \T :AT ,I HAD TO SAY & :AT ,I DREAM$ ( ALL NI<T1 NAMELY3 

,PEOPLE ?9K ?AT !IR LIFE IS 9 ! BODY1 ?AT FROM ?AT :I* TAKES PLACE 9 ! BODY2 FROM BREA?+1 NUTRITION1 CIRCULATION ( ! BLOOD1 ETC41 LIFE FL[S4 ,& ?IS SEEMS UNQUE/IONABLE2 LET NUTRITION1 BREA?+1 CIRCULATION ( ! BLOOD CEASE & LIFE WILL 5D4 ,BUT :AT 5DS IS ! LIFE ( ! BODY1 LIFE 9 ?IS BODY4444 

,& 9 FACT IF Y\ CONSID] ?AT LIFE COMES FROM ! PROCESS ( ! BODY & ONLY 9 ! BODY !N AS SOON AS ! PROCESSES ( ! BODY >E 5D$1 !N LIFE \<T TO BE 5D$4 ,BUT C]TA9LY ?IS IS AN >BITR>Y ASS]TION4 ,NO ONE HAS PROV5 &.<#g#g.> CAN PROVE ?AT LIFE IS ONLY 9 ! BODY & CAN NOT BE )\T ! BODY4 ,TO ASS]T ?IS1 IS ALL ! SAME AS ASS]T+ ?AT :5 ! SUN HAS SET !N ! SUN HAS COME TO AN 5D4 ,ONE MU/ FIR/ DECIDE :AT IS LIFE4 ,IS IT ?AT :I* ,I SEE 9 ! O!RS AS IT BEG9S & /OPS1 OR IS IT :AT ,I KN[ 9 MYSELF8 ,IF IT IS :AT ,I KN[ 9 MYSELF1 !N IT IS ! ONLY ?+ ?AT IS & !RE=E IT CAN NOT BE DE/ROY$4 ,& ! FACT ?AT 9 BODIES BE=E ME PROCESSES 5D :I* >E CONNECT$ ) LIFE 9 ME & 9 O!R BE+S1 %[S ME ONLY ?IS1 ?AT LIFE GOES AWAY SOME:]E FROM MY S5SUAL EYES4 ,TO GO AWAY 5TIRELY1 TO BE DE/ROY$1 IT ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT BE1 BECAUSE \TSIDE ( IT !RE IS NO?+ 9 ! WORLD4 ,! PROBLEM1 !N1 MI<T BE ?IS3 ,WILL MY LIFE BE DE/ROY$1 CAN IT BE DE/ROY$8 ,& ! DE/RUCTION ( ! BODY ( A MAN1 IS ?AT A SIGN ( ! DE/RUCTION ( HIS LIFE8 ,9 ORD] TO ANSW] ?IS QUE/ION ONE MU/ FIR/ DECIDE :AT IS LIFE8 

,LIFE IS ! CONSCI\SNESS ( MY SEP>AT5ESS FROM O!R BE+S1 ( ! EXI/5CE ( O!R BE+S & ( ?OSE LIMITS :I* SEP>ATE ME FROM !M4 ,MY LIFE IS NOT B\ND UP ) MY BODY4 ,!RE MAY BE A BODY1 BUT NO CONSCI\SNESS ( SEP>AT5ESS LIKE = A SLEEP+ ONE1 AN IDIOT1 AN EMBRYO OR = ?OSE :O HAVE FITS4 

,IT IS TRUE ?AT !RE CAN BE NO LIFE )\T ! CONSCI\SNESS ( ! BODY2 BUT ?AT IS BECAUSE LIFE.<#g#h.> IS ! CONSCI\SNESS ( ONE'S [N SEP>AT5ESS & ( ONE'S [N B\ND>IES4 ,BUT ! CONSCI\SNESS ( ONE'S [N SEP>AT5ESS & ( ONE'S [N B\ND>IES HAPP5S 9 \R LIFE 9 TIME & SPACE1 BUT IT CAN HAPP5 9 ANY O!R WAY & !RE=E ! DE/RUCTION ( ! BODY IS NOT ! SIGN ( ! DE/RUCTION ( LIFE4 

7,NOT CLE> & NOT :AT ,I WANT TO SAY47 

,OCT4 #a#a4 ,Y4 ,P4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,TO-DAY ,OCTOB] #b4 ,Y4 ,P4 ,MORN+4 

,I FEEL LIKE WRIT+ D[N ?REE ?+S4 

#a7 ,9 A WORK ( >T ! PR9CIPAL ?+ IS ! S\L ( ! AU?OR4 ,!RE=E AMONG M$IUM PRODUCTIONS ! FEM99E ONES >E ! BETT]1 ! MORE 9T]E/+4 ,A WOMAN WILL PU% H]SELF ?R\< N[ & !N1 SPEAK \T ! MO/ 9N] MY/]IES ( H] S\L2 & ?AT IS :AT IS NE$$4 ,Y\ SEE :AT %E REALLY LOVES1 AL?\< %E PRET5DS ?AT %E LOVES SOME?+ ELSE4 ,:5 AN AU?OR WRITES1 WE ! READ]S PLACE \R E>S TO HIS BREA/ & WE LI/5 & SAY1 0,BREA!4 ,IF Y\ HAVE RUMBL+S1 !Y WILL APPE>40 ,& WOM5 HAV5'T ! CAPACITY ( HID+4 ,M5 HAVE LE>N$ LIT]>Y ME?ODS & Y\ CAN NO LONG] SEE HIM BEH9D HIS MANN]1 EXCEPT ?AT Y\ KN[ HE IS /UPID4 ,BUT :AT IS 9 HIS S\L1 Y\ DON'T SEE4 

7,NOT GOOD2 MALICI\S47 

.<#g#i.> 

,! #bND ?+ ,I WANT$ TO WRITE WAS ?AT YE/]DAY1 9 BL[+ \T MY C&LE1 ,I BEGAN TO FEEL = MAT*ES & DID NOT F9D !M1 & AN UNEAS9ESS CAME OV] ME4 0,& Y\ >E GETT+ READY TO DIE6 ,:AT1 !N1 >E Y\ ALSO GO+ TO DIE ) MAT*ES80 ,I SAID TO MYSELF4 ,& ,I AT ONCE SAW 9 ! D>K MY REAL LIFE & BECAME CALM4 

,:AT IS ?IS FE> ( ! D>K8 ,BESIDES ! FE> AT ! 9CAPABILITY ( MEET+ :ATEV] ACCID5T MI<T HAPP51 IT IS ! FE> AT ! ABS5CE ( ! DELUSION ( \R MO/ IMPORTANT S5SE1 ?AT ( SI<T4 ,IT IS FE> BE=E ! CONTEMPLATION ( \R TRUE LIFE4 ,I N[ NO LONG] HAVE ?AT FE>--ON ! CONTR>Y1 ?AT :I* HAD BE5 FE> IS N[ PEACE2 !RE ONLY HAS REMA9$ ! HABIT ( FE>2 BUT TO ! MAJORITY ( PEOPLE ! FE> IS EXACTLY ( ?AT :I* ALONE CAN GIVE !M PEACE4 

,! #cRD ?+ ,I WANT$ TO WRITE WAS ?AT :5 A MAN IS PUT 9 ! NECESSITY ( *OOS+ BETWE5 AN ACT :I* IS CLE>LY B5EFICIAL TO O!RS1 BUT ) ! ?W>T+ ( ! DEM&S ( CONSCI5CE 7! WILL ( ,GOD71 !N ! PROBLEM IS ONLY ONE ( %ORT-SI<T$NESS1 BECAUSE ! MAN SEES 9 ! IMM$IATE FUTURE ! GOOD :I* WILL >ISE FROM HIS ACT1 IF HE ?W>TS ! WILL ( ,GOD1 BUT HE DOES NOT SEE 9 ! MORE REMOTE FUTURE ! O!R GOOD1 :I* IS AN 9F9ITE NUMB] ( TIMES GREAT]1 :I*.<#h.> WILL COME FROM ! AB/5TION ( ?IS ACT & ! FULFILLM5T ( ! WILL ( ,GOD4 ,IT IS ! SAME K9D ( ?+ ?AT *ILDR5 DO1 DE/ROY+ ! G5]AL ORD] ( A H\SE :I* IS NECESS>Y = !IR [N HAPP9ESS1 = ! SAKE ( ! IMM$IATE PLEASURE ( PLAY4 

,! FACT IS ?AT = ! WORK ( ,GOD & = MAN ACCOMPLI%+ ! WORK ( ,GOD1 TIME DOES NOT EXI/4 ,MAN CAN NOT BUT REPRES5T TO HIMSELF EV]Y?+ 9 TIME1 & !RE=E 9 ORD] TO CORRECTLY JUDGE ( ! IMPORTANCE ( ! WORK ( ,GOD1 HE HAS TO REPRES5T IT TO HIMSELF 9 ! V]Y REMOTE FUTURE1 EV5 9 9F9ITE TIME4 ,! FACT1 ?AT ,I WILL NOT KILL ! MURD]] & WILL =GIVE HIM1 ?AT ,I %ALL DIE UNSE5 BY ANY ONE1 FULFILL+ ! WILL ( ,GOD1 WILL BE> ITS [N FRUIT 444 IF ,I 9SI/ UPON ?9K+ 9 T]MS ( TIME--9 9F9ITE TIME4 ,BUT IT WILL BE> ITS FRUIT SURELY4 

,I HAVE TO F9I% ! =M]3 

#d7 ,REF9EM5T & P[] 9 >T >E ALMO/ ALWAYS DIAMETRICALLY OPPOS$4 

#e7 ,IS IT TRUE ?AT WORKS ( >T >E OBTA9$ BY ASSIDU\S WORK8 ,?AT :I* WE CALL A WORK ( >T--YES4 ,BUT IS IT REAL >T8 

#f7 ,! ,JAPANESE SANG & WE C\LD NOT RE/RA9 \RSELVES FROM LAU<T]4 ,IF WE HAD SUNG BE=E ! ,JAPANESE !Y W\LD HAVE LAU<$4 ,! MORE SO HAD ,BEE?OV5 BE5 PLAY$ = !M4 ,9DIAN & ,GREEK TEMPLES >E UND]/OOD BY ALL4.<#h#a.> ,& ,GREEK /ATUES >E UND]/OOD BY ALL4 ,& \R BE/ PA9T+ IS ALSO UND]/&ABLE4 ,SO ?AT >*ITECTURE1 SCULPTURE1 PA9T+1 HAV+ REA*$ !IR P]FECTION1 HAVE REA*$ ALSO COSMOPOLITANISM1 ACCESSIBILITY TO ALL4 ,TO ! SAME PO9T 9 SOME ( ITS MANIFE/ATIONS HAS ! >T ( SPEE* REA*$2 9 ! TEA*+ ( ,BUDDHA1 ( ,*RI/1 9 ! POETRY ( ,SAKIA-,MUNI1 ,JACOB1 ,JOSEPH4 ,9 DRAMATIC >T2 ,SOPHOCLES1 ,>I/OPHANES DID NOT REA* IT4 ,IT IS BE+ REA*$ 9 ! NEW ONES4 ,BUT 9 MUSIC !Y HAVE BE5 LAGG+ BEH9D 5TIRELY4 ,! IDEAL ( ALL >T TO :I* IT %\LD /RIVE IS ACCESSIBILITY TO ALL--BUT IT1 ESPECIALLY MUSIC TO-DAY1 NOSES ITS WAY 9TO REF9EM5T4 

#g7 ,! PR9CIPAL ?+ :I* ,I WANT$ TO SAY AB\T >T1 IS ?AT IT DOES NOT EXI/ 9 ! S5SE ( SOME GREAT MANIFE/ATION ( ! HUMAN SPIRIT AS IT IS UND]/OOD N[4 ,!RE IS PLAY1 CONSI/+ 9 ! BEAUTY ( CON/RUCTION1 9 SCULPT+ FIGURES1 OR 9 REPRES5T+ OBJECTS1 9 DANC+1 9 S++1 9 PLAY+ ON V>I\S 9/RUM5TS1 9 POETRY1 9 FABLES1 9 /ORIES1 BUT ALL ?IS IS ONLY PLAY & NOT AN IMPORTANT MATT] TO :I* ONE C\LD CONSCI\SLY DEVOTE HIS /R5G?4 

,& SO IT WAS ALWAYS UND]/OOD & IS UND]/OOD BY ! WORK+1 UNSPOIL$ PEOPLE & EV]Y MAN :O HAS NOT GONE AWAY FROM LABOR1 FROM LIFE1 CAN NOT LOOK UPON IT 9 ANY O!R WAY4 ,IT IS NECESS>Y1 ONE MU/1 SAY IT \T L\D--H[ MU*.<#h#b.> EVIL HAS COME FROM ?IS IMPORTANCE ATTRIBUT$ BY ! P>ASITES ( SOCIETY TO !IR PLAYS6 

#h7 ,! :OLE \T] WORLD IS =M$ BY US1 BY \R S5SES4 ,WE KN[ NO?+ & CAN KN[ NO?+ AB\T IT4 ,ALL ?AT WE CAN KN[1 9 /UDY+ ! \T] WORLD IS ! RELATION ( \R S5SES 7S5S7 AMONG !MSELVES & ! LAWS ( !SE RELATIONS4 ,!RE IS NO QUE/ION BUT ?AT ?IS IS V]Y 9T]E/+1 & FROM ! /UDY ( !SE RELATIONS >E OP5$ MANY NEW SITUATIONS :I* WE CAN MAKE USE ( & :I* 9CREASE ! COM=TS ( \R LIFE1 BUT ?IS IS NOT ONLY NOT EV]Y?+1 NOT ALL ( SCI5CE AS PEOPLE BUSY+ !MSELVES ) ?IS /UDY >E N[ ASS]T+1 BUT IT IS ONLY ONE M9UTE P>TICLE ( SCI5CE4 

,SCI5CE IS ! /UDY ( ! RELATION ( \R SPIRITUAL 0SELF0--?AT :I* MA/]S ! \T] S5SES & USES !M--TO \R \T] S5SES OR TO ! \T] WORLD1 :I* IS ! SAME ?+4 ,?IS RELATION HAS TO BE /UDI$1 BECAUSE 9 ?IS RELATION IS ACCOMPLI%$ ! MOVEM5T ( HUMANITY AS A :OLE TO P]FECTION & ! GOOD1 & ! MOVEM5T ( EA* 9DIVIDUAL MAN TO ! SAME GOAL4 ,?IS RELATION IS ! OBJECT ( EV]Y SCI5CE2 BUT TO-DAY ! /UDY ( ?IS RELATION IS CALL$ ,E?ICS BY \R PRES5T-DAY S*OL>S1 & IS CONSID]$ AS A SCI5CE BY ITSELF1 & A V]Y UNIMPORTANT ONE FROM \T ! GREAT MASS ( O!R SCI5CES4 ,IT IS ALL TOPSY-TURVY2 ! :OLE ( SCI5CE IS CONSID]$.<#h#c.> AS A SMALL P>T & A SMALL P>T IS CONSID]$ AS ! :OLE4 ,FROM ?IS COMES ! BRUTALIZATION ( M54 

,?IS >ISES \T ( ! A/ONI%+ IGNORANCE ( MO/ ( ! SO-CALL$ LE>N$4 ,!Y >E NAIVELY CONV9C$ ?AT ! \T] WORLD IS AN ACTUAL REALITY1 JU/ 9 ! SAME WAY AS ! PEASANTS >E CONV9C$ ?AT ! SUN & ! />S MOVE >\ND ! E>?4 ,JU/ AS ! PEASANTS KN[ NO?+ ( ! WORK ( ,GALILEO1 ,COP]NICUS & ,NEWTON1 OR IF !Y HAVE HE>D ( IT--DO NOT BELIEVE--SO ! MAT]IALI/ S*OL>S HAVE NEV] HE>D1 DO NOT KN[ OR DO NOT BELIEVE :AT HAS BE5 DONE AS TO CRITICISM ( KN[L$GE BY ,DESC>TES1 ,KANT1 ,B]KELEY & EV5 BE=E1 BY ! ,H9DUS & BY ALL RELIGI\S DOCTR9ES4 

#i7 ,:5 Y\ SUFF]1 Y\ MU/ 5T] 9TO Y\RSELF--NOT SEEK MAT*ES1 BUT PUT \T ?AT LI<T :I* IS !RE1 & :I* 9T]F]ES ) ! SEE+ ( Y\R TRUE 0SELF40 ,Y\ MU/ TURN UPSIDE D[N ! TOY :I* /OOD ON ! CORK & PLACE IT ON ! LEAD & !N EV]Y?+ WILL BECOME CLE> & ! GREATE/ P>T ( Y\R SUFF]+ WILL CEASE--ALL ?AT P>T :I* IS NOT PHYSICAL4 

#a7 ,:5 Y\ SUFF] FROM PASSION1 H]E >E SOME PALLIATIVE PRESCRIPTIONS3 

7A7 ,REMEMB] H[ MANY TIMES Y\ HAVE SUFF]$ BE=E BECAUSE 9 Y\R CONSCI\SNESS Y\ HAVE CONNECT$ Y\RSELF TO Y\R PASSION2 LU/1.<#h#d.> GRE$1 DESIRE1 VANITY1 & REMEMB] H[ EV]Y?+ PASS$ AWAY & Y\ HAVE /ILL NOT F\ND ?AT 0SELF0 :I* SUFF]$ !N4 ,& SO IT IS N[4 ,IT IS NOT Y\ :O >E SUFF]+1 BUT ?AT PASSION :I* Y\ WRONGLY JO9$ TO Y\RSELF4 

7B7 ,AGA91 :5 Y\ SUFF]1 REMEMB] ?AT ! SUFF]+ IS NOT SOME?+ DISAGREEABLE :I* Y\ CAN WI% TO GET RID (1 BUT IT IS ! V]Y WORK ( LIFE1 ?AT V]Y TASK :I* Y\ HAVE BE5 DESIGNAT$ TO DO4 ,9 WANT+ TO GET RID ( IT1 Y\ >E DO+ ?AT :I* A MAN W\LD DO :O LIFTS ! PL[ !RE :]E ! E>? IS H>D1 JU/ :]E1 9 FACT1 IT HAS TO BE PL[$ UP4 

7C7 ,!N REMEMB]1 AT ! MOM5T :5 Y\ SUFF]1 ?AT IF !RE IS ANG] 9 ! FEEL+S Y\ HAVE1 ! SUFF]+ IS 9 Y\4 ,REPLACE ! ANG] ) LOVE1 & ! SUFF]+ WILL 5D4 

7D7 ,ALSO ?IS IS POSSIBLE2 LOVE T[>DS 5EMIES1 :I* IS 9DE$ ! ONE REAL LOVE4 ,Y\ MU/ /RUGGLE = IT1 /RUGGLE ) TOIL1 ) ! CONSCI\SNESS ?AT 9 IT IS LIFE4 ,BUT :5 Y\ HAVE ATTA9$ IT1 :AT RELIEF6 

7E7 ,! PR9CIPAL ?+ IS TO TURN ! TOY UPSIDE D[N1 F9D Y\R TRUE 0SELF0 :I* IS ONLY VISIBLE )\T MAT*ES1 & !N ANG] WILL VANI% BY ITSELF4 ,?AT 0SELF0 IS 9CAPABLE (1 CANNOT1 & HAS NO ONE TO BE ANGRY )--LOV+1 IT CAN ONLY PITY4 

.<#h#e.> 

,DUR+ !SE LATT] DAYS ,I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE WRIT+4 ,I M]ELY WROTE LETT]S TO EV]Y ONE & S5T TO ,S*MIDT AN ADDITION TO ! LETT] AB\T ! 9COMPATIBILITY 444 ) ,*RI/IANITY4.<#a#c#b.> ,I HAVE BEGUN ! ,DECL>ATION ( ,FAI? ANEW4 ,I AM GO+ TO CONT9UE4 

,W5T TO ,PIROGOVO ) ,MA%A4 ,S]EZHA.<#a#c#c.> IS V]Y GOOD4444 

,OCTOB] #b#a4 ,Y4 ,P4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,TO-DAY PROBABLY ,OCTOB] #b#c4 ,Y4 ,P4 

,ALL !SE DAYS ,I HAVE BE5 \T ( TUNE ) MY WORK4 ,WROTE A LETT] YE/]DAY TO ! COMM&] ( ! DISCIPL9>Y BATTALION 9 ,IRKUTSK AB\T ,OLKHOVIK4.<#a#c#d.> 

,IT IS EV5+ N[1 ,I AM SITT+ D[N TO WRITE BECAUSE ,I FEEL ! SPECIAL IMPORTANCE & S]I\SNESS ( ! H\RS ( LIFE :I* >E LEFT TO ME4 ,& ,I DO NOT KN[ :AT ,I HAVE TO DO1 BUT ,I FEEL ?AT !RE HAS RIP5$ 9 ME AN EXPRESSION ( ,GOD'S WILL :I* ASKS TO BE LET \T4 

,HAVE RE-READ ,HAJJI ,MURAD--IT ISN'T :AT ,I WANT TO SAY4 ,AS TO  
,RESURRECTION ,I CAN'T EV5 GET HOLD ( IT4 ,! DRAMA 9T]E/S ME4 

,A SPL5DID >TICLE BY ,C>P5T] ON SCI5CE4.<#a#c#e.> ,ALL ( US WALK NE> ! TRU? & UNCOV] IT FROM V>I\S SIDES4.<#h#f.> 

,OCTOB] #b#f4 ,Y4 ,P4 

,I AM /ILL JU/ AS 9DISPOS$ & DON'T FEEL LIKE WRIT+4 ,MY HEAD A*ES4 ,S]EZHA CAME YE/]DAY4.<#a#c#f.> ,WROTE A LETT] TO ,SONYA & TO ,&RU%A4 

,BUT IT SEEMS TO ME ?AT DUR+ ?IS TIME ( D\BT1 ,I >RIV$ AT TWO V]Y IMPORTANT CONCLUSIONS3 

#a7 ,?AT1 :I* ,I ALSO ?\<T BE=E & WROTE D[N2 ?AT >T IS AN 9V5TION1 IS A TEMPTATION = AMUSEM5T ) DOLLS1 ) PICTURES1 ) SONGS1 ) PLAY1 ) /ORIES--& NO?+ MORE4 ,BUT TO PLACE >T AS !Y DO 7& !Y DO ! SAME ) SCI5CE71 ON ! SAME LEVEL ) ! GOOD IS A HORRIBLE SACRILEGE4 ,! PRO( ?AT IT IS NOT SO1 IS ?AT AB\T TRU? ALSO 7! RI<T7 ,I CAN SAY ?AT TRU? IS A GOOD 7AS ,GOD SAID1 GREAT GOOD1 TEIB1 I4E41 GOOD71 & AB\T BEAUTY ONE CAN SAY ?AT IT IS GOOD2 BUT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY AB\T GOOD ?AT IT IS BEAUTIFUL 7AT TIMES IT IS HOMELY71 OR ?AT IT IS TRUE 7IT IS ALWAYS TRUE74 

,!RE IS ONLY ONE GOOD2 GOOD & BAD2 BUT TRU? & BEAUTY >E GOOD QUALITIES ( C]TA9 OBJECTS4 

,! O!R V]Y IMPORTANT ?+1 IS ?AT REASON IS ! ONLY MEANS ( MANIFE/+1 & FREE+ LOVE4 ,IT SEEMS TO ME ?AT ?IS IS AN IMPORTANT ?\<T1 OMITT$ 9 MY ,DECL>ATION ( ,FAI?4.<#h#g.> 

,TO-DAY ,NOVEMB] #a4 ,Y4 ,P4 

,ALL ?IS TIME ,I HAVE FELT NEI!R WELL NOR LIKE WORK+4 ,I HAVE WRITT5 LETT]S ONLY1 AMONG ! NUMB] WAS ONE TO ! ,CAUCASIAN DISCIPL9>Y BATTALION4.<#a#c#g.> ,YE/]DAY1 WALK+ AT NI<T ON ! SN[1 9 ! BLIZZ>D1 ,I TIR$ MY HE>T & IT A*ES4 ,I ?9K ,I AM GO+ TO DIE V]Y SOON4 ,?AT IS :Y ,I AM WRIT+ \T ! NOTES4 ,I ?9K ,I AM GO+ TO DIE )\T FE> & )\T RESI/ANCE4 

,JU/ N[ ,I SAT ALONE & ?\<T H[ /RANGE IT WAS ?AT PEOPLE LIVE ALONE4 ,PEOPLE2 ,I ?\<T ( ,/ASOV2.<#a#c#h.> H[ IS HE LIV+ N[1 :AT IS HE ?9K+1 FEEL+4 ,( ,KOLI*KA1.<#a#c#i.> TOO4 ,& SO /RANGE & NEW BECAME ! KN[L$GE ?AT !Y1 ALL ( !M1 PEOPLE-->E LIV+1 & ,I DO NOT LIVE 9 !M2 ?AT !Y >E CLOS$ TO ME4 

,NOVEMB] #b4 ,Y4 ,P4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,NOVEMB] #bND4 ,Y4 ,P4 

,AM ALIVE4 ,AM A LITTLE BETT]4 ,HAVE WRITT5 ON ! ,DECL>ATION ( ,FAI?4 ,I ?9K IT IS TRUE ?AT IT IS COLD BECAUSE IT 5DEAVORS TO BE 9FALLIBLE4.<#a#d.> ,A BLIZZ>D4 ,S5T (F ! LETT]S TO ,S*MIDT & ,*]TKOV4 ,DID NOT S5D ! LETT] TO ,MME4 ,KALMIKOV4 

,TO-DAY ,I ?\<T AB\T >T4 ,IT IS PLAY4 ,& :5 IT IS ! PLAY ( WORK+1 NORMAL PEOPLE IT IS GOOD1 BUT :5 IT IS ! PLAY ( CORRUPT$ P>ASITES1.<#h#h.> !N IT IS BAD--& H]E N[ IT HAS REA*$ TO DECAD5CE4 

,NOVEMB] #c4 ,Y4 ,P4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,TO-DAY ,NOVEMB] #e4 ,Y4 ,P4 ,MORN+4 

,YE/]DAY WAS A T]RIBLE DAY4 

444 ,AT NI<T ,I H>DLY SLEPT & WAS DEPRESS$4 ,I JU/ N[ F\ND !  
PRESCRIPTIONS.<#a#d#a.> 9 MY DI>Y1 LOOK$ !M OV] & BEGAN TO FEEL BETT]2 TO SEP>ATE ONE'S TRUE 0SELF0 FROM ?AT :I* IS (F5D$ & VEX$1 TO REMEMB] ?AT ?IS IS NO H9DRANCE1 NO ACCID5TAL UNPLEASANTNESS1 BUT ! V]Y WORK PR$E/9$ ME1 & ABOVE ALL TO KN[ ?AT IF ,I HAVE A DISLIKE = ANY ONE1 !N AS LONG AS !RE IS ?AT DISLIKE 9 ME--!N ,I AM ! GUILTY ONE4 ,& AS SOON AS Y\ KN[ Y\ >E GUILTY1 Y\ FEEL BETT]4 

,TO-DAY1 LY+ ON ! B$1 ,I ?\<T AB\T LOVE T[>DS ,GOD 444 ,I WI% ,I C\LD SAY1 ! LOVE ( ,GOD1 I4E41 DIV9E LOVE--?AT ! FIR/ & PR9CIPAL COMM&M5T IS DIV9E LOVE1 BUT ?AT ! O!R RESEMBL+ IT & FL[+ FROM IT1 ESPECIALLY FL[+ FROM IT1 IS ! LOVE = NEI<BOR4 

,YE/]DAY ,I WROTE #ah PAGES ( 9TRODUCTION TO ,>T4.<#a#d#b.> 

,IT IS WRONG TO SAY ( A WORK ( >T1 0,Y\ DON'T YET UND]/& IT40 ,IF ,I DON'T UND]/& IT1 ?AT MEANS ?AT ! WORK ( >T IS POOR1 BECAUSE ITS.<#h#i.> TASK IS 9 MAK+ UND]/&ABLE ?AT :I* IS NOT UND]/&ABLE4 

,NOVEMB] #f4 ,Y4 ,P4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,NOVEMB] #f4 ,Y4 ,P4 

,AM ALIVE4 ,IT IS ! ?IRD DAY ?AT ,I CONT9UE TO WRITE ON >T4 ,IT SEEMS TO ME IT IS GOOD4 ,AT LEA/ ,I AM WRIT+ WILL+LY & EASILY4 

444 ,HAVE RECEIV$ A GOOD LETT] FROM ,V&]VE]4 ,WROTE ANO!R LETT] TO ! COMM&] ( ! BATTALION 9 ! ,CAUCASUS4 ,*]TKOV S5T ME HIS COPY ( A SIMIL> LETT]4 

,TO-DAY ,I RODE HORSEBACK TO ,TULA4 ,A M>VEL\S DAY & NI<T4 ,I AM JU/ N[ GO+ TO TAKE A WALK TO MEET ! GIRLS4 

,HAVE BE5 ?9K+4 

#a7 ,NATURAL SCI5CES1 :5 !Y WI% TO DET]M9E ! V]Y ESS5CE ( ?+S1 FALL 9TO A CRUDE MAT]IALISM1 I4E41 IGNORANCE4 ,SU*1 BESIDES ,DESC>TES' :IRLW9DS1 >E ATOMS & E!R & ! ORIG9 ( SPECIES4 ,ALL ?AT ,I CAN SAY1 IS ?AT IT APPE>S TO ME SO1 JU/ AS ! HEAV5LY VAULT APPE>S R\ND TO ME1 :ILE ,I KN[ ?AT IT IS NOT R\ND & ?AT IT APPE>S TO ME SO1 ONLY BECAUSE MY SI<T = ALL DIRECTIONS EXT5DS ON ONLY ONE RADIUS4 

#b7 ,! HI<E/ P]FECTION ( >T IS ITS COSMOPOLITANISM4 ,BUT ON ! CONTR>Y1 ) US AT PRES5T.<#i.> IT IS BECOM+ MORE & MORE SPECIALIZ$1 IF NOT ACCORD+ TO NATIONS1 !N ACCORD+ TO CLASSES4 

#c7 ,! REF9EM5T ( >T & ITS /R5G? >E ALWAYS 9 9V]SE PROPORTION4 

#d7 0,CONS]VATISM LIES 9 ?IS0 444 ,?AT IS ! WAY ,I HAVE IT NOT$1 BUT FUR!R ,I CAN'T REMEMB] N[4 

#e7 ,:Y IS IT PLEASANT TO RIDE8 ,BECAUSE IT IS ! V]Y EMBLEM ( LIFE4 ,LIFE--Y\ RIDE4 

,I WANT$ TO TAKE A WALK4444 

,NOVEMB] #g4 ,Y4 ,P4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,TO-DAY ,NOVEMB] #a#b4 ,Y4 ,P4 

,I HAV5'T NOT$ D[N ANY?+ DUR+ ?IS TIME4 ,I WAS WRIT+ ! ESSAY ON ,>T4 ,TO-DAY A LITTLE ON ! ,DECL>ATION ( ,FAI?4 ,A WEAKNESS ( ?\<T & ,I AM SAD4 ,ONE MU/ LE>N TO BE SATISFI$ ) /UPIDITY4 ,IF ,I DO NOT LOVE1 AT LEA/ NOT NOT TO LOVE4 ,?AT1 ?ANK ! ,LORD1 ,I HAVE ATTA9$4 

,NOVEMB] #a#f4 ,Y4 ,P4 ,MORN+4 

,I /ILL WORK JU/ AS BADLY & AM !RE=E DEPRESS$4 ,! DAY AFT] TO-MORR[ ,I AM GO+ TO ,MOSC[1 IF ,GOD COMM&S4.<#a#d#c.> 

444 ,9 ! MEANTIME ,I RECEIV$ A /RANGE LETT] FROM ! ,SPANI>D  
,ZAN9I1 ) AN (F] ( #b#b1 FRANCS = GOOD WORKS4 ,I ANSW]$ ?AT.<#i#a.> ,I W\LD LIKE TO USE !M = ! ,DUKHOBORS4 ,:AT IS GO+ TO HAPP58.<#a#d#d.> ,I WROTE TO ,KUZM9SKY ON ,WITTE & ,DRAGOMIROV.<#a#d#e.> & ! DAY BE=E YE/]DAY ,I WROTE DILIG5TLY ALL MORN+ ON ,W>4.<#a#d#f.> ,SOME?+ WILL COME ( IT4 

,I AM ?9K+ CONT9UALLY AB\T >T & AB\T ! TEMPTATIONS OR S$UCTIONS :I* BECL\D ! M9D1 & ,I SEE ?AT >T BELONGS TO ?IS CLASS1 BUT ,I DO NOT KN[ H[ TO MAKE IT CLE>4 ,?IS OCCUPIES ME V]Y1 V]Y MU*4 ,I FALL ASLEEP & WAKE UP ) ?IS ?\<T1 BUT UP TO N[ ,I HAVE COME TO NO CONCLUSION4 

,! NOTES DUR+ ?IS TIME AB\T ,GOD & ! FUTURE LIFE >E3 

#a7 ,!Y SAY ?AT ,GOD MU/ BE UND]/OOD AS A P]SONALITY4 ,9 ?IS LIES GREAT MISUND]/&+2 P]SONALITY IS LIMITATION4 ,MAN FEELS HIMSELF A P]SONALITY1 ONLY BECAUSE HE COMES 9 CONTACT ) O!R P]SONALITIES4 ,IF MAN W]E ONLY ONE1 HE W\LD NOT BE A P]SONALITY4 ,!SE TWO CONCEPTIONS >E MUTUALLY DET]M9$2 ! \T] WORLD1 O!R BE+S1 & ! P]SONALITY4 ,IF !RE W]E NOT A WORLD ( O!R BE+S1 MAN W\LD NOT FEEL HIMSELF1 W\LD NOT RECOGNIZE HIMSELF AS A P]SONALITY2 IF MAN W]E NOT A P]SONALITY HE W\LD NOT RECOGNIZE ! EXI/5CE ( O!R BE+S4 ,& !RE=E MAN )9 ?IS ,UNIV]SE IS 9CONCEIVABLE O!RWISE ?AN AS A P]SONALITY4 ,BUT H[.<#i#b.> CAN IT BE SAID ( ,GOD1 ?AT ,HE IS A P]SONALITY1 ?AT ,GOD IS P]SONAL8 ,9 ?IS LIES ! ROOT ( AN?ROPOMORPHISM4 

,( ,GOD IT ONLY CAN BE SAID :AT ,MOSES & ,MOHAMM$ SAID1 ?AT HE IS ONE1 & ONE1 NOT 9 ?AT S5SE ?AT !RE IS NO O!R OR O!R GODS 79 RELATION TO ,GOD !RE CAN BE NO NOTION ( NUMB] & !RE=E IT IS EV5 IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY ( ,GOD ?AT HE IS ONE 7#a 9 ! S5SE ( A NUMB]71 BUT 9 ?AT S5SE ?AT HE IS MONOC5TRIC1 ?AT HE IS NOT A CONCEPTION1 BUT A BE+1 ?AT :I* ! ,GREEK ,OR?ODOX CALL A LIV+ ,GOD 9 OPPOSITION TO A PAN!I/IC ,GOD1 I4E41 A SUP]IOR SPIRITUAL BE+ LIV+ 9 EV]Y?+4 ,HE IS ONE 9 ?AT S5SE ?AT ,HE IS1 LIKE A BE+ TO :OM ONE CAN ADDRESS ONESELF1 I4E41 NOT EXACTLY TO PRAY1 BUT ?AT !RE IS A RELATION%IP BETWE5 ME1 SOME?+ :I* IS LIMIT$1 A P]SONALITY1 & ,GOD--SOME?+ 9CONCEIVABLE BUT EXI/+4 

,! MO/ 9CONCEIVABLE ?+ AB\T ,GOD = US CONSI/S EXACTLY 9 ?IS1 ?AT WE KN[ ,HIM AS A ONE BE+1 CAN KN[ HIM 9 NO O!R WAY1 & AT ! SAME TIME IT IS IMPOSSIBLE = US TO UND]/& A ONE BE+ :O FILLS UP EV]Y?+ ) HIMSELF4 ,IF ,GOD IS NOT ONE1 !N ,HE IS SCATT]$ & ,HE DOES NOT EXI/4 ,IF ,HE IS ONE1 !N WE 9VOLUNT>ILY REPRES5T HIM TO \RSELVES 9 ! %APE ( A P]SONALITY & !N ,HE IS NO LONG] A HI<] BE+1.<#i#c.> NO LONG] EV]Y?+4 ,BUT1 H[EV]1 9 ORD] TO KN[ ,GOD & TO LEAN ON ,HIM ONE MU/ UND]/& ,HIM AS FILL+ EV]Y?+ & AT ! SAME TIME AS ONE4 

#b7 ,I HAVE BE5 ?9K+ H[ OBVI\SLY MI/AK5 IS \R CONCEPTION ( ! FUTURE LIFE 9 BODIES EI!R MORE OR LESS SIMIL> TO \RS4 ,\R BODIES AS WE KN[ !M >E NO?+ BUT ! PRODUCTS ( \R \T] SIX S5SES4 ,H[ !N CAN !RE BE LIFE = ?AT SPIRITUAL BE+ :O IS SEP>AT$ FROM HIS BODY--H[ CAN IT BE 9 ?AT =M :I* IS DET]M9$ & PRODUC$ BY ?AT BODY ?R\< ITS S5SES8 

,NOVEMB] #a#g4 ,Y4 ,P4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,NOVEMB] #a#g4 ,Y4 ,P4 

,YE/]DAY ,I H>DLY WROTE ANY?+4 

444 ,!RE IS A FI<T 9 ! PAP]S OV] ,REP9E'S.<#a#d#g.> DEF9ITION ( >T AS AMUSEM5T4 ,H[ IT FITS 9TO MY WORK4 ,! FULL SIGNIFICANCE ( ,>T HAS /ILL NOT BE5 MADE CLE>4 ,IT IS CLE> TO ME1 & ,I CAN WRITE & PROVE IT1 BUT NOT BRIEFLY & SIMPLY4 ,I CANNOT BR+ IT UP TO ?AT PO9T4 

,YE/]DAY !RE WAS A LETT] FROM ,IVAN ,MI*AILOVI*.<#a#d#h.> & FROM ! ,DUKHOBORS4 

,AMUSEM5T IS ALL RI<T1 IF ! AMUSEM5T IS NOT CORRUPT$1 IS HONE/1 & IF PEOPLE DO NOT SUFF] FROM ?AT AMUSEM5T4 ,I HAVE BE5 ?9K+ JU/.<#i#d.> N[2 ! AES!TIC IS ! EXPRESSION ( ! E?ICAL1 I4E41 9 PLA9 LANGUAGE2 >T EXPRESSES ?OSE FEEL+S :I* ! >TI/ FEELS4 ,IF ! FEEL+S >E GOOD1 L(TY1 !N >T WILL BE GOOD1 L(TY1 & ! REV]SE4 ,IF ! >TI/ IS A MORAL MAN1 !N HIS >T WILL BE MORAL1 & ! REV]SE4 7,NO?+ HAS COME ( ?IS47 

,I ?\<T LA/ NI<T3 

,WE REJOICE OV] \R TE*NICAL A*IEVEM5TS--/EAM1 444 PHONOGRAPHS4 ,WE >E SO PLEAS$ ) !SE A*IEVEM5TS ?AT IF ANY ONE W]E TO TELL US ?AT !SE A*IEVEM5TS >E BE+ ATTA9$ BY ! LOSS ( HUMAN LIVES WE W\LD %RUG \R %\LD]S & SAY1 0,WE MU/ TRY NOT TO HAVE ?IS SO2 AN #h-H\R DAY1 LABOR 9SURANCE1 & SO =?2 BUT BECAUSE SEV]AL PEOPLE P]I%1 IS NO REASON TO R5\NCE ?OSE A*IEVEM5TS :I* WE HAVE ATTA9$40 ,I4 E41 ,FIAT MIRRORS1 PHONOGRAPHS1 ETC41  
P]EAT SEV]AL PEOPLE4 

,IT IS BUT SUFFICI5T TO ADMIT ?IS PR9CIPLE--& !RE WILL BE NO LIMIT TO CRUELTY1 & IT WILL BE V]Y EASY TO ATTA9 EV]Y K9D ( TE*NICAL IMPROVEM5T4 ,I HAD AN ACQUA9TANCE 9 ,KAZAN :O US$ TO RIDE TO HIS E/ATE 9 ,VIATKA1 #ac V]/S AWAY1 9 ?IS FA%ION3 HE W\LD BUY A PAIR ( HORSES AT ! M>KET = #b RUBLES 7HORSES W]E V]Y *EAP7 & W\LD HIT* !M UP & DRIVE #ac V]/S TO ! PLACE4 ,SOMETIMES !Y W\LD REA* ! PLACE1 & HE W\LD HAVE ! HORSES.<#i#e.> PLUS ! CO/ ( ! J\RNEY4 ,SOMETIMES !Y W\LD NOT COV] A P>T ( ! ROAD & HE W\LD HIRE4 ,BUT NEV]!LESS IT US$ TO CO/ HIM *EAP] ?AN HIR+ /AGE HORSES4 ,EV5 ,SWIFT PROPOS$ EAT+ *ILDR54 ,& ?AT W\LD HAVE BE5 V]Y CONV5I5T4 ,9 ,NEW ,YORK1 ! RAILROAD COMPANIES 9 ! CITY CRU% SEV]AL PASS]SBY EV]Y YE> & DO NOT *ANGE ! CROSS+S TO MAKE ! DISA/]S IMPOSSIBLE1 BECAUSE ! *ANGE W\LD CO/ DE>] ?AN PAY+ TO ! FAMILIES ( ?OSE CRU%$ YE>LY4 ,! SAME ?+ HAPP5S ALSO 9 ! TE*NICAL IMPROVEM5TS ( \R AGE4 ,!Y >E ACCOMPLI%$ BY HUMAN LIVES4 ,BUT ONE HAS TO VALUE EV]Y HUMAN LIFE--NOT TO VALUE IT1 BUT TO PLACE IT ABOVE ANY VALUE & TO MAKE IMPROVEM5TS 9 A WAY ?AT LIVES %\LD NOT BE LO/ & SPOIL$1 & TO /OP EV]Y IMPROVEM5T IF IT H>MS HUMAN LIFE4 

,NOVEMB] #a#h4 ,IF ,I LIVE1 !N ,MOSC[4 

,NOVEMB] #b#b4 ,MOSC[4 

,! F\R? DAY 9 ,MOSC[4 ,DISSATISFI$ ) MYSELF4 ,NO WORK4 ,GOT TANGL$ UP 9 ! >TICLE ON >T & HAVE NOT MOV$ =W>D4 

444 ,!RE W]E H]E2 ! ,GORBUNOVS1.<#a#d#i.> ,B\LANG]1.<#a#e.> ,DUNAEV4 ,I CALL$ ON ,RUSANOV MYSELF4.<#a#e#a.> ,RECEIV$ A V]Y GOOD IMPRESSION4 

,READ ,PLATO2 EMBRYOS ( IDEALISM4 

,I RECALL$ TWO SUBJECTS :I* W]E V]Y GOOD3 

.<#i#f.> 

#a7 ,A WIFE'S DECEPTION ( H] PASSIONATE1 JEAL\S HUSB&2 HIS SUFF]+1 HIS /RUGGLE & ! 5JOYM5T ( =GIV5ESS1 & 

#b7 ,A DESCRIPTION ( ! OPPRESSION ( ! S]FS & LAT] ! V]Y SAME K9D ( OPPRESSION BY L& PROP]TY1 OR RA!R BY BE+ DEPRIV$ ( IT4 

,JU/ N[ ,GOLD5WEIS].<#a#e#b.> PLAY$4 ,ONE ?+--A FANTASY FUGUE3.<#a#e#c.> AN >TIFICIALITY2 /UDI$1 COLD1 PRET5TI\S2 ANO!R--0,BIG>RURE0 BY ,>5SKY2.<#a#e#d.> S5SUAL1 >TIFICIAL2 & A ?IRD--A BALLAD BY ,*OP92 SICKLY1 N]V\S1 NOT ONE OR ! O!R OR ! ?IRD CAN BE ( ANY USE TO ! PEOPLE4 

,! DEVIL :O HAS BE5 S5T TO ME IS /ILL ) ME1 & TORTURES ME4 

,NOVEMB] #b#c4 ,MOSC[4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,TO-DAY ,NOVEMB] #b#e4 ,MOSC[4 

,AM V]Y WEAK4 ,MY /OMA* ISN'T WORK+4 ,I AM TRY+ TO WRITE ON >T--BUT IT DOESN'T GO4 ,ONE ?+ IS GOOD2 HAVE F\ND MYSELF1 MY HE>T4444 ,A LETT] FROM ,ZAN9I ) AN (F] ( #c#a1#e FRANCS4.<#a#e#e.> ,TIS*5KO1 A GOOD NOVEL ON POV]TY4.<#a#e#f.> ,IT IS N[ PA/ TWO1 AM GO+ = A WALK4 

,TO-DAY ,NOVEMB] #b#g4 ,MOSC[4 

,V]Y WEAK1 POOR 9 ALL RESPECTS4 ,& FEEL AS IF ,I HAD ONLY JU/ N[ AWAK5$4 ,HAVE BE5 ?9K+3 

#a7 ,WE >E ALL 9 ?IS LIFE--WORK]S PLAC$ AT.<#i#g.> ! WORK ( SAV+ \R S\LS4 ,IT CAN BE COMP>$ TO KEEP+ UP ! FIRE GIV5 FROM HEAV5 & LI<T$ ON ! HE>? ( MY BODY4 ,MY WORK LIES 9 ?IS1 TO KEEP UP & FE$ ?IS FIRE 9 MYSELF 7NOT TO SP5D ! MAT]IAL ( ?IS FIRE AS ,I HAVE DONE LATELY1 EXCEPT 9 BURN+ IT7 & NOT TO ?9K H[ & :AT GETS LI<T$ FROM ?IS FIRE4 ,IT IS NOT A DIFFICULT MATT] TO ?RE% ) SEV]AL FLAILS1 BUT TO KEEP 9 ORD]1 NOT TO GET CONFUS$ 7& NOT ONLY TO ?RE%1 BUT NOT TO 9T]F]E ) ! O!RS71 ONE HAS ONLY TO REMEMB] ONESELF1 ONE'S [N TEMPO :ILE BEAT+4 ,BUT AS SOON AS Y\ HAVE BEGUN TO ?9K ( O!RS1 TO LOOK AT !M1 Y\ GET CONFUS$4 

,! SAME ?+ HAPP5S 9 LIFE4 ,REMEMB] ONLY Y\RSELF1 Y\R [N WORK--& ?IS WORK IS ONE3 TO LOVE1 TO 5L>GE LOVE 9 Y\RSELF--NOT TO ?9K ( O!RS1 ( ! CONSEQU5CES ( Y\R LABOR & ! WORK ( LIFE WILL GO ON FRUITFULLY1 JOY\SLY4 ,JU/ AS SOON AS Y\ BEG9 TO ?9K ( ?AT :I* Y\ >E PRODUC+1 AB\T ! RESULTS ( Y\R LABOR1 JU/ AS SOON AS Y\ BEG9 TO MODIFY IT 9 ACCORDANCE ) ITS RESULTS--Y\R WORK BECOMES CONFUS$ & CEASES1 & !RE COMES ! CONSCI\SNESS ( ! VANITY ( LIFE4 ,! MA/] ( LIFE GAVE TO EA* ONE ( US SEP>ATELY SU* A LABOR1 ?AT ! FULFILLM5T ( ?AT LABOR IS ! MO/ FRUITFUL WORK4 ,& ,HE HIMSELF WILL USE & GUIDE ?IS WORK1 GIVE IT A PLACE & A MEAN+4.<#i#h.> ,BUT AS SOON AS ,I TRY TO F9D & FIX A PLACE = IT1 & 9 ACCORDANCE ) ?IS1 TO MODIFY IT !N ,I BECOME CONFUS$1 SEE ! VANITY ( LABOR & ,I DESPAIR4 ,MY TASK IS TO WORK & ,HE ALREADY KN[S = :AT IT IS NE$$ & WILL MAKE USE ( IT4 0,MAN WALKS1 ,GOD LEADS40 ,& ! WORK IS ONE2 TO 5L>GE LOVE 9 ONESELF4 

,I AM A SELF-MOV+ SAW OR A LIV+ SPADE & ITS LIFE CONSI/S 9 ?IS1 TO KEEP ITS $GE CLEAN & %>P4 ,& IT WILL WORK WELL 5\<1 & ITS WORK WILL BE USEFUL4 ,TO KEEP IT %>P1 & TO %>P5 & %>P5 IT ALL ! TIME1 ?AT IS TO MAKE ONESELF ALWAYS K9D] & K9D]4 

#b7 ,ONCE MORE ,I WROTE TO ,N ?AT %E IS WRONG 9 ?9K+ ?AT IT IS POSSIBLE = ONE TO R5\NCE ONESELF FROM ! EXPLOIT ( LIV+4 ,LIFE IS AN EXPLOIT4 ,& ! PR9CIPAL ?+ IS1 ?AT ?AT V]Y ?+ ?AT PA9S US & SEEMS TO US TO H9D] US FROM FULFILL+ \R WORK 9 LIFE--IS \R V]Y WORK 9 LIFE4 ,!RE IS SOME CIRCUM/ANCE1 A CONDITION 9 LIFE :I* TORTURES Y\2 POV]TY1 ILLNESS1 FAI?LESSNESS ( A HUSB&1 CALUMNY1 HUMILIATION1--IT SUFFICES ONLY TO PITY Y\RSELF & Y\ BECOME ! UNHAPPIE/ AMONG ! UNHAPPY4 ,& IT SUFFICES ONLY TO UND]/& ?AT ?IS IS ! V]Y WORK ( LIFE :I* Y\ >E CALL$ TO DO2 TO LIVE 9 POV]TY1 9 ILLNESS1 TO =GIVE FAI?LESSNESS1 CALUMNY1 HUMILIATION--& 9/EAD ( DEPRESSION & PA9 !RE IS 5]GY & JOY4.<#i#i.> 

#c7 ,>T BECOM+ ALL ! TIME MORE & MORE EXCLUSIVE1 SATISFY+ CONT9UALLY A SMALL] & SMALL] CIRCLE ( PEOPLE1 BECOM+ MORE & MORE SELFI%1 HAS GONE CRAZY1 S9CE 9SANITY IS ONLY SELFI%NESS REA*+ TO ITS LA/ DEGREE4 ,>T HAS REA*$ ! LA/ DEGREE ( SELFI%NESS--& HAS GONE \T ( ITS M9D4 

,I HAVE FELT V]Y BADLY & DEPRESS$ !SE DAYS4 ,FA!R1 HELP ME TO LIVE ) ,!E1 NOT TO W&] FROM ,?Y WILL4 

,NOVEMB] #b#h4 ,MOSC[4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,TO-DAY ,DECEMB] #b4 ,MOSC[4 

,FIVE DAYS HAVE PASS$ & V]Y TORTUR+ ONES4 ,EV]Y?+ IS /ILL ! SAME4 

444 ,MY FEEL+2 ,I HAVE DISCOV]$ ON MYSELF A T]RIBLE PUTREFY+ SORE4 ,!Y HAD PROMIS$ ME TO HEAL IT & HAVE B\ND IT4 ,! SORE WAS SO DISGU/+ TO ME1 IT WAS SO DEPRESS+ = ME TO ?9K ?AT IT WAS !RE1 ?AT ,I TRI$ TO =GET IT1 TO CONV9CE MYSELF ?AT IT WAS NOT !RE4 ,BUT SOME TIME HAS PASS$--!Y UNB\ND ! SORE & ?\< IT WAS HEAL+1 NEV]!LESS IT WAS !RE4 ,& IT WAS TORTUR+LY PA9FUL TO ME & ,I BEGAN TO REPROA* ! DOCTOR--& UNJU/LY4 ,?AT IS MY CONDITION4 ,! PR9CIPAL ?+ IS ! DEVIL ?AT HAS BE5 S5T ME4 ,OH1 ?IS LUXURY1 ?IS RI*NESS1 ?IS ABS5CE ( C>E AB\T ! MAT]IAL LIFE6 ,LIKE AN OV]-F]TILIZ$ SOIL4 ,IF !Y DO NOT CULTIVATE.<#a.> GOOD PLANTS ON IT1 WE$+ IT1 CLEAN+ EV]Y?+ >\ND !M1--IT WILL BECOME OV]GR[N ) HORRIBLE UGL9ESS & WILL BECOME T]RIBLE4 ,BUT IT IS DIFFICULT--,I AM OLD & AM ALMO/ UNABLE TO DO IT4 ,YE/]DAY ,I WALK$1 ?\<T1 SUFF]$ & PRAY$ & IT SEEMS TO ME NOT 9 VA94 

,YE/]DAY ,I W5T TO ,PR9CESS ,HEL5 ,S]GEIEVNA4.<#a#e#g.> ,IT WAS V]Y PLEASANT4 ,I /ILL CANNOT WORK4 ,I %ALL TRY TO 9 A M9UTE4 ,I HAVE WRITT5 NO?+ 9 ! NOTE BOOK4 ,LETT]S FROM ,KONI1.<#a#e#h.> FROM  
,MME4 ,KUDRIAVTSEV4.<#a#e#i.> ,YE/]DAY ! FACTORY H&S CAME & A NEW ONE1 ,M$USOV1 ,I ?9K4 

,DEC4 #a#b4 ,MOSC[4 

,I HAVE SUFF]$ MU* DUR+ !SE DAYS & IT SEEMS ,I HAVE ADVANC$ T[>DS PEACE1 T[>DS ! GOOD--T[>DS ,GOD4 ,AM READ+ MU* ON >T4 ,IT IS BECOM+ CLE>4 ,I AM NOT EV5 SITT+ D[N TO WRITE4 ,MA%A W5T AWAY4 ,! ,*]TKOVS CAME4 

,TO-DAY ,I WROTE ! APP5DIX TO ,! ,APPEAL4.<#a#f.> 

,DEC4 #a#e4 ,MOSC[4 

,N[ #b O'CLOCK 9 ! MORN+4 ,HAVE DONE NO?+4 ,MY /OMA* A*$4 ,AM CALM2 HAVE NO DESIRE TO WRITE4 

444 ,I HAVE MADE SOME NOTES4 ,I DON'T WRITE.<#a#a.> \T EV]Y?+4 ,SOME?+ /RUCK ME =CIBLY--IT IS MY CLE> CONSCI\SNESS ( ! WEI<T ( ! OPPRESSIV5ESS FROM MY P]SONALITY1 FROM ! FACT ?AT ,I AM ,I4 ,?IS GIVES ME JOY BECAUSE IT MEANS ?AT ,I UND]/OOD1 ?AT ,I RECOGNIZ$ AS MYSELF1 AT LEA/ P>TLY1 A 0SELF0 ?AT WAS NOT P]SONAL4 

,DECEMB] #a#f1 ,MOSC[4 ,IF ,I LIVE4 

,TO-DAY ,DECEMB] #ai OR #b4 

,FIVE DAYS HAVE PASS$ & ,I FEEL ! OPPRESSIV5ESS1 ! WEI<T ( MY BODY & !RE=E ! CONSCI\SNESS ( ! EXI/5CE ( ?AT :I* IS NOT ! BODY HAS /R5G!N$ T]RIBLY4 ,I WANT TO ?R[ (F ?IS WEI<T1 FREE MYSELF FROM !SE *A9S & NEV]!LESS ,I FEEL !M4 ,I AM SICK ( MY BODY4 

,ALL ?IS TIME ,I HAVE NOT WORK$ AT ALL & ,I FEEL HEAVY MELAN*OLY4 ,I AM FI<T+ AGA9/ IT BY SEEK+ 9 MY LIFE A TASK :I* IS BEYOND ?IS LIFE4 ,!RE IS ONLY ONE SU*3 AN APPROA* TO ! P]FECTION ( ,GOD1 TO LOVE4 ,YE/]DAY IT BECAME SO CLE> TO ME ?AT LIFE H]E IS NO?+ ELSE ?AN A MANIFE/ATION 9 !SE =MS ( ! GREATE/ P]FECTION ( ,GOD4 0,TO LIVE AN AGE & UNTO ! NI<T0--?AT IS 9 T]MS ( TIME4 ,TO LIVE = A UNIV]SAL LIFE & = ?IS ONE--?AT IS 9 T]MS ( SPACE4 

.<#a#b.> 

,I HAVE DONE NO?+ DUR+ ?IS TIME & AM UNABLE TO4 ,I AM LIV+ BADLY4 

,I HAVE NOT$ A FEW TRIFLES ON ,>T3 

#a7 ,!Y BR+ AS A PRO( ?AT >T IS GOOD1 ! FACT ?AT IT PRODUCES A GREAT IMPRESSION ON Y\4 ,YES1 BUT :O >E Y\8 ,ON ! DECAD5TS1 !IR WORKS PRODUCE A GREAT IMPRESSION ON !M4 ,Y\ SAY ?AT !Y >E SPOIL$4 ,BUT ,BEE?OV51 :O DOES NOT PRODUCE AN IMPRESSION ON ! WORK+ MAN1 PRODUCES SU* AN IMPRESSION ON Y\1 ONLY BECAUSE Y\ >E SPOIL$4 ,:O !N IS RI<T8 ,:AT MUSIC IS BEYOND QUE/ION AS TO ITS VALUE8 ,?AT K9D :I* PRODUCES AS IMPRESSION ON A DECAD5T & ON Y\ & ON ! WORK+ MAN2 SIMPLE1 UND]/&ABLE1 POPUL> MUSIC4 

#b7 ,:AT RELIEF ALL W\LD FEEL :O >E LOCK$ UP 9 A CONC]T-ROOM LI/5+ TO ,BEE?OV5'S LA/ WORKS1 IF A JIG OR A *]DA% OR SOME?+ SIMIL> W\LD BE PLAY$ = !M4 

#c7 ,N4 WAS H]E & SAID ?AT HE RECOGNIZ$ ONLY S5SATION1 ?AT MAN HIMSELF1 ! 0SELF0 WAS ONLY A S5SATION4 ,S5SATION RECEIVES S5SATION4 ,HE REA*$ ?IS NONS5SE BECAUSE ( ! SCI5TIFIC ME?OD2 ! LIMIT+ ( ! FIELD ( RESE>*1 ! NON-RECOGNITION ( ANY?+ ELSE ?AN S5SATION1 IS V]Y GOOD & PR(ITABLE = ! PRACTICAL 5DS ( ! SCI5CE ( EXP]IM5TAL PSY*OLOGY1 BUT IT IS GOOD-=-NO?+ AS F> AS A LIV+ UNIV]SAL PO9T ( VIEW IS CONC]N$4 ,& ?IS ]ROR IS (T5.<#a#c.> MADE BY PEOPLE2 !Y TRANSF] TO LIFE ! ME?OD :I* IS SUITABLE TO SCI5CE4 

#d7 ,NO?+ SO CONFUSES ! CONCEPTION ( >T AS ! ACCEPTANCE ( AU?ORITIES4 ,9/EAD ( DET]M9+ BY A CLE> CONCISE CONCEPTION ( >T :E!R ! WORKS ( ,SOPHOCLES1 ,HOM]1 ,DANTE1 ,%AKESPE>E1  
,GOE!1 ,BEE?OV51 ,BA*1 ,RAPHAEL1 ,MI*AEL-,ANGELO1 COME UP TO ! CONCEPTION ( GOOD >T & EXACTLY H[ !Y DO SO1 !Y DET]M9E BY ! EXI/+ WORKS ( ! RECOGNIZ$ GREAT >TI/S1 >T ITSELF & ITS LAWS4 ,BUT1 H[EV]1 !RE >E MANY WORKS ( NOT$ >TI/S :I* >E BEL[ EV]Y CRITICISM & !RE >E MANY FALSE REPUTATIONS1 ACCID5TALLY WON FAME2 ,DANTE1 ,%AKESPE>E4 

#e7 ,I AM READ+ ! HI/ORY ( MUSIC3.<#a#f#a.> \T ( SIXTE5 *APT]S ON >TIFICIAL MUSIC !RE IS ONE %ORT *APT] ON POPUL> MUSIC4 ,& !Y KN[ ALMO/ NO?+ AB\T IT4 ,SO ?AT ! HI/ORY ( MUSIC IS NOT ! HI/ORY ( H[ REAL MUSIC WAS BORN & SPREAD & DEVELOP$2 ! MUSIC ( MELODIES--BUT ! HI/ORY ( >TIFICIAL MUSIC1 I4E41 H[ REAL MELODI\S MUSIC WAS DI/ORT$4 

#f7 ,>TIFICIAL1 MA/]-CLASS MUSIC1 ! MUSIC ( P>ASITES1 FEEL+ ITS [N IMPOT5CE1 ITS [N HOLL[NESS1 TAKES REC\RSE1 9 ORD] TO REPLACE REAL 9T]E/ BY >TIFICIALITY1 N[ TO C\NT]PO9T1 TO ! FUGUE1 N[ TO OP]A1 TO ILLU/RATION4 

#g7 ,*UR* MUSIC IS GOOD1 !RE=E1 BECAUSE IT IS.<#a#d.> UND]/OOD BY ! MASSES4 ,! UND5IABLY GOOD IS ONLY ?AT :I* IS UND]/OOD BY ALL4 ,& !RE=E IT IS TRUE1 ?AT ! MORE UND]/&ABLE IT IS1 ! BETT]4 

#h7 ,! V>I\S *>ACT]S EXPRESS$ BY >T T\* US ONLY BECAUSE 9 EA* ONE ( US IS ! POSSIBILITY ( EV]Y POSSIBLE *>ACT]4 7,=GOT7 

#i7 ,! HI/ORY ( MUSIC1 LIKE ALL HI/ORY1 IS WRITT5 ON ! PLAN TO %[ H[ IT HAS GRADUALLY REA*$ ?AT CONDITION 9 :I* ! ?+ IS F\ND AB\T :I* ! HI/ORY IS N[ BE+ WRITT54 ,! PRES5T CONDITION ( MUSIC1 OR ?AT AB\T :I* ! HI/ORY IS WRITT51 IS SUPPOS$ TO BE ! HI<E/4 ,BUT :AT IF IT IS NOT ONLY A L[] ?+1 BUT SOME?+ 5TIRELY DI/ORT$1 AN ACCID5TAL DEVIATION T[>DS DI/ORTION4 

#a7 ,BELIEF 9 AU?ORITIES CAUSES ! ]RORS ( AU?ORITIES TO BE ACCEPT$ AS MODELS4 

#a#a7 ,!Y SAY ?AT MUSIC /R5G!NS ! IMPRESSION ( WORDS--9 >IAS1 SONGS4 ,IT ISN'T TRUE4 ,MUSIC GETS AHEAD ( IMPRESSIONS MADE BY WORDS1 BY HEAV5 KN[S H[ F>4 ,AN >IA ( ,BA*2 :AT WORDS CAN RIVAL IT AT ! TIME :5 IT IS BE+ R5D]$8 ,IT IS A DIFF]5T ?+--! WORDS BY !MSELVES4 ,TO :ATEV] MUSIC Y\ W\LD PLACE ! ,S]MON ON ! ,M\NT1 ! MUSIC W\LD REMA9 F> BEH9D1 ONCE Y\ P5ETRAT$ ! WORDS4 0,CRUCIFIX0 BY ,FAURE1.<#a#f#b.> ! MUSIC IS PITIABLE COMP>$ TO ! WORDS4 ,!Y >E TWO 5TIRELY DIFF]5T.<#a#e.> & 9COMPATIBLE FEEL+S4 ,9 SONG !Y GO ALONG TOGE!R ONLY BECAUSE ! WORDS GIVE TONE4 

7,NOT EXACT4 ,AB\T ?IS 9 ANO!R PLACE47 

#a#b7 ,SO VIVIDLY HAVE ,I RECALL$ ,VASILI ,P]FILEEV.<#a#f#c.> & O!RS1 :OM ,I SAW 9 ,MOSC[1 & SO CLE> DID IT BECOME ?AT1 AL?\< !Y >E DEAD1 !Y /ILL >E4 

#a#c7 ,! ,SCYLLA & ,*>YBDIS ( >TI/S2 EI!R UND]/&ABLE1 BUT %ALL[1 VULG>2 OR PSEUDO-L(TY1 ORIG9AL & 9COMPREH5SIBLE4 

#a#d7 ,! POETRY ( ! PEOPLE ALWAYS REFLECT$ & NOT ONLY REFLECT$1 PR$ICT$1 PREP>$1 POPUL> MOVEM5TS2 ! ,CRUSADES1 ! ,RE=MATION4 ,:AT C\LD ! POETRY ( \R P>ASITICAL CIRCLE PR$ICT & PREP>E8--,LOVE1 DEBAU*]Y2 DEBAU*]Y1 LOVE4 

#a#e7 ,POPUL> POETRY1 MUSIC1 >T 9 G5]AL IS EXHAU/$1 BECAUSE ALL ! TAL5T$ HAVE BE5 WON OV] BY BRIBES TO BE BUFFOONS TO ! RI* & ! TITL$2 *AMB] MUSIC1 OP]A1 ODES &.<#a#f#d.> 444 

#a#f7 ,9 ALL >T1 !RE EXI/S ! /RUGGLE BETWE5 ! ,*RI/IAN & ! PAGAN4 ,! ,*RI/IAN BEG9S TO CONQU] & ! NEW WAVE ( ! #a#e? ,C5TURY OV]FL[S1 ! ,R5AISSANCE1 & ONLY N[ AT ! 5D ( ! #a#i?1 ! ,*RI/IAN RISES AGA91 & PAGANISM 9 ! %APE ( DECAD5CE HAV+ REA*$ ! HI<E/ DEGREE ( NONS5SE1 IS BE+ DE/ROY$4 

#a#g7 ,BESIDES ! FACT ?AT ! MO/ GIFT$ ( !.<#a#f.> PEOPLE W]E WON OV] BY BRIBES 9TO ! CAMP ( ! P>ASITES1 ! CAUSE ( ! DE/RUCTION ( POPUL> POETRY & MUSIC W]E3 AT FIR/ ! S]FDOM ( ! PEOPLE & LAT] ! MO/ IMPORTANT ONE--PR9T+4 

#a#h7 ,*]TKOV SAID ?AT >\ND US !RE >E F\R WALLS ( ! UNKN[N2 9 FRONT1 ! WALL ( ! FUTURE1 9 BACK ! WALL ( ! PA/1 TO ! RI<T ! WALL ( IGNORANCE1 ( ?AT :I* IS TAK+ PLACE !RE :]E WE >E NOT1 & ! F\R? WALL1 HE SAYS1 IS ! IGNORANCE ( ?AT :I* IS GO+ ON 9 ! S\L ( ANO!R4 ,9 MY M9D ?IS IS NOT SO4 ,! FIR/ ?REE WALLS >E AS HE SAYS4 ,ONE %\LD NOT LOOK ?R\< !M4 ,! LESS WE LOOK BEYOND !M ! BETT]4 ,BUT AS TO ! F\R? WALL ( ! IGNORANCE ( ?AT :I* IS GO+ ON 9 ! S\LS ( O!R PEOPLE1 ?IS WALL WE \<T TO BREAK D[N ) ALL \R /R5G?1 /RIV+ = A FUSION ) ! S\LS ( O!R PEOPLE4 ,& ! LESS WE WILL LOOK BEYOND ?OSE ?REE O!R WALLS1 ! CLOS] WE WILL GET TO O!RS 9 ?IS RESPECT4 

#a#i7 ,AFT] DEA? 9 IMPORTANCE1 & BE=E DEA? 9 TIME1 !RE IS NO?+ MORE IMPORTANT1 MORE IRREVOCABLE1 ?AN M>RIAGE4 ,& JU/ AS DEA? IS ONLY GOOD !N :5 IT IS UNAVOIDABLE1 BUT EV]Y DEA? ON PURPOSE IS BAD1 SO IT IS ) M>RIAGE4 ,ONLY !N IS M>RIAGE NOT EVIL1 :5 IT IS NOT TO BE CONQU]$4 

#b7 ,APO/ASY COMES FROM A MAN PR(ESS+.<#a#g.> :AT HE PR(ESSES NOT = HIMSELF1 NOT = ,GOD1 BUT = PEOPLE4 ,HE BETRAYS HIS PR(ESSIONS1 EI!R BECAUSE HE HAS BECOME CONV9C$ ?AT MORE PEOPLE1 OR BETT] PEOPLE ACCORD+ TO HIS M9D1 DO NOT PR(ESS ! SAME ?+ AS HE1 OR BECAUSE ?AT :I* HE DID BE=E1 HE DID = HUMAN FAME & N[ HE WANTS TO LIVE = HIMSELF1 BE=E ,GOD4 

#b#a7 ,IF ,I BELIEV$ 9 A P]SONAL ,GOD TO :OM ONE C\LD TURN TO ) QUE/IONS1 ,I W\LD SAY1 ,:Y1 = :AT HAS ,GOD MADE IT SO1 ?AT SOME1 KN[+ ! UND\BT$ TRU?1 BURN :OLLY ) ITS FIRE1 :ILE O!RS DO NOT WANT IT1 CANNOT UND]/& OR ACCEPT IT1 & EV5 HATE IT4 

,IT IS N[ PA/ ONE4 ,! SAME WEAKNESS1 BUT KE5 9 SPIRIT1 :5 ,I REMEMB] ! SIGNIFICANCE ( ! :OLE ( LIFE1 & NOT ONLY ?IS ONE :I* ,I HAVE LIV$ ?R\< AS ,LEO ,NI*OLAIEVI* 7,TOL/OY74 ,HELP ME1 ,LORD1 TO DO ALWAYS1 EV]Y:]E ,?Y WILL1 TO BE ) ,!E4 ,BUT NOT MY WILL1 BUT ,?9E1 BE DONE4 

,DECEMB] #b#a1 ,MOSC[1 IF ,I LIVE4 

,I AM /ILL WRIT+ ,DECEMB] ! #b?1 ,MOSC[4 

,/ILL ! SAME DEPRESSION4 ,FA!R1 HELP ME4 ,RELIEVE ME4 ,/R5G!N ,?YSELF 9 ME1 VANQUI%1 DRIVE =?1 DE/ROY1 ! F\L FLE% & ALL ?AT ,I FEEL ?R\< IT4 

444 ,FA!R1 HELP ME4 ,MOREOV]1 ,I FEEL BETT] ALREADY4 ,:AT IS ESPECIALLY CALM+ IS ! TASK1 ! TE/ ( HUMILITY1 ( HUMILIATION1 AN 5TIRELY.<#a#h.> UNEXPECT$1 EXCEPTIONAL HUMILIATION4 ,9 *A9S1 9 A PRISON1 ONE CAN PRIDE ONESELF ON ONE'S HUMILIATION1 BUT H]E IT IS ONLY PA9FUL1 UNLESS ONE ACCEPTS IT AS A TRIAL S5T BY ,GOD4 ,YES1 LE>N TO BE> CALMLY1 JOYFULLY & TO LOVE4 

,DECEMB] #b#a4 ,MOSC[4 

,I AM LE>N+ BADLY4 ,I CONT9UALLY SUFF]1 HELPLESSLY1 WEAKLY4 ,ONLY 9 R>E MOM5TS DO ,I RISE TO ! CONSCI\SNESS ( ! :OLE ( MY LIFE 7NOT ONLY ?IS ONE7 & MY DUTIES 9 IT4 

,I ?\<T 7& FELT73 ,!RE >E PEOPLE LACK+ BO? 9 AES!TIC FEEL+ & 9 ! E?ICAL 7ESPECIALLY ! E?ICAL71 TO :OM IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO 9/ILL ?AT :I* IS GOOD--! LESS SO :5 !Y DO & LOVE ?AT :I* IS BAD1 & ?9K ?AT ! BAD IS GOOD 444 

,DECEMB] #b#b1 ,MOSC[1 IF ,I LIVE1 :I* IS GETT+ TO BE V]Y D\BTFUL2 MY HE>T DOES NOT /OP A*+4 ,ALMO/ NO?+ GIVES ME RE/4 ,TO-DAY ,PO%A ALONE REFRE%$ ME4 ,IT IS SO DISGU/+ ,I WANT TO CRY OV] MYSELF1 OV] ! REMNANT ( MY LIFE :I* IS BE+ FUTILELY RU9$4 ,BUT P]HAPS IT MU/ BE SO1 YES1 9 FACT1 IT MU/ BE SO 444 

,DECEMB] #b#e1 ,MOSC[4 

#i O'C4 AT NI<T4 ,SPIRITUALLY ,I FEEL BETT]4 ,BUT ,I HAVE NO 9TELLECTUAL1 >TI/IC WORK1 & ,I AM MELAN*OLY4 ,JU/ N[ ,I FELT ?AT P>TICUL> ,*RI/MAS.<#a#i.> S(T5+ & G5TL5ESS1 & POETICAL IMPULSE4 ,MY H&S >E COLD1 ,I WANT TO CRY & TO LOVE 444 

,DECEMB] #b#f1 ,MOSC[4 

,I AM /ILL NOT WRIT+ ANY?+1 BUT ,I FEEL MY ?\<TS REVIVE4 ,! DEVIL /ILL DOES NOT LEAVE ME4 

,I ?\<T TO-DAY AB\T ,! ,DI>Y ( A ,MAD ,MAN4.<#a#f#e.> ,! PR9CIPAL ?+ IS ?AT ,I HAVE UND]/OOD MY FILIAL RELATION TO ,GOD1 BRO!RHOOD1--& MY ATTITUDE TO ! :OLE WORLD HAS *ANG$4  

.<#a#a#a.> 

,FROM 3 ,GUT5B]G4ORG4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
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