,BOOK #a1 ,*APT] #ab 

#ahhiahhi 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TRANSLATOR 3 ,B5JAM9 ,R4 ,TUCK] 

,TEXT 3 

 0,/RANGE !ORY60 CRI$ ,I4  

  

0,/RANGE 9 :AT8 ,ACCORD+ TO ALL ! DOCTR9ES ( ! ,*UR*1 ! WORLD WILL HAVE AN 5D4 ,SCI5CE TEA*ES ! SAME FATAL CONCLUSIONS4 ,:Y1 !N1 IS IT /RANGE ?AT ! SAME ?+ %\LD RESULT FROM MORAL ,DOCTR9E8 ',LET ?OSE :O CAN1 CONTA91' SAID ,*RI/4 ,& ,I TAKE ?IS PASSAGE LIT]ALLY1 AS IT IS WRITT54 ,?AT MORALITY MAY EXI/ BETWE5 PEOPLE 9 !IR WORLDLY RELATIONS1 !Y MU/ MAKE COMPLETE *A/ITY !IR OBJECT4 ,9 T5D+ T[>D ?IS 5D1 MAN HUMILIATES HIMSELF4 ,:5 HE %ALL REA* ! LA/ DEGREE ( HUMILIATION1 WE %ALL HAVE MORAL M>RIAGE4 

0,BUT IF MAN1 AS 9 \R SOCIETY1 T5DS ONLY T[>D PHYSICAL LOVE1 ?\< HE MAY CLO! IT ) PRETEXTS & ! FALSE =MS ( M>RIAGE1 HE WILL HAVE ONLY P]MISSIBLE DEBAU*]Y1 HE WILL KN[ ONLY ! SAME IMMORAL LIFE 9 :I* ,I FELL & CAUS$ MY WIFE TO FALL1 A LIFE :I* WE CALL ! HONE/ LIFE ( ! FAMILY4 ,?9K :AT A P]V]SION ( IDEAS MU/ >ISE :5 ! HAPPIE/ SITUATION ( MAN1 LIB]TY1 *A/ITY1 IS LOOK$ UPON AS SOME?+ WRET*$ & RIDICUL\S4 ,! HI<E/ IDEAL1 ! BE/ SITUATION ( WOMAN1 TO BE PURE1 TO BE A VE/AL1 A VIRG91 EXCITES FE> & LAU<T] 9 \R SOCIETY4 ,H[ MANY1 H[ MANY Y\NG GIRLS SACRIFICE !IR PURITY TO ?IS ,MOLO* ( OP9ION BY M>RY+ RASCALS ?AT !Y MAY NOT REMA9 VIRG9S1--?AT IS1 SUP]IORS6 ,?R\< FE> ( F9D+ !MSELVES 9 ?AT IDEAL /ATE1 !Y RU9 !MSELVES4 

0,BUT ,I DID NOT UND]/& =M]LY1 ,I DID NOT UND]/& ?AT ! WORDS ( ! ,GOSPEL1 ?AT 'HE :O LOOKS UPON A WOMAN TO LU/ AFT] H] HAS ALREADY COMMITT$ ADULT]Y1' DO NOT APPLY TO ! WIVES ( O!RS1 BUT NOTABLY & ESPECIALLY TO \R [N WIVES4 ,I DID NOT UND]/& ?IS1 & ,I ?\<T ?AT ! HONEYMOON & ALL ( MY ACTS DUR+ ?AT P]IOD W]E VIRTU\S1 & ?AT TO SATISFY ONE'S DESIRES ) HIS WIFE IS AN EM95TLY *A/E ?+4 ,KN[1 !N1 ?AT ,I CONSID] !SE DEP>TURES1 !SE ISOLATIONS1 :I* Y\NG M>RI$ C\PLES >RANGE ) ! P]MISSION ( !IR P>5TS1 AS NO?+ ELSE ?AN A LIC5SE TO 5GAGE 9 DEBAU*]Y4 

0,I SAW1 !N1 9 ?IS NO?+ BAD OR %AMEFUL1 &1 HOP+ = GREAT JOYS1 ,I BEGAN TO LIVE ! HONEYMOON4 ,& V]Y C]TA9LY NONE ( !SE JOYS FOLL[$4 ,BUT ,I HAD FAI?1 & WAS DET]M9$ TO HAVE !M1 CO/ :AT !Y MI<T4 ,BUT ! MORE ,I TRI$ TO SECURE !M1 ! LESS ,I SUCCE$$4 ,ALL ?IS TIME ,I FELT ANXI\S1 A%AM$1 & WE>Y4 ,SOON ,I BEGAN TO SUFF]4 ,I BELIEVE ?AT ON ! ?IRD OR F\R? DAY ,I F\ND MY WIFE SAD & ASK$ H] ! REASON4 ,I BEGAN TO EMBRACE H]1 :I* 9 MY OP9ION WAS ALL ?AT %E C\LD DESIRE4 ,%E PUT ME AWAY ) H] H&1 & BEGAN TO WEEP4 

0,AT :AT8 ,%E C\LD NOT TELL ME4 ,%E WAS FILL$ ) SORR[1 ) ANGUI%4 ,PROBABLY H] TORTUR$ N]VES HAD SUGGE/$ TO H] ! TRU? AB\T ! BAS5ESS ( \R RELATIONS1 BUT %E F\ND NO WORDS 9 :I* TO SAY IT4 ,I BEGAN TO QUE/ION H]2 %E ANSW]$ ?AT %E MISS$ H] ABS5T MO!R4 ,IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT %E WAS NOT TELL+ ! TRU?4 ,I S\<T TO CONSOLE H] BY MA9TA9+ SIL5CE 9 REG>D TO H] P>5TS4 ,I DID NOT IMAG9E ?AT %E FELT H]SELF SIMPLY OV]:ELM$1 & ?AT H] P>5TS HAD NO?+ TO DO ) H] SORR[4 ,%E DID NOT LI/5 TO ME1 & ,I ACCUS$ H] ( CAPRICE4 ,I BEGAN TO LAU< AT H] G5TLY4 ,%E DRI$ H] TE>S1 & BEGAN TO REPROA* ME1 9 H>D & W\ND+ T]MS1 = MY SELFI%NESS & CRUELTY4 

0,I LOOK$ AT H]4 ,H] :OLE FACE EXPRESS$ HATR$1 & HATR$ ( ME4 ,I CANNOT DESCRIBE TO Y\ ! FRI<T :I* ?IS SI<T GAVE ME4 ',H[8 ,:AT8' ?\<T ,I1 'LOVE IS ! UNITY ( S\LS1 & H]E %E HATES ME8 ,ME8 ,:Y8 ,BUT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE6 ,IT IS NO LONG] %E6' 

0,I TRI$ TO CALM H]4 ,I CAME 9 CONFLICT ) AN IMMOVABLE & COLD HO/ILITY1 SO ?AT1 HAV+ NO TIME TO REFLECT1 ,I WAS SEIZ$ ) KE5 IRRITATION4 ,WE EX*ANG$ DISAGREEABLE REM>KS4 ,! IMPRESSION ( ?IS FIR/ QU>REL WAS T]RIBLE4 ,I SAY QU>REL1 BUT ! T]M IS 9EXACT4 ,IT WAS ! SUDD5 DISCOV]Y ( ! ABYSS ?AT HAD BE5 DUG BETWE5 US4 ,LOVE WAS EXHAU/$ ) ! SATISFACTION ( S5SUALITY4 ,WE /OOD FACE TO FACE 9 \R TRUE LI<T1 LIKE TWO EGOI/S TRY+ TO PROCURE ! GREATE/ POSSIBLE 5JOYM5T1 LIKE TWO 9DIVIDUALS TRY+ TO MUTUALLY EXPLOIT EA* O!R4 

0,SO :AT ,I CALL$ \R QU>REL WAS \R ACTUAL SITUATION AS IT APPE>$ AFT] ! SATISFACTION ( S5SUAL DESIRE4 ,I DID NOT REALIZE ?AT ?IS COLD HO/ILITY WAS \R NORMAL /ATE1 & ?AT ?IS FIR/ QU>REL W\LD SOON BE DR[N$ UND] A NEW FLOOD ( ! 9T5SE/ S5SUALITY4 ,I ?\<T ?AT WE HAD DISPUT$ ) EA* O!R1 & HAD BECOME RECONCIL$1 & ?AT IT W\LD NOT HAPP5 AGA94 ,BUT 9 ?IS SAME HONEYMOON !RE CAME A P]IOD ( SATIETY1 9 :I* WE CEAS$ TO BE NECESS>Y TO EA* O!R1 & A NEW QU>REL BROKE \T4 

0,IT BECAME EVID5T ?AT ! FIR/ WAS NOT A MATT] ( *ANCE4 ',IT WAS 9EVITABLE1' ,I ?\<T4 ,?IS SECOND QU>REL /UPEFI$ ME ! MORE1 BECAUSE IT WAS BAS$ ON AN EXTREMELY UNJU/ CAUSE4 ,IT WAS SOME?+ LIKE A QUE/ION ( MONEY1--& NEV] HAD ,I HAGGL$ ON ?AT SCORE2 IT WAS EV5 IMPOSSIBLE ?AT ,I %\LD DO SO 9 RELATION TO H]4 ,I ONLY REMEMB] ?AT1 9 ANSW] TO SOME REM>K ?AT ,I MADE1 %E 9S9UAT$ ?AT IT WAS MY 9T5TION TO RULE H] BY MEANS ( MONEY1 & ?AT IT WAS UPON MONEY ?AT ,I BAS$ MY SOLE RI<T OV] H]4 ,9 %ORT1 SOME?+ EXTRAORD9>ILY /UPID & BASE1 :I* WAS NEI!R 9 MY *>ACT] NOR 9 H]S4 

0,I WAS BESIDE MYSELF4 ,I ACCUS$ H] ( 9DELICACY4 ,%E MADE ! SAME ACCUSATION AGA9/ ME1 & ! DISPUTE BROKE \T4 ,9 H] WORDS1 9 ! EXPRESSION ( H] FACE1 ( H] EYES1 ,I NOTIC$ AGA9 ! HATR$ ?AT HAD SO A/ONI%$ ME BE=E4 ,) A BRO!R1 FRI5DS1 MY FA!R1 ,I HAD OCCASIONALLY QU>REL$1 BUT NEV] HAD !RE BE5 BETWE5 US ?IS FI]CE SPITE4 ,SOME TIME PASS$4 ,\R MUTUAL HATR$ WAS AGA9 CONCEAL$ B5EA? AN ACCESS ( S5SUAL DESIRE1 & ,I AGA9 CONSOL$ MYSELF ) ! REFLECTION ?AT !SE SC5ES W]E REP>ABLE FAULTS4 

0,BUT :5 !Y W]E REPEAT$ A ?IRD & A F\R? TIME1 ,I UND]/OOD ?AT !Y W]E NOT SIMPLY FAULTS1 BUT A FATALITY ?AT MU/ HAPP5 AGA94 ,I WAS NO LONG] FRI<T5$1 ,I WAS SIMPLY A/ONI%$ ?AT ,I %\LD BE PRECISELY ! ONE TO LIVE SO UNCOM=TABLY ) MY WIFE1 & ?AT ! SAME ?+ DID NOT HAPP5 9 O!R H\SEHOLDS4 ,I DID NOT KN[ ?AT 9 ALL H\SEHOLDS ! SAME SUDD5 *ANGES TAKE PLACE1 BUT ?AT ALL1 LIKE MYSELF1 IMAG9E ?AT IT IS A MIS=TUNE EXCLUSIVELY RES]V$ = !MSELVES ALONE1 :I* !Y C>EFULLY CONCEAL AS %AMEFUL1 NOT ONLY TO O!RS1 BUT TO !MSELVES1 LIKE A BAD DISEASE4 

0,?AT WAS :AT HAPP5$ TO ME4 ,BEGUN 9 ! E>LY DAYS1 IT CONT9U$ & 9CREAS$ ) *>ACT]I/ICS ( FURY ?AT W]E EV] MORE PRON\NC$4 ,AT ! BOTTOM ( MY S\L1 FROM ! FIR/ WEEKS1 ,I FELT ?AT ,I WAS 9 A TRAP1 ?AT ,I HAD :AT ,I DID NOT EXPECT1 & ?AT M>RIAGE IS NOT A JOY1 BUT A PA9FUL TRIAL4 ,LIKE EV]YBODY ELSE1 ,I REFUS$ TO CONFESS IT 7,I %\LD NOT HAVE CONFESS$ IT EV5 N[ BUT = ! \TCOME74 ,N[ ,I AM A/ONI%$ TO ?9K ?AT ,I DID NOT SEE MY REAL SITUATION4 ,IT WAS SO EASY TO P]CEIVE IT1 9 VIEW ( ?OSE QU>RELS1 BEGUN = REASONS SO TRIVIAL ?AT AFT]W>DS ONE C\LD NOT RECALL !M4 

0,JU/ AS IT (T5 HAPP5S AMONG GAY Y\NG PEOPLE ?AT1 9 ! ABS5CE ( JOKES1 !Y LAU< AT !IR [N LAU<T]1 SO WE F\ND NO REASONS = \R HATR$1 & WE HAT$ EA* O!R BECAUSE HATR$ WAS NATURALLY BOIL+ UP 9 US4 ,MORE EXTRAORD9>Y /ILL WAS ! ABS5CE ( CAUSES = RECONCILIATION4 

0,SOMETIMES WORDS1 EXPLANATIONS1 OR EV5 TE>S1 BUT SOMETIMES1 ,I REMEMB]1 AFT] 9SULT+ WORDS1 !RE TACITLY FOLL[$ EMBRACES & DECL>ATIONS4 ,ABOM9ATION6 ,:Y IS IT ?AT ,I DID NOT !N P]CEIVE ?IS BAS5ESS80 

,FROM 3 ,GUT5B]G4ORG4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #ahhh 3 ,BOOK #a1 ,*APT] #ab -- ,PUBLICATION4 
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