,BOOK #a#e1 ,*APT] #a 
#ahab - #ac 

#ahfiahfi 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TEXT 3 

,:5 SEE+ A DY+ ANIMAL A MAN FEELS A S5SE ( HORROR3 SUB/ANCE 
 SIMIL> TO HIS [N IS P]I%+ BE=E HIS EYES4 ,BUT :5 IT IS A BELOV$ 
 & 9TIMATE HUMAN BE+ ?AT IS DY+1 BESIDES ?IS HORROR AT ! 
 EXT9CTION ( LIFE !RE IS A SEV]ANCE1 A SPIRITUAL W\ND1 :I* LIKE A 
 PHYSICAL W\ND IS SOMETIMES FATAL & SOMETIMES HEALS1 BUT ALWAYS A*ES 
 & %R9KS AT ANY EXT]NAL IRRITAT+ T\*4 

,AFT] ,PR9CE ,&REW'S DEA? ,NATA%A & ,PR9CESS ,M>Y ALIKE FELT ?IS4 
 ,DROOP+ 9 SPIRIT & CLOS+ !IR EYES BE=E ! M5AC+ CL\D ( 
 DEA? ?AT OV]HUNG !M1 !Y D>$ NOT LOOK LIFE 9 ! FACE4 ,!Y 
 C>EFULLY GU>D$ !IR OP5 W\NDS FROM ANY R\< & PA9FUL CONTACT4 
 ,EV]Y?+3 A C>RIAGE PASS+ RAPIDLY 9 ! /REET1 A SUMMONS TO D9N]1 
 ! MAID'S 9QUIRY :AT DRESS TO PREP>E1 OR WORSE /ILL ANY WORD ( 
 9S9C]E OR FEEBLE SYMPA?Y1 SEEM$ AN 9SULT1 PA9FULLY IRRITAT$ ! 
 W\ND1 9T]RUPT+ ?AT NECESS>Y QUIET 9 :I* !Y BO? TRI$ TO 
 LI/5 TO ! /]N & DREADFUL *OIR ?AT /ILL RES\ND$ 9 !IR 
 IMAG9ATION1 & H9D]$ !IR GAZ+ 9TO ?OSE MY/]I\S LIMITLESS 
 VI/AS ?AT = AN 9/ANT HAD OP5$ \T BE=E !M4 

,ONLY :5 ALONE TOGE!R W]E !Y FREE FROM SU* \TRAGE & PA94 ,!Y 
 SPOKE LITTLE EV5 TO ONE ANO!R1 & :5 !Y DID IT WAS ( V]Y 
 UNIMPORTANT MATT]S4 

,BO? AVOID$ ANY ALLUSION TO ! FUTURE4 ,TO ADMIT ! POSSIBILITY ( A 
 FUTURE SEEM$ TO !M TO 9SULT HIS MEMORY4 ,/ILL MORE C>EFULLY DID !Y 
 AVOID ANY?+ RELAT+ TO HIM :O WAS DEAD4 ,IT SEEM$ TO !M ?AT :AT 
 !Y HAD LIV$ ?R\< & EXP]I5C$ C\LD NOT BE EXPRESS$ 9 WORDS1 
 & ?AT ANY REF]5CE TO ! DETAILS ( HIS LIFE 9FR+$ ! MAJE/Y 
 & SACR$NESS ( ! MY/]Y ?AT HAD BE5 ACCOMPLI%$ BE=E !IR 
 EYES4 

,CONT9U$ AB/5TION FROM SPEE*1 & CON/ANT AVOIDANCE ( EV]Y?+ 
 ?AT MI<T LEAD UP TO ! SUBJECT--?IS HALT+ ON ALL SIDES AT ! 
 B\ND>Y ( :AT !Y MI<T NOT M5TION--BR\<T BE=E !IR M9DS 
 ) /ILL GREAT] PURITY & CLE>NESS :AT !Y W]E BO? FEEL+4 

,BUT PURE & COMPLETE SORR[ IS AS IMPOSSIBLE AS PURE & COMPLETE JOY4 
 ,PR9CESS ,M>Y1 9 H] POSITION AS ABSOLUTE & 9DEP5D5T >BIT] ( H] 
 [N FATE & GU>DIAN & 9/RUCTOR ( H] NEPHEW1 WAS ! FIR/ TO BE 
 CALL$ BACK TO LIFE FROM ?AT REALM ( SORR[ 9 :I* %E HAD DWELT = 
 ! FIR/ =TNI<T4 ,%E RECEIV$ LETT]S FROM H] RELATIONS TO :I* %E 
 HAD TO REPLY2 ! ROOM 9 :I* LITTLE ,NI*OLAS HAD BE5 PUT WAS DAMP & 
 HE BEGAN TO C\<2 ,ALPATY* CAME TO ,Y>OSLAVL ) REPORTS ON ! /ATE ( 
 !IR AFFAIRS & ) ADVICE & SUGGE/IONS ?AT !Y %\LD RETURN TO 
 ,MOSC[ TO ! H\SE ON ! ,VOZDVIZH5KA ,/REET1 :I* HAD REMA9$ 
 UN9JUR$ & NE$$ ONLY SLI<T REPAIRS4 ,LIFE DID NOT /& /ILL & IT 
 WAS NECESS>Y TO LIVE4 ,H>D AS IT WAS = ,PR9CESS ,M>Y TO EM]GE FROM ! 
 REALM ( SECLUD$ CONTEMPLATION 9 :I* %E HAD LIV$ TILL !N1 & 
 SORRY & ALMO/ A%AM$ AS %E FELT TO LEAVE ,NATA%A ALONE1 YET ! C>ES 
 ( LIFE DEM&$ H] ATT5TION & %E 9VOLUNT>ILY YIELD$ TO !M4 ,%E 
 W5T ?R\< ! ACC\NTS ) ,ALPATY*1 CONF]R$ ) ,DESSALLES AB\T 
 H] NEPHEW1 & GAVE ORD]S & MADE PREP>ATIONS = ! J\RNEY TO 
 ,MOSC[4 

,NATA%A REMA9$ ALONE &1 FROM ! TIME ,PR9CESS ,M>Y BEGAN MAK+ 
 PREP>ATIONS = DEP>TURE1 HELD ALO( FROM H] TOO4 

,PR9CESS ,M>Y ASK$ ! C\NTESS TO LET ,NATA%A GO ) H] TO ,MOSC[1 & 
 BO? P>5TS GLADLY ACCEPT$ ?IS (F]1 = !Y SAW !IR DAU<T] 
 LOS+ /R5G? EV]Y DAY & ?\<T ?AT A *ANGE ( SC5E & ! 
 ADVICE ( ,MOSC[ DOCTORS W\LD BE GOOD = H]4 

0,I AM NOT GO+ ANY:]E10 ,NATA%A REPLI$ :5 ?IS WAS PROPOS$ TO H]4 
 0,DO PLEASE JU/ LEAVE ME ALONE60 ,& %E RAN \T ( ! ROOM1 ) 
 DIFFICULTY REFRA9+ FROM TE>S ( VEXATION & IRRITATION RA!R ?AN ( 
 SORR[4 

,AFT] %E FELT H]SELF DES]T$ BY ,PR9CES ,M>Y & ALONE 9 H] GRIEF1 
 ,NATA%A SP5T MO/ ( ! TIME 9 H] ROOM BY H]SELF1 SITT+ HUDDL$ UP 
 FEET & ALL 9 ! CORN] ( ! S(A1 TE>+ & TWI/+ SOME?+ 
 ) H] SL5D] N]V\S F+]S & GAZ+ 9T5TLY & FIX$LY AT 
 :ATEV] H] EYES *ANC$ TO FALL ON4 ,?IS SOLITUDE EXHAU/$ & 
 TORM5T$ H] BUT %E WAS 9 ABSOLUTE NE$ ( IT4 ,AS SOON AS ANYONE 
 5T]$ %E GOT UP QUICKLY1 *ANG$ H] POSITION & EXPRESSION1 & 
 PICK$ UP A BOOK OR SOME SEW+1 EVID5TLY WAIT+ IMPATI5TLY = ! 
 9TRUD] TO GO4 

,%E FELT ALL ! TIME AS IF %E MI<T AT ANY MOM5T P5ETRATE ?AT ON 
 :I*--) A T]RIBLE QUE/ION+ TOO GREAT = H] /R5G?--H] 
 SPIRITUAL GAZE WAS FIX$4 

,ONE DAY T[>D ! 5D ( ,DECEMB] ,NATA%A1 PALE & ?91 DRESS$ 9 A 
 BLACK WOOL5 G[N1 H] PLAIT$ HAIR NEGLIG5TLY TWI/$ 9TO A KNOT1 WAS 
 CR\*$ FEET & ALL 9 ! CORN] ( H] S(A1 N]V\SLY CRUMPL+ & 
 SMOO?+ \T ! 5D ( H] SA% :ILE %E LOOK$ AT A CORN] ( ! 
 DOOR4 

,%E WAS GAZ+ 9 ! DIRECTION 9 :I* HE HAD GONE--TO ! O!R 
 SIDE ( LIFE4 ,& ?AT O!R SIDE ( LIFE1 ( :I* %E HAD NEV] BE=E 
 ?\<T & :I* HAD =M]LY SEEM$ TO H] SO F> AWAY & IMPROBABLE1 
 WAS N[ NE>] & MORE AK9 & MORE COMPREH5SIBLE ?AN ?IS SIDE ( 
 LIFE1 :]E EV]Y?+ WAS EI!R EMPT9ESS & DESOLATION OR SUFF]+ 
 & 9DIGNITY4 

,%E WAS GAZ+ :]E %E KNEW HIM TO BE2 BUT %E C\LD NOT IMAG9E HIM 
 O!RWISE ?AN AS HE HAD BE5 H]E4 ,%E N[ SAW HIM AGA9 AS HE HAD BE5 
 AT ,MYTI%*I1 AT ,TROITSA1 & AT ,Y>OSLAVL4 

,%E SAW HIS FACE1 HE>D HIS VOICE1 REPEAT$ HIS WORDS & H] [N1 & 
 SOMETIMES DEVIS$ O!R WORDS !Y MI<T HAVE SPOK54 

,!RE HE IS LY+ BACK 9 AN >M*AIR 9 HIS VELVET CLOAK1 LEAN+ HIS 
 HEAD ON HIS ?9 PALE H&4 ,HIS *E/ IS DREADFULLY HOLL[ & HIS 
 %\LD]S RAIS$4 ,HIS LIPS >E FIRMLY CLOS$1 HIS EYES GLITT]1 & A 
 WR9KLE COMES & GOES ON HIS PALE =EHEAD4 ,ONE ( HIS LEGS TWIT*ES JU/ 
 P]CEPTIBLY1 BUT RAPIDLY4 ,NATA%A KN[S ?AT HE IS /RUGGL+ ) 
 T]RIBLE PA94 0,:AT IS ?AT PA9 LIKE8 ,:Y DOES HE HAVE ?AT PA98 ,:AT 
 DOES HE FEEL8 ,H[ DOES IT HURT HIM80 ?\<T ,NATA%A4 ,HE NOTIC$ H] 
 WAT*+ HIM1 RAIS$ HIS EYES1 & BEGAN TO SPEAK S]I\SLY3 

0,ONE ?+ W\LD BE T]RIBLE10 SAID HE3 0TO B9D ONESELF =EV] TO A 
 SUFF]+ MAN4 ,IT W\LD BE CONT9UAL TORTURE40 ,& HE LOOK$ SE>*+LY 
 AT H]4 ,NATA%A AS USUAL ANSW]$ BE=E %E HAD TIME TO ?9K :AT %E 
 W\LD SAY4 ,%E SAID3 0,?IS CAN'T GO ON--IT WON'T4 ,Y\ WILL GET WELL--QUITE 
 WELL40 

,%E N[ SAW HIM FROM ! COMM5CEM5T ( ?AT SC5E & RELIV$ :AT %E 
 HAD !N FELT4 ,%E RECALL$ HIS LONG SAD & SEV]E LOOK AT ?OSE WORDS 
 & UND]/OOD ! MEAN+ ( ! REBUKE & DESPAIR 9 ?AT PROTRACT$ 
 GAZE4 

0,I AGRE$10 ,NATA%A N[ SAID TO H]SELF1 0?AT IT W\LD BE DREADFUL IF HE 
 ALWAYS CONT9U$ TO SUFF]4 ,I SAID IT !N ONLY BECAUSE IT W\LD HAVE BE5 
 DREADFUL = HIM1 BUT HE UND]/OOD IT DIFF]5TLY4 ,HE ?\<T IT W\LD BE 
 DREADFUL = ME4 ,HE !N /ILL WI%$ TO LIVE & FE>$ DEA?4 ,& ,I SAID 
 IT SO AWKW>DLY & /UPIDLY6 ,I DID NOT SAY :AT ,I MEANT4 ,I ?\<T QUITE 
 DIFF]5TLY4 ,HAD ,I SAID :AT ,I ?\<T1 ,I %\LD HAVE SAID3 EV5 IF HE HAD 
 TO GO ON DY+1 TO DIE CONT9UALLY BE=E MY EYES1 ,I %\LD HAVE BE5 
 HAPPY COMP>$ ) :AT ,I AM N[4 ,N[ !RE IS NO?+444 NOBODY4 ,DID HE 
 KN[ ?AT8 ,NO1 HE DID NOT & NEV] WILL KN[ IT4 ,& N[ IT WILL NEV]1 
 NEV] BE POSSIBLE TO PUT IT RI<T40 ,& N[ HE AGA9 SEEM$ TO BE SAY+ 
 ! SAME WORDS TO H]1 ONLY 9 H] IMAG9ATION ,NATA%A ?IS TIME GAVE HIM 
 A DIFF]5T ANSW]4 ,%E /OPP$ HIM & SAID3 0,T]RIBLE = Y\1 BUT NOT 
 = ME6 ,Y\ KN[ ?AT = ME !RE IS NO?+ 9 LIFE BUT Y\1 & TO 
 SUFF] ) Y\ IS ! GREATE/ HAPP9ESS = ME10 & HE TOOK H] H& 
 & PRESS$ IT AS HE HAD PRESS$ IT ?AT T]RIBLE EV5+ F\R DAYS BE=E 
 HIS DEA?4 ,& 9 H] IMAG9ATION %E SAID O!R T5D] & LOV+ WORDS 
 :I* %E MI<T HAVE SAID !N BUT ONLY SPOKE N[3 0,I LOVE !E6444 !E6 
 ,I LOVE1 LOVE4440 %E SAID1 CONVULSIVELY PRESS+ H] H&S & SETT+ H] 
 TEE? ) A DESP]ATE EF=T4444 

,%E WAS OV]COME BY SWEET SORR[ & TE>S W]E ALREADY RIS+ 9 H] 
 EYES2 !N %E SUDD5LY ASK$ H]SELF TO :OM %E WAS SAY+ ?IS4 ,AGA9 
 EV]Y?+ WAS %R\D$ 9 H>D1 DRY P]PLEXITY1 & AGA9 ) A /RA9$ 
 FR[N %E PE]$ T[>D ! WORLD :]E HE WAS4 ,& N[1 N[ IT SEEM$ TO 
 H] %E WAS P5ETRAT+ ! MY/]Y4444 ,BUT AT ! 9/ANT :5 IT SEEM$ 
 ?AT ! 9COMPREH5SIBLE WAS REVEAL+ ITSELF TO H] A L\D RATTLE ( ! 
 DOOR H&LE /RUCK PA9FULLY ON H] E>S4 ,DUNYA%A1 H] MAID1 5T]$ ! 
 ROOM QUICKLY & ABRUPTLY ) A FRI<T5$ LOOK ON H] FACE & %[+ 
 NO CONC]N = H] MI/RESS4 

0,COME TO Y\R ,PAPA AT ONCE1 PLEASE60 SAID %E ) A /RANGE1 EXCIT$ 
 LOOK4 0,A MIS=TUNE444 AB\T ,PET] ,ILYNI*444 A LETT]10 %E F9I%$ ) 
 A SOB4 

,FROM 3 ,GUT5B]G4ORG4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #ahfh 3 ,BOOK #a#e1 ,*APT] #a -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,FEBRU>Y #a#a1 #bag 3 ,BOOK #a#e1 ,*APT] #a -- ,ADD$4 

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