,BOOK #a1 ,*APT] #b 

#ahhiahhi 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TRANSLATOR 3 ,B5JAM9 ,R4 ,TUCK] 

,TEXT 3 

0,9 ORD] ?AT Y\ MAY UND]/& ME1 ,I MU/ TELL Y\ H[ ?IS HAPP5$4 ,WE W]E LIV+ ALONG1 & ALL SEEM$ WELL4 ,SUDD5LY WE BEGAN TO TALK ( ! *ILDR5'S $UCATION4 ,I DO NOT REMEMB] :AT WORDS EI!R ( US UTT]$1 BUT A DISCUSSION BEGAN1 REPROA*ES1 LEAPS FROM ONE SUBJECT TO ANO!R4 ',YES1 ,I KN[ IT4 ,IT HAS BE5 SO = A LONG TIME4' 4 4 4 ',Y\ SAID ?AT4' 4 4 4 ',NO1 ,I DID NOT SAY ?AT4' 4 4 4 ',!N ,I LIE8' ETC4 

0,& ,I FELT ?AT ! FRI<TFUL CRISIS WAS APPROA*+ :5 ,I %\LD DESIRE TO KILL H] OR ELSE MYSELF4 ,I KNEW ?AT IT WAS APPROA*+2 ,I WAS AFRAID ( IT AS ( FIRE2 ,I WANT$ TO RE/RA9 MYSELF4 ,BUT RAGE TOOK POSSESSION ( MY :OLE BE+4 ,MY WIFE F\ND H]SELF 9 ! SAME CONDITION1 P]HAPS WORSE4 ,%E KNEW ?AT %E 9T5TIONALLY DI/ORT$ EA* ( MY WORDS1 & EA* ( H] WORDS WAS SATURAT$ ) V5OM4 ,ALL ?AT WAS DE> TO ME %E DISP>AG$ & PR(AN$4 ,! F>!R ! QU>REL W5T1 ! MORE FURI\S IT BECAME4 ,I CRI$1 ',BE SIL5T1' OR SOME?+ LIKE ?AT4 

0,%E B\ND$ \T ( ! ROOM & RAN T[>D ! *ILDR54 ,I TRI$ TO HOLD H] BACK TO F9I% MY 9SULTS4 ,I GRASP$ H] BY ! >M1 & HURT H]4 ,%E CRI$3 ',*ILDR51 Y\R FA!R IS BEAT+ ME4' ,I CRI$3 ',DON'T LIE4' ,%E CONT9U$ TO UTT] FALSEHOODS = ! SIMPLE PURPOSE ( IRRITAT+ ME FUR!R4 ',AH1 IT IS NOT ! FIR/ TIME1' OR SOME?+ ( ?AT SORT4 ,! *ILDR5 RU%$ T[>D H] & TRI$ TO QUIET H]4 ,I SAID3 ',DON'T %AM4' ,%E SAID3 ',Y\ LOOK UPON EV]Y?+ AS A %AM4 ,Y\ W\LD KILL A P]SON & SAY HE WAS %AMM+4 ,N[ ,I UND]/& Y\4 ,?AT IS :AT Y\ WANT TO DO4' ',OH1 IF Y\ W]E ONLY DEAD6' ,I CRI$4 

0,I REMEMB] H[ ?AT T]RIBLE PHRASE FRI<T5$ ME4 ,NEV] HAD ,I ?\<T ?AT ,I C\LD UTT] WORDS SO BRUTAL1 SO FRI<TFUL1 & ,I WAS /UPEFI$ AT :AT HAD JU/ ESCAP$ MY LIPS4 ,I FL$ 9TO MY PRIVATE AP>TM5T4 ,I SAT D[N & BEGAN TO SMOKE4 ,I HE>D H] GO 9TO ! HALL & PREP>E TO GO \T4 ,I ASK$ H]3 ',:]E >E Y\ GO+8 ,%E DID NOT ANSW]4 ',WELL1 MAY ! DEVIL TAKE Y\6' SAID ,I TO MYSELF1 GO+ BACK 9TO MY PRIVATE ROOM1 :]E ,I LAY D[N AGA9 & BEGAN SMOK+ AFRE%4 ,?\S&S ( PLANS ( V5GEANCE1 ( WAYS ( GETT+ RID ( H]1 & H[ TO >RANGE ?IS1 & ACT AS IF NO?+ HAD HAPP5$1--ALL ?IS PASS$ ?R\< MY HEAD4 ,I ?\<T ( !SE ?+S1 & ,I SMOK$1 & SMOK$1 & SMOK$4 ,I ?\<T ( RUNN+ AWAY1 ( MAK+ MY ESCAPE1 ( GO+ TO ,AM]ICA4 ,I W5T SO F> AS TO DREAM H[ BEAUTIFUL IT W\LD BE1 AFT] GETT+ RID ( H]1 TO LOVE ANO!R WOMAN1 5TIRELY DIFF]5T FROM H]4 ,I %\LD BE RID ( H] IF %E %\LD DIE OR IF ,I %\LD GET A DIVORCE1 & ,I TRI$ TO ?9K H[ ?AT C\LD BE MANAG$4 ,I SAW ?AT ,I WAS GETT+ CONFUS$1 BUT1 9 ORD] NOT TO SEE ?AT ,I WAS NOT ?9K+ RI<TLY1 ,I KEPT ON SMOK+4 

0,& ! LIFE ( ! H\SE W5T ON AS USUAL4 ,! *ILDR5'S TEA*] CAME & ASK$3 ',:]E IS ,MADAME8 ,:5 WILL %E RETURN8' 

0,! S]VANTS ASK$ IF !Y %\LD S]VE ! TEA4 ,I 5T]$ ! D9+-ROOM4 ,! *ILDR51 ,LISE1 ! ELDE/ GIRL1 LOOK$ AT ME ) FRI<T1 AS IF TO QUE/ION ME1 & %E DID NOT COME4 ,! :OLE EV5+ PASS$1 & /ILL %E DID NOT COME4 ,TWO S5TIM5TS KEPT SUCCE$+ EA* O!R 9 MY S\L1--HATR$ ( H]1 S9CE %E TORTUR$ MYSELF & ! *ILDR5 BY H] ABS5CE1 BUT W\LD F9ALLY RETURN JU/ ! SAME1 & FE> LE/ %E MI<T RETURN & MAKE SOME ATTEMPT UPON H]SELF4 ,BUT :]E %\LD ,I LOOK = H]8 ,AT H] SI/]'S8 ,IT SEEM$ SO /UPID TO GO TO ASK :]E ONE'S WIFE IS4 ,MOREOV]1 MAY ,GOD =BID1 ,I HOP$1 ?AT %E %\LD BE AT H] SI/]'S6 ,IF %E WI%ES TO TORM5T ANY ONE1 LET H] TORM5T H]SELF FIR/4 ,& SUPPOSE %E W]E NOT AT H] SI/]'S4 

0,SUPPOSE %E W]E TO DO1 OR HAD ALREADY DONE1 SOME?+4 

0,ELEV5 O'CLOCK1 MIDNI<T1 ONE O'CLOCK4 4 4 4 ,I DID NOT SLEEP4 ,I DID NOT GO TO MY *AMB]4 ,IT IS /UPID TO LIE /RET*$ \T ALL ALONE1 & TO WAIT4 ,BUT 9 MY /UDY ,I DID NOT RE/4 ,I TRI$ TO BUSY MYSELF1 TO WRITE LETT]S1 TO READ4 ,IMPOSSIBLE6 ,I WAS ALONE1 TORTUR$1 WICK$1 & ,I LI/5$4 ,T[>D DAYLI<T ,I W5T TO SLEEP4 ,I AWOKE4 ,%E HAD NOT RETURN$4 ,EV]Y?+ 9 ! H\SE W5T ON AS USUAL1 & ALL LOOK$ AT ME 9 A/ONI%M5T1 QUE/ION+LY4 ,! *ILDR5'S EYES W]E FULL ( REPROA* = ME4 

0,& ALWAYS ! SAME FEEL+ ( ANXIETY AB\T H]1 & ( HATR$ BECAUSE ( ?IS ANXIETY4 

0,T[>D ELEV5 O'CLOCK 9 ! MORN+ CAME H] SI/]1 H] AMBASSADRESS4 ,!N BEGAN ! USUAL PHRASES3 ',%E IS 9 A T]RIBLE /ATE4 ,:AT IS ! MATT]8' ',:Y1 NO?+ HAS HAPP5$4' ,I SPOKE ( H] ASP]ITY ( *>ACT]1 & ,I ADD$ ?AT ,I HAD DONE NO?+1 & ?AT ,I W\LD NOT TAKE ! FIR/ /EP4 ,IF %E WANTS A DIVORCE1 SO MU* ! BETT]6 ,MY SI/]-9-LAW W\LD NOT LI/5 TO ?IS IDEA1 & W5T AWAY )\T HAV+ GA9$ ANY?+4 ,I WAS OB/9ATE1 & ,I SAID BOLDLY & DET]M9$LY1 9 TALK+ TO H]1 ?AT ,I W\LD NOT TAKE ! FIR/ /EP4 ,IMM$IATELY %E HAD GONE ,I W5T 9TO ! O!R ROOM1 & SAW ! *ILDR5 9 A FRI<T5$ & PITIFUL /ATE1 & !RE ,I F\ND MYSELF ALREADY 9CL9$ TO TAKE ?IS FIR/ /EP4 ,BUT ,I WAS B\ND BY MY WORD4 ,AGA9 ,I WALK$ UP & D[N1 ALWAYS SMOK+4 ,AT BREAKFA/ ,I DRANK BR&Y & W9E1 & ,I REA*$ ! PO9T :I* ,I UNCONSCI\SLY DESIR$1 ! PO9T :]E ,I NO LONG] SAW ! /UPIDITY & BAS5ESS ( MY SITUATION4 

0,T[>D ?REE O'CLOCK %E CAME4 ,I ?\<T ?AT %E WAS APPEAS$1 OR ADMITT$ H] DEFEAT4 ,I BEGAN TO TELL H] ?AT ,I WAS PROVOK$ BY H] REPROA*ES4 ,%E ANSW]$ ME1 ) ! SAME SEV]E & T]RIBLY D[NCA/ FACE1 ?AT %E HAD NOT COME = EXPLANATIONS1 BUT TO TAKE ! *ILDR51 ?AT WE C\LD NOT LIVE TOGE!R4 ,I ANSW]$ ?AT IT WAS NOT MY FAULT1 ?AT %E HAD PUT ME BESIDE MYSELF4 ,%E LOOK$ AT ME ) A SEV]E & SOLEMN AIR1 & SAID3 ',SAY NO MORE4 ,Y\ WILL REP5T IT4' ,I SAID ?AT ,I C\LD NOT TOL]ATE COM$IES4 ,!N %E CRI$ \T SOME?+ ?AT ,I DID NOT UND]/&1 & RU%$ T[>D H] ROOM4 ,! KEY TURN$ 9 ! LOCK1 & %E %UT H]SELF UP4 ,I PU%$ AT ! DOOR4 ,!RE WAS NO RESPONSE4 ,FURI\S1 ,I W5T AWAY4 

0,A HALF H\R LAT] ,LISE CAME RUNN+ ALL 9 TE>S4 ',:AT6 ,HAS ANY?+ HAPP5$8 ,WE CANNOT HE> ,MAMA6' ,WE W5T T[>D MY WIFE'S ROOM4 ,I PU%$ ! DOOR ) ALL MY MI<T4 ,! BOLT WAS SC>CELY DRAWN1 & ! DOOR OP5$4 ,9 A SKIRT1 ) HI< BOOTS1 MY WIFE LAY AWKW>DLY ON ! B$4 ,ON ! TABLE AN EMPTY OPIUM VIAL4 ,WE RE/OR$ H] TO LIFE4 ,TE>S & !N RECONCILIATION6 ,NOT RECONCILIATION2 9T]NALLY EA* KEPT ! HATR$ = ! O!R1 BUT IT WAS ABSOLUTELY NECESS>Y = ! MOM5T TO 5D ! SC5E 9 SOME WAY1 & LIFE BEGAN AGA9 AS BE=E4 ,!SE SC5ES1 & EV5 WORSE1 CAME N[ ONCE A WEEK1 N[ EV]Y MON?1 N[ EV]Y DAY4 ,& 9V>IABLY ! SAME 9CID5TS4 ,ONCE ,I WAS ABSOLUTELY RESOLV$ TO FLY1 BUT ?R\< SOME 9CONCEIVABLE WEAKNESS ,I REMA9$4 

0,SU* W]E ! CIRCUM/ANCES 9 :I* WE W]E LIV+ :5 ! ,M,A,N CAME4 ,! MAN WAS BAD1 IT IS TRUE4 ,BUT :AT6 ,NO WORSE ?AN WE W]E40 

,FROM 3 ,GUT5B]G4ORG4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #ahhh 3 ,BOOK #a1 ,*APT] #b -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,FEBRU>Y #a#f1 #bag 3 ,BOOK #a1 ,*APT] #b -- ,ADD$4 

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