,BOOK #f1 ,*APT] #h #ahfiahfi ,PEOPLE 3 ,AU?OR 3 ,LEO ,TOL/OY ,TEXT 3 ,AGA9 ,PI]RE WAS OV]TAK5 BY ! DEPRESSION HE SO DREAD$4 ,= ?REE DAYS AFT] ! DELIV]Y ( HIS SPEE* AT ! LODGE HE LAY ON A S(A AT HOME RECEIV+ NO ONE & GO+ NO:]E4 ,IT WAS JU/ !N ?AT HE RECEIV$ A LETT] FROM HIS WIFE1 :O IMPLOR$ HIM TO SEE H]1 TELL+ HIM H[ GRIEV$ %E WAS AB\T HIM & H[ %E WI%$ TO DEVOTE H] :OLE LIFE TO HIM4 ,AT ! 5D ( ! LETT] %E 9=M$ HIM ?AT 9 A FEW DAYS %E W\LD RETURN TO ,PET]SBURG FROM ABROAD4 ,FOLL[+ ?IS LETT] ONE ( ! ,MASONIC ,BRO!RS :OM ,PI]RE RESPECT$ LESS ?AN ! O!RS =C$ HIS WAY 9 TO SEE HIM &1 TURN+ ! CONV]SATION UPON ,PI]RE'S MATRIMONIAL AFFAIRS1 BY WAY ( FRAT]NAL ADVICE EXPRESS$ ! OP9ION ?AT HIS SEV]ITY TO HIS WIFE WAS WRONG & ?AT HE WAS NEGLECT+ ONE ( ! FIR/ RULES ( ,FREEMASONRY BY NOT =GIV+ ! P5IT5T4 ,AT ! SAME TIME HIS MO!R-9-LAW1 ,PR9CE ,VASILI'S WIFE1 S5T TO HIM IMPLOR+ HIM TO COME IF ONLY = A FEW M9UTES TO DISCUSS A MO/ IMPORTANT MATT]4 ,PI]RE SAW ?AT !RE WAS A CONSPIRACY AGA9/ HIM & ?AT !Y WANT$ TO REUNITE HIM ) HIS WIFE1 & 9 ! MOOD HE !N WAS1 ?IS WAS NOT EV5 UNPLEASANT TO HIM4 ,NO?+ MATT]$ TO HIM4 ,NO?+ 9 LIFE SEEM$ TO HIM ( MU* IMPORTANCE1 & UND] ! 9FLU5CE ( ! DEPRESSION ?AT POSSESS$ HIM HE VALU$ NEI!R HIS LIB]TY NOR HIS RESOLUTION TO PUNI% HIS WIFE4 0,NO ONE IS RI$ TO :AT PREOCCUPI$ HIM1 WAS IT NOT A MATT] ( 9DIFF]5CE :E!R HE LIV$ ) HIS WIFE OR NOT8 ,)\T REPLY+ EI!R TO HIS WIFE OR HIS MO!R-9-LAW1 ,PI]RE LATE ONE NI$ = A J\RNEY & />T$ = ,MOSC[ TO SEE ,JOSEPH ,ALEXEEVI*4 ,?IS IS :AT HE NOT$ 9 HIS DI>Y3 ,MOSC[1 #a#g? ,NOVEMB] ,I HAVE JU/ RETURN$ FROM MY B5EFACTOR1 & HA/5 TO WRITE D[N :AT ,I HAVE EXP]I5C$4 ,JOSEPH ,ALEXEEVI* IS LIV+ POORLY & HAS = ?REE YE>S BE5 SUFF]+ FROM A PA9FUL DISEASE ( ! BLADD]4 ,NO ONE HAS EV] HE>D HIM UTT] A GROAN OR A WORD ( COMPLA9T4 ,FROM MORN+ TILL LATE AT NIN$ & GA9$ 9 ! ,PRUSSIAN & ,SCOTTI% LODGES4 ,I TOLD HIM EV]Y?+ AS BE/ ,I C\LD1 & TOLD HIM :AT ,I HAD PROPOS$ TO \R ,PET]SBURG LODGE1 ( ! BAD RECEPTION ,I HAD 5C\NT]$1 & ( MY RUPTURE ) ! ,BRO!RS4 ,JOSEPH ,ALEXEEVI*1 HAV+ REMA9$ SIL5T & ?\E UNWOR?Y TO RECEIVE1 OR SEEK ! RE=MATION ( ! HUMAN RACE :ILE \RSELVES SETT+ AN EXAMPLE ( BAS5ESS & PR(LIGACY4 ,ILLUM9ISM IS NOT A PURE DOCTR9E1 JU/ BECAUSE IT IS ATTRACT$ BY SOCIAL ACTIVITY & PUFF$ UP BY PRIDE4 ,ON ?IS GR\ND ,JOSEPH ,ALEXEEVI* CONDEMN$ MY SPEE* & MY :OLE ACTIVITY1 & 9 ! DEP? ( MY S\L ,I AGRE$ ) HIM4 ,TALK+ ( MY FAMILY AFFAIRS HE SAID TO ME1 0! *IEF DUTY ( A TRUE ,MASON1 AS ,I HAVE TOLD Y\1 LIES 9 P]FECT+ HIMSELF4 ,WE (T5 ?9K ?AT BY REMOV+ ALL ! DIFFICULTIES ( \R LIFE WE %ALL MORE QUICKLY REA* \R AIM1 BUT ON ! CONTR>Y1 MY DE> SIR1 IT IS ONLY 9 ! MID/ ( WORLDLY C>ES ?AT WE CAN ATTA9 \R ?REE *IEF AIMS3 7#a7 ,SELF-KN[L$GE--= MAN CAN ONLY KN[ HIMSELF BY COMP>ISON1 7#b7 ,SELF-P]FECT+1 :I* CAN ONLY BE ATTA9$ BY CONFLICT1 & 7#c7 ,! ATTA9M5T ( ! *IEF VIRTUE--LOVE ( DEA?4 ,ONLY ! VICISSITUDES ( LIFE CAN %[ US ITS VANITY & DEVELOP \R 9NATE LOVE ( DEA? OR ( REBIR? TO A NEW LIFE40 ,!SE WORDS >E ALL ! MORE REM>KABLE BECAUSE1 9 SPITE ( HIS GREAT PHYSICAL SUFF]+S1 ,JOSEPH ,ALEXEEVI* IS NEV] WE>Y ( LIFE ?\< HE LOVES DEA?1 = :I*--9 SPITE ( ! PURITY & L(T9ESS ( HIS 9N] MAN--HE DOES NOT YET FEEL HIMSELF SUFFICI5TLY PREP>$4 ,MY B5EFACTOR !N EXPLA9$ TO ME FULLY ! MEAN+ ( ! ,GREAT ,SQU>E ( CREATION & PO9T$ \T TO ME ?AT ! NUMB]S ?REE & SEV5 >E ! BASIS ( EV]Y?+4 ,HE ADVIS$ ME NOT TO AVOID 9T]C\RSE ) ! ,PET]SBURG ,BRO!RS1 BUT TO TAKE UP ONLY SECOND-GRADE PO/S 9 ! LODGE1 TO TRY1 :ILE DIV]T+ ! ,BRO!RS FROM PRIDE1 TO TURN !M T[>D ! TRUE PA? SELF-KN[L$GE & SELF-P]FECT+4 ,BESIDES ?IS HE ADVIS$ ME = MYSELF P]SONALLY ABOVE ALL TO KEEP A WAT* OV] MYSELF1 & TO ?AT 5D HE GAVE ME A NOTEBOOK1 ! ONE ,I AM N[ WRIT+ 9 & 9 :I* ,I WILL 9 FUTURE NOTE D[N ALL MY ACTIONS4 ,PET]SBURG1 #b#cRD ,NOVEMB] ,I AM AGA9 LIV+ ) MY WIFE4 ,MY MO!R-9-LAW CAME TO ME 9 TE>S & SAID ?AT ,HEL5E WAS H]E & ?AT %E IMPLOR$ ME TO HE> H]2 ?AT %E WAS 9NOC5T & UNHAPPY AT MY DES]TION1 & MU* MORE4 ,I KNEW ?AT IF ,I ONCE LET MYSELF SEE H] ,I %\LD NOT HAVE /R5G? TO GO ON REFUS+ :AT %E WANT$4 ,9 MY P]PLEXITY ,I DID NOT KN[ :OSE AID & ADVICE TO SEEK4 ,HAD MY B5EFACTOR BE5 H]E HE W\LD HAVE TOLD ME :AT TO DO4 ,I W5T TO MY ROOM & R]EAD ,JOSEPH ,ALEXEEVI*'S LETT]S & RECALL$ MY CONV]SATIONS ) HIM1 & D$UC$ FROM IT ALL ?AT ,I \ MY CROSS4 ,BUT IF ,I =GIVE H] = ! SAKE ( DO+ RID IT WAS = ME TO SEE H] AGA94 ,I HAVE SETTL$ ON ! UPP] FLOOR ( ?IS BIG H\SE & AM EXP]I5C+ A HAPPY FEEL+ ( REG5]ATION4 ,FROM 3 ,GUT5B]G4ORG4 ,*RONOLOGY 3 ,NOVEMB] #c1 #ahfh 3 ,BOOK #f1 ,*APT] #h -- ,PUBLICATION4 ,FEBRU>Y #a#a1 #bag 3 ,BOOK #f1 ,*APT] #h -- ,ADD$4 FILE G5]AT$ FROM 3 HTTP3_/_/REVOLTLIB4COM_/