,BOOK #f1 ,*APT] #a 

#ahfiahfi 

,PEOPLE 3 

,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY 

,TEXT 3 

,PI]RE W5T ON ) HIS DI>Y1 & ?IS IS :AT HE WROTE 9 IT DUR+ ?AT 
 TIME3 

#b#d? ,NOVEMB] 

,GOT UP AT EI<T1 READ ! ,SCRIPTURES1 !N W5T TO MY DUTIES4 7,BY ,JOSEPH 
 ,ALEXEEVI*'S ADVICE ,PI]RE HAD 5T]$ ! S]VICE ( ! /ATE & S]V$ 
 ON ONE ( ! COMMITTEES47 ,RETURN$ HOME = D9N] & D9$ ALONE--! 
 C\NTESS HAD MANY VISITORS ,I DO NOT LIKE4 ,I ATE & DRANK MOD]ATELY & 
 AFT] D9N] COPI$ \T SOME PASSAGES = ! ,BRO!RS4 ,9 ! EV5+ ,I 
 W5T D[N TO ! C\NTESS & TOLD A FUNNY /ORY AB\T ,B41 & ONLY 
 REMEMB]$ ?AT ,I \<T NOT TO HAVE DONE SO :5 EV]YBODY LAU<$ L\DLY 
 AT IT4 

,I AM GO+ TO B$ ) A HAPPY & TRANQUIL M9D4 ,GREAT ,GOD1 HELP ME TO 
 WALK 9 ,?Y PA?S1 7#a7 TO CONQU] ANG] BY CALMNESS & DELIB]ATION1 7#b7 
 TO VANQUI% LU/ BY SELF-RE/RA9T & REPULSION1 7#c7 TO )DRAW FROM 
 WORLDL9ESS1 BUT NOT AVOID 7A7 ! S]VICE ( ! /ATE1 7B7 FAMILY 
 DUTIES1 7C7 RELATIONS ) MY FRI5DS1 & ! MANAGEM5T ( MY AFFAIRS4 

#b#g? ,NOVEMB] 

,I GOT UP LATE4 ,ON WAK+ ,I LAY LONG 9 B$ YIELD+ TO SLO?4 ,O ,GOD1 HELP 
 & /R5G!N ME ?AT ,I MAY WALK 9 ,?Y WAYS6 ,READ ! ,SCRIPTURES1 BUT 
 )\T PROP] FEEL+4 ,BRO!R ,URUSOV CAME & WE TALK$ AB\T WORLDLY 
 VANITIES4 ,HE TOLD ME ( ! ,EMP]OR'S NEW PROJECTS4 ,I BEGAN TO CRITICIZE 
 !M1 BUT REMEMB]$ MY RULES & MY B5EFACTOR'S WORDS--?AT A TRUE 
 ,FREEMASON %\LD BE A ZEAL\S WORK] = ! /ATE :5 HIS AID IS 
 REQUIR$ & A QUIET ONLOOK] :5 NOT CALL$ ON TO ASSI/4 ,MY TONGUE IS 
 MY 5EMY4 ,BRO!RS ,G4 ,V4 & ,O4 VISIT$ ME & WE HAD A PRELIM9>Y TALK 
 AB\T ! RECEPTION ( A NEW ,BRO!R4 ,!Y LAID ON ME ! DUTY ( ,RHETOR4 
 ,I FEEL MYSELF WEAK & UNWOR?Y4 ,!N \R TALK TURN$ TO ! 
 9T]PRETATION ( ! SEV5 PILL>S & /EPS ( ! ,TEMPLE1 ! SEV5 
 SCI5CES1 ! SEV5 VIRTUES1 ! SEV5 VISES1 & ! SEV5 GIFTS ( ! 
 ,HOLY ,SPIRIT4 ,BRO!R ,O4 WAS V]Y ELOQU5T4 ,9 ! EV5+ ! ADMISSION 
 TOOK PLACE4 ,! NEW DECORATION ( ! ,PREMISES CONTRIBUT$ MU* TO ! 
 MAGNIFIC5CE ( ! SPECTACLE4 ,IT WAS ,BORIS ,DRUBETSKOY :O WAS ADMITT$4 ,I 
 NOM9AT$ HIM & WAS ! ,RHETOR4 ,A /RANGE FEEL+ AGITAT$ ME ALL ! 
 TIME ,I WAS ALONE ) HIM 9 ! D>K *AMB]4 ,I CAU<T MYSELF H>BOR+ A 
 FEEL+ ( HATR$ T[>D HIM :I* ,I VA9LY TRI$ TO OV]COME4 ,?AT IS :Y 
 ,I %\LD REALLY LIKE TO SAVE HIM FROM EVIL & LEAD HIM 9TO ! PA? ( 
 TRU?1 BUT EVIL ?\<TS ( HIM DID NOT LEAVE ME4 ,IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT HIS 
 OBJECT 9 5T]+ ! ,BRO!RHOOD WAS M]ELY TO BE 9TIMATE & 9 FAVOR 
 ) MEMB]S ( \R LODGE4 ,AP>T FROM ! FACT ?AT HE HAD ASK$ ME 
 SEV]AL TIMES :E!R ,N4 & ,S4 W]E MEMB]S ( \R LODGE 7A QUE/ION TO 
 :I* ,I C\LD NOT REPLY7 & ?AT ACCORD+ TO MY OBS]VATION HE IS 
 9CAPABLE ( FEEL+ RESPECT = \R HOLY ORD] & IS TOO PREOCCUPI$ & 
 SATISFI$ ) ! \T] MAN TO DESIRE SPIRITUAL IMPROVEM5T1 ,I HAD NO 
 CAUSE TO D\BT HIM1 BUT HE SEEM$ TO ME 9S9C]E1 & ALL ! TIME ,I 
 /OOD ALONE ) HIM 9 ! D>K TEMPLE IT SEEM$ TO ME ?AT HE WAS 
 SMIL+ CONTEMPTU\SLY AT MY WORDS1 & ,I WI%$ REALLY TO /AB HIS B>E 
 BREA/ ) ! SWORD ,I HELD TO IT4 ,I C\LD NOT BE ELOQU5T1 NOR C\LD ,I 
 FRANKLY M5TION MY D\BTS TO ! ,BRO!RS & TO ! ,GR& ,MA/]4 ,GREAT 
 ,>*ITECT ( ,NATURE1 HELP ME TO F9D ! TRUE PA? \T ( ! LABYR9? ( 
 LIES6 

,AFT] ?IS1 ?REE PAGES W]E LEFT BLANK 9 ! DI>Y1 & !N 
 ! FOLL[+ WAS WRITT53 

,I HAVE HAD A LONG & 9/RUCTIVE TALK ALONE ) ,BRO!R ,V41 :O ADVIS$ 
 ME TO HOLD FA/ BY ,BRO!R ,A4 ,?\< ,I AM UNWOR?Y1 MU* WAS REVEAL$ TO 
 ME4 ,ADONAI IS ! NAME ( ! CREATOR ( ! WORLD4 ,ELOHIM IS ! NAME ( 
 ! RUL] ( ALL4 ,! ?IRD NAME IS ! NAME UNUTT]ABLE :I* MEANS ! 
 ,ALL4 ,TALKS ) ,BRO!R ,V4 /R5G!N1 REFRE%1 & SUPPORT ME 9 ! PA? 
 ( VIRTUE4 ,9 HIS PRES5CE D\BT HAS NO PLACE4 ,! DI/9CTION BETWE5 ! 
 POOR TEA*+S ( MUNDANE SCI5CE & \R SACR$ ALL-EMBRAC+ TEA*+ IS 
 CLE> TO ME4 ,HUMAN SCI5CES DISSECT EV]Y?+ TO COMPREH5D IT1 & KILL 
 EV]Y?+ TO EXAM9E IT4 ,9 ! HOLY SCI5CE ( \R ORD] ALL IS ONE1 ALL 
 IS KN[N 9 ITS 5TIRETY & LIFE4 ,! ,TR9ITY--! ?REE ELEM5TS ( 
 MATT]-->E SULFUR1 M]CURY1 & SALT4 ,SULFUR IS ( AN OILY & 
 FI]Y NATURE2 9 COMB9ATION ) SALT BY ITS FI]Y NATURE IT >\SES A 
 DESIRE 9 ! LATT] BY MEANS ( :I* IT ATTRACTS M]CURY1 SEIZES IT1 
 HOLDS IT1 & 9 COMB9ATION PRODUCES O!R BODIES4 ,M]CURY IS A FLUID1 
 VOLATILE1 SPIRITUAL ESS5CE4 ,*RI/1 ! ,HOLY ,SPIRIT1 ,HIM6444 

#cRD ,DECEMB] 

,AWOKE LATE1 READ ! ,SCRIPTURES BUT WAS APA!TIC4 ,AFT]W>DS W5T & 
 PAC$ UP & D[N ! L>GE HALL4 ,I WI%$ TO M$ITATE1 BUT 9/EAD MY 
 IMAG9ATION PICTUR$ AN OCCURR5CE ( F\R YE>S AGO1 :5 ,DOLOKHOV1 
 MEET+ ME 9 ,MOSC[ AFT] \R DUEL1 SAID HE HOP$ ,I WAS 5JOY+ P]FECT 
 PEACE ( M9D 9 SPITE ( MY WIFE'S ABS5CE4 ,AT ! TIME ,I GAVE HIM NO 
 ANSW]4 ,N[ ,I RECALL$ EV]Y DETAIL ( ?AT MEET+ & 9 MY M9D GAVE 
 HIM ! MO/ MALEVOL5T & BITT] REPLIES4 ,I RECOLLECT$ MYSELF & DROVE 
 AWAY ?AT ?\<T ONLY :5 ,I F\ND MYSELF GL[+ ) ANG]1 BUT ,I DID 
 NOT SUFFICI5TLY REP5T4 ,AFT]W>DS ,BORIS ,DRUBETSKOY CAME & BEGAN 
 RELAT+ V>I\S ADV5TURES4 ,HIS COM+ VEX$ ME FROM ! FIR/1 & ,I 
 SAID SOME?+ DISAGREEABLE TO HIM4 ,HE REPLI$4 ,I FL>$ UP & SAID MU* 
 ?AT WAS UNPLEASANT & EV5 RUDE TO HIM4 ,HE BECAME SIL5T1 & ,I 
 RECOLLECT$ MYSELF ONLY :5 IT WAS TOO LATE4 ,MY ,GOD1 ,I CANNOT GET ON ) 
 HIM AT ALL4 ,! CAUSE ( ?IS IS MY EGOTISM4 ,I SET MYSELF ABOVE HIM & SO 
 BECOME MU* WORSE ?AN HE1 = HE IS L5I5T TO MY RUD5ESS :ILE ,I ON ! 
 CONTR>Y N\RI% CONTEMPT = HIM4 ,O ,GOD1 GRANT ?AT 9 HIS PRES5CE ,I MAY 
 RA!R SEE MY [N VIL5ESS1 & BEHAVE SO ?AT HE TOO MAY B5EFIT4 ,AFT] 
 D9N] ,I FELL ASLEEP & AS ,I WAS DR[S+ (F ,I CLE>LY HE>D A VOICE 
 SAY+ 9 MY LEFT E>1 0,?Y DAY60 

,I DREAM$ ?AT ,I WAS WALK+ 9 ! D>K & WAS SUDD5LY SURR\ND$ BY 
 DOGS1 BUT ,I W5T ON UNDISMAY$4 ,SUDD5LY A SMALLI% DOG SEIZ$ MY LEFT 
 ?I< ) ITS TEE? & W\LD NOT LET GO4 ,I BEGAN TO ?ROTTLE IT ) MY 
 H&S4 ,SC>CELY HAD ,I TORN IT (F BE=E ANO!R1 A BIGG] ONE1 BEGAN 
 BIT+ ME4 ,I LIFT$ IT UP1 BUT ! HI<] ,I LIFT$ IT ! BIGG] & 
 HEAVI] IT GREW4 ,& SUDD5LY ,BRO!R ,A4 CAME &1 TAK+ MY >M1 L$ ME 
 TO A BUILD+ TO 5T] :I* WE HAD TO PASS ALONG A N>R[ PLANK4 ,I 
 /EPP$ ON IT1 BUT IT B5T & GAVE WAY & ,I BEGAN TO CLAMB] UP A F5CE 
 :I* ,I C\LD SC>CELY REA* ) MY H&S4 ,AFT] MU* EF=T ,I DRAGG$ 
 MYSELF UP1 SO ?AT MY LEG HUNG D[N ON ONE SIDE & MY BODY ON ! O!R4 
 ,I LOOK$ R\ND & SAW ,BRO!R ,A4 /&+ ON ! F5CE & PO9T+ ME TO 
 A BROAD AV5UE & G>D51 & 9 ! G>D5 WAS A L>GE & BEAUTIFUL 
 BUILD+4 ,I WOKE UP4 ,O ,LORD1 GREAT ,>*ITECT ( ,NATURE1 HELP ME TO TE> 
 FROM MYSELF !SE DOGS--MY PASSIONS ESPECIALLY ! LA/1 :I* UNITES 
 9 ITSELF ! /R5G? ( ALL ! =M] ONES1 & AID ME TO 5T] ?AT 
 TEMPLE ( VIRTUE TO A VISION ( :I* ,I ATTA9$ 9 MY DREAM4 

#g? ,DECEMB] 

,I DREAM$ ?AT ,JOSEPH ,ALEXEEVI* WAS SITT+ 9 MY H\SE1 & ?AT ,I WAS 
 V]Y GLAD & WI%$ TO 5T]TA9 HIM4 ,IT SEEM$ AS IF ,I *ATT]$ 
 9CESSANTLY ) O!R PEOPLE & SUDD5LY REMEMB]$ ?AT ?IS C\LD NOT 
 PLEASE HIM1 & ,I WI%$ TO COME CLOSE TO HIM & EMBRACE HIM4 ,BUT AS SOON 
 AS ,I DREW NE> ,I SAW ?AT HIS FACE HAD *ANG$ & GR[N Y\NG1 & HE WAS 
 QUIETLY TELL+ ME SOME?+ AB\T ! TEA*+ ( \R ORD]1 BUT SO 
 S(TLY ?AT ,I C\LD NOT HE> IT4 ,!N IT SEEM$ ?AT WE ALL LEFT ! ROOM 
 & SOME?+ /RANGE HAPP5$4 ,WE W]E SITT+ OR LY+ ON ! FLOOR4 ,HE 
 WAS TELL+ ME SOME?+1 & ,I WI%$ TO %[ HIM MY S5SIBILITY1 & NOT 
 LI/5+ TO :AT HE WAS SAY+ ,I BEGAN PICTUR+ TO MYSELF ! CONDITION 
 ( MY 9N] MAN & ! GRACE ( ,GOD SANCTIFY+ ME4 ,& TE>S CAME 9TO 
 MY EYES1 & ,I WAS GLAD HE NOTIC$ ?IS4 ,BUT HE LOOK$ AT ME ) VEXATION 
 & JUMP$ UP1 BREAK+ (F HIS REM>KS4 ,I FELT ABA%$ & ASK$ :E!R 
 :AT HE HAD BE5 SAY+ DID NOT CONC]N ME2 BUT HE DID NOT REPLY1 GAVE ME 
 A K9D LOOK1 & !N WE SUDD5LY F\ND \RSELVES 9 MY B$ROOM :]E 
 !RE IS A D\BLE B$4 ,HE LAY D[N ON ! $GE ( IT & ,I BURN$ ) 
 LONG+ TO C>ESS HIM & LIE D[N TOO4 ,& HE SAID1 0,TELL ME FRANKLY :AT 
 IS Y\R *IEF TEMPTATION8 ,DO Y\ KN[ IT8 ,I ?9K Y\ KN[ IT ALREADY40 
 ,ABA%$ BY ?IS QUE/ION1 ,I REPLI$ ?AT SLO? WAS MY *IEF TEMPTATION4 ,HE 
 %OOK HIS HEAD 9CR$UL\SLY2 & EV5 MORE ABA%$1 ,I SAID ?AT ?\< ,I 
 WAS LIV+ ) MY WIFE AS HE ADVIS$1 ,I WAS NOT LIV+ ) H] AS H] 
 HUSB&4 ,TO ?IS HE REPLI$ ?AT ONE %\LD NOT DEPRIVE A WIFE ( ONE'S 
 EMBRACES & GAVE ME TO UND]/& ?AT ?AT WAS MY DUTY4 ,BUT ,I REPLI$ 
 ?AT ,I %\LD BE A%AM$ TO DO IT1 & SUDD5LY EV]Y?+ VANI%$4 ,& ,I 
 AWOKE & F\ND 9 MY M9D ! TEXT FROM ! ,GOSPEL3 0,! LIFE WAS ! 
 LI<T ( M54 ,& ! LI<T %9E? 9 D>KNESS2 & ! D>KNESS 
 COMPREH5D$ IT NOT40 ,JOSEPH ,ALEXEEVI*'S FACE HAD LOOK$ Y\NG & 
 BRI<T4 ,?AT DAY ,I RECEIV$ A LETT] FROM MY B5EFACTOR 9 :I* HE WROTE 
 AB\T 0CONJUGAL DUTIES40 

#i? ,DECEMB] 

,I HAD A DREAM FROM :I* ,I AWOKE ) A ?ROBB+ HE>T4 ,I SAW ?AT ,I WAS 
 9 ,MOSC[ 9 MY H\SE1 9 ! BIG SITT+ ROOM1 & ,JOSEPH ,ALEXEEVI* CAME 
 9 FROM ! DRAW+ ROOM4 ,I SEEM$ TO KN[ AT ONCE ?AT ! PROCESS ( 
 REG5]ATION HAD ALREADY TAK5 PLACE 9 HIM1 & ,I RU%$ TO MEET HIM4 ,I 
 EMBRAC$ HIM & KISS$ HIS H&S1 & HE SAID1 0,HA/ ?\ NOTIC$ ?AT MY 
 FACE IS DIFF]5T80 ,I LOOK$ AT HIM1 /ILL HOLD+ HIM 9 MY >MS1 & SAW 
 ?AT HIS FACE WAS Y\NG1 BUT ?AT HE HAD NO HAIR ON HIS HEAD & HIS 
 FEATURES W]E QUITE *ANG$4 ,& ,I SAID1 0,I %\LD HAVE KN[N Y\ HAD ,I 
 MET Y\ BY *ANCE10 & ,I ?\<T TO MYSELF1 0,AM ,I TELL+ ! TRU?80 ,& 
 SUDD5LY ,I SAW HIM LY+ LIKE A DEAD BODY2 !N HE GRADUALLY RECOV]$ & 
 W5T ) ME 9TO MY /UDY C>RY+ A L>GE BOOK ( %EETS ( DRAW+ 
 PAP]2 ,I SAID1 0,I DREW ?AT10 & HE ANSW]$ BY B[+ HIS HEAD4 ,I OP5$ 
 ! BOOK1 & ON ALL ! PAGES !RE W]E EXCELL5T DRAW+S4 ,& 9 MY 
 DREAM ,I KNEW ?AT !SE DRAW+S REPRES5T$ ! LOVE ADV5TURES ( ! 
 S\L ) ITS BELOV$4 ,& ON ITS PAGES ,I SAW A BEAUTIFUL REPRES5TATION 
 ( A MAID5 9 TRANSP>5T G>M5TS & ) A TRANSP>5T BODY1 FLY+ UP 
 TO ! CL\DS4 ,& ,I SEEM$ TO KN[ ?AT ?IS MAID5 WAS NO?+ ELSE ?AN 
 A REPRES5TATION ( ! ,SONG ( ,SONGS4 ,& LOOK+ AT ?OSE DRAW+S ,I 
 DREAM$ ,I FELT ?AT ,I WAS DO+ WRONG1 BUT C\LD NOT TE> MYSELF AWAY FROM 
 !M4 ,LORD1 HELP ME6 ,MY ,GOD1 IF ,?Y =SAK+ ME IS ,?Y DO+1 ,?Y WILL BE 
 DONE2 BUT IF ,I AM MYSELF ! CAUSE1 TEA* ME :AT ,I %\LD DO6 ,I %ALL 
 P]I% ( MY DEBAU*]Y IF ,?\ UTT]LY DES]TE/ ME6 

,FROM 3 ,GUT5B]G4ORG4 

,*RONOLOGY 3 
,NOVEMB] #c1 #ahfh 3 ,BOOK #f1 ,*APT] #a -- ,PUBLICATION4 
,FEBRU>Y #a#a1 #bag 3 ,BOOK #f1 ,*APT] #a -- ,ADD$4 

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